the kind that makes your lungs swell up
pairing: ryland grace x reader (intended as platonic)
summary: you show rocky the human concept of a prank, on ryland. turns out he doesn't appreciate being the butt of the joke.
warnings: no use of y/n, gn reader, lee!reader, ler!ryland, conspiracy theories, pranks and ragebaiting, scary ler grace like i got a bit nervous writing this, light swearing
word count: 1.9k
authors notes: bc i think ragebaiting grace would be ssoooo funny. title: bodybag by wind walkers
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It was interesting how humans could be bored in any circumstance.
It's not like there wasn't plenty to do on the Hail Mary. Research was constant and - astrophage and taumoeba aside - even just hanging out with Rocky was enough to keep things interesting. First alien contact, and all.
And yet, you were bored. Not just kind-of-bored where you could maybe occupy your mind with something or other, but the painful bone-deep kind of boredom where - no matter how much you wanted to - you could not get yourself to even move.
Briefly, you thought of the full access database of…well, everything, that you and Ryland were given with your laptops. But even a Wikipedia deep dive didn't sound engaging.
Rocky rolled over to where you were sprawled on the floor, feet propped up against the bed.
"Why not working, question?" He asked, no preamble. You heaved a sigh.
"Don't want to." You said blankly.
"Something wrong, question?"
"No." You said. "I'm just bored."
"What 🎶 mean, question?"
It hadn't occured to you that Rocky didn't know the word 'bored'. You thought for a moment.
"It's a feeling you get," you explained, staring up at the ceiling. "When you really want to do something, but nothing seems interesting enough to do it."
Rocky was silent for an extended few seconds.
"That sound stupid." He said.
You turned your head against the floor to look at him. "Do Eridians not get bored?"
"No." He managed to sound judgemental, somehow. "Everything interesting, always. Many things to do and learn, always."
"Huh." You mused, turning your head back towards the ceiling. "Yeah, I guess you're right."
"How stop 🎶 feeling, question?" Rocky asked. You chewed on the inside of your cheek, thinking.
"I guess the best way is to force yourself to do something." You admitted, knowing Rocky would find this whole concept ridiculous. "It's easier when you can do it with someone else."
An idea sparked in your mind.
"Hey, Rocky." You said, lifting yourself up onto one elbow, turning to him. "Do you know what a 'prank' is?"
"No."
"How about 'joke'?"
He perked up. "Yes, Rocky know joke. Grace say joke is to make others laugh."
"Yes!" You said, smiling. "So a prank is similar. It's when someone tricks another person to make a joke. But it has to be harmless. If it hurts the other person then it's just mean."
"Trick not lie, question?"
"Sort of." You agreed. "But it's about something small. And the other person finds out about it in the end, so they can laugh about it too."
"Understand."
You grinned. "Want me to show you how a prank works?"
"Yes, yes, yes! Show Rocky human prank!" He wiggled happily.
"Okay, but you have to promise to not say anything about this to Grace." You told him firmly. "If he knows we're doing it, it won't work."
"Yes, yes, yes, promise, promise, promise!"
You pressed your fist against his dome. Rocky mirrored you.
@
You glanced to your right from your perch on the stool. Ryland was busy scribbling on the whiteboard he had moved into the lab room.
You looked down. Rocky was a few paces away from Ryland, soldering something or other.
It was a good time to strike. A few hours had passed since the three of you settled into your work, and the silence had stretched and streched until it became taught with stress and tiredness. But for some reason your heart rate picked up.
You fiddled with your laptop for a moment, trying to gather your will.
Ryland huffed sharply, and wiped half of the board clean. You watched as he restarted his calculations.
Well, no time like the present.
"So you know how the earth is flat?" You asked, trying to keep your voice light and casual. The marker stopped squeaking against the board.
"Excuse me?" Ryland frowned, looking over his shoulder at you.
You kept your eyes glued to the laptop. No going back now.
"I was just thinking." You continued, clicking to another tab. "Do the windmills act as propellers?"
"What are you talking about?" Ryland sounded like he didn't know if he should be concerned or confused. He set the marker down with a click, turning to face you fully.
"You know!" You waved your hand vaguely. "They're propellers so they're bringing us closer to the sun? I figure that's where global warming comes from."
There was a long pause.
You fought not to look at him. If you did you'd start laughing and give the whole plan away.
"The earth isn't-" Ryland started, then cut himself off. "Are you feeling okay?"
"Yeah?" You feigned confusion, risking a quick glance at him. He looked comical - eyes huge, brows pinched together, hands hanging limply by his sides. "Anyway, what do you think? It's a good theory."
"That is not a good theory." Ryland said, incredulous. "It's not even a theory - it's madness!"
"Why?" You clicked through more tabs, then lifted your hands to make quotation marks gestures with your fingers. "Because 'the earth isn't flat'?"
"The earth isn't flat!" He sounded distressed. "It's round! It's an orb!"
"Oh yeah? And how do you know?"
"We're literally in space!"
"Sure." You allowed. "But I didn't get to see earth. So, who's to say?"
Ryland narrowed his eyes and looked down at your feet where you were bouncing your heel nervously against the leg of the stool.
"How Grace know earth round, question?" Rocky piped up from his spot.
"Huh?"
"Grace say always test yourself. If Grace not test, how Grace know earth round, question?"
Thank god for Rocky, you thought in relief.
"Alright." Ryland placed his hands on his hips. "What's going on with you two?"
Before you could reply, Rocky spoke. "Nothing, lie."
You closed your eyes in silent anguish. It hadn't even occurred to you that Rocky wouldn't be able to lie out loud because of his syntax.
"Oh, 'nothing', huh?" Ryland demanded, looking back and forth between you and the Eridian. "'Lie', huh?"
"Grace, listen-" You started, turning on your stool to face him. Seeing his expression - shocked, offended, miffed - a snort burst out of you. You pulled your lips into your teeth to stop yourself from grinning.
"So the two of you just thought it would be funny to spew lies and conspiracy theories?" Ryland continued, aiming the question at both you and Rocky although his eyes were locked on you.
"Rocky was curious about how pranks work." You shrugged, still fighting back a smile.
"Oh yeah? And who told him about them, I wonder."
You rolled your eyes. "God, you sound like such a teacher right now."
"We're supposed to teach him correct concepts." Ryland said. "Not about underground lizard people."
"I never said anything about lizard people!" You objected. "Come on, Grace, we just wanted a laugh."
He looked at you silently for a moment.
"Okay." He said, folding his arms. "C'mere then."
You faltered. "I feel like I shouldn't."
Ryland didn't speak. Only waved his fingers in a beckoning motion and pointed at the floor in front of him.
Shit, you thought concisely.
Slowly, reluctantly, you slid off your stool and walked towards him.
"Hmm." Ryland hummed, scanning you up and down.
"What?" You demanded, flapping your arms out.
"If you wanted to have a laugh," he said, voice lilting. "There's a much faster way to get it."
Your heart skipped. Double shit. "Grace. That wasn't my inten-"
"Your intention?" He raised his eyebrows teasingly. "As if you don't know how to get exactly what you want out of me."
"I'm not having this conversation." You said with finality. "I'm leaving now."
Ryland's arm wrapped securely around your middle, pulling you backwards into his chest, as soon as you turned to walk away.
"Grace - wait -" You stuttered "-this isn't fair - ack!"
"What isn't fair?" Ryland asked calmly, squeezing at your waist. His other hand came up to scribble on the back of your neck, where you had dropped your head forward to hide your reaction from him.
"What about Rohocky?!" You hated how your voice pitched up into a whine.
"Rocky is innocent." Ryland said. "He was coerced into this scheme by your evil little mind."
"Yohou're the evil one!" You kicked your leg out, hoping to create enough momentum to break free.
"How so?" He asked, pulling you back to him as if it were an afterthought. His hand veered to scratch around your ear.
"You know how!" You accused, reaching up to pull Ryland's hand away from your ear by the wrist.
"The same way I know that earth is round?" Ryland teased, letting you pull his hand away. "Who's to say?"
With that, he pulled against your grip on his wrist, and took hold of your jaw.
"Grace, I swear to god, I will-" You intensified your pulling and kicking.
"You're not gonna do anything." He said easily, and blew a raspberry on your neck.
You laughed desperately, legs nearly giving out under you. Ryland broke off from the raspberry, cutting it short by his own chuckling at your reaction.
"Oh man." He said through his laugh. "That was adorable."
"No it wasn't." You gritted out, jerking your head out of Ryland's grip. He let you, instead using that arm to wrap it around your middle along with the other.
"No?" He pressed his cheek to your hair. "You're right, it wasn't just adorable. It was also very cute."
You growled, feeling your face flush. You angled your head further away from him to hide it.
"You're sweet, and silly." Ryland continued, squeezing both hands against your waist gently. Just enough to get you giggling. "And you had to come up with this elaborate plan when you could have just come and asked me to tickle you."
Through the haze, you thought: I'm going to die here.
"That wasn't the plan." Your objected, but it sounded weak even to your own ears.
Ryland hummed in faux sympathy. It made your stomach do a flip.
"Let me goho." You whined. You actually whined. The realisation made you flush hotter.
"Awh." Ryland clicked his teeth. "Hard to get away when you're giggling so hard, huh?"
"Whahat do you want from me?" You were not above begging at this point.
"There is one thing." He mused, shifting one hand higher to your ribs. "But I'm not sure if you'll be able to do it."
"I'll doho it!"
"Will you behave?"
"Yehes!" You nodded your head. Pretended not to hear his wheezy laugh at how quickly you complied.
"Will you stop telling Rocky conspiracy theories?"
"Thahat's more than one thihing!"
Ryland increased the speed of his hands. "Will you?"
"Yesyesyes!" You yelped, pulling at his arms.
"Alright." He chuckled lightly, stopping his ticklish attack on you, but held firm as you tried to catch your breath. "Good."
You let your head drop back against Ryland's shoulder, your chest heaving. He rubbed his cheek on the side of your head softly, letting you get your bearings.
"Rocky have question, statement."
You jolted, shocked by his voice. You had forgotten he was even there.
"Yeah, bud?" Ryland asked, maneouvering both your bodies slightly so he could look at him.
"What mean lizard people, question?"
"Oh noooo…" You groaned, flopping your head forward.
"This is your doing, squirmy." Ryland informed you.
"I plead the fifth."
"I guess I did make you promise not to tell him about conspiracy theories." He mused, releasing his hold on you, but keeping both palms pressed to your shoulders. "I'll handle this one."
"I'm just gonna -" You made the mistake of looking at Ryland's face. His expression told you he knew exactly what you were going to say. "- I'll be back."
With that, you fled from the lab room, Ryland's wheezy chuckling following you like a ghost.
















