》 a/n: i have been away for two months and i apologize for that. my school year has just finished so here's a little something before my birthday. i hope i can be able to update lots during the summer. thank you to those who continuously wait on my updates. keep safe and healthy always!
the entire room was silent and tranquil, save for the occassional buzz from the air condition and your soft snores. the moon was high in the sky and it was pitch black inside the room, the only source of light coming from the small lampshade at the far corner of the room.
you didn't like having a lights out whenever you were alone, it made you feel uneasy. you can only have lights off when you were with kento.
your arms are tightly locked around the white teddy bear which is a tad bit larger than you are. your eyelashes rested softly on your cheeks, breathing mellow and stable. your lips are softly parted as snores emit from them, the sound bouncing off of the walls.
you stirred a bit, thinking you heard footsteps. still too deep in dreamland, you brushed it off and went back to sleep, ignoring whatever was around you.
not too long after, you felt your body being enveloped by a fluffy blanket. warmth quickly engulfed your senses and you felt at ease. you shifted and turned to your left, facing the bedroom door.
still in deep slumber, your hands acted on its own accord. you let go of the teddy bear and instinctively reached out, wrapping around a slim waist, feeling the familiar fabric of his blue dress shirt. you hummed in your sleep, pulling the waist closer.
you attempted to fight off your sleepiness, opening one eye and taking a peek at the figure looming over you. the scent of lotus, citrus, and saffron taking over your senses. a smile made its way on your face.
"ken? you're home?" you muttered sleepily, your words were barely above a whisper and came out slurred. your eyelids felt heavy as they closed once again.
you felt a soft pair of lips press against your temple, and it trailed down to your brows, the tip of your nose, down to the apples of your cheeks. the lips lingered up to your jaw, before finally resting on your lips.
feeling safe, at ease and comfort, your hands dropped from your lover's waist and rest on his sides. few seconds passed by and your snores reverberated across the room once again, the sound pulling the corners of nanami's lips up.
his eyes crinkled as he smiled tenderly at your sleeping figure. he pulled up the blanket to your chest and turned off the lampshade before sliding in next to you. his arm naturally made its way around you as your hands found its way to his chest. you snuggled closer and rested your face at the crook of his neck as your legs tangled with his.
nanami's heart softened at your motion, thinking about how your soul and mind knows him so well for your body to act the way it did even as you were asleep.
he ran his fingers through your hair and watched as your body relaxed, your shoulders loosening up as your brows pulled back and the frown on your face disappeared.
he pressed a soft and lasting kiss to your lips before joining you in dreamland.
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a/n: a little something as the part 2 concludes. also, this is a confirmation that i, indeed, am unable to write anything happy for snk. thank you and i hope u enjoy this :) notes and rbs are appreciated!!
❀ eren jaeger
the first time he sees it, eren thinks it must have been a trick of his eye, an illusion made by his mind. he thought it must have been the fatigue catching up to him, the nightly terrors affecting him, the impact of the past months' events dawning on him. he convinces himself that it was just that, there was no reason to be irrational.
but how could something be so vivid?
how could you be so vivid?
how are you appearing from the corner of his eyes with that soft smile on your face? appearing in front of him like it was something you were meant to do? because it clearly wasn't.
dead people don't appear in front of someone.
especially you. he clearly saw you reduced to a pile of flesh and blood that day, reclaiming shiganshina. he saw your body lowered onto the ground as the makeshift coffin got covered by the soil. he knows the feeling of your name engraved on the tombstone by the number of times he ran his fingertips through it.
what more does he need to finally accept that you're no longer? that you're gone. no longer returning.
what do you need from him?
he's bothered enough by his past mistakes, and he keeps being bothered and attacked by the future he saw. so why do you need to add to that headache? why are you still bothering him?
do you enjoy tormenting him? seeing him miserable and pathetic? do you revel at the sight of his disheveled self and the lack of his self control? perhaps you were laughing at how much he resembled his pathetic excuse of a father, only, he was much worse.
but he thought you love him. so, if you love someone, why would you appear in front of them when you shouldn't be? why are you holding him back?
why do you caress him ever so gently at night? why do you hum that melody that he always fell asleep to whenever he was distressed? why do you talk to him at the most random times and encourage him all the time like you did when you were still alive?
and it's like, you were still there.
still with him and everyone else. still breathing and dedicating your heart for a cause. still traveling down the same path with him side by side.
it's like you never even left him in the first place. it's like he never saw your sunken eyes, pale skin, the gear that pierced your flesh, and the dried blood that stained your uniform.
it's like you were always there for him. because it was true, you never left his side until the day he passed. because you were always around, even though he never acknowledged your presence, though he always thought of you as a hallucination, you remained beside him.
oh, and nothing could compare to the bliss he had when he felt the familiar steel blade brush his neck.
and he ran to you with open arms. without a care in the world.
he was the boy who sought freedom, and he knew that he could finally be free with you.
in your arms as you two flew in the sky, limitless.
❀ mikasa ackerman
she knew you were real, she never doubted those images you showed her, not even once. she acknowledged your presence and never made any move to eject them or turn them down, because she was well aware that it was you. you looked pale, but she knew that it is you.
you’ve always been her ever since that day.
and you never ceased to appear before her day by day.
you appeared before her whenever you pleased, and she gladly took in your presence and admired your figure. and she knew she should not, oh well, there is nothing that could stop her anyway.
but she reached a point where she wished you would stop.
she acknowledged to you and your presence, your scent, and every little thing about you. but it did reach a point where she wish that it would just stop, she wish that you would hold your operations and just leave her on her own devices. because she can't be drunk on you, she can't be dependent on you.
what more does she have to do to make you stop? should she gouge out her eyes to stop herself from seeing you? or cut her ears to no longer make your voice audible?
her headaches are bad enough that it prevents her from doing her everyday tasks without a problem, but you just had to make yourself seen and those little images of you from every corner of the room. you almost always push her to a brink of no return.
you love her, she loves you. you know her better than anyone else, you know that she’s not the strongest, so why do you keep tormenting her?
whenever she finds you sitting next to your tombstone atop the hill beside the tree, she doesn't say anything and instead opts to sit beside you in silence. and whenever she catches you beside her daughter, humming a melody to calm the little child, she doesn't mind.
and it’s like, you were still there.
still with her and the others, doing your work as a diplomat alongside armin. because, that job fits you, that was your rightful place.
if only you were still here.
however, mikasa came to know that you're not going to stay for long, and you finally relented. you finally found it in yourself to let her go after nine years into your death. it brought tears to her eyes, and excruciating pain to her heart.
the next time you appeared was decades later, as she was rocking on her chair, her eyes drooping like the sun in the sky.
she saw your mist figure, reaching a hand to her as she breath her last.
oh, how wonderful.
she can finally be herself again, no more a scout veteran, no more mikasa ackerman.
just, mi casa.
❀ armin arlert
the first time he sees you was during his attack on liberio, after all the damage he inflicted and all the lives he took. amidst the sea of flames and lava, ashes and cinders, smoke and blood, you looked so clear and prominent in his eyes. in the vast area of crimson, you were the only pale white in sight.
and at that, he and his titan shed even more tears.
especially when you gazed at him with awe and pride.
he did not know how he managed to make it through the night, with sasha’s death, your appearance, eren’s return. it was a lot to take in a single night, alongside the endless worries he has for the future.
and then you began to show more often.
you visited in his dreams, popped up in the meeting halls, watched from afar during the time he trains. he basks in it, he craves it and loves your presence, he adores it so much. his days would be incomplete if you didn't appear before him. before he knew it, he became dependent on your presence.
he was addicted to you. to the ghost of you. to your image, your voice, your aura. he's drawn in to you and your remnants, hiding in the comfort of whatever you give him.
it was alarming, and bad. how armin seemed to never function as well as he did ever since he got drunk on your makeshift existence. his behavior has the others worried but they choose to keep quiet about it, thinking that things might be taking a toll on him.
he craves your presence. needs it. longs for it. because, why would you only appear now? he was already at the verge of finally getting over your death, but you just had to pull him back, didn't you?
but he didn't mind. he missed you so much. he yearned for you for so long. he engraved every little thing about you. your voice when you'd talk to him. the feeling of your cold mist on his skin whenever you caress his face. your warm tears falling on his hand whenever you think he's asleep.
and it's like, you were still there.
because in every nook and cranny of every room, he can see your shadow. in the skies, fields, mountains, even in the midst of war and purge, his ocean eyes always finds you.
even though he knew he shouldn't. he's the new commander of the scouts, so there's just one more thing important than you.
oh? he fell unconscious during the battle? god, why are you still there again? he needs to fight with eren? damn it, why are you there as well? he needs to think straight, he doesn't need you.
not anymore.
because he's the hero who saved the world. the leader of the paradis island who'd continue the peace talks. he wields so much authority and power. so, why should he be dependent on a false image? on a mist? on a hallucination?
he's so much more than a man who's addicted to his dead lover's apparitions.
so, you served your purpose already. you got him through the war and the hard times.
it's about time you leave him alone.
❀ levi ackerman
he was not one to believe in such things. he saw you once after your death? huh, must be his eyes playing a trick on him. or maybe it was the fatigue. it was quick, the way his eyes flew to your form before he looked the other way. sure he had seen his dead comrades before too, but he did not dwell on it.
he’d get nothing from looking for too long.
so it’s better to look away than to immerse himself in it.
but even though he doesn’t look at you, he does not reject your existence nor your presence. he sees you, he feels you, but he makes no move to acknowledge you. but he also does not make any move to get rid of you.
that was enough for you, though.
just watching from afar was enough for you. your gaze always falls on the scars on his face, softens whenever you see him smile the slightest while spending time with gabi and falco. you smile to yourself at the thought that no sacrifices has ever gone to waste.
even though you knew that everyone’s demise brought pain and struck a hole in his heart, you didn't bear any regrets nor blame. levi finally felt at peace and content, and you’d make sure no one takes that away from him.
for levi, even if years have passed and his wounds have turned into scars, the pain of yesterday was still alive and fresh. still haunting him wherever he goes. it doesn’t help that you were always around, the corner of his eye always catching your figure in the shadows.
he’s in a dilemma. he doesn’t know what to do with you. he likes that you’re there because he finds comfort in your presence. but he also hates that you’re there because you keep reminding him of the past he wishes he could rewrite.
and it’s like, you were still there.
only he wishes you aren’t.
do you regret giving up your life for him that day? do you wish to rewrite whatever you have done? do you wish he was the one who died instead? these thoughts kept him awake at night, and he’s always unable to get a blink of sleep.
you always sat by his windowsill, trying to decipher that look on his face and the thoughts on his mind running a mile per minute.
and you only realized what you should do when you hear his whimpers and pleas for forgiveness one night where he miraculously was able to fall asleep.
tears rolled down his face the same time your essence began to fade.
you knew deep down that levi was already fine without you. and by staying around, you were only tormenting him.
so levi ackerman woke up the next morning, in his cold room, alone.
with a lukewarm cup of his favorite tea on his bedside table.
