#kinrambling

!!

1: most vivid/favorite memory with them

hf again i run into the issue that i don’t have stark memories - which sounds terrible, my two oldest living children, who i’ve known since they were Young Adults,

my kin memories for 616 tend to be Conglomerate not-single-memory things so i’ll, say more in question six

5: what your first impression of them was in canon

this is so something because my memory of my Early Days As Magneto is nearly completely absent which i can’t really attribute to time because i remember israel and possibly even before them. i don’t know, Early Magneto has always felt…somehow to me. i think it’s because the comics are at the very cartoony ridiculous stage of things so it’s hard to connect What Actually Happened in contrast with more serious coherent writing later on

BUT either way. i can’t say first impression because i don’t remember meeting, exactly, but i do know kind of how they. fit into the brotherhood wrt me. i know i was keeping them there in debt to me for saving them, or something of that nature. i didn’t really have any initial…feeling about them rather than Useful Associates but i do know that, out of all of them, they were the most bearable and competent. in their own right and also because i historically just don’t like toad and mastermind is a creep. like extremely so as time goes in but even then it was pretty evident

i didn’t necessarily have a lot of insight of who they were when they were in the brotherhood but. i think pietro and i might’ve disagreed here and there if only because he challenged authority or something

6: what you thought of them after you’d talked/interacted more

i fluctuated a lot between trying to be an actual good person father and just reverting back to My Magneto Ways and being manipulative for purposes i thought were more important than caring about my children

i think this changed in a big way when the twins were born/after my trial/becoming a headmaster and so on. i tried to be involved in at least wanda’s life. pietro wasn’t really having it but that was what i expected

but then things, of course, went sour again. and were just kind of all over the place. i “died”, there was lorna, i came back and house of m happened

i’m being really brief but it was generally a messy and rocky relationship peppered with a lot of bitterness over past fighting and me choosing not to prioritize wanda and pietro and them suffering from that

in a lot of ways i see excalibur, house of m and childrens crusade of me Realizing Things. not that some of these realized things weren’t revelations i’d had before but they came alongside several realizations about my own motivations and the state of my species. this happened alongside the genosha genocide, and m-day, and then hope, avengers vs xmen….the phoenix five….i allied myself with people who i’d tried to murder more than once. i realized what was important in lot of ways. and i also noted that i did not deserve to be a part of some of what was important to me, and accepted that, but i decided i must try anyway.

wanda had a more amicable relationship with me than pietro did. she was definitely standoff-ish & distrustful of me more in the past , and had much reason to be. i was surprised she allowed me to see the children and be a marginal part of her life….and further down the line, after house of m, i was shocked she didn’t reject me as pietro had. she gave me more benefit of the doubt than i deserved

our relationship improved a lot after childrens crusade and we could. Talk about things that needed to be talked about

as to what i Thought of wanda , i of course loved her and thought she was amazing….thats my Daughmter. i was grateful that despite everything she grew up well

pietro……..i don’t think pietro forgave me a lot of things and i didn’t expect him to. i don’t think i gave pietro the attention or like. Parental Guidance he wanted for so long and so theres just. lots of bitterness and pain there

as to what i Thought of pietro. i love pietro, ofc… i think - besides The Past - it’s one of those “too much alike” things that causes us to butt heads so much (honestly if pietro here he would yell at me for that comparison but its true). but with that similarity we also have stark differences and it’s just. difficult. 

just. watching something on the television and hearing that familiar orchestral music with that kind of 60s music quality

the visual im getting from it isnt very clear though. i think im sitting in some kind of armchair. my first thought is “mutant road trip” but my second is “i have no memory of television in any of my road trip memories” and “were televisions even prevalent in hotels then?".

even though Here universe rules dont necessarily apply all the time i went Googling and: apparently so, at least in some hotels. the cheaper "mom & pop" hotels tended not to, commercial ones tended to, and you sometimes paid more for these extras. so it makes sense that i may have not had many memories of television because we didnt stay at many expensive hotels

and, in reflecting on that, i realize how much different i am from the state i was in when i first made this blog, four years ago now, and how that in some ways parallels my journey Then

house of m is odd for me because, generally, i do not remember most of that life, or whatever you’d call that state of being wanda created, but....i don’t know how to describe it but issues such as who my successor would be and ruling a country and general family dynamics that are unique to the house of m universe, or maybe even the secret wars version, feel familiar and natural to me

like, the house of m universe was not, a Tangible thing and yet. theres just bits and pieces of it scattered in my head

and it raises the question of whether i progressed forward having memories of this non-tangible, now non-existent universe. house of m establishes an entirely different history but in terms of time spent in the comic i experience its present times for perhaps a day? two days? how does that stay in the brain. how does it feel like after. i can’t remember much of what i did after. i stayed in genosha. i, vaguely, tended to the few people living on the island, until pietro...did all that he did. (and i just opened wikipedia and i guess the one thing that got me off that damn island was shield coming to take me into custody and some xorn impersonation garbage. of course.)

it’s one of those random “???” dark spaces that are obviously there because of mental stress and general hollowness. maybe all that was a factor.

one thing i Do know, though, is that though i was extremely angry, i did not Kill pietro (though i cannot remember if i even did completely kill pietro in the comic, i cannot be bothered to open it right now). im very susceptible to fits of murderous rage but they don’t usually happen like that and they don’t usually happen because of something like “so you manipulated your sister into doing this ridiculous terrible thing and now its supposed to be my fault” and certainly not to my own son..

but, could i have wounded pietro? hurt him in some way? i could have - meaning, i had the capacity to. which is a painful thing to admit, but i could make wallpaper out of the Physical Altercations we had over the years - contextually it could make sense. it could’ve been something else as well, but i can’t think of anything, certainly not anything else that would anger/distress wanda enough to do what she did

part of me feels this deep guilt while the another part is like “pietro has attacked me many times before. he also beat me to a pulp and later tried to murder me on sight years later so the slight is repaid” which is a weird kind of mental algebra but it constantly crops up when it comes to me and pietros relationship pre-childrens crusade

it’s just all vague and weird, which is just as well, because it was a vague and weird world. wanda is powerful but she rewrote forty odd years of history and essentially every person on earths lives. if the whole thing wasnt wildly “?????” it would be incredible

!!!! <3/insert purple heart here

under a read more bc im realizing how logn my responses to these are and i dont want to Kill Dashes

1: most vivid/favorite memory with them

mmmhhh

this is terrible but the first thing that came to mind was You Using The Ketchup Wrong……its just a very specific memory and weirdly vibrant for how mundane it is

but beside that it’s either the memory of eating a pretzel in new york. or this, sort of warm, yellow/orange gentle kind of memory of us sitting on the steps of the lincoln memorial, or some landmark like that….thats one of the first memories i got

6: what you thought of them after you’d talked/interacted more

mmh. this is a lot

like i…had this initial shock about the whole i’m not alone, there are others like me with powers thing, and i didn’t feel negatively about you, but i didn’t plan on staying

but something about you, maybe what you said, plus the logic of it - more manpower against shaw = higher success rate; he’s right, i can’t fight this alone, made me stay

but. hh. as time went on. it was. different. i had never spent this much time with someone, hadn’t had an actual friend in over a decade. you treated me as if i was a person, an actual person, not a weapon, or even a monster. we disagreed on many levels but agreed on others and even when we disagreed it was. interesting. you were challenging and stubborn and silly and genuine and soft so many things that i might have shyed away from or dismissed in any other circumstance. but it was you, charles, so it was good and important and something i cherished.

i mentally struggled but i was taken with you, in whatever sense, and charmed by you and, loved you, was happy, which was all very foreign to me and kind of terrifying. i wanted to protect you, and protect this weird kind of new soft relationship that i was certain i was going to ruin with my inexpertise and my brokenness - even though you didn’t see me that way (even though you are so naive to not see me that way, thought then).

and then…then cuba happened, and there was all. that. 

i can’t really…..access a lot of my emotions after cuba before dofp but i do know that i felt i had done exactly what i had thought i would do, fucked it up, because i was broke and terrible and monstrous, and it was my fault while also having this anger towards you - for not understanding , for the (perceived) rejection, for trying to change me, for being wrong - that latter becoming more Logical as the whole. trask/mutant-hunting thing began. there were wound-feelings that got buried when i was in prison and were reopened in washington and went through a process of just. healing over since then.

there’s just a lot there. there’s a lot there that was never worked through, that there wasn’t any opportunity to until after apocalypse. but….it was still underneath my love for you. i had a lot of pain and anger and loss about differing things but i always loved you, in every sense, and it was just Fact, and something that remained throughout my life, no matter what was happening, even if i tried to deaden my emotions or pretend i didn’t feel….my love for you was there.

7: any differences between your memories of them and the source

to be honest…not many? you looked generally the same, sounded and acted the same, the same depicted things happened, and so on.