#kill m

Before you became trapped in the walls of a digital utopia (or dystopia), you didn't really have all that good of a life. Barely keeping up with rent, living in a tiny apartment that costed way too much for its size, and being completely alone save for your mom and dad. But, this family didn't last at all; your dad passed away due to unpaid debt and your mom unexpectedly left, leaving nothing but a note that had her bank account information and a message that said not to look for her anymore because she'd be gone.

So, yeah. Things were not looking up.

You were alone, using unhealthy coping mechanisms, and at least $5,000 deep in debt. You trained yourself to find comfort in the little things, however after the small pleasure was gone, you would always be left with a thought that said "what now?"

One day, as a treat for yourself, you scraped together enough money to buy yourself a headset. How, I certainly won't say. Sure, there goes this month's money for rent and groceries, but after all you've been through, the least you could do was give yourself some fun. However, once you put it on, you found yourself somewhere completely foreign and unable to take the headset off... almost as if it wasn't there anymore.

# Caine

✦ You were one of the very first people to show up at the circus, so Caine knows you rather well

✦ ... or at least as well as he can understand humans. Which isn't too well but eh

✦ When you met him, you became as attached as a virus is to an AI. You liked being around him, and he liked being around you. His adventures and overall personality made you really happy, and he was really glad to have someone who appreciated him and his adventures and just... made him feel like he was useful.

It also made him very flustered lmao

❝ Caine!! That last adventure was so good! I'm really proud of you!" ❞

❝ Shhhut up. ❞

❝ Okay! ❞

✦ Two colorful characters who are unsure of how to go about expressing affection—what could go wrong?

Despite the both of you talking a lot, you didn't really get to... KNOW each other. You knew surface level things, like what the other liked to eat or what they liked to do in their spare time. Casual things. But you wanted it to be more than that. You wanted it to be more than it ever could be.

So you gave yourself a great task: becoming the ultimate partner for Caine!! You studied him like art, followed him wherever he went. Did whatever he wanted you to

✦ Whenever someone voices how much they dislike Caine's adventures (cough cough zooble), he often uses you as an example for appreciating what he calls "fine arts"

No one ever really listens to him, but you are just oh-so happy that you get to be acknowledged by your favorite person literally ever

✦ He calls you the strangest of names, like "my little irish wristwatch" or "my dear isosceles triangle". He said it has something to do with how "spunky" you are

You do not know what this means and you do not bother to question it lmao

✦ okay let's get serious

From what I've seen so far, Caine is a bit... avoidant and... socially unaware. So, he would probably mistake your obsession for affection and not talk about how it makes you both feel

So he'd have to find out the hard way

Meanwhile, you were fantasizing about how it would feel to get eaten by Caine what dating an AI would be like. Would it be fun? Scary? Not what you were expecting? You didn't care that much, to be honest. You just wanted to spend all of your time with him for the rest of your days

✦ I'd like to think that Caine does notice some things, but he just never directly addresses them in the way that he should. In fact, before you, he was never direct. For example, he noticed how you tended to hurt yourself either out of frustation or because you were bored, but he never brought it up because he didn't know how to approach that. Eventually he'd forget about it until he saw you do it again

Like I said, to me, he seems kinda avoidant

✦ You two actually went on like this for a while. Over time, other members of the circus noticed just how attached you were to Caine, and it began to concern them. You devoted the majority of your time to be with him. When you weren't with him, you were aimlessly wandering around the circus alone, as if you were searching for something

✦ Pomni came up to talk to you after she saw you being rather quiet, which was a bit out-of-character for someone as energetic as you

That talk reaaaaalllllyyyyy got you thinking. Your parents never really... loved you the way Caine does. Does he even actually love you? Or is it just the infatuation talking?

You thanked Pomni but suppressed the feelings for a very long time. You wanted to believe that your love was exactly what it should be: genuine. That you weren't just in love with the idea of having an idol

✦ Caine, meanwhile, was thinking as well. But not necessarily how you think he should be. With how you had been acting, he thought he was driving you away. He started doing everything except what you needed him to do—something he's horribly guilty of

✦ Eventually, things had to change. Pomni's words stayed with you, like a constant reminder of what you couldn't do right. You called Caine one evening while you both weren't busy and decided to talk. Seriously

At first Caine was afraid. He didn't want to lose you when he worked sososo SOOOO hard to get someone, anyone, to want to say. He kept saying all these things like,

❝ I know I'm not the best, but I'm trying, I promise! I can make things better, if you want! I'm just... I'm just here to have fun! ❞

❝ Caine, this isn't about the adventures! It was never about the adventures... I just need you to listen to me. ❞

✦ And, for once, he did

You explained that you wanted more from him, and that you wanted to give him more. You were fine with the adventures—you just wanted to know that he cared as much as he could. You wanted to know that he saw you as more than a follower

✦ After this conversation, Caine stayed in his office for a little while. He thought, and he thought hard. If it wasn't his adventures, maybe it was... him. Maybe this was actually his chance to show you how great he could be..!

After this, Caine made your relationship less about the adventures. They were still core to him sure, but he saw opportunity in this. Now of course he wouldn't get everything right (and the stuff he did get right took a bit to get there) but he was getting there

✦ Caine was still Caine at the end of the day, buuutttttt his devotion to make you happy (as his partner!) was something that he worked toward tirelessly. He finally felt appreciated and wanted, and it was all he could ever ask for!!

And finally—finally!—you began to understand that THIS is what you deserved. This process also didn't happen overnight, but it was worth it!

You basked in the feeling of having Caine stop by your room to check on you and give you drawings of bees. In a way, you both helped each other quite a bit. What more could you want?

Sure hope nothing bad happens to him...

# Ragatha

✦ christ almighty

✦ i want you to keep in mind during all of this that your entire relationship started because of a simple kind gesture

As we all know, Raggy will bend over backwards to make sure that every likes her at the end of the day. So, when you got to the circus for the first time, she greeted you kindly and offered to show you around the place

And, honestly, that was the nicest you had been treated in a long time. A very, very long time.

✦ so, naturally, you stuck with her

✦ being 1000% honest, you don't know a better life than ramen noodles for breakfast, lunch, and dinner because you couldn't motivate yourself to eat anything else; sleeping on a dirty, messy mattress that you never bothered to replace even when you had the money; going to your shitty job to pay the bills and deal with even shittier customers, too scared to talk to your coworkers because what would they say when they found out about you; and just being sad, poor, lonely ol' you

Sooooo when you realized that you got your very own polished and furnished room and actual food to eat, you were extatic. You were messy, but you were happy

✦ Raggy bends over backwards for people even when she doesn't need to, so it's safe to say that the more she did for you, the more you became obsessed fell in love

✦ You're kind of a troublemaker (Jax likes you for this but just won't say it to your face), but again: it's you. She knows you mean well. And you do! It's just you trying to have fun in your own kind of way when Caine's adventures aren't stimulating enough

Like, sometimes you break things for no other reason to break them. And then you eat things you probably should not be eating. For science!

✦ Sometimes you break your own body parts. Like I said, it's stimulating. Sometimes, you do it to feel something, other times you do it becauze you believe you deserve it

✦ Okay let's address the elephant in the room

So, yeah. You were obsessed with Ragatha. In the real world, your goal was to just survive the day and make it to the next one. Nothing special. However, once you met Raggy, you officially had a new goal:

Earn a kiss from Ragatha!!

It was so simple, and yet so difficult. How could she like someone like you? Well, you would make yourself into someone she liked. You'd follow her to the end of the Earth and tend to her every need. You'd become her personal servant if you could

✦ Eventually, Ragatha noticed how you acted around her. It was a lot, even for her. She didn't know how to tackle it at first. She just let you do it because she knew it made you happy. However, it eventually got to a point where she couldn't deny it any longer. Well, denying it was one thing. Actually addressing it was a completely different can of worms she wasn't ready to open.

You, on the other hand, continued to worship the floor and ground she walked on. You continued to be her own personal servant. You stopped having to think about doing it anymore (as in you were now on autopilot), but you always questioned why. Was this really what you wanted..?

✦ Eventually, Kinger convinced Ragatha to finally communicate to you about it all. She brought you into her room and sat you on her bed—and you had to calm down from being allowed to sit on her bed for the first time—so you could talk

When she started to listen, your mood began to shift. You couldn't tell what you were feeling, but it was weird. You've never felt this way before

✦ When Ragatha told you that she wanted you to tone it down a bit, you immediately assumed you did something wrong. She had to raise her voice to pull you back into the conversation, which made you feel worse

However, Raggy explained how she understood. How she knew how it felt to want to be liked, to be loved. She knew that her way of loving you probably wasn't healthy either, but she knew something had to change

Honestly? You did too. Many'a times have you questioned if worship was true love. But you kept doing it anyway because you saw that it was making Ragatha happy, and that was all you wanted

✦ From there, you decided to work on it. Believe it or not, Pomni and Kinger both had some pretty nice advice to give you guys

You started to realize that maybe you didn't have to have an idol. Maybe it wasn't what you wanted at all. Maybe the idea of loving someone wasn't quite what you expected, and maybe that was fine

You tried to treat Ragatha more like how she preferred rather than mindlessly praising her for whatever she did

✦ On the other hand, Ragatha started to express herself more. Around you, she felt that she was able to take off the happy facade and be herself. She could frown and know that she wouldn't be judged for it

✦ Obviously, that didn't happen overnight. There were many mishaps and slip ups and whatnot, but you both perservered. You wanted to see your relationship flourish, and so you worked for it. You were both motivated to make ir work!

As for the self-harming situation, Ragatha helped you focus other ways to relieve negative feelings and stimulate yourself than what you were originally doing. Even if you couldn't exactly die or get hurt, it still wasn't a good thing to do!!

One night after an adventure, you found yourself in Ragatha's room on the same spot on her bed. You two were just talking like normal, nothing really out of the ordinary. Then, Raggy gets all nervous...

❝ Hey, uhm... Can I try something? ❞

❝ Eh? What is it? ❞

Before you can question anything else, Ragatha gives you a quick peck on the cheek, quickly snapping back into place and staring intensely at you

✦ You couldn't believe it. You nearly didn't believe it. But once you saw Ragatha's timid face that was wondering whether or not she should have done that, you started beaming. You tried to hold your composure and keep yourself from literally tweakin out, but it was very clear you wanted to SO badly

So Ragatha kissed again. And again. And again and again and again and again and again...

✦ You had finally achieved your goal!! And, you had even achieved it in the best way possible.

# Pomni

✦ i don't know why i'm surprised dude i'm the writer

✦ when you first got to the circus, you were a rather rambunctious fellow. Wild n' wacky, you didn't often think before you did, aha. However, you didn't really want to get to know anyone apart from the facts on the surface, so you kept to yourself a bit

But, somehow, SOMEHOW, Pomni managed to slip through the cracks. She greeted you and asked if you were okay. You had made yourself scarce recently, and she wanted to know if you were doing okay in the head

Mentally? No. Physically? Also no not really. But someone coming up to check in on you was... nice. You felt cared for, for once. She gave you one of her Pomni Talks

You told her you were alright, just afraid. Instantly, she related with you, trying to make you feel more comfortable and that you weren't alone

✦ From then on, you mostly stuck around Pomni, always behind or beside her. You were messy and wild, but you meant well. After all, you never knew better. You were given the freedom to let loose, so you took it. And, of course, Pomni was always with you whenever you wanted to have fun.

You'd often visit her to make sure she was doing good and wasn't on the verge of abstracting

✦ Pomni kind of goes along with your shenanigans sometimes lol. Like she'll joke around with you and tease you n' stuff. Yknow Jax episode six? You're like that, and she's into it

✦ You still remember the day you found out how to make her genuinely laugh. Never before had you had such dopamine rush through your brain

You never knew much about social norms or social cues, so that clicked something in your brain

✦ You two looovveee to be sassy/banter with each other. It's literally your love language

❝ Pomni!! I love your outfit! ❞ You say, walking up to her.

With a confused-yet-very-amused smirk, she says, ❝ I've been wearing the same outfit this whole time, what are y- ❞

❝ Ah! Appreciate my kindness. ❞

✦ Alright here we go

So like, Pomni kinda knew what your deal was. To me, Pomni seems to be a very emotionally intelligent person and while she may not be a psychologist, she can read people fairly well. Like she can clock stuff pretty fast. Can you tell I like Pomni

So after a while of you two hanging out, she picked up on your behaviors and mannerisms

✦ I'm gonna be honest, she's probably the most direct person in this batch of headcanons. Like she knew something was wrong

She especially knew something was wrong when she saw you physically harming yourself "just because", as you put it. This was very alarming, and she honestly didn't really know how to handle it at first

✦ Girl channeled her inner kinger

So, she stopped you from doing what you were doing and asked if you did stuff like that in the real world. When you said yes, she grew even more worried. It didn't mean much in the digital world since you couldn't actually die, but it was more like a window into your mental state. And it was clear it wasn't good.

So, Pomni guided you away from such coping mechanisms to try and help you get better. She suggested taking out your feelings on objects or going to go and spend time with people you cared about. Because of this, you tried to get yourself to start hanging out with her whenever you felt that way

✦ Going back to the whole idolizing arc, Pomni tried to find a time to address it with you. When she did, she tried to gently explain how she felt about all this. However, you interpreted it differently. Was this her telling you she hated how you were around her?

You didn't think and instantly told her to stop. You didn't want to hear it. You didn't want to hear the truth, especially since you kind of knew it yourself. It was one thing to think it. But to hear it out loud, and from another person?

Saddened, you dipped into your room and shut everyone out for quite the extended period of time. Your bad habits became worse, especially since you weren't able to receive comfort from the one person you trusted the most. However, you weren't as energetic as before

✦ While you holed up in your room, you actually did a lot of thinking. You had reacted on impulse and didn't really think about the words she was saying. But now that you were sitting on your bed, shoveling jam-on-bread into your mouth...

You knew that she was right. You know what you were doing wasn't healthy, but it was all you had going for you.

✦ Pomni, meanwhile, was spending time on her own as well. She knew you needed the space so she gave it to you. But, she'd admit that, whenever you were out and about for once and your eyes made contact, it hurt when you wouldn't smile back like usual.

She kept waiting for a moment to bring it up, but she'd back out whenever she got the chance.

Until one day, she was tired of not having you around anymore.

✦ When she asked if you were free one day, she was surprised (but happy!) when you said yes. She lead you to her room and said she wanted to talk about the two of you. However, when you said you wanted to speak first, she let you

✦ First: you said you were sorry for reacting so impulsively when she was addressing your dynamic. Second: you said you had done some thinking on your own and came to the striking conclusion that something needed to change

You just hadn't been ready to deal with it yet

Pomni nodded and said she understood. She knew you were putting her up on a pedastal (and not in a good way) and wanted to get to it before it got to a point of no return

The conversation ended with a hug and the two of you reintroducing yourselves for a fresh start for your relationship

✦ Now you're actively working on bettering you and your habits!! It's a lot of work, but it's helping your minds stay nice and healthy within the digital hellscape. And! Having Pomni be by your side (and not above you) has you feeling like you're on cloud nine. You were back to being a gremlin by the way

Pomni likes to remind you that you're very important to her every now and then. Sometimes, she brings you things like food or things she saw on an adventure

✦ On one particularly boring day, Pomni visited your room and hung out with you as usual. Then, she asked to do something and hoped it was okay with you. You and obliged and—

OH MY GOD SHE KISSED YOU

You knew Pomni didn't like to be touched and therefore wasn't big on PDA, but oH MY GOOOODDD

She hopped up from the bed—and left you utterly distraught—with nothing else to say but ❝ Love you! ❞