#khushi

Sacrifice is a sign of strength, but in Khushi's case it was tinted with weakness.

She did not sacrifice because she was strong, or because her love was noble and virtuous, it rather comes from a place of obligation.

sacrifice as obligation: I must do this for you.

vs.

sacrifice as deliberation: I choose to do this for you, knowing it will hurt me.

At times, Khushi would stand up for herself when she was being abused by Arnav (resignation scene, guesthouse incident...). But at other times, and especially after something starts to ignite in her heart towards him, her boundaries start to blur. She became more passive in face of the hurt, be it emotional or physical. There’s a tragic beauty in how she absorbs the weight of Arnav’s cruelty—not just out of fear of his threats, but because she believes that’s what loving him might look like. She endured, letting him do whatever he wanted with her, not because she chose to be submissive to him, but because she felt obliged to do so if that's what it took to be with him. Love for her looked different—loving him required complete succumbency. Their love was not an equation, very from from it. The highest form of love, is to forgive; and Khushi was a master at that. She always forgave people she loved, from her own family to Arnav, before they even asked for it—often compeletly without. Take for instance, the early stages of their first marriage, she looked for answers behind his brutality—why was he tormenting her? what had she done wrong? But I would say she dropped those questions rather quickly. She allowed herself to live with those questions, it came easier than forcing an answer out of him. She had faith in him all along, even with this level of torment he'd put her under, she still trusted that he must have a reason behind all of this. She would rather trust him blindly (even if that trust meant her misery) than pressure him into an answer. Now, I don't know wether the writers of the show chose to ditch the questioning of his actions to highlight her inclination to finding comfort—familiarity in being a victim— his victim; or did they just want to drag the show a bit longer? Maybe both.

Khushi gave without expecting anything in return. Because loving Arnav meant easing his strain— even though he was the one causing hers. She constantly put herself in bad lighting as long as it meant she was protecting him, standing with him, submitting to the version of love she had accepted. This is seen in how she hid the truth behind the marriage from the Raizadas as well as the Guptas, even when the truth came out—when Shyam’s lies were laid bare—she still chose silence over vindication. She knew that Arnav blackmailing her into marrying him, will not be accepted by others. Only she can forgive him for it, silently. And she recieved all the disappointment and anger that came with it (from their families) with an open chest. Never once did she spit his name in blame, because she already chose a side: his.

We don't give Khushi enough credit for what she endured for his love, always putting him first. Khushi NEVER thought about leaving Arnav; only when he asked her to. When he said "Why did you come in my life?Why did I meet you? It is all your fault Khushi." she finally thought, maybe he would be better off without me. She thought about abandoning this relationship, not for herself but for him— not because she had reached her limit, but because she thought he had. Even though, she was the one at most disadvantage throughout all of this. This ties into the idea of obligation vs deliberation.

Her sacrifice was to optimize his well-being, hers was never an option. She didn’t measure what she was giving up, because it didn’t feel like a conscious decision. It came natural, as a reflex, as an imperative attached to loving him.

The evening seemed to stretch longer than either of the Gupta sisters could anticipate. Buaji had dressed in a simple emerald sari, embellished her hair with a beautiful red rose, before setting off to Shantivan for the evening.

But Payal and Khushi had been asked by Anjali to go to Mr Feroz’s boutique.

And now, sitting amidst the wooden panels of the store, Khushi couldn’t help but wonder if Arnav’s cocktail party would be any different from what Akash had thrown for Payal.

“Miss Gupta! Mrs Malik!”, Mr Feroz exclaimed as he walked into the lounge, followed by two assistants carrying their outfits for the evening.

“Is Anjali going to come soon?”Payal asked.

“No,she is tonight’s hostess”, he said simply.

“Well then let’s not waste any time. Khushi, come now…”

———

The chandeliers gleamed over the floors of Navy club, an esteemed private club known for hosting the highest echelons of society. Tonight, it saw the biggest names from media, politics, fashion, business and law. 

The armour Khushi had donned was a black dress, red lips and louboutins. She swallowed down the uneasiness clouding her senses, and slipped her arm around Payal’s.

“Di”, she whispered, “Your engagement party was far more toned down, it only had friends and family…”

Payal shook her head, “There’s also a difference in families, Khushi. Anjali and Arnav ,both, are the most speculated celebrities in the city. So if she hosts a party, no one declines an invite ”

She looked around, hoping to see a familiar face or two. But wherever she looked, she could only see the subtle display of wealth. A display not intended for envy, but still managed to incite some.

“Khushi “

She turned to see Manorama aunty walk towards them.

“Anjali has been looking for you-“

“Where’s Arnav?”, she blurted out .

Manorama smiled knowingly, “Somewhere around”

With a sigh, Khushi grabbed a drink from the nearest waiter. If she was going to wait, she might as well enjoy herself. 

No sooner had she thought of resigning herself to a quiet corner, that Anjali found her.

“I have been looking for you all evening” Anjali’s measured smile grated at her.

“I have been looking for Arnav all evening “,Khushi shrugged and took a sip out of her glass.

“Arnav is stuck in traffic. You see, Friday is the worst day for the city’s roads . You’ll realise once you join the workforce Khushi “

She sighed, “I’ll wait then”

Twirling the glass of wine in her hand, Anjali shakes her head, “Please let me introduce you to some of the guests in the meantime. It would be such a waste if the star of the evening doesn’t grace them with her presence.”

———

Led by Anjali, Khushi met politicians, actors, erstwhile royalty, and media personalities in a daze. She could hardly believe herself, simply accepting their greetings with polite smiles.

After meeting Aman Sethi, Arnav’s right hand man and the one ruling Indian media at the moment, she turned to Anjali.

“Gosh! I can’t believe I met the Aman Sethi! I have read all his books! Thank you Anjali “

“Of course”, Anjali smiled, “I hope you weren’t as starstruck with Arnav, given how much more famous he is in his field-“

“Not really, I had no idea about him…” Khushi trails away.

Because it was the truth. She admired AR media, and had even attended a job interview for a junior level position before he swept into life with the proposal.

But the man? No, she really hadn’t heard of Arnav. The only ones she knew were the ones who had published papers, been in front of the screen- not the power magnets who financed it all.

“Aah!”, Anjali looked at someone behind her, “Here is someone else I wanted you to meet Khushi”

Khushi didn’t have to turn around, because that person walked straight up to Anjali and air kissed her cheeks.

Lavanya Kashyap 

Supermodel. Heiress. And the one who had shared her heart with the man she was going to marry. 

The olive beauty stood tall , draped in the most gorgeous white sari. Her hair fell around her beauty in waves, and her lips were glossed up in the most beautiful shade of pink. Her perfume in the tones of jasmine and bergamot flooded the air around them.

And then the vision flashed her pearly whites at Khushi, as her eyes crinkled and her cheeks dimpled with a smile.

Khushi Kumari Gupta had never felt so ugly. Not even when that one jerk from seventh grade had dropped black paint over her head. 

She might be the girl betrothed to him, but it was this woman who stole the spotlight.

At this point, seeing the glimmer of the chandeliers reflect off Miss Kashyap’s diamond earrings, Khushi wouldn’t blame anyone who doubted Mr Raizada’s judgement.

“Meet Lavanya Kashyap, Khushi. You might recognise her from her modelling days. She now heads Kashyap industries-“

“Hardly”, Lavanya dismisses, her husky voice like whiskey on scorched earth,” Dad still heads everything. I am just trying to do a decent job at learning the ropes. And how would Khushi recognise me? She must have been in school”

Lavanya shares a meaningful look with Anjali. A look meant to not go unnoticed.

“Oh, probably. But I remember your retirement very well”, Khushi smiles watching the glee on Lavanya’s face falter.

Anjali laughs forcefully , “Lavanya didn’t want to work anymore Khushi. You can’t call resignation retirement “

“Well, that’s what my generation believes “, Khushi shrugged smugly, surprising even herself. 

Because when she saw that the two women were going to use her age as their target, she was going to use theirs. 

Even if she was trembling from fury and humiliation within, Khushi reigned herself in and kept her head held high.

Why did the Raizadas invite Lavanya? Did…did Arnav know about this? Did he not think of warning her even once?

“I hear he is remodelling the Lucknow apartment”, Lavanya said, now seemingly oblivious to Khushi’s presence, “I hope he keeps my painting safe”

And she laughs. The sound grated at her like shards of glass against her skin.

A moment goes by. She holds her silence, looking over them as if bored.

“Don’t mind Khushi. Lavanya is an excellent painter. She has her art displayed all over Arnav’s properties”

That’s it. The straw that broke the camel’s back. She was not a doormat. And yet, she was raised to be a Lakhnavi enough to not create a scene.

“Excuse me”, she willed herself to withhold her tremors, before walking away. 

————

She rushed past everyone and everything. 

The glitter which had fascinated her, now hurt her eyes. The perfumed air of the hall was now a source of nausea. The music was giving her a headache and her heels bit into her skin. She needed to go, and she needed to do it fast.

But the Gods were clearly not acting in her favour this evening.

Slam!

And she crashed into all muscle and suit. The man himself.

“Khushi”, his fingers curled around her arm.

Her lashes fluttered open to reveal her hurt.

“Khushi, what’s wrong?”

He was now frantic. Startled upon seeing the tears in her eyes, Arnav held her tighter.

She couldn’t say anything. Not now, not with hundreds of eyes watching her every move. 

Shaking her head at him, Khushi ignored the pain in her ankle and left the hall. There was only so much she could take in twenty minutes.

She walked on, till she reached the staircase at the end of the corridor. All grey and sleek. Settling herself on the steps, Khushi wanted to breathe. Just breathe for a moment or two. Breathe before Payal or buaji came running for her.

And then she noticed them. The pair of leather shoes.

She hadn’t even heard his footsteps. Swallowing her discomfort, Khushi looked up to see him.

Only, he wasn’t looking at her. His brows held the most fierce frown she had seen. His eyes held a storm in them. 

 Neither spoke. 

He knelt down, reaching for her foot. Unravelling the straps in a second, he removed the heel to reveal the bleeding little toe. His warmth had her gasping as he engulfed her foot in her hand. 

Reaching into his pocket, Arnav took out a pristine white handkerchief. Crumpling it into a ball, he placed it at the site of injury.

Khushi could sense it.

The restraint. The concern. The fury.

And just before she decided she couldn’t be silent anymore, he asked, in a controlled manner belying his eyes,

“Who said what?”

------

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