#killedminds

@killedminds​​   𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚍  𝚏𝚘𝚛  𝚊   𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚛.

                  ––––––   “ moving  on ”   –   asking  alexandria

                        𝙷𝙴’𝚂  𝙽𝙾𝚃  𝙱𝚄𝙸𝙻𝚃  𝙵𝙾𝚁  𝙷𝙴𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙰𝙲𝙷𝙴.        he’s  delicate ,  fragile  with  feelings.  emotions  are  complex  &  hard  to  understand  sometimes ,  yet  he’s   chock – full   of  them.  he  knew  the  reputation  the  other  had ,  quentin  was  well  aware  this  may  have  been  a  complete  set – up  to  be  hurt ,  yet  he  was  the  one  who  gave  jayson  the  benefit  of  the  doubt.  in  the  end ,  he  was  the  one  who   paid   for  it ,  too.

A grin already started to grow on his face, “...Shouldn’t jump so much when I touch you.” They both knew that he was speaking only a half truth, because he thought it’d be rather entertaining to ‘sneak’ up on Gabe and surprise him while his back was turned. That didn’t mean he was going to take any ownership over the broken television, in fact it was already beginning to fade from memory.

                        ANXIETY  WAS  NEVER  SOMETHING  SHE  DEALT  WITH  ELEGANTLY.      this  time  it  hit  out  of  no  where,  something  her  subconscious  thought  was  a   cute  game   to  play  whenever  it  grew  bored  of  being  at  full–functioning  capacity.  the  initial  process  of  coping  with  the  random  attacks  were  to  get  a  glass  of  water  before  sitting  to  facetime  jonas.  she’d  done  that,  she’d  sat  on  the  sofa  with  water  sloshing  back  &  forth  in  the  glass  before  sipping  &  setting  it  on  a  coaster  on  the  coffee  table.  except  the  next  step  of  starting  the  call  was  halted  by  him   not  answering  which,  in  this  case,  sent  her  into  even  more  of  a  frenzy.  

                        he  was  her  rock  during  this,  always  a  text  or  video  call  away,  yet  this  time  unreachable.  that  was  when  alfie  arrived  home  &  prompted  her  quickly  wiping  away  tears  &  attempting  to   calm  shallow  breaths   to  no  avail.  she  only  stood  with  immediate  defensive  body  language  &  offered  the  worst  line  in  the  history  of  trying  to  seem  okay.  it  was  clear  that  he  saw  through  it,  even  humored  her  before  grasping  her  jaw  in  his  palms  &  kissing  her  forehead.  except  she   actually  wasn’t   as  strong  as  she  pretended  to  be.

                        sobs  filled  the  room  while  a  hand  brought  up  to  her  mouth,  trying  to  compose  herself  the  best  she  could.        ❛  f–fuck  ups  together,  ❜        she  reiterated  with  a  soft  smile  trying  to  peak  through.        ❛  i’m–i’m  fine,   really.   i  just  had  one  of  my  signature   ‘ down  times ’   but  without  jonas  &  couldn’t  handle  it  like  a  big  dummy.  ❜

                        THERE IT WAS; THE PAPERWORK      they both dreaded receiving, but were incredibly impatient to know the answers of. the stark white envelope encompassed her   deepest fears   and seemingly taunted her the entire car ride over to caleb’s flat. unopened, it still held the contents secretive to her and thus any reaction she had once it was open would be solely genuine. beneath brunette locks rested a mind that raced as if it were running for its life, and perhaps it was, or at least   should be . her bright, frosty eyes were locked with his in a way that sought out permission to open the results, maybe hoping in some sort of delusional fantasy they could just throw the papers away and forget this was even happening. such a poor,   poor   deluded creature, she was.

                        caleb’s eyes left hers and navigated to the crisp paper in her hand that told their futures; a sign that she was sure she should get the   torture   over with and just open it. kiernan’s long index fingernail with black paint chipped away at the surface slid beneath the flap, tearing the envelope open. the paper read in black and white, plain as day and created a lump in her throat she was forced to move past.      “   is   not   excluded as biological fat’er... 99.99 percent probability of paternity,   ”      tears lined her lower lash, threatening to fall.      “   t’at means it’s yers...   ”      her heart felt like it jumped up into her throat and fell out onto the floor. if the father had been mikey, at least she would’ve felt some semblance of   stability , but instead all she felt was uncertainty all over again with caleb.

He’d hovered in the silence, unwitting to move without permission to encroach into such an intimate space. August had long since lost the ability to stay asleep, anxious feelings regarding his brother, his twin, clouding his mind to the point where he felt like he couldn’t stop panicking. Company felt like it would be easier, a way of settling his mind.