Dec 20, 2015
Hindi ako takot mag-isa. Natatakot akong masanay mag-isa. Kasi baka dumating yung araw na iwan kita. Kasi baka umabot ako sa realidad na hindi kita kailangan kasi sinanay mo kong wala ka.
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Hindi ako takot mag-isa. Natatakot akong masanay mag-isa. Kasi baka dumating yung araw na iwan kita. Kasi baka umabot ako sa realidad na hindi kita kailangan kasi sinanay mo kong wala ka.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I had this little rule on myself And sadly, I broke them the moment I met you And you're not anything different because you break me too
There was never an "us" ( So why do I feel like there was )
The facts are straight: there was never an “us.” Not technically.
You see, we were never together, and no, I didn’t change my Facebook status from “Single” into “In a Relationship.” I was his, but he was not mine. We didn’t have labels. But you don’t need labels to feel anything.The trigger was probably the thought that maybe it would be different. That maybe, it would finally be him. That maybe I won’t end up alone, scared or hurt. It all started with the meaningless teasing — they were pairing us up, and we played along fine. At first, it was funny for us, and we went on like we didn’t care because I knew, I was certain, that I would never fall in love with him. But then I remember the moment when jokes became half-truths. That exact moment when I dared to transcend the line between silly and serious. That moment when I started writing about him too. And I wondered if it’s real already, and I asked myself as everybody around was laughing — as I looked for clues — whether he thinks it’s still funny.
But then again, I should have known that I would fall for him first because I have a fondness for guys that will never like me back; I just gravitate towards them.
Looking back, I can say that it was nice at first. He always made me laugh and we had so many things to talk about. I wanted to be always near him. I felt calm just knowing that he was in the same room. I wanted — needed — to see him every day. His voice became my favorite sound. It was all warm and I felt happy because at the end of the day, I knew that I had him. Or at least, I thought I did.
But it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that we really had nothing but just platonic friendship. I am even scared to say now that we were flirting because what if those moments between us were just a delusion? Because he never held my hand, or we never went out alone, or we never saw each other naked, or slept together. What we had were words, laughter, messages on napkins, glances, slight touches. Maybe we never really flirted, and maybe it was bound to stop after things get serious. Perhaps it was all a delusion, after all. But it doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt any less.
I am scared that people would call me stupid and tell me that I only saw what I wanted to see. Even though I have this urge to explain to people why I feel what I feel, I realize that I’m not obliged to do so because these are my emotions — and they wouldn’t understand, anyway.
I know it will be more difficult to forget about him because I just didn’t like any one thing in particular about him, like his eyes, or his smile, or his dimples, or his dorky laughter. I like him beyond the physical, because I like him as a whole. And, most importantly, I liked myself when I was with him — I got a glimpse of how it is to be in love.
And maybe, that is enough.
What I learn today is that I should not trust my feelings anymore. Earlier today, I saw you and I feel nothing. Like it’s nothing but the last time I saw you was 6 days ago. We rode a same jeep and I feel nothing. Just like I just rode a jeep with someone I used to know. We talked and I feel nothing. Just like I’m talking to somebody else. I thought it was fine. That I was fine. Minutes had passed and I’m home and I found myself missing you more. Maybe it just stop for a moment. Maybe I chose not to feel. Maybe because I’m still in awed from the things that happened and it just resume the moment I stepped out. And I found myself missing you more than usual.
Lost in you
It was weird like I can forget about you when I'm with my friends doing gambles and getting drunk and just sleep the sadness away but it was different when I wake up. Like it was just a wave of an ocean; the wave rushing down the sand and goes back then come back a little bigger than it was. Had a little struggle figuring it out? My feelings was the water and your the sand.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I'm waiting for someone. I'm waiting for someone whom I can be myself with. Who would respect my beliefs, my opinions, my wanders and me. Having a boyfriend is easy but I won't just settle for any guy. I have my standards, And I won't let them down just to meet any of those boys. I'm waiting for a guy who doesn't have any idea I am waiting.
We had this little burnt scar on our right arm we got from cooking. I thought by the time it healed, I will be healed. I thought by the time the scars are gone, the pain will just disappear like it was never happen. I thought by the time I saw my right arm it was never there, but it’s still there not that big, not that noticeable. It’s small but it still there.
You in me
Sometimes I wish you could be me. In that way you would feel what I feel for you... When you stare at me and I can't look at your eyes longer because I'm afraid you'll see what my eyes intend to say. When you talk to me and I don't want our conversation to end so I was busy thinking for another question to ask even if you think I'm stupid. When you walk with me and I feel like I'm a turtle because you walk so fast I need to jog every now and then. When you eat with me and I try look presentable and not to look funny but I end up funny anyway because I eat so messy. When you play with me and I try to be competitive enough for you to be challenge and I enjoy every inch of it. When you watch a movie with me and I really don't like horror movies so I just end up blocking my eyes with my hand and scream when the volume seems so scary. When you ask me about the lesson and I would lovely discuss even there's a coming quiz, reviewing with you seems very interesting. When you teach me how to throw a disk and I feel like I'm the dumbest of all because I can't throw it straight but you teach me anyway. When you said you like graham balls and I made one so you can eat some. When you seem so good to me and I'm starting to fall. When you said let's swim and who gets in the end first win but you accidentally kick me on the shoulder and I almost get drown but I think so fast to swim at the edge, you ask me if I was okay. I'm okay but I'm not yet okay with the thought of me drowning with my overflowing feelings and you don't seem to mind because you know I can swim. When you slowly fade in the view and I keep looking for you. When you look at me now with those stranger pair of eyes and I can't help it but to look away because it hurts.