#kkha

relationship status: in a relationship ♥ favorite color: black pets: not yet wake up: who knows cats or dogs: i really want a dog coke or pepsi: coke? day or night: night text or call: text chapstick or lipstick: lipstick city or country: country last song I listened to: something by Florence and the Machine in the car...

So, prehaps you have noticed I lost my positive and happy look on the world at some point and turned into a miserable angry person. Well, I fiured it was cos I suddenly lost my plan for the future. I had a huge breakdown yesterday, had a talk with my dear friends who encouraged me and helped me realise my whole point “back in the day” was that life needs no other purpouse than to be happy, that there is no rush in figuring things out. All that is important is that there is a roof over your head and food on your table. I had been saying this still, but forgot to believe it. I hae people that love me and a comfortable life, so there really is no hurry for me in breaking out of it. 

I had an epiphany yesterday when she told me this, lie a warm jolt went through me and I kind of felt a switch in me. I did feel loads better after.

Yesterday was a day of fuck-ups in general. First the breakdown, then my glasses broke, one handle just came off, I broke the stupid bed by just sitting on it and my flowers were all sad and i think they are done... Then we went to my parents to do laundry and sew, but I had such a major headache, i think caused by the combination of crying and no glasses. 

But I sewed happiness. We bought new bedshees on friday, but it only included a duvet cover and pillowcases, no sheet, so I had a stroke of genius to use that fabric I had. Ugh, so pretty, and I made matching pillowcases so we can have four pillows once we have nough money to buy pillows :D, i put tiny decorative ones in the huge cases rn. But it looks so nice! 

Speaking of friday, i think my anexiety and thinking everything revolves around me and everyone secretly hates me plays a big role in my reasoning here, but a friend asked me to hang out thurstay night for friday at 5-6, to which i sid it was too late, cos i had made plans already, but earlyer would do. She promised to think about it and get back to me. So I asked him in the morning about it and she just plain ignored me. And I had the strong feeling she was testing me if I can hang out without my bf, cos we had kind of talked about the topic recently. But it was not about having to be with him all the thime, it was litterally cos we had already made plans. Had i made plans with her and he would have propsed new ones, i would have said no to him. Im probably overthinking this, but i was so pissed off when she just didn’t respond.

On a brighter note, I love to crochet so much!! I saw these pretty pillowcases in a movie with a crochet lace detail on one side of both pillows and I wanted to make it. And I needed a project, so I started making the lace bits. I won’t have anywhere t put them, cos it’s probs gonna be long before we buy new bedsheets (I want a nice blue next time, we have a nice green). 

And i’ve always wanted to crochet a bedcover. And I found pretty patterns. It’s gonna take soo much money!!

So I figured to make myself feel better, I should be more productive in the means of get out of bed and make the bed (that now looks super pretty, basicly) and eat food.