#kitkat yipyaps

Rehab was supposed to be a fresh start—or whatever the sad horse from the sad horse show said. That's how I felt with the psych ward. But that place did FFFFFFFUCK all for me. And then they threw me back into the '✨💖Real World🥰💞' and basically said "fuck you, get your life back together on your own time". Well uh, guess what. "What, Kitty??" Thanks audience, great participation skills. I still wanna die. Yeppp. Still don't wanna go to school and still wanna do drugs and cut and all that fun stuff. And I sort of see my life as too far gone to get back on track. So like I've given up on myself. I did like when I was idk some age. But for some reason the world still wants to hold onto me. The same world that hates me for being mentally ill wants me to not die. And okay sure, suicide is selfish, but everyone has their own selfish reasons for wanting me alive so look, were all assholes I guess. You know what I hate? Like, really hate? "what do you really hate, Kitty?" Thanks for asking. I HATE when people you don't fucking know act like your life matters so much. Therapists will really look you in your eyes 1 second into knowing you and act like if you killed yourself they'd be completely shattered. Girl, either you have attachment issues which is not a good thing to have as a therapist, or you're just badly lying to me to make me potentially maybe not kill myself. But it doesn't work. It actually pisses me off. Therapists as a whole piss me off. Like, their words and tone of voice and shit. They're just pity machines. That shit doesn't work on me.

Anyways, like, it's pretty pointless still having faith in me. I'm pretty DEAD set on dying. Ahahahhh get it. Dead set.. cause I want to DIE. But like I've pretty much already given up. I'm a bum in training. A worthless hunchbacked bitch who scrolls tumblr all day desperate for some keyboard warrior anon to give me attention and getting wet when I see any number higher than 0 on my activity tab. I actually think I deserve the death penalty. On that topic, there should be human euthanasia. Because why is it cruel and fucked up to keep a suffering pet alive but people be posted up with their 200 year old great-great-great-grandmother who is actively trying to pull the plug on herself and all of a sudden her long life of suffrage is a 'blessing' and a 'miracle'. No worries if she's blind and her lungs are filling up and she doesn't know where she is or who you are or who she is. No worries that she's fed through a tube and pisses and shits through a bag and can't wipe her own ass and scratch her own itches. She alive and that's all that matters! Humans treat life like its greater than it is when we all know its shit. We're so fixated on it. And the thought of wanting to die is so insanely taboo because "life is a blessing and God made us all to live and be happy and magical and frolic and fields even though we all work corporate jobs and made this world a place of no true joy!" UGHGDGYJCECGYICEGYICEGYI. And another thing I hate is when people say "suicide is a permanent solution for temporary problems". Uhhh, good? Don't we want our solutions to be permanent? Like, if my computer ran into a problem and I did some fix on it, I want that to be permanent so my computer doesn't run into the same issue. If my cat had an illness and I go to the vet and the vets like "ok, I can give your cat this vaccine that will make sure she never gets this illness again" THATS A FUCKING GOOD THING??? Why do people say that? Like hell yeah, all my problems will be solved for fucking ever. That kicks ass. Why would I not want that? And how are you sure my problems are temporary? My life has sucked longer than it hasn't. It doesn't feel very temporary to me. I hate things people say just to not get you to kill yourself but they really hold no true value. "Suicide is selfish". Everything is selfish. Even selfless acts are like nine-times-out-of-ten done with mildly selfish intent. I think everyone should have the right to kill themselves. Especially like if you're at the point of mental illness where you gotta do all the bullshit experimental treatment options like electroshock therapy and ketamine overdose or whatever tf its called. Man, that's enough. I think it's wraps.