#koreanql

Me:

Proof I'm doing it wrong:

Individual Circumstances

Between Yeon Woo going back for the sweater but then lying about losing it and the moment when Woo Jae asks what he means about leaving without a trace... I'm really wondering how much they've missed between each other's lines and how many times over this could have been solved if one of them just stayed or asked another question or told a small truth instead of a lie.

Woo Jae is waiting for questions he can answer but Yeon Woo is waiting for forgiveness before he says anything and they're both trapped in this loop of waiting and leaving or leaving and waiting. Neither one of them knows how to step up or step forward in the way the other needs.

And that's why they fell apart in the first place. Yeon Woo left behind the sweater, Woo Jae saw and took it back and then Yeon Woo came back for the sweater but felt the need to cover up that he'd left it behind which just convinced Woo Jae that he didn't care and didn't even know he'd left it behind when what he was trying to do was spare his feelings.

And it's this confession. It's this moment when Yeon Woo says his feelings and the fear that comes with voicing them and Woo Jae still walks away because he doesn't hear the words the way he means them because he can't hear them that way, he simply cannot see past his own assumptions.

The way Woo Jae is still hung up that sweater and then seeing his own sweater destroyed with the wine and then just... losing it. Because he never planned on seeing Yeon Woo again, he never thought he'd face these emotions again... or was that what happened?

What does this mean? I am dying, I need to know what happened from Woo Jae's perspective to explain that he didn't just up and leave without any warning or sign.

But, again, that feeds into their relationship. They grew to a certain level of closeness that let them make assumptions about things, lead them to make up white lies as a comfort to each other (or at least Yeon Woo did and that drove Woo Jae away because he doesn't think like that, he doesn't think of white lies to protect people and he thought Yeon Woo deliberately forget and didn't want his sweater, was deliberately rejecting him, rather than protecting his feelings) and that just hurt them both.

Yeon Woo is trying to protect Woo Jae's feelings but because Woo Jae already knows that he left the sweater behind it just feels like a much bigger lie and a much more painful truth about their relationship then it was because all it was was a white lie in the hopes that he'd find the sweater and be able to wear it and show him.

It's this wall between them, built the same way Woo Jae built his characters. Two people confused about their emotions and unable to speak to each other because neither of them is asking the right questions or trying to give the answers. They're just... talking past each other, speaking words they would want to hear. Neither one of them is looking to the other person's perspective.

The door code is his birthday, the password to his laptop is the day they met, everything in Woo Jae's life is still about Yeon Woo because he's never even considered anyone or anything else. His story is about the love that he tried to leave behind but never did, never could, no matter how far he ran.

And this chance for Yeon Woo to see that, to see how much he space he takes up in Woo Jae's life even if he never planned to see him again... that's gotta be something huge but hard to define, to see how big you are in someone's life that you thought cut you out entirely.

And here's where you see the dynamic they shared, the way it was always about Woo Jae pulling back and then Yeon Woo pulling the truth out of him. Woo Jae is silent until Yeon Woo makes it clear he must answer and that's why he's been waiting for the questions, waiting to be asked anything because he can barely answer questions let alone give answers without that.

This is the single most brutal, heartbreaking, tender, showing, painful and honest parallel I've seen in ages.

To watch young WooJae hand YeonWoo the gift of a matching sweater only for YeonWoo to fret about matching and about misunderstanding and then to return to the moment YeonWoo was giving him a matching outfit to celebrate only for him to get turn down cold by WooJae who can't handle hope right then, can't handle the memory... it aches.

And it especially aches because the question of if this is YeonWoo thinking about something and trying to make up for it or if it's just him being the eager himbo friend is up in the air. Is this YeonWoo trying to apologize through actions for his mistakes of the past or is this just something he thought would be fun when he went to get new clothing?

The perfect reflection that shows why WooJae ran and left behind so many things and who he's become but also who YeonWoo is, the way he's sweet and goofy and easily distracted and I see who WooJae fell in love but also why he ran from that love so desperately when he saw a future of pining and oblivion ahead of him, of gifts that are his heart left behind with a smile and no ill intentions, just... YeonWoo. Being himself.

But also how WooJae can't say no to him, not fully, can't let himself rid his life of the sunshine that found its way back for one last taste.

The Show

Me, still, nonetheless, despite it all (okay, they are cute but just... DENIS)