Leaving Day
It was so poorly timed, too.
That was the joke he always made, in the later retelling, because it was easier than being serious about the whole thing. It was so poorly timed.
Kohs came up to him as he was going to gather the rest of the company to move out, and the look in Kohs’ eye was enough to make Feedback stop.
“Today,” Kohs murmured. “Something is going to happen, and we need to go.”
“Today?” Feedback repeated, a chill running down his back. “Sithspit.”
“Yeah. Get the others, we need to go. And the Commander–”
“I’ll find a way to get Cody,” Feedback nodded.
“Good. We have to hurry.”
“Sergeant, start gathering resource packs. Get them to the ship. I’ll tell the others. Get your squad to help. We’re going.”
“Make sure you get Cody, Feedback. Otherwise... I don’t know, but it feels...”
“I’ll get him. He’s my batcher. I’ll get him out.”
________________________________________
"Hey!" The yell surprised him, but not as much as the strength with which Milo grabbed his hand. Feedback turned, the shiny's tight grip solid, matched by his expression. "Don't be stupid."
Feedback raised his eyebrows. "You're telling me not to be stupid?"
Milo hesitated, but didn't let go. "Sir. Don't be stupid, sir?"
Feedback's expression softened slightly. "I'll be safe, vod'ika. You make sure you do the same."
"Okay." Milo let go and swallowed. "I'll see you at the ship, sir."
"You better, shiny."
________________________________________
"Boil!" The sharpness of the bark made him nearly snap to attention.
"Sir?" he asked questioningly, dropping the salute at Feedback's short nod.
"Get to the ships."
"Commander?" Boil asked incredulously.
"That's an order, soldier."
"But, sir, Co-" Something in Feedback's eyes made the protest die in Boil's throat, an earnestness that was almost pleading.
"Trust me, vod. Get to the ships. As fast as you can. Have you seen Cody?"
"He was on the bridge last I checked, but he'll be heading for the landing area pretty soon, sir."
"Thank you. Go, soldier."
Boil nodded at the dismissal and headed towards the hangar. After a few paces, something about Feedback's tone, more than his words, clicked in place in his head, and Boil broke into a flat run.
________________________________________
"We're all here, Feedback. Any luck finding him yet?"
"No," came the reply, and Tak could hear the near-anguish in Feedback's voice.
"Call him."
"He's readying for the ground assault, Tak, he won't-"
"You know what to do, Feedback. I know you hate doing it," he cut in before Feedback could protest. "But Kohs says-"
"I'm not planning to leave without him," Feedback snapped. He sighed, the sound crackly over the frequency. "All right. I'll see you there. Send any ships that are ready. Have we got the shiny?"
"He's here. Everyone we can get..."
"Right. I'll see you all there. Be ready to leave as soon as-"
"On it. I'll tell Ink."
"Thanks, Tak."
"Get your vod. We're running out of time."
The comm beeped as Feedback hung up; he didn't need the reminder.
________________________________________
"Commander Cody, you're needed in the hangar, immediately."
"Feedback, what the hells? We're preparing for-"
"This is an emergency."
"One you can't deal with on your own?" Cody replied waspishly.
"No. You need to come down here, now, Commander."
"What the kriff's happened that you need my presence right now?"
"It'll take too long to explain over Comms. Cody, I wouldn't ask if it wasn't an emergency. Ni liniba gar, al'verd." I need you, Commander.
Cody let his breath out through his nose. "Fine, but you're answering to the general if I'm missing when he needs me."
"Understood. Get here five minutes ago, Codes." The line closed before Cody could react.
________________________________________
Feedback was waiting in the hangar when Cody came down. He grabbed his brother's arm as soon as Cody came in and dragged him towards a ship.
"You said emergency," Cody growled at him, though he let Feedback drag him. "I don't see one."
"You will," Feedback replied, and the undercurrent of distress in Feedback's tone was enough to make Cody hurry a little faster. They got to the ship, Cody's confusion clear.
"What do you-"
"In here." Feedback nearly shoved him into the ship. He hopped in, the door already closing. "Go!" he shouted to the cab as Ink, catching the surprised Cody, pushed him into a seat. The engine revved, the ship rose out of the hangar bay, and Feedback, still unseated, was thrown to the floor as they shot off. He pushed himself up, wincing, and was thrust into an adjacent seat by an unseen Force. His buckle clicked.
"Thanks," he murmured. Tak, next to him, nodded. Cody's expression went from confusion to realisation to outrage.
"Feedback, what the KRIFF have you done?!"
"Saved your life, that's kriffing what."
"You're deserting and you've made me an accomplice after the fact!" His face twisted into a snarl. "I never expected my own batcher to turn traitor."
"I haven't, it's more than-"
"You are just like Slick-"
"I am NOT Slick!" Feedback shouted. "I'm not doing this for money or the separatists or some twisted logic, I am doing it to save as many as I can before-"
"Before what? Before another battle? Before you think we lose the war? Before what, Feedback?" Neither of them noticed Tak suddenly go limp, his eyes sliding shut as he sagged against the straps. Kohs, in contrast, went absolutely rigid.
"Before I lose you all, before we lose ourselves, before the kriffing apocalypse!"
"What apocalypse is this? Have your sleep deprivation conspiracies gotten that bad that you're paranoid now, little brother?" Cody snarled.
"It isn't paranoia if it's true! Cody, they-"
"Commanders," came a trembling voice from the cockpit, "I- I think you need to hear this."
"Oh, gods," Kohs whispered, just before the crackle of an opening comm line.
"Kenobi is down, sir. He's not coming back up from that."
"General Mundi confirmed kill, sir."
"Mayday, mayday, my troops have turned on me, I need immediate-"
"They're coming to the Temple! What's happening? Does anybody copy?"
"Taking heavy fire, can someone tell me-"
"What's wrong with the clones?"
"This is the CC-5179. General and Padawan eliminated."
"They've all gone wrong, what's going on? The clones are-"
"-started attacking Jedi, four dead already, no idea why-"
"-no longer acting under their own power-"
"It's me! Please! What's wrong with you? Please- don't!"
"Cut it, please." Cody's voice was hoarse. The overlapping feeds cut off abruptly, and the silence was more deafening than the Commanders' fight had been. Kohs was sobbing brokenly, shuddering gasps piercing the fraught air. Dawnwatch, beside him, squeezed his hand, and Kohs' responding squeeze turned both their knuckles white.
"What's happening, Feedback?"
His voice was unsteady and quiet when it came. "Someone... Gave the order. The inhibitor chips—they're... Override switches. Someone flipped the switch to turn on the Jedi, and any chipped clone who gets that order... No longer has free will. They'll do it, without any question, without any thought. And as Marshall Commander, it would have been you first."
"Oh, gods," Cody choked out, shaking. He leaned into Ink, who dropped an arm around his shoulders, looking numb. "They've- they're all-"
"Gone," Kohs whispered through his tears. "They sound like us, they're shaped like us, but they're not... People, anymore. They're meat drones. Their minds are-" He swallowed hard. "Overthrown."
"This... How did you..."
"Ru'dinad," Dawnwatch murmured. "Kohs knew. Just not when until this morning. We had two hours." It wasn't the whole story; the chips, and getting them removed, had been a lengthy and secretive process, and they would explain to Cody in more detail later. He would need de-chipping too, just to be safe.
”The others are on other ships already." This was from Milo on Ink's other side. It was the first time he'd spoken. He looked shaken and vaguely like he didn't believe it himself.
"How did you know what was going to happen?" Cody repeated.
"Kohs had nightmares. He and Tak-" Feedback turned to his friend. Only now did he realise Tak was unconscious. "Tak!" Feedback grabbed his shoulder and shook him. "Tak, wake up, please!"
"Force," Kohs managed. "The feelings, the pain... Knocked him out. He'll be okay."
"Tak," Feedback repeated hollowly, but he stopped shaking him. He cradled the Zabrak Jedi close as best he could, resting his forehead gingerly against the top of Tak's head, careful of the horns at the front. He wasn't sure when Tak had passed out, but he hoped it was before the comm had come on. Bad enough to hear the empty copies of vode's voices to make him weep; the sounds of the Jedi dying at their hands had rent tears from his eyes that burned their way down his cheeks. He held his friend that little bit tighter, a brief knot of horror in his stomach at the idea that had circumstances been different...
"The emergency," Cody managed, equally hollowly. "You said emergency." He wouldn't have responded for anything else, and Feedback had known it.
"It was. Just not the kind you thought," Ink whispered to him, and Feedback was grateful not to have to answer. He hated lying to Cody. Fibs and practical jokes, those went with the territory, but lying, actually lying to his batcher, hurt him. Ink was right, though, really. "We weren't leaving without you, and we couldn't explain over comms. Too much. Too risky."
"I'm sorry for calling you-"
"You didn't know," Feedback croaked. "'S okay." With the straps on his seat he couldn't properly turn and he sorely wanted to run his fingers through Tak's hair. It would have been as much a reassurance to him as, hopefully, a comfort to the unconscious Tak. He just wanted his friend right now. Everything sucked, and he wanted his friend.
There was quiet for a while before Milo asked, "Where are we going?" Cody nodded, indicating that he too would like to know.
"Outer Rim. A quiet moon way away from any fighting," Ink supplied.
"Oh," Cody replied weakly. "And the ships...?"
"Can't be tracked, took care of that this morning."
"Supplies?"
"On another ship."
"Oh."
"We made the contingency plan weeks ago," Dawnwatch explained quietly. "These two... We knew something was coming. We just didn't know when."
"Oh." Cody seemed to be having difficulty putting everything together, but none of them would rush him to collect his thoughts. They were all working on collecting theirs. No one had the strength to answer too many questions at once, at the moment. Dawnwatch was holding Kohs, who, though still leaning against his shoulder with tears running down his face, was no longer shaking with sobs. Milo looked as if the world had been pulled out from under him and he was floating in 0G with nothing to tether him. Ink still looked numb, despite the hand on Cody's shoulder, and Feedback's head still rested against Tak's. They couldn't see the pilot, but it was easy to imagine the shell-shock of having to hear that for comm chatter. They'd all been in ships like this before, but usually such ships were filled with discussion, laughter, familiar jabs, idle teasing. This ringing silence was more like the one after a pyrrhic victory, or worse. Where everyone was barely processing having got out of there alive, because they were still choking on the memory, on the blood of those they had just lost.
________________________________________
None of them were quite sure how much time passed. No one talked much for the rest of the flight. The pilot had been quiet too, aside from periodic updates. The horror and grief had faded to a kind of numbness. Cody was half asleep against Ink's shoulder, while Ink messed with his Comm. Feedback had finally figured out that he could loosen his straps while in hyperspace, and shifted to hold Tak properly. Everything and nothing was going through his mind; he would need to check everyone over when they arrived (Pyr had been on the first ship out so that if anything went wrong he would have a little time to prepare). They would have to set up a camp of some kind. Any and all equipment that could be detected would need to be altered or disassembled for alternative use. The ships could be useful for that, if need be, though they'd still want at least two functioning. Tak had a contact, he'd said, a just-in-case measure. Pyr had... Something, but he hadn't been willing to give details. A security concern if things went sideways, he'd said, and Feedback hadn't questioned him further. He'd understood the precariousness of the situation, and minimising risk had been his main concern. He trusted Pyr. Once they had gotten some semblance of settled, and a little time had passed, they'd reach out, but they had sufficient supplies for at least two months. They would lay low until then. Wasn't worth risking contact until the chaos had died down.
All of this went through his head in a nice orderly progression, simply priorities he was vaguely aware of, an underlying current of sensibility and responsibilities. The conscious thought, the processing part of his brain, that was mostly blank, which in itself should have been alarming. His mind wasn't quiet, it was never properly quiet, but it echoed in its emptiness, and occasionally those echoes sounded like the ghosts from the Comms, playing over and over in jolty, random intervals. Feedback couldn't have slept, even the way Cody was. He might be dozing; he wasn't quite sure. It took his mind some time to come back online properly, and he regained proper consciousness in time for the pilot to give them the ten minute warning. Tak still hadn't woken, but Feedback didn't blame him. The numbness of the last who-knew-how-long had been... unpleasant. Feedback got Ink's attention, and nodded for him to wake Cody. He addressed the others quietly.
"The others will likely have heard the same broadcast, but there will be time to grieve later. Our first priority is getting to a safe location and setting up a temporary camp. We can scout for somewhere a little more permanent over the next few days, but we need to get ourselves settled and then check over all our equipment. I'll assign jobs. Ink, I need you to lead one scouting party. Totem will take the other." The captain nodded. Cody listened in silence. Nominally he outranked Feedback, but he knew when to yield on someone else's operation. "We'll see where we stand and if anyone needs medical attention, Pyr will have set up something at the landing site. Cody and Boil are his responsibility after any immediate concerns." He was going over plans they'd already sorted weeks ago. Goals would keep people focused. They couldn't afford to yield to grief, not right now. Not until it was safe to. "Kohs, I need you with the younger ones. They won't... be handling this well, and you're good at that." Kohs' answering nod was shallow. Dawnwatch squeezed his hand. Feedback knew his crew; helping the others would help get Kohs back on his feet. Feedback looked around the ship. "We have to be there for each other. Right now, we're all we've got."
"Yes, sir," came the response, grimly set faces nodding together. He heard the pilot echo the reply back to him. Feedback let out a long breath.
"We're here," the pilot added as they dropped out of hyperspace. The ship went in to land, and they all buckled up for the bumpiness of entering atmo. It was this that finally jostled Tak back to consciousness, and Feedback held him steady until they were clear and coming in to land. Tak shifted and turned to see who held him and shuddered, blinking and bleary-eyed. Feedback swallowed the lump in his throat. The jetii was by no means short, only a few inches under the clones in height, but Feedback had never seen him look so small. The comm call had been enough to set them all to shaking numbness. What had the Force tortured Tak with?
"We're here," he murmured gently. "You slept through the flight."
Tak nodded slowly.
"And yet I feel worse than if I hadn't," he croaked out. His face was more shell-shocked, his soft accent more broken up than Feedback had heard even from the most battle-shaken shiny. The ship came down slowly, thudding gently against the ground. Everyone unbuckled as the door lowered, and Feedback helped Tak get unsteadily to his feet. He kept a hand on his friend's shoulder, but was still unprepared for the way Tak sank to the ground a few steps outside the ship. He turned quickly and held out a hand to help Tak up, and Tak clasped it in both of his. Instead of using it to assist himself in getting up, though, Tak bowed his head, shaking. Feedback shifted on his feet and was about to kneel down and help him up again when Tak choked out, "I'm sorry. Oh gods, Feedback, I am so sorry."
"Tak," he said quietly, "you don't have to apologise."
"I do. And moreover I must beg your forgiveness because I failed you, Feedback. I failed you and I failed all of your vode and I beg your forgiveness because we- I could have done something, should have acted on my conscience, but I didn't, I wasn't brave enough to try and change things, I didn't even think I could but I should have seen something, I should have tried to save them and I am sorry for it, I am so sorry." Tears streamed down Tak's cheeks. “I couldn't save them and I beg you to forgive me for my failure.”
Feedback stood very still for a long moment, processing everything at lightning speed. Tak was apologising for being a Jedi who had, from the first, been uncomfortable with the war and command and had done his best, worked with the clones, gotten past his own moral quandaries to be there for Feedback and his vode and friends. He was apologising for doing what he had been told, for failing to make his voice heard, for, in his mind, failing the clones by being unable to make systemic change himself, by not seeing this happen. Tak had been behind them, helped them get out, asked no questions and helped them get out. And the Force had rewarded Tak with visions of the Jedi dying and the clones corrupted and everything he had known falling apart. He was grieving, and had looked back on all his moments of choosing his troops rather than voicing doubt or question, and seen only his failure, where Feedback saw a friend choosing them, over and over again, even when the Council and the Generals made decisions that made Tak uncomfortable, he had chosen the course of action that would let him stay with Pel'verd, protect them, help them. What Tak was asking for forgiveness for was not fighting the whole Council and the whole Army and stopping the war because of something he hadn't known would happen, but moreover he was asking forgiveness for being part of the system that had made it possible, that had put him in position to even pretend to lead a slave army despite his protests and told him to do his best.
Feedback knelt and put a hand on Tak's shoulder. “You are forgiven," he murmured, "and moreover, I would rather have no one else at my side. You are one man, Tak, and faced with an impossible choice, you chose us, over and over again. You couldn't have known about this and you couldn't have prevented it, not by yourself."
"I'm a Jedi. I should have done something. I should have fought back, I-"
"You were barely knighted when this war started. Kriffing Yoda showed up at Geonosis, the decision was made before you even knew about it, you couldn't. If you had fought too hard, you would have only been kicked out, or grounded. You refused a generalship, which was risky enough."
"I couldn't save them, Feedback. I'm supposed to protect..."
"You could have told us to stay put, you could have followed orders exactly and disregarded losses in order to get the goal but you made every decision with our lives in mind. Kriff, Tak, you're here. We trusted you enough to tell you about this, we told you we didn't expect you to leave and asked only that you turn a blind eye, and you told us that between staying with us or pretending and leaving us to our fate, it wasn't even a choice, you were coming with us."
"I did," he agreed, finally, almost inaudible.
"What was the first lesson in tactics? The one you said was hardest to learn?"
"You can't save everyone," Tak whispered, and he shook again.
"So what do you do instead?"
Tak took a deep breath. "'Minimise your casualties. Your goal is to save all the ones you can. Move forward from there.'" He was quoting their first briefing, before he'd even got his name, when he was still just Commander Duro. The first and hardest lesson of the war.
"We got an entire company out," Feedback whispered. "A whole company out from under the nose of the army. They're shaken, and they're grieving, but they're safe, Tak. We saved the ones we could. Now we have to move forward."
Tak closed his eyes and nodded, slowly.
"I'm sorry," he whispered again. "For falling apart like that."
"That Force nap really kriffed you up good." Feedback gently pulled him to his feet, and Tak leaned into him. Only then did Feedback realise Cody had been only a short distance away, well within earshot. He looked... Humbled, or maybe like he was re-evaluating. Tak steeled himself, and drew back as they approached the crew. Feedback rubbed his hands together, taking a deep breath. There would be a time to grieve. Right now, they had to survive that long.
