#knocked back

told my gf last night about my feelings and that i want to be female and lets just say it didn’t go down too well :/ i’m giving her time to get her head around it all  because I know it must be alot to take in but just what she was saying hurt, and even today she had calmed down abit and said she supports me but in truth i know at the moment she doesn’t and she has no idea how much she hurt me with her words :/ why dont some people understand that staying the way i use to be, trying to deny who i am, giving myself no thought, and just hating myself isn’t good for me and i dont want to hate myself anymore, i dont want to run myself into the ground because i hate what i see in the mirror, that i hate being me. This is something i’m 100% on, its something that would make me happy, something that will fix how i feel about myself and i use the word fix because i feel broken mentally, stuck between being happy that my closest friends have accepted me as who i want to be, miserable because of what my gf was saying and how it made me feel, angry at myself for just being me and not ever doing something about it, excited that im finally doing something about it and although im also nervous about telling my parents, work and everyone it’s a good nervous because i will be happy about being me and will finally start to feel more at peace with myself, at the moment im a mixed bag of feelings both good and bad but despite all this im overall happy because i know who i am and what i want, but sad that this could spell the end of my relationship. the people who support me though are amazing and i love them all, they really are the best of humanity and its amazing how happy having people say that they accept me wanting to be me has made me and its amazing how much support that they are doing :3 i’m not gay, straight, bi, trans, or anything, i am me i am isabelle and that isabelle is who i want to be 100% of the time, both physically and mentally, i dont want to have to hide how i want to look or be i just want to be the me i am at heart.

even though no one is paying attention, and this is mainly to help get my thoughts and how i feel even so

love you all