Thanks for answering my questions! I'm glad I found your blog again, and I could reread that. Out of curiosity, as you get to know people, how do you react to like unsavory or like unexpected bad traits? Do you find yourself, for instance, astronomically crashing out (been there) or even finding them endearing in their own way (this is how it usually goes for me, I somehow end up their most ardent defender???)
I always love hearing from you, thanks like always!!
of course, and welcome back to the blog.
this is a very good question, and one that i've actually asked myself quite a few times. it really depends on the stage of obsession, individual, and what the bad trait is. if it happens very early on, before the obsession really digs in, even the most basic thing could turn me away. by basic it could be a word they used, liking the "wrong" thing (not sharing preferences), or simply saying hi to someone i don't like. stuff like that. admittedly, some of that might be a result of ocd and mental contamination, but it becomes a bit less harsh with someone i've already latched on to.
on that note, i've been thinking about how people i'm attached to are kind of like anti-contaminants. it's as if everything they touch turns to gold. something that could've been just a penβor even a scrap of paperβon the ground is suddenly important if they're the one that dropped it. this perspective may or may not be responsible for a few collections ^^"\
point being, something i wouldn't otherwise care for can become everything when it relates to the individual. which applies to more than just objects, expanding to their characteristics as well. in my last post, i mentioned my friend at age 16 who wasn't the best person. there's a lot of things about them that i otherwise would've been put off by. instead, i found myself essentially idealising it. it reminds me of them, so it must be good, right?
i have had some obsessions where i find something distasteful about the person and was able to see it as it was. which is interesting, because in most cases i either become entirely averse or, as you put it, find them endearing in their own way. there's typically not a lot of in between, especially the less close i am to them.
there are definitely some things that i could never appreciate in anyone, however. there's a difference between imperfections and serious issues. i can't really uphold even my most involved obsessions if the person is bigoted.
when i become averse to a person, it's either a small blip before i adore them again or it all comes crashing down. at this point, i despise everything about them and want nothing to do with them. if i did hold onto anything from them, it suddenly feels useless or even wasteful. it's as if i never liked them to begin with, and it becomes difficult for me to remember why i ever did. it can even become completely neutral, but this usually isn't immediate and tends to have a period of hatred before it settles.
all of this can also vary on why i became obsessed with someone to begin with. was it based off of a particular interaction or event? do i happen to like a lot of their traits? did i know them personally or passively? how are they present in my life?
when it's based off a specific instance, or it's someone i only know passively, that's when my obsessions are the by far most volatile. obsessing over traits or anything more related to the actual person is the most invariable. it can also be the most devastating loss, as it's the most personal one. one notable difference is that obsessions of people i know passively tend to be platonic while people i know personally can be (but aren't inherently) more romantic.
it's an intricate web of factors, so this isn't the easiest question to answer. hopefully all of this is coherent enough. if i had to cut this down to one sentence, i'd tell you that i either lose (at least some) investment or manage to warp that trait into something i can admire.













