#kyogaaaaaa

Before I begin, let me say that I understand that I am viewing the MC through the eyes of a westernized adult woman who is very independent and who regularly holds her own against groups of teasing men through my job working with firefighters, so most Voltage MCs tend to be a lot more passive and submissive than I like simply due to the culture in which they are from. I accept this. I also recognize that in these games certain plot points, conflicts, and tropes will come into play that are by their nature unrealistic but make things more dramatic and interesting. But, in the spirit of these types of games I overlook it and just try to enjoy the story.

Now, some already have a beef with the basic premise of EITM, and I can understand that as well. But me personally, the thought of five hot demons wanting to make babies with me is a major turn on, sign me the hell up for that shit. Of course, if I were the MC I’d make them give me presentations on why I should pick them, including physical inspections, field trips to their villages, possible gladiator style battles with each other to display physical prowess, playdates with Koten to show daddy skills, and other various tests before either choosing one or simply going the harem route with a strict schedule of who gets me when, but that’s beside the point. The point is, that even though I bear these things in mind, Kyoga’s MC stood out from above all the other MCs I’ve ever played in being exceptionally stupid and immature, especially for one that is supposed to be a working adult woman.

First, there is the whole how she deals with Aoi issue. Now Aoi himself presenting a conflict with Kyoga, I don’t have a problem with. As Kyoga’s hot-headed rival, Aoi presents a foil to Kyoga’s more patient, peace-keeping method of rule. Because he is so brash and ready to fight, Aoi makes Kyoga look more wise and mature in taking a more diplomatic route.  But despite seeing Kyoga’s talks of peace with his people and hearing what he is trying to accomplish, and despite seeing Aoi’s temperamental and rude behavior to his leader, and despite hearing from others that Aoi was also up for okami clan head, when Aoi declares his love for MC after exchanging like two words with her SHE FUCKING BUYS IT. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. THIS GUY JUST FUCKING SAW YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME LIKE TWO HOURS AGO YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THAT HE LOVES YOU WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. Oh because Kyoga didn’t introduce you to his clan as his girlfriend?? Well first of all you would have bitched if he did because you weren’t yet and second AT LEAST HE WAS HONEST ABOUT WHAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WAS HE WASN’T TRYING TO PRETEND UNLIKE AOI WHO IS OBVIOUSLY PRETENDING TO LOVE YOU HE JUST WANTS YOU FOR YOUR POWER TO BECOME OKAMI CLAN HEAD HOW ARE YOU NOT SEEING THIS SHIT ARGH

So then, after she fucking buys that Aoi could be in love with her but for some reason doesn’t believe any of the nice things Kyoga says to her for who the fuck knows why I guess plot reasons, a few days later Aoi gets a part-time job at her library. And the reason he was hired was because he told her coworkers he was there specifically because he was in love with MC and wanted to be near her. Okay, I’m sorry, but that breaks like every hiring rule in the book.  I’d be like, excuse me what library skills do you even fucking have, what, you’re here because you want to be with my coworker STALKER ALERT. Alright, fine, I’ll suspend that disbelief for a second, and just go with the flow. But then instead of calling for Kyoga and saying BABE WTF YOUR RIVAL IS HERE TRYING TO GET IN MY PANTS she just fucking goes along with it. Alright fine. BUT THEN when MC is left alone with him and he starts trying to get her to go on a date with him and she initially refuses HE FUCKING SHOVES HER AGAINST A WALL LIKE THAT IS ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR RIGHT THERE. Does MC call Kyoga then? NOOOO SHE JUST TAKES IT AND AGREES TO THE DATE. Then when Kyoga shows up and is like, wtf, did you really agree to go out with him, does she say THANK GOD YOU’RE HERE THIS GUY IS BULLYING ME INTO GOING OUT WITH HIM? NOOOOO she gets hurt that Kyoga says he doesn’t have time for their love triangle bullshit (AT WHICH POINT I APPLAUDED HIM FOR HIS MATURITY YOU GO BABE). No, MC doesn’t explain the situation at all, just gets all butt hurt and then cries to herself when Kyoga doesn’t walk her home (although of course he shadows her to make sure she’s safe YOU SHOULDA LET HER DUMB ASS GET KIDNAPPED ARGH)

Then the next day Aoi shows up to take her out, even though she barely remembers saying yes (what). The other ayakashi ask her if she’s okay going out with him. And what does she say? SHE SAYS YES THAT FUCKING IDIOT SAYS YES WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU YOU HAVE FOUR OTHER AYAKASHI CLAN HEADS IN THE HOUSE, AND SAMON, AND COULD CALL KYOGA BACK TO YOU AT ANY MINUTE, ALL OF WHOM WOULD BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THIS STALKER’S ASS IF YOU TOLD THEM HE BULLIED YOU INTO A DATE BUT NO YOU GO WITH HIM WHAT THE LIVING FUCK ARGH

Then after the date Aoi realizes he’s getting nowhere so leaves a note at work the next day telling her he’s off to fight that tiger clan on his own. So does she call up Kyoga and say “Hey babe you better get your boy in check he’s gonna ruin your diplomacy plans?” NO SHE FUCKING JUST TAKES OFF TO STOP HIM ALL ON HER FUCKING OWN LIKE REALLY, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING TO DO ON YOUR OWN AGAINST A WHOLE BUNCH OF TIGER AYAKASHI WHEN YOU CAN’T EVEN GET YOURSELF OUT OF A DATE WITH AOI GODDAMMIT I AM SO MAD

So then of course she gets all in danger (fucking duh) and Kyoga has to come in and save her ass, and then Aoi rushes in all, oh I love you come with me and what does she do? SHE TAKES AOI’S FUCKING HAND ARE YOU SHITTING ME YOU FUCKING TOOK HIS HAND AND SHE EVEN FUCKING SAYS “I DON’T KNOW WHY I TAKE AOI’S HAND MY HAND MOVES BY ITSELF” WELL LET ME TAKE THAT HAND THAT MOVES BY ITSELF AND USE IT TO BITCH SLAP YOU UPSIDE THE HEAD YOU IDIOT OMFG

Anyway, they go back to the shrine where wouldn’t you know it they get ambushed by the tiger clan, Kyoga fights to protect MC again, wins, but gets seriously wounded. At this point, I’m practically screaming at the screen KISS HIM FUCKING KISS HIM TO HEAL HIM YOU DID IT FOR ALL THE OTHER GUYS IN THEIR ROUTES FUCKING. KISS. HIM. But does she? NOOOO SHE WATCHES HIM BEING CARRIED BY SAMON TO THE SHRINE WHERE SHE GOES ON TO WRAP HIM TOO TIGHTLY IN BANDAGES SO THAT HE CAN’T BREATHE UNTIL HE FINALLY HAS TO PULL HER DOWN AND KISS HER HIS DAMN SELF. MY FUCKING WOLF BABY IS ON HIS GODDAMNED DEATH BED AND THIS LITTLE DUMBASS CAN’T GET IT THROUGH HER THICK SKULL THAT SHE HAS THE POWER TO HEAL HIM WITH A KISS WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU I CAN’T EVEN WITH YOU RIGHT NOW MC I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD

But I have to say the thing that pissed me off the absolute most (what there’s more oh yes there fucking is) is how she dealt with Kyoga and their sex life.  So they don’t get it on in the end of his route because she gets too drunk from having to have toasts with celebrating okami, which I understand completely because that’s simply being polite to her future subjects, that would probably happen to me too.  But in the epi she’s upset that Kyoga hasn’t made a move since and she doesn’t know how to tell him she’s ready. (Btw, did I call it in my fic or what). Now again, I understand, not all girls are like me who would just either pull him into bed or start taking my clothes off saying “so are we gonna do it or what”.  But what she does is just so fucking immature I was spitting tacks.  After spending all day bitching to herself that Kyoga hasn’t tried anything, when he comes into the bedroom that night SHE FUCKING PULLS OUT A FRESH NEW SET OF SHEETS WASHED WITH FABRIC SOFTENER THAT SHE KNOWS MAKES HIM SICK AND BASICALLY SAYS “HAHA YOU CAN’T HAVE ME TONIGHT SUCK IT” AND EVEN SAYS SHE DOES IT TO ASSERT SOME “CONTROL.” WHAT. THE. EVER. LIVING. FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU’RE PUNISHING HIM FOR NOT MAKING A MOVE WHEN EVERY TIME HE’S TRIED YOU PUSH HIM AWAY AND SAY NO???!!!!  AND PUNISHING HIM IN A WAY THAT MAKES HIM PHYSICALLY ILL???

Take a moment to imagine Kyoga. Let’s say all day he was trying to get the courage to ask her that night, to make his move. “You know, she’s been kinda giving hints that she’s ready, and we’ve declared our love for each other, maybe tonight will be the night!  Plus the full moon is coming up again, so if we start off now when the moon comes we can both enjoy when I get super turned on! Yes, this’ll be great, I’m gonna do it!” And then he goes into the room and she pulls out those fucking sheets. Imagine his shock and then the physical pain he has to endure the rest of the night. I am so livid just thinking about it.

You know what I would’ve done? The moment he walked in I would’ve put new fabric-softener free sheets on the bed and said, “Hey Kyoga? Guess what? These sheets don’t have any fabric softener!!” Imagine the look of pure joy and excitement on his face.

“So does that mean…”

“Yup!”

“ALRIGHT!!!!”

But no, MC decides to torture him for a “wrong” that isn’t even a wrong, without even telling him why.

The rest of the epi is just dumb trash about her trying to look more sophisticated to Kyoga in an attempt to turn him on (WHICH MAKES NO SENSE BECAUSE YOU ENSURED HE COULDN’T MAKE A MOVE THE NIGHT BEFORE BUT WHATEVER). At one point Shinra tells her she’s fat, which fuels her self-consciousness about it, and so she drinks some potion Hikobei tells her will help her lose weight quick, and immediately gets sick. NO SHIT SHERLOCK, YOU’RE JUST GONNA DRINK SOME POTION YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE HELL IT’S MADE OF THAT SOME IDIOT KAPPA GAVE YOU?? IF YOU’RE THAT GULLIBLE YOU DESERVE TO GET SICK, LIKE, WHAT THE FUCK HOW DO YOU KNOW IT’S NOT POISON OR FATAL TO HUMANS OMFG YOU DUMBASS

AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON SHINRA AND MIYABI WHO THE FUCK ASKED YOU JERKOFFS YOUR OPINION OH I’M FAT NOW WELL YOU DIDN’T MIND IT EARLIER WHEN YOU WERE TRYING TO BE MY BABY DADDY IN THE BEGINNING NOW DID YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP AND KEEP YOUR LAME ASS OPINIONS TO YOURSELF

The only reason I pushed through that epi was to get to the sexy times with Kyoga at the end, and quite frankly, my fic was a bajillion times better than that lame ass ending and I’m not one to toot my own horn.

Yet despite all this abuse and childishness and immaturity on the part of MC, our dear Kyoga is always patient and kind with her.  He accepts and loves her anyway. He is so mature and realizes she’s just a kid and is infinitely tolerant of her ridiculous behavior. SHE DOESN’T DESERVE HIM NOT ONE BIT.

And that my dear readers, is the obscenity laden reason I hate this MC.