#kimkgame

Almost as soon as my son turned 4 months old, he hit what many internet articles deem the “4 month sleep regression.” Characteristics of the regression include fighting naps and bedtime, short naps, waking frequently in the night, and increased fussiness. It took me longer to rock him to sleep, sometimes nursing him to sleep wouldn’t work, and we became attached at the breast at naps (which he continued to comfort nurse all throughout, and when I’d try to slip away, he’d cry). During this regression, I downloaded an app that has become my embarrassing addiction: Kim Kardashian Hollywood.

Yes, I downloaded this app. It’s embarrassing because I actually like playing it, which I don’t even know if others would consider playing tapping on bubbles and buying virtual clothes that cost more than my monthly mortgage payments. The whole point of the game is to get famous, and so far I have become an A-list celebrity with 78.3 million fake fans. I don’t pay for anything in the app, which takes me longer to complete gigs and photo shoots and such, but brings me to explaining why and how this app became so addicting to me.

To earn K-stars, you can shell out money and get rid of the ads that pop up during the game. Or, if you’re rocking your son endlessly in a quiet nursery or laying on your side nursing him to sleep and you’ve run out of things to read and Instagram pics to like, then you can earn a K-star for each 15 to 30-second ad you watch, up to 20 K-stars a day. For a few days, I became obsessed with adopting a boy in the game, which costs 160 K-stars.

Once I had the K-stars, it took me about 30 minutes to decide which baby to adopt (you can pick how the baby looks), and I was so excited about getting him because I knew I’d name him Ryder like my son in real life and I could still fit into all my skanky clothes and leave him at home so I could complete commercials and travel all around the world for various club appearances and photo shoots.

What I have learned now is that I should have saved my K-stars for a few choice wigs or designer pieces because while baby Ryder came with me everywhere for about 3 hours post-adoption, he now can only be found in the nursery of my apartment in downtown L.A., condo in Hollywood, beach house in Malibu, or mansion in Bel-Air. The virtual nursery stays the same in any of the places I own. The baby doesn’t grow, and each day I can do only a few things with him: change diaper, playtime, or bottle. 

I’m still hooked on tapping bubbles and getting free K-stars for watching ads, but at the height of my son’s sleeping troubles was when I think I was truly embarrassingly addicted to this game, so much to the point that I had to have my phone charged and ready when sleep time rolled around.