#ksfm

*

Iratze, blood replacement, strengthening rune, endurance rune, another Iratze.

Ty applied each rune with careful hands. Every mark stood a stark black across Kit’s chest, his arms, the side of his neck. Ty caressed them, like checking if the ink had already dried from a sheet of paper.

He was about to put an energy rune on Kit when Livvy stopped him.

“I think I should leave you two alone”

“Why?” Ty frowned at her.

Livvy surveyed her brother’s pursed lips, the dark, sunken hollows under his eyes and the delicate yet hungry way in which his hands moved on Kit’s bare skin, as if careful not to hurt him, yet unable to break away their touch.

It reminded her of when they were children, and they dared each other to write their own names without lifting the pen off the paper. Livvy’s always seemed like an unintelligible scribble, but Ty managed to write in a neat, elegant scroll that seemed like it was made by an artist.

She looked at him and knew that when Kit woke up, which would probably be as soon as the energy rune took effect, an important conversation would have to take place. They were searching for each other for so long, not in so many actions, but in their hearts. Whatever might happen in that conversation, couldn’t happen if she was there.

“I would come if you need me..” She looked at her twin with knowing sincerity. “But I don’t think you will.”

*

Kit lay on the damp grass and watched the sun play tricks on his half-lidded eyes.

He liked it, letting small rays of light escape through his lashes and paint beautiful, unrealistic images on the inside of his mind.

Sometimes, when he needed inspiration, he would lay there for hours and listen to the forest whisper a whole symphony in his ears, one he would never be able to replicate, but would always try.

As he felt the tips of his fingers bathe in the mid-days warmth, a shadow fell over him.

“Kitty!” his favorite voice in the world cried in ringing delight, and Mina jumped on his stomach with all her might.

Kit pretended to be fatally injured and called Jem for urgent assistance.

As he appeared, and a slightly worried crease pinched Mina’s forehead, Kit snatched her like she was nothing but a tiny, raggedy doll and held her close to him. She screamed in protest, and as retaliation, he tickled her until she surrendered.

Jem’s soft laughter made him look up. His head stood right in front of the sun and blinding rays of light weaved through the dark strands of his black hair, making him look like an odd, beautiful planet.

“You’ve caught some sun, Christopher”

Jem’s voice was amused, though Kit couldn’t manage to see his mouth move beyond the shadows that hid his face.

“Have I?”

“Yes, you’re practically glowing”

“Like a radiant bride?” Kit teased.

“More like the sun, I reckon.”

“Oh”. Something about that statement made Kit feel uneasy, but he couldn’t remember why.

“I believe you’ve spent enough time out here, son. I think it’s better if you wake up now”

Kit frowned in confusion. “Wake up? I’m hardly asleep, Jem. You’re all lovely to look at and all, but I doubt I would dream of Min kicking me in the gut.. maybe church. But if it was a dream, I would have kicked back”

He grinned at his father with innocent wickedness. But Jem still smiled serenely.

“No, my dearest. I assure you that this is a dream, one from which it is imperative you wake.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s time, Christopher.”

“Time for what?”

Jem wasn’t the cryptic type, and Kit still couldn’t see his eyes. He shifted his head, trying to see Jem’s expression in its fullest, but weirdly enough, the sun seemed to move with him and kept its safe place right behind Jem’s head.

“Kitty!” He suddenly became aware that Mina was still in his arms. He focused his gaze on her and watched in surprise as she lifted her small palms to his face.

Her grip was soft, yet strong as iron. She arched her red lips in a smile and whispered to his ear.

“Kitty, wake up!”

*

“Kit, wake up”

Kit opened his eyes to a whirling grey storm. They still stung from the brightness of his dream, and the sudden change made him flinch.

All of a sudden, his view cleared and he saw Ty’s sharp features leaning away from him.

“Ty!” He called in relief, and bolted to a sitting position, reaching to cup Ty’s face in his hands. The sudden movement made his head spin, and he staggered back on his elbows.

“Stay down, you need to rest your head.”

“I’m fine, I’m fine. How did- are you okay?”

He tried to focus his eyes on Ty, but his vision kept blurring back to the black, blinding spots from the sun.

“Yeah, I’m... I’m okay. I came looking for you with Livvy. She helped me find you.” Ty’s voice sounded strained, but Kit’s ears kept ringing with Mina’s chiming voice.

“Find me? With Livvy? Where is she?”

He peeked through his lashes, trying to locate her white glow through the haziness.

“Livvy left for Jessamine. Apparently, she’s been frantic for hours, kept knocking off glasses and trying to demand that you were found.”

“Wow”, Kit gaped. “I didn’t know she liked me that much.”

And at that, Ty’s words sank in.

“Wait, what do you mean for hours? And.. find me? Why did you need to find me? you were right there and I-“

Kit’s words hushed into a confused silence as he retraced through his last recollections; Ty’s limp figure in the entrance to the hall, the ceiling raining down rocks and himself, trapped behind that massive boulder. He definitely broke something, maybe even a few somethings. He saw his left palm, pulsing with all the light and energy he could muster.. and he saw the darkness, lulling him to sleep like a soft blanket.

He opened his eyes, his heart hammering unevenly in his chest, and sat down slowly. He couldn’t look at Ty, afraid to see the knowing expression on his face, so he looked at his surroundings.

The first thing he noticed was the ruins. Everywhere around them were shattered piles of rocks, but he himself lay inside a neatly drawn circle of dust. It was too neat, too precise. He didn’t need to remember the night’s events to understand what happened.. and knowing Ty, neither did he.

Kit shivered. He lifted his arms to warm himself, only to find bare skin. He looked down at the disheveled remains of his gear and felt the burning crawl of shame and fear climbing up his neck. It was too much, it was all way too much.

He sank his face in his hands and tried as hard as he could to dissolve into thin air, like the ash between his fingers, like the dread that swallowed his heart whole.

It wasn’t until Ty’s touched his skin to his, prying his hands away from the barricading shield they created, that he felt the slick remains of his tears.

Kit didn’t cry much, there was a time he thought there was something wrong with him because of that. Then again, there were many reasons why something would be wrong with him… reasons he spent years trying to overcome. He felt the lucid cold of that night on Lake Lynn, and the flattened pain of his ravaged heart, twisting their way into his mind. He was, simultaneously, too much to handle and barely there at all to take notice of.

He was almost on that edge, his hands trembling like they were also trapped within Kit’s memories until the gentle embrace of Ty’s fingers pulled him back.

Kit straightened his gaze in defiance, ready for the sharpened questions in Ty’s eyes, but found nothing.

Ty’s eyes darted all around him, pleading worry plain and naked smeared all over his face. He wasn’t looking for answers, he wasn’t looking at Kit’s lack of clothing or at the stark evidence of Kit’s powers all around them. He just only looking for Kit.

The sudden rush of tenderness punched a hole through Kit’s defenses, shattering it completely.

“Ty…”

“I didn’t believe them, Kit. You were trapped here for hours, and I didn’t even know... They said you were dead, and I was knocked out and couldn’t help you and I-“ his voice cracked, “I’m sorry, Kit. I’m so sorry. I should have been here to help you. It was all my fault.”

His voice died down to a whisper, and his eyes fell to his lap, burning bright with unshed tears.

“No, Ty...  You, you saved me, don’t you remember? You took a fireball straight to the chest for me, that’s why you were knocked down.” Kit traced a finger across his cheek like he was wiping the tear that wasn’t there.

“I didn’t believe them,” Ty repeated. “You said you would never leave me again, so I knew you must still be here. I didn’t believe them, because I believed you.”

Kit felt the sweet brush of Ty’s breath on his lips, making him shiver down to his toes. There was truth in him, that he never saw in Ty before. It wasn’t that Ty lied, he was alarmingly honest, to the point of bluntness. But that kind of honesty was from the inner layers of his soul, so much so that Kit felt like he was touching it with his bare hands.

“You’re right,” he swallowed hard, “I would have never left you. I never will.”

Ty’s face lit up with the ferocity of the sun, and Kit was mesmerized by the clean beauty of him. His lashes thick and startlingly dark against the silver in his eyes, feathering down across flushed, sharp cheekbones. His lips were slightly parted, stuck on their way from astonishment to a smile. Kit could see the small shimmering traces of his tongue, glittering like stars in the ever-increasing light.

But they were inside a dark, collapsed cave. There were no lamps or witchlights around them, but Ty was still glowing as the light came from right under him, where their hands were still clasped.

With a sinking realization, Kit lowered his eyes to find that, in fact, the light came exactly from between their hands. Between his hands.

With a yelp, he pulled his hands away and leaned as far from Ty as he could manage without falling to his back.

“No!” Ty called, the smile ripped away from his face and left an angry, desperate abyss. “Stop it, Kit!”

Kit froze and stared at Ty with horror.

“You don’t get to do that anymore” he reached to grab Kit’s hands in his. “You don’t get to shove me off like I’m-“

“Ty, please” Kit cried and tried to release himself from Ty’s iron grip, but couldn’t.

“You don’t understand, Ty... I’m- I can’t-“ he murmured with barely contained sorrow.

“So explain it to me, Kit.” He punctuated every word. “Explain why for weeks you keep pushing me away, just explain it to me, because you act like you can’t be around me but then you say these things… your screensaver is a photo of our beach, you wrote me these letters for years but after you kissed me you just.. you just sent me away.”

Ty’s voice was the hard, desperate truth that Kit tried to avoid until he could figure out on his own how to take control, but there was nowhere to escape.

“I-“ Kit’s chest was heaving, chasing one breath after the other before he could fully take them in. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Hurt me?” Ty touched his palm to Kit’s, and he could feel the wild current of energy going through Ty’s body like electricity.

“Yes!” His voice rose to a shout. “Look, I’m hurting you right now!”

“I don’t care, Kit!” He shouted back, the force of his grip making Kit’s bones grind against each other, though he barely noticed the pain.

“That’s why you keep avoiding me? That’s why you won’t even look at me?”

Every word Ty said hit Kit like a thousand rocks, tumbling down onto his heart. He managed to pry away his hands from Ty’s but Ty kept pushing him back until he almost hit a wall of piled stones.

“That’s why you won’t let me touch you?” Kit stopped thrashing and looked at Ty, his eyes wide with savage grief, like Kit’s words, not his powers, were breaking him apart.

In his heart, Kit heard the rumble of a shattering glass.

“Ty, you have to believe me, there’s nothing I want more than to-“ his whole body was vibrating from the effort to control himself, but energy flooded his veins, poured down from his skin to his fingernails. He had to make Ty understand.

“Every time I look at you, every time I hear your voice say my name or your hand accidentally brushes mine... the effect you have on me-“ Why couldn’t he find words? When he needed them the most, they failed him.

Kit clung to every movie he watched, every book he read, and searched frantically for the right thing to say.

“I know I’ve been hiding things from you, but it’s not because I want to keep you away… I swear. I wanted to protect you from it, Ty. I owe you that much. After everything I did, after all of my mistakes, I owe you at least that much.”

Ty lips curled into a grim smile, and Kit couldn’t bear it any longer. He shut his eyes hard and willed his heart to compliance.

“Kit,” his voice imprinted soft pedals across Kit’s neck. “I believe you, didn’t you hear me say that before?”

Ty carefully laced their fingers together, and Kit let him, too tired to fight him away.

“I believe in you. I believe in this. You can never hurt me.”

A hot tear melted on Kit’s cheek like a snowflake in the fire.

“Will you look at me? I need you to know that I mean it, Kit.”

Kit opened his eyes but didn’t look at Ty. He looked at their intertwined hands, and at the threatening glow that shined like a hidden candle.

Kit took a deep breath and listened to the steady beating of Ty’s heart. It was so implausible, that his heartbeats could be so calm… like a river, the unyielding flow of its temper beating down the night, that Kit had to try again. He focused on that rhythm with everything that he had and raised his eyes to face the man in front of him.

Ty’s eyes pinned him in place immediately, and Kit knew that there was nothing anyone could do to make him look away.

“I’ve known for a while that there was something that you’ve been hiding. At first, I tried to figure it out for myself, so I could protect you from whoever is after you.. but that only did the opposite of what I wanted. I needed you to trust me again, so I had to trust you. I had to trust that your secrets, whatever they are, are safer in your hands than in mine… and they are yours to give away. Don’t you see, Kit? I know… I know and I don’t care. I don’t care as long as you’re with me.”

Ty looked at him like he was the only answer he ever needed to know, like there was nothing more important than this very second, this very light, trapped forever between their hearts.

Kit breathed Ty’s words and felt again that calm sureness smoothing away the frayed edges of his anxiety. He would never hurt Ty, he couldn’t, and that plain knowledge molded into a glistening blazing light in the palm of his hand.

The light washed over them like a ray of distilled sunshine, clinging to every curve of Ty’s face like a ghostly whisper.

Without knowing how they closed the distance between them so that one couldn’t know who’s heart was beating the loudest.

Kit caressed Ty’s lips with his eyes, breathed the cottoned dimples on his cheeks and counted each marvelous shade of silver in his irises.

“Tell me,” Kit said. And it was barely a whisper, but he needed nothing more.

“I love you, Christopher.”

Ty didn’t hesitate, he didn’t miss a single beat before releasing Kit’s hands only to pull his face towards him, and steal his very last breath, straight from his lips.

It burned, it burned like the sun dug its way under Ty’s skin and everywhere he touched left a mark.

His tongue licked fire at the base of Kit’s throat, his fingers turned his bones to ashes as they sank lower down his back. And his heart, his heart was marked all over, with tears and rain and the smell of ink that didn’t leave Ty’s skin in the three years they spent apart.

Kit pressed his nose to the hollow above Ty’s sternum and breathed so deeply he feared he might faint. With another shaky breath, he clawed his fingers in the collar of Ty’s shirt and forced his eyes to stay still.

“I need you to tell me what you want, Ty.” His voice was horas, wanting, but he made every word count. He needed Ty to choose this, choose him.

“I want to touch you”. It echoed all through Kit’s body, like a desperate shout, reverberating across empty halls.

“You are touching me.” Kit answered with a small smile.

“I want to touch you more.”

Kit drew a sharp breath. Ty’s words hit him like a cigarette tossed into a pool of gasoline, flaring up the blood in his veins with unbearable heat.

He only nodded, there was nothing he could phrase that would explain the way he felt, so he pulled Ty into his lap and let his long fingers slide across his body like a tide over a helpless sea.

There wasn’t much left of his clothes, to begin with, but Ty made the remains of his gear crumble under his touch like smoke, evaporating with a blink of an eye.

behind the dark curtain of his lashes, Ty’s eyes gleamed bright and hungry like a panther’s as they slid down Kit’s naked torso, all the way to his naval. In the years since he found out that he was a Shadowhunter, Kit had a love-hate relationship with his own body. He was relieved every time he received any kind of appreciation for his appearance… not in the manner of beauty, but more in the way of finding his own place amongst the race of these super hot, highly maintenance angel warriors. But this, this, how Ty’s eyes drank every muscle and scar made Kit unleash a low growl of pleasure.

“Ty,” Kit breathed, and the soft hairs on Ty’s skin stood up in salute.

“I want to-“ I want to feel your skin under my mouth, I want to know how you sound when I graze my teeth across that jawline of yours, that jawline that can cut me without even noticing. I want to feel that you’re mine.

He couldn’t say none of these things, but Ty understood. He took Kit’s hand and tucked it under the hem of his shirt, guiding him upwards, until they rested over his heart. It slammed against his palm, an uneven dance of raging anticipation.

Kit peeled the fabric off, exploring inch by inch the wonders of Ty’s skin, admiring how every touch made his breath heavier and sweeter than the one before it. He buried his face in the wide field of Ty’s chest, inhaling his soft whispers, egging him on.

His body felt like it could no longer contain his heart. The violent joy of how Ty’s cherry red and swollen lips trembled as Kit found the buckle of his belt, made his blood burst like lava all through his quivering limbs.

Ty put both hands on the rock behind them and lifted himself so that Kit could remove the rest of their gear. Kit wanted to look at him, to see the places where his snowy skin was even paler, to look for scars and ask for every tale that came with them, but the look on Ty’s face was more important. He trusted Kit - with his body - and with his heart. It made him want to cry, to break down on the dusty stone floor and tell Ty that he loved him, that he loved him because his heart couldn’t bear not to.

Instead, he pushed Ty off him and down to the ground. He crawled up his body to meet his lips. Ty put both of his hands on his chest, both to steady him and to keep him at bay.

“Have- have you ever done this before?” Ty sounded almost shy, which was surprising to hear.

“Yes. So have you.”

It wasn’t a question. The confidence of how Ty’s fingers slid over his body made it very clear.

“Does that bother you?” Ty asked, his eyebrows pulled up against each other like a child’s illustration of a roof.

Kit paused, he wanted to give an honest answer, not an impulsed one. The thought of Ty with someone else made the fine hairs on his lower back stand like pikes, he couldn’t deny that… but what did he expect? He couldn’t reproach Ty for living his life, it’s not like he hadn’t. Ty never left his heart, but he tried with all his might to banish him away. He kissed and laughed and danced and fucked, he did everything he could think of, but he always remembered. He never made love before, a differentiation that used to seem overly romanticized to him, but now felt like all the difference in the world. He desired others, but he never loved.

So Ty might have been with a dozen other men, and it wouldn’t matter. Because he was now touching his lips to Kit’s temple and the memory of his words rang clear in his heart. Ty loved him, and that’s all he needed to know.

“No.” He said simply, and the relief was clear on Ty’s face. “I don’t care, because you are with me.”

Ty smiled as he recalled his own words from before, and pulled Kit closer, every inch of their exposed skin touching. He slid his fingers along Kit’s thighs and purred like a satisfied cat to Kit’s reaction.

“Besides,” Kit added with a choked voice. “Practice makes perfect, and this -“ he put his hands on Ty’s, guiding him to his pelvis - “is exactly that”.

They giggled until they couldn’t any longer, their bodies allowing only sharp moans and sudden gasps. The intensity between them was building up into a tangible need. Kit wanted him, but he didn’t intend for it to be over so soon… so he propped up on his elbows and held Ty’s gaze, and like untying a ribbon, let his tongue run slowly down his length, embedding every precious moan to his memory.

For a second, he felt like he was watching them from a distance, hiding behind one of the shattered rocks. And they were beautiful together, like an unavoidable collision between the sun and the moon. The light that was first caged in him spread out and surrounded them like a halo. Ty’s skin was a silvery silk, melting under Kit’s golden sun-kissed hands. It was like that old poem, Kit thought, as he drifted back to his own body, and knew that he would have died a thousand times for this night.

When Ty started shaking under him, Kit disentangled himself from his hold and sat breathless, watching Ty’s back arch, as if looking for the missing warmth of Kit’s body. His eyes were half-closed, unfocused, searching for him in his peripheral until he realized that Kit was not there.

“Something’s wrong?” He sat on his knees with a noticeable effort, his naked body covered in a thin layer of sweat and dirt.

Kit shook his head, trying to figure out a way to explain what he wanted, what he needed. He could feel his cheeks flare red with embarrassment, and cursed his self-consciousness.

“So come back to me” Ty whispered, and when Kit stayed where he was, he closed the distance between them and took his chin in his hand, lifting it up so he could examine his expression.

Understanding bloomed in Ty’s eyes, and they darkened in a sudden explosion of hunger.

“More.” He said, and Kit thanked Ty’s lack of need for unnecessary words.

He nodded, relieved and wanting, and crushed their lips together, licking and sucking everywhere his mouth could reach.

Between breaths, Ty whispered to him, and Kit could hear the effort it took him to stop and say these words.

“But it will hurt you, afterward. I don’t want you to be in pain, ever.”

Kit smiled to himself and nipped Ty’s lower lip, biting it, hard. Ty groaned in response, and it felt like the greatest victory of Kit’s life.

“We’re Shadowhunters, there will always be some sort of pain.” He sat on top of Ty and tightened his grip on his shoulders.

“And don’t forget -“ he added. “We have Iratzes for that.”

Kit lowered himself atop him and Ty cried out his name, running his fingers on his scarred chest like a caged animal, breaking free. He was glorious, from the soft feathers of his wet hair, the sharp ridge of his collar bone to the dimples down his hips, like two fountains - twinkling as a mirage in the desert of Kit’s life.

They moved together, slowly, their lips fused to an everlasting kiss, and Kit could hear the distant memory of waves crashing over the Los Angeles Institute’s shore.

He always remembered Ty as someone delicate, breakable, the person he must protect no matter the cost. But as he felt him, thundering inside him like a storm, stronger than any force of nature he ever encountered, he knew that he was wrong. When the pleasure inside him took hold over every other coherent thought that he had left, only one remained - they could protect each other.

*

They lay in silence, bodies laced together like vines.

Kit’s eyes were closed, his golden lashes almost white, illuminated by the witchlight Ty gave him so long ago. Ty nudged his nose in the faint stubble on his cheeks and relished on the prickling texture of it.

“Christopher,” He murmured.

“Hmm?”

“Christopher Jonathan Herondale.”

Ty tasted the words, slowly, mouthing them like they were a secret he wasn’t sure he was willing to give away.

Kit lifted one eyebrow in question, his eyes drifted open and focused on Ty’s lips.

“I remember that poem you sent me, a couple of years ago.” Kit’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“Where the crows had not yet woken

And the dimmed, elongated seconds

Between one breath and the other

I whisper to the impatient sun

Your name

Your full name

As an ancient lullaby

Sung by the gods”

A loud silence crawled between them. He didn’t know what to make of it and was suddenly very aware of how exposed he was in front of Kit.

“Did- did you memorize it?” Kit’s voice was calm, measured. It sent shivers down Ty’s back.

“Yes. I memorized all of them.”

Kit’s gasp was audible, and Ty had to turn and search his face for any sign of distress. Did it scare him?

“Why?”

“Because I needed to understand them. It was.. maddening.”

Ty searched his face, the cobalt blue of his gaze made him feel like they were outside, under the night’s sky. He was even more beautiful like this, he thought, with his hair rumpled and his shoulders uncovered, glittering from the remains of dust and sweat and magic. He was so beautiful Ty ached somewhere deep within him. He never felt this way, and it was more frightening than realizing the shape of his feelings for Kit.

“And did you? Understand them, I mean.”

Ty ran his fingers through Kit’s curls and tried to make sense of his thoughts.

“Not until recently, no… and not all of them. But- but this one, in particular, haunted me. I used to say your name, when I was alone, even without Livvy… just to understand what you meant. It only made me miss you more, it made me angry and frustrated and… and it made me so mad at you. For leaving, for sending these letters, like you were deliberately trying to hurt me by reminding me that I lost you.”

Kit lifted his hand, it hovered above Ty’s heart for an excruciating second, and then rested on it.

“And now, when I say it, when I say your name.. I can still taste you in my mouth. I can hear you singing in the car, I can smell the sun on your skin and feel your heartbeat right here, in the palm of my hand.”

He looked into the depths inside Kit’s eyes, they were so vividly real Ty got lost in the middle of the ocean until he realized they were tears.

“It’s like a prayer, your name.”

Kit pulled him into a sitting position, planting his hands so hard through Ty’s hair he probably felt every bone in his skull.

“It wasn’t a prayer, it was a promise, Tiberius.”

Kit could feel the demonic energy in the room like it was a thick cloud surrounding them. It was palpable and absolutely unknown to him. Kit was fighting demons on a regular basis for almost three years, yet he never had this physical awareness of them that he had as soon as they entered the cave.

He knew what it meant, but his anger and frustration resented him for lingering on the realization. His powers were growing, evolving.. and his erratic feelings probably only increased it.

Ty’s deceptively calm voice shook him out of his revery.

“We should split.”

“What?” Kit’s voice was louder than he meant it to be, and some of the kids jumped, startled by his violent reaction.

“We have to get going, it’s not safe here, and-“

“What does it have to do with splitting?” Kit interrupted before Ty could finish his sentence. He was still agitated by the tired, haunted look on Ty’s face and he couldn’t care less about scaring off these kids. Some distant part of him knew he wasn’t acting like himself, that this unmanageable fury was wildly misdirected. He was surrounded by terrified children that got snatched out of their beds, their families, some of them even taken from hospitals. They were in a really bad shape as it was, and Kit’s behavior was making it a hundred times worse. He imagined the weight of Mina’s tiny hand in his and schooled his expression into a controlled absence.

Ty didn’t let any sign that he noticed Kit’s odd outburst. He was still fighting his own tangled emotions.

“We can’t risk running into the demons when the Kids are with us. We have to split. You will take them back where we came from and I will find the demons and-“

“No.”

Kit’s voice broke no arguments. He made it as firm and authoritative as he could, mimicking the rare moments he got to witness Jace being the mature, strong head-of-the-institute that he was in front of others. There was no way he was letting Ty go alone and face whatever was out there. The place reeked of demons, and Kit could still faintly feel the pulse of that energy he felt around the Eidolon demon.

“Why not?” Ty cocked his head, suddenly aware of Kit’s rigid posture.

“I’m not leaving you to go and get slaughtered by-“

“Kit!” Ty gasped in shock and quickly pursed his mouth to a tight frown. “I’m not a child, I’m more than capable of fighting whatever is out there.”

His voice was calm, almost detached, but Kit wasn’t fooled for a second. His patience was wearing thin, but he willed his voice to convey more than the shattered fear that boiled inside his veins by the thought of Ty leaving him.

“Ty, I’m not saying you’re not capable of fighting. I know full well what you can do, and I have absolute faith in you.” He took a deep breath before continuing his words, knowing what they meant and what Ty will make of them. He promised himself to be honest with Ty, and though he couldn’t give him the entire truth at the moment, he could at least give him this.

“It’s not you that I don’t trust, it’s me. I don’t trust that I won’t run straight back to you and leave them alone halfway. I don’t trust that I will be able to see you walk away from me without knowing that I will see you again. I don’t trust myself, so there’s no fucking way I’m leaving your side until we’re out of here.”

He was panting so hard he could feel raw pain in his lungs. The sheer panic and rage of his emotions made his head dizzy, but he couldn’t take his eyes away from Ty’s. He was looking at him like he hit him in the gut, the naked intensity and bewilderment made Kit’s heart drop to a numbing silence.

Finally, he was able to look away. He felt ashamed of his weakness, but couldn’t find it in himself to regret his words. He glanced at the shocked ensemble of children in front of him and muttered “Uh.. sorry for using that word. I’m American, we don’t have that much of a filter.”

“Okay.”

Ty’s voice was barely a whisper, and Kit looked up to find him standing dangerously close to him. His anger evaporated like it was never there at all, and he couldn’t remember the mechanics of breathing as Ty took Kit’s hand in his. It was warm and strong, and the reassurance in his eyes told Kit everything his words didn’t. He wasn’t looking at him, but everything about him said that he understood. He understood enough to give Kit what he needed, and it was the promise that he will stay.

It was a cruel sort of joke, that Kit would be the one unwilling to let Ty leave when he himself left him so long ago. The thought burned a bitter taste in his tongue, but it hardly mattered, not while Kit felt the steady pulse of Ty’s heartbeat through their joined hands. He squeezed Ty’s hand once, acknowledging his gesture, and turned to face the mob of kids that were gaping at them with a mix of fear and incredulity.

“Let’s get the hell out of here”.

**

The silence was so profound Kit felt like screaming just to break it. It was unbearable, the collective heavy breathing of all the small bodies that surrounded him melted to a jagged hum in his veins that grew louder with every passing minute.

They moved in unison, trading worried looks and hasty hand gestures as they tried to find their way back into the main entrance. Kit had a bad feeling, everything about this place felt off and bone-chilling. But something about the long corridors and vast clearings felt too foreign, too risky to keep for long.

It was clear they made a mistake on one turn or the other, he could tell by the lack of creepy mannequins or historical artifacts. They went in deeper than they meant to, and Kit wanted to put his fist through the wall for forgetting to mark their way when they first entered the caves. He was supposed to be the one with the mundane knowledge, as he couldn’t really expect Ty to know Hansel and Gretel and their trail of breadcrumbs.

He was bringing up the rear at the long walk through the narrow hall when the temperature dropped imperceptibly. If the feeling wasn’t familiar, Kit wouldn’t probably have noticed it.. but as it was, he stopped walking and whispered a low “Stop” that easily carried through to Ty.

It was only a few seconds before Kit could see her.

A young woman had solidified into a barely visible white in front of him. He didn’t have to ask who she was, he read the stories about the young woman who got murdered on the caves centuries ago, and while the mere suggestion of ghosts was enough to exhilarate the swarm of tourists that regularly visited the place, he for once, wasn’t excited. He was sure they would have felt the same if they could have seen the sunken, broken cheeks on her bloody face.

When he came to think of it, Kit was surprised she was the first ghost to appear to him. This place was so ancient it was almost inevitable to find more than one soul that got trapped in the circumstances of its death. Something about that thought, and about the livid fear in the ghost’s half translucent eyes made Kit’s voice pressed and somber as he understood what she was about to tell him.

“You’re too late, I know..”

Her eyes were infinitely sad, and Kit could only guess for how many years she was trapped in this cold, suffocating purgatory, wandering amongst the oblivious strangers.. whispering her story to those who could never hear it.

He felt his heart soften and harden with a quiet desperation.

“I’m sorry for what happened to you, and I’m sorry that you’re here. Thank you for warning us, and I hope that you’ll be able to find peace.”

He could barely hear his own voice but knew she could. With a tight nod, she disappeared into the feral darkness right beyond the reach of his witchlight.

Kit braced himself for the questioning eyes of his silent companions and sought out Ty’s tall figure amongst the crowd.

“They’re here, probably in the next room. We’re out of time.”

Ty’s eyes didn’t waver from Kit’s collar bones. There was a cool calmness to him that reminded Kit that after all, he was a Shadowhunter through and through. No matter the countless differences between Ty and every other Shadowhunter Kit had ever met, the steel in his silvery eyes held him upright, and quieted the beating of Kit’s heart.

Ty didn’t bother to mention the ghost, he understood and probably felt no need to state the obvious. He only nodded, lost in his own thoughts.

“We have to figure out a way to keep them here, and safe” Kit whispered.

Something dark glinted in Ty’s eyes and scanned through Kit’s weapons belt, and then his own.  

Kit held his breath, letting Ty figure out what was unraveling in his brilliant, beautiful mind. He needed Ty to know that he trusted him implicitly, that his earlier outburst was exactly what he said it was, and to repay him for staying by his side even though it made absolutely no sense.

Eventually, Ty straightened and whispered at Kit’s direction.

“I can make a Malachi Configuration. I know it would put us at a disadvantage for lack of weapons when we face the demons, but it’s the best option I can see. It would keep them safe, no demon will be able to touch the seraph blades. They will be safe until we’ll come to get them back.”

He was right, this was the best option they had. A Malachi Configuration will trap the children inside a cage and will stop them from running away as much as it would stop anyone else from entering it. Not even the other Shadowhunters could brake it, it would have to be the person who made it, to begin with.

Kit looked at Ty and thought about his earlier words, of how he planned to go and face the demons himself. It wasn’t something Ty would usually suggest because it was obviously a suicidal move. Ty was many things, brave and smart and far too kind for his own good, but he wasn’t self-sacrificing. Kit knew that it was only the encounter with the Eidolon demon that made him act this way, like he had to pay for his mistakes. No, this time, Kit will have to ensure Ty would come back.. because if he won’t there will be thirteen kids trapped in a seraphic mobile prison cell that Kit won’t know the first thing about how to brake. But that scenario wasn’t optional, not by a long-shot. Kit knew it wasn’t very Shadowhunter-y of him, they were an endangered species, after all.. but he couldn’t care less. He lost too much in his life to be able to entertain the thought of losing Ty.

Kit handed him two seraph blades, hilts first, and asked with a twisted smile “How many do you need?”

Kit explained to the small group of children what they were about to do, while Ty readied the Adamas made weapons in his hands. They had to do it quickly, for the sound of thrusting blades through the stone floor was bound to attract attention.. and if not that, then the chime-like sound symboling the lock of the configuration will probably do the trick. As soon as Kit got a firm and convincing promise from every single one of the children that they would not try to set a foot outside the lines he indicated, he stepped back and let Ty do his part.

At the first blade that speared the ground, Kit drew out another of the angel’s blades from his belt and whispered a name into the echoing thunder.

The noises grew louder on either side of the small passage, and he wished Ty would get it over with so they could leave this claustrophobic place.. he had no desire to fight off demons in a place so small. These corridors are made for scared, gullible tourists or secretive make-out sessions. He entertained the second thought for another moment of sweet, dazed sunlight until he realized the bright light in his eyes came from between the blades that marked the ground. With the sharp bell-like sound that indicated his work’s success, Ty turned to Kit. Sweat plastered the long bangs of his hair to his forehead, and Kit felt the tense throbbing of his heart, begging him for some kind of release.

Ty seemed to feel his tension and scanned him for any cause of his distress. When he found none, he searched his face for answers. Something must have given him away because Ty closed the small distance between them as if sensing Kit’s need for his closeness.

Kit stared at his boots, not daring to look up, but he didn’t step back. He knew he was endangering everything, everyone, by simply standing so close to Ty.. but he was so tired. Tired of keeping his distance, of trying to lock his feelings in a place they couldn’t hurt anybody but himself. Who was he kidding? He didn’t even manage to do that.. he wasn’t Will Herondale, and he didn’t want to be. He was Kit. He was the person Ty looked at with a violent blush in his cheeks and asked him to believe that he was the opposite of nothing to him. Kit knew what the opposite of nothing was, and even though it felt impossible to even imagine that he could be something to Ty, he couldn’t not feel the truth in it.

His heart was hammering thunderous beats as he reached a shaking hand and gripped the hem of Ty’s shirt, and pulled him closer.

They stood there, Kit still staring at their feet, barely an inch from touching. The softness of Ty’s breath on his forehead, the heat of his body, the smell of his sweat and skin and phantom touch pulsed through Kit like fire, threatening to bring him to his knees.

It took everything he had to walk away. Everything he was, every silent promise he ever made to his dead father, to his baby sister, to the damned endless night he had cursed for half his life, all sang through his unwilling ears. His legs were two leaded bricks, but he managed to take another step backward and breath the shattered remains of his desire.

He lifted his eyes cautiously, just to find them mirrored in Ty’s. He took him in, the white light that fell on his profile lit his sharp bones to an almost blinding outline of his features. Kit was mesmerized for a split second before he got swallowed by the darkness in Ty’s eyes. It held the same expression he knew his eyes must have had, all fire and loss and unbidden desperation. His lips parted by the force of Ty’s gaze, unwilling to release him.

But as the nights grew longer, he found it harder and harder to fall into that blissful sleep that had enveloped him at the beginning. His eyes burned in protest but there was nothing he could do that would ease the gnawing feeling in his chest, it grew bigger and heavier to the point when Kit felt like it entangled every inner organ in his body with it.

He hoped Ty didn’t notice how desperately he clung to him when it was just them, burning kisses on his chest like he was trying to memorize his entire body before the night came to a close… and how he held back when everybody else was around as if the mere presence of them gave him permission to shut down.

Ty’s mouth opened just a fraction, shaping itself into a small O. The sight of him, ivory skin laced with feathered pink marks that Kit bit and sucked and kissed unto him, nearly made him lose his ability to breathe altogether.

He carefully slid off the bed and went towards the door, stopping only when he noticed Irene’s glittering, knowing eyes. He knelt in front of her and took her face in his hands. She leaned into his palm, demanding her fair share of cuddles, and he obliged without hesitation. They sat there, cheeks pressed up against each other until she nudged the side of his face with his nose.

She looked at him as if she knew every thought that passed his mind. A horrific prospect, coming from every other creature - human or not - but Irene made it feel almost comforting. He nodded in acknowledgment, agreeing to whatever it was that she had seen in him, and left for the roof.

*

The morning air was as cold as Kit had feared, and every breath sent shards of ice straight into his indignant lungs. Kit welcomed it nonetheless, he needed that cool slap to focus his thoughts into coherence.

Without intending to, he found himself leaning over the railing, hands hugging his body, restraining the cold from claiming him.

He didn’t hear her glide towards him, but then again, there wasn’t much to hear.

“You’re here, again?” Said Livvy.

Kit jumped and almost lost his balance, a bad idea, considering his current location.

“What are you doing here, Livvy? And what do you mean again? Are you spying on me?” He hissed through his sudden panic.

Livvy rolled her eyes at him. “There isn’t much else to do here, you know.. and it’s not like I can go wander the gloomy streets…”

She had a point, Kit had to admit.

“I thought you and Jessamine are having fun. It must be nice, having someone you can talk to other than Ty…”

“Yes,” she answered, her eyes slanting into scolding line. “Speaking of which, why are you spending your nights here rather than with him? And don’t try to change the subject again!” She added before Kit could dodge her question.

“I did spend the night with him. It’s morning, see?” He gestured towards the white London sun.

“technicalities.”

“You were a lot nicer to me when you were alive, you know that?” He muttered back to her and regretted it immediately.

“Kit… come on.” She didn’t sound angry, her voice was soft, soft like the Livvy he once knew. And strong, unyielding in a way that made him look up into her blue-green eyes and feel his heart turn in his chest with a long-forgotten misery.

Kit sighed and grasped for words, suddenly needing to unload his burden, to trust it to her thin, ghostly hands.

“I… I’m scared.”

Livvy stared at him in confusion. “From that faerie thing? Kit, it’s not even-“

“No,” he cut her mid-sentence. “I hardly even think of it anymore, I wouldn’t at all of Ty wasn’t bent on investigating it.”

“So what is it?”

Her eyes momentarily sparkled, like the sun was actually reflected on its surface… but then Kit saw that it was just a reflection from one of the windows of a building near the institute. The realization made him feel ashamed, for some reason, that he was alive, and Livvy… wasn’t.

“I’m… here. I can be here, for as long as I need to. But Ty… he doesn’t belong here. He has to go back to the Scholomance eventually.”

The words tasted bitter in his mouth, like sugarless coffee or one of Bridget’s spinach tarts.

Livvy looked at him, obviously confused.

“Yeah, he probably will… but why would that scare you?” Her eyes cleared. “Wait, do you wanna go to the Scholomance too? Is that what this is about? You want to go and scared that you won’t get in? Cause let me tell you, I’ve seen some of the people that go there and I can assure you, you’ll have no problems getting in if you’d want to.”

Kit gaped at her with such horror, it took him a few seconds to respond.

“Hell. No. Are you kidding me? I don’t wanna go there, I’ve seen one too many Lindquist’s to even consider it, I just don’t want-“

Kit choked on his words but forced himself to finish the sentence. He owed Livvy his honesty.

“I’m scared Ty will leave to the Scholomance and that it would be the end of… us.”

Livvy flinched like he slapped her.

“Why would you think that? Have you seen how Ty is when he’s around you? Kit, he loves you.”

“Yeah, I know he loves me, now.” He said the last word with dark emphasis. “But after a few weeks there, with all the missions and investigations and all the older, hotter centurions lurking in every corner, maybe he’ll…”

“What?” Livvy raised her chin in defiance. “He’ll… Hook up with all of those older guys and forget you ever existed?”

Kit shrugged off a chill in response.

“You are such an oblivious idiot, Kit Herondale. How do you even manage to tie your shoelaces in the morning without the all-encompassing fear that you will step on one of them and fall into the abyss?”

“You were definitely nicer to me when you were alive”, he remarked sheepishly.

“Kit!” Livvy sighed and raised her hands, obviously frustrated by his apparent thick-headedness.

“I’ll let you in on a secret, alright? Ty already hooked up with those older, hotter centurions.”

Kit couldn’t help but flinch from the bluntness of her words. It wasn’t something he didn’t know before, but he still didn’t want to actively think about it.

“And let me tell you, Christopher Herondale, some of them were very, very hot!”

“Okay, why are you doing this to me? Is it because of what I said about Jesse? Did Irene put you up to this?”

“No! Shut up and listen to me!” Livvy pointed a warning finger at him. It was startling how much this eternally-teenaged ghost looked like Tessa. She never shouted at him, but when she called him by his full name, Kit could feel the weight of her true age in every syllable.

“I understand you’re scared because you just got Ty back after all these years… and it feels too good to stay real for long. I really understand that, believe me. I’ve been a ghost for three years now, and I’ve had my fair share of delusions.”

When she spoke, her eyes felt ancient. Not the fresh blue-green on the surface of the ocean, but the shattered green in the depths of the sea, like a penny that was rescued from the bottom of a treasure chest.

“But you don’t see him the way I do, you can’t see how he’s changed. He’s… alive, when he’s with you.”

Kit remembered his own thoughts from earlier that morning, and his heart sang a desperate melody to her words.

“Kit, you’re the one he wants. You’re the one he loves. You know that’s not something that comes easily to Ty. You know, in your heart, that you have nothing to fear from. You’re just not used to being found… but you have.”

Kit stared at her, unable to speak between the wild thumping in his chest. He just nodded, hoping that Livvy will read the gratitude in his eyes.

“Besides,” she continued, and her voice was as mischievous as the moon. “You are a lot hotter than any of those centurions.”

Kit stifled a laugh.

“Enough to be in the ‘Hot Shadowhunters’ calendar?”

“Enough to star in the cover, Herondale.”

*

Kit practically ran down the stairs to his room, and only stooped to catch his breath before he opened the door.

The room was now startlingly bright, and Kit felt a bit disoriented, having come from an open space. When his eyes narrowed down to figure perched on the bed, the illusion of light was explained. Ty had shoved the blanket off his body while Kit was gone, and the pale white of his skin shone against the sun like it sucked in all of its light.

The now familiar wanting worked through his body like adrenaline, but more strongly was the feeling of belonging.

He stripped to his boxers and crawled under the covers, pressing his body to Ty’s with gentle fingers. Ty shivered and moaned in complaint.

“Kit, you’re cold. Why are you so cold?”

“Because you’re not close enough to warm me, Tiberius.”

Something in Kit’s voice must have given him away because Ty opened his eyes only a second later.

He scrutinized Kit with a sharp glance, not missing a thing even through the sleepy haze of morning.

“What happened, Kit?”

Kit cupped his face in his hands and leaned in, breathing the sweet scent of his skin.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he answered with a voice as low as the clenching in his stomach.

“I need you to kiss me, Tiberius. Kiss me until my eyes couldn’t stand the light.”

Ty inched closer and his hands wrapped around the muscles in Kit’s thighs, pulling their hips together.

He brushed his lips softly on Kit’s, making the fine hair on Kit’s back stand in unrestrained anticipation.

“Just Kiss you?” he murmured.

“For a start”.

-

This was a shorter, bonus chapter. There might be more of these to come before the final chapter... stay tuned!

He could barely straighten up in his bed before Livvy’s worried face filled up his field of vision.

“Ty! Oh, thank the angel you’re awake!”

“I’m fine, Livvy” Ty croaked. The dryness in his throat felt like swallowing sandpaper.

“I know you’re fine, Ty. I tried waking you up for hours, but Irene wouldn’t play along.”

Livvy gave the dormant lynx an annoyed glare and turned her attention back on her twin.

“It’s-“

“Kit. Where’s Kit?” Ty sat up so fast his head spun, but he refused to be distracted.

“He’s..” Livvy’s hesitation felt like a sucker punch straight to his gut. She must have seen as much in his face because she hurried to explain.

“He’s still in the cave. They say he’s-“

“What do you mean he’s still in the cave? What about the demons? What about the children?”

“Hold on, Ty..”

“No!” Ty shouted at her. He never shouted at Livvy before, but the gnawing fear in his chest prevented him from feeling any kind regret, it prevented him from feeling anything at all.

“Tell me everything you know, Livia. Now.”

The ice of his own voice sent shivers down his spine, but Livvy’s gaze held his. She nodded once and explained.

“You were at the caves last night. You got knocked out by one of the demons, and the Iratze Kit put on you healed most of the damage… but you were still out after that. Adam said you were surrounded by at least a dozen demons when they found you, and Kit was apparently planning to fight them with nothing but a dagger. Herondales, you know… but after they came and got rid of what was left of the demons, more kept coming. Kit figured out it was because of the summoning fire. It was some kind of demonic enchantment that was supposed to summon not only their grater demon but more of their kind. Carl went to put out the fire when a demon snuck upon him. Kit saved him and killed the demon, but when he shoved Carl away, he also put out what was left of the fire. Breaking such powerful demonic magic made the cave.. collapse in on itself.”

Livvy paused as if bracing herself for what she was about to say.

“Kit, Kit got trapped inside. He got hurt and couldn’t,” her voice fell to a mere whisper. “He couldn’t get past the rocks. He told them to leave him, and to save themselves.”

Ty heard her, he saw her lips framing the words, but it was as if he was hearing her from the middle of the ocean. The syllables felt wrong, distorted into a meaningless language he couldn’t comprehend.

“That can’t be true” the words ripped out of his lips, ragged and desperate and raw. “Kit wouldn’t have left me. He said he would never-“

“Ty… they said he’s dead.”

dead.

Ty mouthed the word, trying to see if it meant something else when he said it. It didn’t. It meant nothing, it couldn’t.

He stared at the still fingers in his lap, there were still half-moons of dirt hidden under his nails and dried drops of blood in the soft tips. Was it his blood, or Kits?

His name sent a violent reverberation Ty felt down to his core.

Those fingers, just a few hours ago they touched his face, they snaked their way into the base of his throat and pulsed away the undeniable truth of a feeling. Their feelings. Ty closed his eyes and saw the incandescent fire in Kit’s face, the face that couldn’t lie or hide a thing because his heart was always far too big to stay hidden behind layers of flesh and bones.

His hand found the heron pendant and pressed it to his skin so hard he thought it might get swallowed inside his body. He wished it would.

Under his fingers, smeared with blood that could be his and could be Kit’s, the pendant throbbed.

“No.”

Ty found Livvy’s eyes and willed her to understand.

“They’re wrong, Livvy, I know it. I feel it. He’s still there, he’s waiting for me. I can feel it like I could feel you.”

The expression on her face made her look, for the first time, like the ghost that she was.

“But Ty, I was dead.”

He made a dismissing gesture and got to his feet.

“I know that, but he’s not. He’s not.”

They stood there, or at least he did - Livvy was floating so she could look straight into her brother’s eyes, and Ty didn’t know for how long.

Eventually, Livvy’s body seemed to solidify by just a fraction.

“Yes. I think you’re right.”

Ty let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. It was essential that Livvy would believe him, that she would help him.

It was essential to his plan.

*

It wasn’t long after that Ty finished lacing his boots. He had his own stash of weapons in his room, which was fortunate because he had no desire to meet any of the institute’s current residents.

Unfortunately, one of those residents had other plans in mind. A soft knock on his door caught him mid-motion, and he dropped the seraph blade on the mattress.

Ty opened the door and found Carl, shoulders slumped and expression nervous.

“What?” Ty asked, trying to restrain himself from lashing out on the other centurion.

“Uh.. who were you talking to? I heard voices from your room.” Carl scanned the seemingly empty room behind Ty.

“With my brother Julian on the phone.”

“Oh. It sounded like you were talking to a girl.”

“His girlfriend Emma was on the line too. What do you want, Carl?”

Ty had no patience for his suspicions and he honestly couldn’t care less if he believed him or not. Let him think he was talking to himself, let him think he was crazy.

“I.. actually wanted to talk to you.”

Great.

“Now is not a good time. Goodbye.”

Ty began to close the door but Carl put his hand in the way and held it open.

“It’s important… please? It would only take a few minutes.”

Ty didn’t have a few minutes, Kit didn’t have a few minutes. But maybe it would be easier to just let Carl say his piece other than to start argue him away.

“Fine.”

Ty took a step back into the room and crossed his arms over his chest in mock expectancy.

Carl looked at his feet in silence. Ty was halfway to telling him that if he wouldn’t speak now it’s probably not as important and can wait for later, or possibly never when Carl opened his mouth to speak.

“I’m-“ he looked up at Ty and frowned. “Are you going somewhere?”

“Its none of your business, Carl. What do you want?”

“You got hurt, Ty. You shouldn’t be going anywhere. You should be resting.”

“If you thought I should be resting you wouldn’t have come here to bother me.”

Carl recoiled, he looked honestly offended, but Ty was having a hard time as it was not throwing him out of the room. Him, whose inadequacy was what eventually caused Kit-. Ty took a deep breath and tried to calm his nerves. His fingers clung desperately to one of Julian’s toys while Carl found his voice once again.

“I’m sorry to disturb you. I thought you wouldn’t want to be alone after last night.”

Ty went perfectly still, which for some reason egged Carl to continue.

“After what happened to Kit... I figured you might want to talk to someone.”

Carl’s words seeped like poison through Ty’s veins, and he could feel his control crumbling into ashes right in front of him.

“Why did you think I would want to talk to you?”

“I know you two knew each other a long time ago, and that it might be hard for you now that he’s-“

“You don’t know anything.”

Ty’s voice was jagged knives, he could see the lines they carved on Carl’s face.

“Ty.. please. I know I’ve been rude to you,” he stepped towards Ty and took one hand in his. “I know I’ve said things that hurt you but it was only because-“

Ty glared at the sweaty hand clasping his and stifled a shutter.

“Let go of my hand, Carl.”

Maybe it was something in Ty’s expression that made Carl finally understand the danger he was in because he immediately let go and put a healthy distance between them. Then again, maybe it was the knife in Ty’s other hand.

“Why didn’t you go and look for him?”

Comprehension seemed to allude, Carl, because he kept staring at Ty with his dumbstruck bafflement.

“He saved your life, and you didn’t have the decency to at least try to go back for him?”

“Ty, I’m sorry but-“ Carl started pleading, but Ty was out of time and out of patience.

“No, you’re not!” He shouted back. “You hated him, you were terribly mean to him from the very first second. How do you expect me to believe you’re sorry?”

“I didn’t hate him, I was jealous!” Carl cried, and his usual arrogance and scorn drained out of his face, it made him look years younger than he really was.

“He barged into our investigation, killed every single one of those demons in his temper tantrum and ran away for the entire night which made everybody go berserk. Then you searched every stingy corner of this city for him, while he was hiding on the goddamned roof, and you-“ his face and neck throbbed bright red from anger and embarrassment. “You kept looking at him like he’s a falling star, like he’s Raziel incarnated. You were looking at him but he was trying so hard not to look at you, can’t you see it? Every time you entered a room he looked away like he couldn’t stand the sight of you. Why do you keep crying over him? How can’t you see that I’m- That I’m-“

The words visibly stuck in his mouth, and Ty was grateful for the pause. The jumble of words blurred his vision and the only thing that kept him on his feet was Livvy’s livid expression in his peripheral vision. He focused his gaze on her and tried to make sense out of Carl’s words.

Kit did try not to look at him, and it hurt Ty every second of every day. But he knew what Carl didn’t, he knew by the way Kit clung to him in that cave, how even though wouldn’t meet his eyes, he still couldn’t let go of him. He knew it by the way his heart raced when they touched, the frantic rhythm that scorched every exposed inch of Ty’s skin. He knew it by every maddening word of every poem Kit ever sent him. He knew, because Kit told him as much, he told him he would never let him go. And if he said it, Ty knew Kit wouldn’t have left him if he didn’t have a plan.

And so did Ty.

“I have to go”

Ty pushed through Carl and went for the door, sparing only one glance in Livvy's direction to make sure she remembered to follow.

“Ty, you can’t go down there. He’s gone, he’s… he’s dead.”

Ty held onto the doorframe and let the chipped wood sink deep into the palms of his hands. He felt the sharp needles tear his open skin, but he didn’t mind the pain... he welcomed it. The sensation reminded him that he was alive, and if he was alive, so was Kit.

“No.” he voiced the words as clearly as he could, drawing comfort from their meaning.

“No, he’s not.”

*

Ty’s plan was fairly simple.

The other Shadowhunters thought they couldn’t get into the cave because it seemed to shut close after Ty and the others escaped. From what Livvy said, they were more concerned with the children. Most of them were so young the mere prospect of monsters was something they still acknowledged as a possibility. That made them both excited and terrified to find they were right, which probably meant many visits from the resident warlock to hide their tracks.

Aside from that, it seemed clear to Ty that the Carstairs weren’t informed of what possibly happened to Kit, which was probably for the best. He didn’t want to explain who or what told him how to find a safe entrance to the cave.

Livvy's presence made it easy to navigate the ruined maze. She only had to go through the narrow halls and report to him which one was safe to go through. He wished he would have thought to bring her along the first time, maybe that would have resulted in all of their safety… but there was no point in beating himself over it now. He learned long ago what was important and what wasn’t. Right now, finding Kit was the only thing that mattered.

What originally was a few hours of aimless wandering through dark halls narrowed to forty-five minutes of careful rock climbing.

Ty knew they found the right place when smelled the faint scent of fire and ichor. It wasn’t long until he heard Livvy’s panicked voice echoing from the next room.

As soon as he entered the circular hall, his heart stopped in horror.

A strangled cry escaped his lips at the sight in front of him. The place that just a few hours ago held countless demons and an enormous pillar of blazing fire was now a massive waste of shattered rocks. Each one of them was the size of a car, some of them even larger.

How could Kit had survived this? Was Carl right? Was Ty too late?

“Ty! Come quick, I found a witchlight!” He could see Livvy floating near the center of the room. “Climb on the right ridge, all the other ones don’t have anything under them for support so you’ll fall in an instant.”

She pointed at the pillar of rocks to his right. He made quick work of it, not stopping for air or finding safe handholds. He spread his hands to his sides and flew up and down the rocks like his life depended on it, which was by all means true. His life, or Kits… there was hardly a difference anymore.

As he landed beside Livvy, he immediately caught sight of the abandoned witchlight. It was in another cave, maybe even in another lifetime, but Ty would have recognized the white rune-stone he gave to Kit anywhere.

“He’s here, Livvy, this is his witchlight.” He looked up at her with pleading eyes. “Find him for me.”

And she did.

As Ty walked across the tall bolder, he wondered for a fleeting second if he was ready for what he was about to find.

Livvy’s voice as she called him betrayed nothing. There was no pain in it, but there was no encouragement either.

He could take another step and find that he had lost him, though maybe he already had, many years ago. He searched his own hammering heart for any traces of fear or panic. There wasn’t any. He was as sure of Kit’s survival like he was sure of his own.

But the sight that waited for him was as confusing as it was relieving.

Kit was sprawled on the stone floor without a single scratch on his body. His skin was clean, almost gleaming gold. He was radiating life though he was clearly unconscious.

His clothes, on the other hand, were almost nonexisting. Torn scraps of black gear barely covered his naked torso and his pants were completely ripped out of their seams.

Ty looked at Kit and heard the symphony of his chest, rising and falling to an unknown conductor's baton. He felt his heart crack down the middle with relief, his limbs shook and he fell to his knees, unable to hold himself upright any longer.

It was only after a few seconds of violent alleviation that he noticed the silence. He could see Livvy from the corner of his eye, so he raised his gaze to her in a silent question.

She wasn’t looking at him, but also not at Kit. She was looking around him. As he tried to trace the course of her inspection, he finally saw what his eyes refused to take in at first sight.

Kit was still lying on the ground, unharmed and untouched, but under and around him was a sea of ash. Rocks pulverized into thin grains of sand surrounded Kit in a neatly scrolled circle. All around them was the ravaged remains of a chaotic night, but Kit was protected, somehow, under his own dome of simmering power.

Ty could feel the answers to so many ravenous questions tickling his raw nerves.

This, whatever this was, had been what Kit worked so hard to hide from him, from everyone, for so long.

His curiosity perked up its head after days of forced ignorance, but Ty wasn’t the same person he was a month ago. He wasn’t the same person he was yesterday.

He couldn’t ignore what his eyes were seeing, but for the third time this day, his heart reminded him of what was truly important, and it wasn’t the venomous temptation of secrets or lies.

It was Kit. It was only, always, Kit.