okay, so.. I have been through a lot in the last few months, and yes, it has led to somethings that I wish I hadn’t done. I’m a whole different me and I don’t really know why I was destined to turn out this way, but now, theres no going back. Since the amount of pressure on me and the thoughts in my head, I have broken down so many times. I had thoughts that could have ended my life, I have been getting full blown anxiety attacks (at school, at home…)  and they had led to other bad things happening. Because of these attacks, I’ve been yelled at, carried to the nurse’s office, cried in front of people who I try every day to impress, broke a glass lamp because I wasn’t being careful around the wires, self harmed and many more things. I have always used music and writing as my outlet to get out of this world. So, when I was having urges or thoughts, I would curl up with music (mostly Ed Sheeran) in my ear and write until I fell asleep. My mom eventually found this journal and has gotten me help since. Before that though, I talked to some people, my very close friend (who I still believe doesn’t really like me, but..) and someone on here, tumblr. Kyle aka teenaqeshitdisturber. I haven’t really talked to him for a while, but he honestly has helped me so much and without him, I wouldn’t be here. A while ago when I was getting hate, he sent me a message saying something about a smilie face on his wrist. Ever since that day, I usually have drawn this on my wrist or somewhere on my arm or leg. I’ve definitely better, but I don’t think I would have gotten this far without him. I didn’t do this to get attention, but to thank everyone who was here for me and I won’t ever be able to make up for how much you’ve help me. And to anyone who is struggling with what I am, it does help to tell someone, even though I don’t always see that. So, I love you so much, Kyle, Hannah, Leorah, Jacalyn, and everyone else who has ever been there for me.
