#kohsoo

(Please read the linked post for a little background! It's short. <3)

As I said a few days ago, gohmas like to make webs on banana trees since the fruity smell attracts their prey! Yes that's right.

The Yiga Clan does not like gohmas in their natural habitat.* Because the Yiga Clan farms banana in Faron. And a gohma colony setting up shop in a banana grove makes it very difficult to harvest one's crop. Because of the webs. And large, bitey and pinchy arachnids. And even the little baby bitey and pinchy arachnids. Gohma venom in the quantity a single bite delivers won't kill an adult person, but bites are itchy and annoying in the case of the bitty ones and painful as fuck in the case of the big ones. They require medical treatment ASAP because in the worst case, they can cause temporary but in some instances lingering paralysis in the area around the bite.

But! Over the course of centuries of this farming, gohmas have generally become more rare, and the Clan also developed a method for keeping them away. The first part is rubbing a paste made from the seed pods of a particular spicy plant that also grows naturally in Faron, and other ingredients, onto the trunks of the banana plants in a grove each time new ones are planted. Gohmas do not like the smell and taste of this plant, so the paste keeps them from wanting to move their colony into the immediate area. This method requires cultivating a good number of the spice plants to keep the supply of paste going. A second part of the method requires another preparation of sweet ingredients that will coax any gohmas wandering in the area to go elsewhere. And a third part is to plant and promote the growth of carnivorous plants around the groves so that even if small, outranging gohmas from a colony get close, they'll be more likely to adopt their sneaky prey-theft strategy instead and leave the spiced-up trees alone.

WHICH BRINGS ME to the start of the ACTUAL STORY I want to tell!

Sooga became the Right Hand of the Clan when he was 27 years old, about 2-3 years pre-Calamity. He was certainly up for the job's martial aspects, and had the meticulous mind and diligent focus for the administrative and organizational aspects, too. But of course he was even more deferential to the great Master Kohga at the start. Even more stoic and speak-only-when-asked in his service than he came to be by the time of the Calamity, which hindered his ability to be a candid advisor like his predecessor Chisao was. He was already, of course, infatuated with his Master, too, and that contributed to his reticence (not wanting to be forward. presumptuous. embarrassing). Showing any kind of emotion or humor would be unprofessional, surely.

For his part Kohga liked Sooga well enough but wished he'd loosen up ever. He'd expected no-nonsense formality from Chisao on-duty, but even the old guy knew how to have a drink of sake or tell a story at a party. Sooga was a big quiet mystery. Really good at his job, no doubt, his presence comfortingly protective and his willingness to take on any task unbeatable. But did he even know what fun was? Had he ever cracked a joke in his life, or even laughed at one?

Several months after Sooga became Right Hand, an issue was brought to the Master from the Faron Team. Was it really necessary to keep up the gohma-repelling method? After all this time? There were only two colonies known to the Clan anywhere near their farming. The closest one to the banana groves on Ubota Point was small, and down on the lower steps. The one across the waterfall from the Bronas Forest groves was bigger, but unlikely to cross the water. There hadn't even been any gohma-related problems in years and years. So what was the big deal? Having to grow the spice and carnivorous plants, and having to make the two concoctions used in the method was expensive in terms of time and effort, and if the areas where those plants were grown were cleared, more bananas could be added! It just made sense. Master Kohga considered this, and started to agree, but...

Sooga is from Faron. He lived on the beachy side, but nonetheless was aware of wild gohmas, and stories about them, from his childhood. So he immediately saw a logical flaw in his complaining cohorts' argument. So, in a move that was rare for him at the time, he spoke up in the meeting and explained.

Sooga hypothesized, ever so carefully so as not to sound as though he was questioning the Master's judgment, that the reason why the Clan had no problems with gohmas in their groves might be because of the repellent method. He suggested that stopping it might, if not right away then over time, cause the gohmas to return to the attractive and useful banana plants. He said that gohmas are intelligent enough to know a good hunting ground, and that if the Clan stopped actively repelling them, the hard work would have simply set up such a place for the arachnids, instead of a food source for themselves.

Kohga also considered this, honestly pleasantly surprised his Right Hand had offered some advice instead of just doing whatever he was told for once. But his decision was that the Faron Team could try holding off on the repellent method for a while and see what happened. They weren't to replace any of the carnivorous or spicy plants with bananas yet, and were to immediately start using the pastes again if they saw any gohmas getting cozy and close to the groves. If it worked out, the issue would be revisited.

Reader. If you've read this far. Can you guess. What happened?

Did you guess that it was "gohmas in the banana groves, webs all over the next crop, and Yiga getting bitten and pinched when they tried to remove them"?

The same people who had proposed not using the repellent anymore, to their credit, were also the ones who reported the disastrous results of their stubbornness. Hangdog and itchy from baby gohma bites, they confessed what had happened about two months later.

And from his place standing beside and slightly behind Master Kohga. Before he could stop himself. Lord Sooga said. Deadpan. "Oh no. Who could have predicted this?"

In the second after saying it, Sooga's stomach dropped with anxiety that he'd just been so rude. But in the next second, after having a chance to blink behind his mask and process what his Right Hand had said, Kohga just burst out laughing. Like, his full-on straight-from-the-belly laughter. He turned to Sooga and slapped him on the shoulder a few times, and then said to the Faron Team guys, "Yep! Should've listened to this guy!" And the conversation turned to gohma-removal solutions, and things moved on while Sooga felt incredible relief and Kohga internally shook his head in wonder at the thought that Sooga had a sense of humor after all.

Some time later, Master Kohga attended one of Sooga's Blademaster training sessions. Sooga gave a man an instruction, telling him not to wave his Windcleaver so hard before he'd gotten more control over it, because there could be blowback from the gusty weapon that would put him off his footing and give an opening to his opponent. Guy didn't listen. Stumbled. Got knocked down by a countering wind blast from the gal he was sparring with.

And from his place sitting casually on a pile of cushions at the edge of the training ring. Master Kohga called out. "Oh no! Who could've predicted this?"

Sooga froze. Kohga teleport-poofed to his side and smacked him on the back, an obvious sunny grin in the voice behind his Eye as he said, "Like I said, they all oughtta listen to you."

This was like lifting a weight from Sooga's shoulders that he knew was there but never thought it possible he could shirk. After that (well maybe not an overnight complete change, but he started to work on it), Sooga was more open with his Master about offering advice. And sometimes, tentatively at first, he would...joke in that quiet way he does. Sardonic and sometimes morbid little statements. Sooga would even chuckle quietly, raising a hand to cover where his mouth would be, when Kohga joked! Kohga always got a kick out of it, and he too started to feel like he had a better rapport with his new Right Hand. It was a turning point in their professional relationship and the start of something more friendly between them, too. <3

And! "Oh no, who could have predicted this" and variants thereof became their longest-running inside joke. To this day, in all sorts of situations from seeing others at Castle leadership meetings report problems that could've easily been avoided, to teasing each other in the bedroom,** it's a go-to phrase for them that never fails to get at least a smile, more likely a laugh.

But lemme tell you one more specific instance of it, that really encapsulates the whole thing. While Sooga was recovering from his injuries post-Calamity, during one of Kohga's first visits to his bedside in the Complex's infirmary, he asked, "What of the seer?" Kohga told him what happened to Astor in seething detail. That just after ordering the Harbinger to kill Zelda and the others, Astor had been betrayed and consumed by it, "no more than another meal to that thing." Sooga felt a wave of all sorts of feelings about that. Including an irresistible compulsion.

And so, lying unmasked in bed, appearing to be simply staring impassively at the lanterns above. Sooga said, weakly but with that tone Kohga had come to know well. "Ah. ...who could have predicted this?"

And Master Kohga blinked in surprise just like he did the first time, and then let out a relieved laugh, tears springing to his eyes because he knew Sooga was going to be all right. That Sooga wasn't angry with him for running away. That he still wanted that bit of closeness they'd forged between themselves, despite everything. And he thought that maybe, just maybe, this friendly Thing they had really could grow into something even more, like he hadn't dared let himself hope for, until that moment. That maybe...he really did want to ask Sooga a certain question. Could ask him. ...would ask him.

Now here's the point where I the writer turn to you the audience and say, "Oh my! Who could've predicted this?" Hehe! Thanks for reading~

*The Clan does, however, like the gohmas their distant ancestors caught, selectively bred to withstand the climate of the Karusa Valley Complex, and domesticated for silk and venom production. Hehe. Gohma silk when turned into thread and woven is even tougher than more traditional silkworm silk (which the Yiga also cultivate), and retains its stretchy nature. The Clan uses gohma venom for poisons and medicine.