#kss2017

And he couldn’t allow that. So, he had to keep his distance. Ignore her. Avoid her. By any means necessary.

But it was so hard.

***

We might as well be strangers in another town We might as well be living in a different world We might as well…

We might as well…

He felt the atmosphere change drastically as he approached the round table in the middle of the room. The cheery chatter went silent and an awkward tension replaced it. He tried to move past it, smiling one of those fake smiles he’d come to master lately.

Luckily, the alert systems picking up on something granted him the opening he needed.

“What are we up against?” he asked no one in particular.

He wasn’t surprised that Winn was the one to answer him. “Bank robbery,” his friend explained with his eyes locked on the screen. “Same old, same old.”

“Do you need any help?” he offered his assistance to the Kryptonian to his left.

“I got this,” she replied without sparing him a second glance, before flying out of the room at super-speed.

Only one thought resonated in his mind: ‘I hope you do.’

Seventeen minutes later, he was blowing out some steam in the training room when he heard it. Her heartbeat. The most beautiful sound in the world to him. And it was getting closer.

Kara was coming.

He turned around as the door opened, catching a disgruntled Kara completely unawares. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were here,” she apologized meekly. Her lips set in a straight line, making it clear she didn’t want to be in the same room alone with him.

“That’s okay,” he murmured with a small smile and cleared his throat. “I was done actually, you can-”

“No,” she interrupted sharply. “You don’t get to do this!”

“Do what?” he asked genuinely confused, and inviting a real conversation with her for the first time.

“You don’t get to pretend like everything’s okay between us when it’s not. I’ve had it with you and your false niceties,” Kara stated. “We are not friends, Mon-El.”

He couldn’t help but wince at the truth of that statement. They weren’t just friends. They were so much more. They were soulmates.

“What do you want from me, Kara?” Mon-El whispered so softly, she might not have even heard it if it weren’t for her super-hearing.

Now that Kara was given the opportunity to confront him, she didn’t know that to say. ‘What did she want, exactly?’ But of course her Kryptonian pride would never let her admit she didn’t know the answer to that question. “You know what, Mon-El? Forget it!”

Something inside of him bristled at that. And before he knew what he was doing, his mouth was opening and uttering words he never wanted her to hear. “But that’s the problem! I can’t forget it!”

“What are you talking about?”Kara demanded.

Oh. He was going to regret this later.

“Do you think this was easy for me?” Mon-El said, his voice breaking with a vulnerability Kara hadn’t seen in a very long time. “Do you think it was fun for me getting trapped a thousand years into the future with no way to come back? Do you think I enjoyed knowing that everything I knew, everyone I knew was long gone by then? That you were long gone by then?”

Mon-El knows he’s about to reveal more that he should. That it’d be best if he kept his mouth shut. But he found the words just flowing out of his mouth. “I see the way you look at me, the way everyone looks at me. They all hate me,” he scoffs and then proceeds, “… which I guess shouldn’t be surprising since their loyalty was always towards you. I was just collateral damage.”

“Mon-El, that’s not true,” Kara tried to dissuade him, to no avail.

“Tell me Alex doesn’t wanna murder me every time she sees me or that Winn doesn’t feel guilty every time he talks to me. Tell me you are not judging me right now, because of what I did,” he chuckles mirthlessly. “All I did was to move on with my life, just like you would’ve wanted. I had to keep my promise to you, to be the man you believed I could be. I remember back in our adjoining cells at Cadmus, you’d told me you wanted Alex to keep living her life if something happened to you; so why when I do it is suddenly so wrong?”

Kara knew he was right. She was hurt because of his actions, but the truth was he’d done nothing wrong. She would’ve done the same thing if it had been her in his position. She would’ve kept on going, kept on living.

Her silence was answer enough. Qui tacet consentire videtur.

He said too much. Enough. He had to stop. Where was Imra when he needed her? Grife! He was in danger of telling Kara everything, he couldn’t allow that. He had to-

He couldn’t. Not anymore. 

“Seven years… seven years, Kara,” he uttered as if in excruciating pain. “I lived seven years in a world where I couldn’t afford the luxury of mourning. I had to keep fighting, and I did so, for you. I couldn’t allow myself to grief; I had to help keep the world spinning,” he took a deep breath before continuing, “I- I’m sorry, I truly am, because you have to believe the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. But don’t you dare judge me, Kara… Not when you have no idea what I went through. Not when you would’ve done the same.”

***

I don’t know your thoughts these days We’re strangers in an empty space I don’t understand your heart It’s easier to be apart 

“You’re right,” Kara admitted. “And yes, I would’ve done the same. I’m sorry that I’ve been so angry. I- I wasn’t angry with you, per se… I was angry and sad, but mostly angry at the whole situation, not you. It just- it’s not fair!”

“I stopped believing in fairness a long time ago,” Mon-El confessed with a far-away look in his steely blue eyes.

Something in his eyes made her soften towards him. Maybe friends was a bit too much to ask for, but perhaps they could find a way to work together again, like they used to. To be partners.

However, she needed to be able to trust her partner, and she couldn’t trust someone she didn’t know. And she most definitely didn’t know this new and improved version of Mon-El.

But she wanted to. 

“I don’t even know who you are anymore,” Kara whispered dejectedly, her baby blue eyes shining with undeniable sadness, and breaking the last piece of his heart that had remained intact up until that moment.

Mon-El of Daxam had been through his fair share of tragedies throughout his life.

The destruction of his home planet. Being stranded in a foreign world. Having to learn a whole new way of life. Falling in love, ending up losing said love.

Only to have to go through it all again the moment he got into that pod.

He had to lose her again. 

It was different that time though. There was nothing that could quite compare to losing her to death.

The first time around –when he was sent away– he’d been comforted by the thought that back in her time she was alive and safe. That she was happy. That she was living.

Knowing the love of your life dies a terrible painful death when there’s nothing you can do about it… that was another thing entirely.

That kind of pain was indescribable.

He knew what it felt like to lose her. He’d done it over and over again. And he couldn’t do it again.

He couldn’t lose her this time, so… if having her hate him was what it took to save her, he’d take her hatred gladly over the alternative.

That alternative was unthinkable. He just couldn’t go through it all again. He couldn’t shed another tear for her –he’d cried them all. He didn’t think he had the strength to get back up this time.

He was broken.

“That’s because you don’t,” Mon-El answered her mournfully. “I’m not the same man you sent off in that pod, Kara… You don’t- you wouldn’t understand.”

“Then, tell me…” Kara said. “Make me understand. Let me get to know you, this new you.”

Mon-El felt his perfectly constructed walls begin to crumble. “I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t think you’d like him,” Mon-El replied in defeat. “If you knew, Kara. If you knew the things I’ve seen, the things I’ve done. If you knew the man I’ve become…”

Hardened. Cold. Calculating.

Not like clueless lost puppy he’d once been.

Kara could see the pain in his eyes. She might not know this version of Mon-El, but deep down he was still her Mon-El. He was still the man she loved. And nothing could change that, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.

“What happened?” Kara asked gently. “What happened that made you so scared?”

Mon-El thought of disregarding her question, he thought of deflecting the subject. But there was a part of him, the small part where the remnants of the old Mon-El still resided, that was just so tired. He didn’t want to push Kara away anymore. He didn’t want to fight her off another minute. He didn’t want to keep her at arm’s length any minute longer. He didn’t want to lie to her anymore.

He just wanted her.

She had said that the truth never hurt as much as secrets. But he wasn’t so sure.

He was convinced nothing could ever hurt him as much as this truth.

“You died,” Mon-El finally admitted. “Monday, June 18, 2018. Supergirl fights her final battle and is defeated by Reign. The world loses its last hope and it falls into an apocalyptic reign of terror. That’s what happened… you died–

“And I died with you.”

***

We might as well be strangers in another town We might as well be living in a another time We might as well… We might as well… We might as well be strangers Be strangers…

All the blockers Imra had placed inside his mind dissolved at those words. At the truth.

Without noticing, he was spilling every single thought he’d had for the past seven years –well, the seven years he was awake. He couldn’t stop. He didn’t want to. He felt like the weight of the worlds was finally being lifted off his shoulders.

He hadn’t felt as liberated as he did at that moment for what seemed like an eternity. And he guessed that might be so, twelve thousand years in stasis could be considered an eternity.

“So, you aren’t married to Imra, then?” Kara quizzically asked. Mon-El had to smile at that, out of all the information he’d just provided, including a highly trained team of alien superheroes and a battle that is destined to end in her demise, that tiny piece of information is what she chose to focus on.

“No, it was my ill-conceived plan to keep you away from me,” Mon-El explained half relieved and half ashamed. He felt the relief at admitting the truth to Kara, after everything his lie put them through. But also, he felt the shame at having lied to her in the first place, he knew Kara would never forgive his dishonesty. Either way, he knew he was going to lose her. And he could live with that, as long as she was safe.

“I once said I owed you a lot, but that most of all I owed you the truth. And the truth is… I wanted you to hate me. If you hated me, you wouldn’t ask too many questions –questions that would jeopardize my entire mission. I thought if you hated me… it wouldn’t hurt as much,” Mon-El added with a resigned look and his head hanging down, “I really should’ve known better, though… I can never hide the truth from you for too long.”

Kara gave him a small smile in return. “Yeah, you really should’ve known better,” she said and trapped her lips between her teeth. “Because no matter what… I could never hate you, Mon-El.”

A warmth akin to hope started to bloom in the Daxamite’s chest. Maybe –just maybe– they could do it. They could work things out. They could work together to save Kara. Maybe this change of plans wouldn’t be fatal. Maybe he didn’t have to do it alone. Maybe he didn’t have to lose her in the end.

Maybe they could have it all.

“Kara, I- I know I screwed up royally,” he apologized with heartfelt sentiment. “And I know things are not okay between us right now, that there’s a lot I need to make up for, but… do you think maybe we could at least work together again? You know, partners in crime, like old times, trying to keep the world spinning?”

“Partners?” Kara thought aloud. The word had a nice ring to it. She had never found someone to consider her equal before, until Mon-El. And he was right, their relationship was strained at the moment, but maybe they could start over.

And ‘partners’ was a good place to start.

“I’d like that,” she said, her blue eyes shining brightly with newfound hope –just like his were. “I’d like that very much.”

Things might not be okay between them right now, but Kara had a feeling they would be so. Soon.

“I promise you something, though,” Mon-El stated, that unfamiliar serious gaze adorning his features once again. “I will save you, Kara. No matter the cost, I will help you defeat Reign. I will keep you safe.”

Kara was taken aback for a second at the sheer willfulness of his declaration. She could see he meant every word. That he would anything to save her, without consideration to what the consequences may be.

A part of her was scared, another was touched.

Instead of questioning his reasoning, she decided to trust him. She had to trust him if they were going to accomplish this. So, she put all her faith on the man standing in front of her.

The echo of some words spoken in the past like a promise were loudly resonating in her mind: ‘As long as you’re safe.’

Only now was she beginning to comprehend the depth of their meaning.

Mon-El was keeping his promise to her.

But he couldn’t do it on his own.

“El mayarah,” the Kryptonian uttered her family motto. Stronger together. Never had those words felt so fitting like they did then.

She and Mon-El were stronger together.

“El mayarah,” the Daxamite repeated the phrase with a slightly different pronunciation. Sister planets had sister words. Different sound, same meaning. No longer strangers, but familiar to each other.

They were partners. Again –and for the first time.

And together they were going to defeat Reign.

Together, they were going to save the world.

For all I know of you now For all I know of you now For all I know of you now For all I know…

***

Somewhere hidden in the DEO, a Saturnian telepath was listening to that last part of their conversation and smiled a smug grin.

“See?” she said to the fellow Coluan alien standing next to her.

“I fail to comprehend your meaning. What do I see?” Brainy asked of his comrade. Irma rolled her eyes.

“I told you we needed to get them into a room together, just the two of them,” Imra explained enthusiastically. “I knew Boss would spill all the beans as soon as he was left alone with her.”

“You do realize you have just disobeyed a direct order from our leader,” he said disapprovingly. His twelfth-level intelligence didn’t allow for insubordination. “He will be angry at you.”

“Perhaps,” she shrugged her shoulders. “But it won’t last long. He’ll forgive me.”

“Only because you are his second in command,” Querl curtly replied. “If I were him, I’d trial you for treason.”

“Oh, Brainy! Don’t be so overdramatic!” Imra gave him her biggest grin. “It’ll all work out, I bet’cha. We’ll save Supergirl. And we’ll save the future.”

“I sure hope you are correct in your estimation.”

Failure was not an option.

Their mission was firmly imprinted in their brains–

Save Supergirl.

Save the world. 

The apartment was filled with far too many memories of Mon El! If she started thinking about all the memories of Mon El and the telltale signs in her apartment of their superstrength amorous adventures together she would surely go mad. And the last thing she needed on top of everything else tonight was to allow the memories of their sexual escapades to get her aroused in the middle of the holiday party, as had happened so many times before when she took a walk down memory lane alone in her apartment.

There was the slight dent in the refrigerator that she could not quite fix after Mon El had pushed her up against it passionately kissing her one night early on in their relationship. There was the dining table on which she had laid a whole night in both agony and bliss when Mon El’s answer to the question what he wanted for dinner had been only one word: “You!”. The morning after she had scrubbed it down five times, but still she could not help blushing every time she walked past it and she felt slightly uncomfortable actually setting out food on the table dubbed by Mon El as “his alter for worship at the feet of the goddess Kara Zor-El”. No, she had to stop thinking about these memories!

It had been almost eight months since Mon El first had to leave Earth. It had been over 7 years for Mon El. She still had a hard time wrapping her head around that… And Imra said that Mon El had not looked at another woman for years… Mon El was a very sexual person so she wondered how he had coped? It was less than 8 months since she last had sex with Mon El and she would admit that she was extremely sexually frustrated.

Today in the DEO when Mon El and Imra had explained that she had been the inspiration for a whole legion of superheroes in the 31st century, Kara had been preoccupied trying NOT to look at Mon El’s lips or remember how it had felt when he kissed her, nibbled on her left earlobe, sucked on that spot just above her clavicle or sucked on her… She sincerely hoped nobody had seen her nipples react to that thought and that J’onn’s mental shields had been up! Then she had to try NOT to wonder about what it would feel like if Mon El would kiss her neck and shoulders with his new beard? Then she tried NOT to look at his arms and remember how good it felt to be held by him. And then she had looked at his hands and remembered how very good he was with his hands… No, she had to stop!

Say what you will about the hedonistic culture Mon El had grown up in on Daxam, but Kara had reaped the benefits of him being an extremely skilled lover – experienced and adventurous and with superstrength and stamina. There was this one thing that Mon El would do with his tongue while his long fingers would slowly stroke her inside and press up against her… Kara clenched her fists and swallowed hard as heat raced up her neck and her face flushed, her heart suddenly pounding and making her slightly out of breath. No, she had to stop thinking about Mon El and sex! He was married, for Rao’s sake! 

But Mon El had been more than a lover – they had also been best friends and partners. However, Mon El had moved on and now had a wife – which meant that another woman was now his lover, best friend and partner. Kara admitted it – she was very jealous of Imra! She meant it when she told Mon El that they were just three good people in a bad situation and that she wanted them to be happy. But she also meant it that she was not OK with it. Not yet, anyway. Imra was beautiful and sweet and there was a sort of hero worship in her eyes and voice when she interacted with Kara that meant Kara could not find it in her heart to hate Imra. In fact, in a way she was grateful. She was glad that Mon El had found someone as beautiful and sweet as Imra and that he had not had to be alone in a strange time and place for 7 years. 

She suddenly wondered if Imra would be prepared to share? Kara knew that Mon El had often had several sexual partners at once back when he still was the “playboy-of-the-universe” Prince of Daxam. Kara had been having sexy dreams about Mon El every night for months and she felt somewhat guilty about them now that she knew he had a wife. Monogamy was the norm she was raised with both on Krypton and on Earth and lusting after a married man was taboo. But if Daxam and Saturnian traditions did not focus on monogamy in marriage, would it then be so wrong for her to find a little happiness again in Mon El’s embrace? After all, however devoted Mon El was to his wife, there was also still love and desire in his eyes for Kara as well…

          later

At first, he just knocked on the door but when she didn’t open him, he used the spare key she had given him once to unlock it and get in. He knew that she should’ve been here earlier but something had gotten in the way and he hadn’t been able to make it in time anymore.

His dark clothes were damp from the snow, his hair was stuck on his forehead. Nevertheless, his whole face lit up as he saw Kara sleeping on the couch, her lips slightly parted, one arm dangling from the edge. A smile appeared on his face as he walked closer to her, kneeling down beside her. He placed a gentle kiss on top of her head, his fingertip absently trailed along her exposed skin.

“Hey. I’m sorry I couldn’t be here earlier,” he whispered softly and somehow this brought Kara to shift her position. She turned around to face Mon-El, her eyes slowly starting to open.

“You’re here,” she stated, her voice still husky from sleep.

“Of course I am. Where else should I be?”

Kara got into a sitting position, making space for Mon-El to sit on the couch. Immediately he sat down, his hand finding its place on her cheek, his lips softly pressing against hers. Kara wrapped her arms around his neck, trying to pull him even closer. Their kiss became more passionate, they didn’t want to let go of one another. It just felt too good to finally be together again.

Slightly out of breath their lips moved apart, their foreheads still touching. Mon-El held her in place, both of them smiling wildly, their eyes filled with love and happiness.

“I missed you.”

He stole another kiss from her before he responded, “I missed you, too.”

Suddenly, without a warning Kara shot up straight, leaving a startled Mon-El behind as she paced through the apartment to get something from the sill. It was a little package wrapped in dark red paper and with a cute, little, yellow ribbon on top of it. She tried to hide it behind her back while walking back to him, but he had already seen it.

“Merry Christmas,” she grinned, handing him the present. A warm laughter filled the room and he examined it closely, thanking Kara with a kiss on her cheek.

He carefully undid the ribbon and paper, revealing a little black box with his name written on it in fine letters. A curious expression on his face, his gaze gifted towards his girlfriend, raising an eyebrow.

“You didn’t have to buy me a gift. All I want for Christmas is you”, Mon-El said. Nonetheless, he couldn’t hide his excitement as he opened the box, taking out a small, silvery object. A ring that showed the letter ’L’ and a comet at the top right. He wasn’t sure of what this meant, if it had any deeper meaning or if she had just chosen it because she liked it. He couldn’t even explain the meaning of the letter.

“Thanks, but…” Before he could finish his sentence though, Kara silenced him by placing a finger on his lips. She took his hand which was holding the ring, balling it into a fist and looking him straight in the eye. His greyish blue eyes meeting her blue ones. Comets.

Suddenly, Mon-El understood the meaning behind the comet. It was a symbol for them, the symbol for the memory of their first kiss. The day he had thought he would die, the day didn’t mind because he had finally gotten to kiss her. The day he had first noticed how her eyes shone bluer than else, insanely blue. Like comets.

“Go be the hero I know you are.”

He closed his eyes as her fingertips gently touched his cheek, trailing along his jaw. Getting lost in her touch he didn’t even realize how it slowly disappeared, how her whole apartment, the whole scenery in front of him just faded away.

The next time he opened his eyes he was sitting in his own apartment. Alone. The sun was already set outside, the darkness of the night filling the lightless room, resembling how he felt now that he was back in his reality. He was still trapped in the 31st century, far away from Kara who he missed more with every passing day.

Feeling a cold object in his hand, a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. It was a ring, the ring of the Legion he had founded. Right now there was just a letter carved in but he knew one thing was still missing - a comet.