#kennn

It's been years since I last opened my account, and I already forgot about this page that I particularly dedicated to my then boyfriend, Kenn.

I just want to update that we've already broken up 2yrs ago, between 6 and 7 on a cold, rainy evening on Aug 11, 2018. I caught him cheating on me.. With a friend.. And a classmate.. Someone who I did not even considered as a threat. Someone who looks and acts the exact opposite as me, someone who's the "Yes po, opo." type of person. Someone who looks so innocent and pure. Lol. I mentioned here in my blog that I was not his usual type because likes petite and fair skinned women. Guess what, he cheated on me with the exact girl, fair skinned 5 foot pabebe girl. Let's call her "D", because that's her initial plus she's such a dick. Hahahaha.

Oh well, it's been years. I've already moved on.. Or have I? 🤣 Hahahahaha.

I can't deny it, I was completely devastated when I found out. It was during my board exam review in Manila. He was the sweetest and clingiest (aside from me) person I know. I was left dumbfounded as to why he suddenly got cold. Little did I know, he was getting "hot" with someone else.

Since I can't focus on my review, and I'd always cry on class, my friends suggested that I go back to Davao to try and patch things up. We were the clingiest couple in school, we were together for at least 12hrs a day for 6-7 days a week. So maybe he just missed me so much that he did not know how to act without me and apart from me.

I booked a plane ticket and decided to stay for 4days in Davao to spend some time together. He kept on denying that there was a 3rd party and that there was no other girl. He was just prioritizing himself since I've been his priority for the past 5 years, he said. I tried to be an understanding gf hahahaha. Looking back, I think that I'm really tanga. All the red flags about cheating were there, but i decided to look past through all of them. Maybe I trusted him too much? Or maybe I was just blinded by love. Who knows? Hahaha

So on the last night of my Davao trip, I grabbed his spare phone to innocently look at the photos.. But what I saw was the convo between him and D. I honestly did not know what to feel. My brain refused to process that my bf was cheating on me. I was speechless for a few seconds.. Then it hit me. "Ahhh, so that's why? That's the reason for everything that's happening. But why?! WHYY?!!"

I was not able to sleep even for a few seconds that night. The next morning I went back to Manila with my heart shattered to a million pieces. I did not go back to our condo, my brother picked me up at the airport and I decided to stay at their home til I can process what happened.

I don't know how many times i broke down, how many liters of tears I've cried or how many times I questioned and pitied myself because of what had happened. I was completely devastated. I was full of self doubt and my self esteem dropped to zero.

Many times I contemplated to just drop everything and go back to my hometown to just cry and feel the pain until it hurts no more. Well, i did stay for a month in our house before going back to Manila to try and review again for the boards. Hahaha. The point is, I almost did not take the board exams. Good thing I still did, because I aced and top the boards. Hehe. But i know for sure I would've done a lot better if he and D did not act like dicks.

Fast forward few months, I received a news that he got the girl pregnant. I was broken all over again.. This time, it's a different kind of hurt. It was the closure I did not know I needed. "Ah, so this is it. This is really the last chapter of our book. This is the ending. There'll be no more after this. The end. Fin."

From then on, I finally started to accept that he and I were over. Like really over.

It was a long and difficult journey. I cried my self to sleep a millions times. I questioned my worth for God knows how much.. To this day, there are still days that I get a random flashback accompanied by a random wave of sadness and self doubt.

But I believe that time heals all wounds. I feel better now, way better. And I think all this time being alone had done me well. I became a better person for myself. I learned how to be independent again, and slowly, I learned to love myself and gain back the confidence that I lost.

I learned a lot from the 5yrs that we were together. And I also learned a lot from our break up. If given another chance, I still think that I would do it all over again.. But maybe I'll be just a little wiser. Hahaha. I don't have any regrets. I was happy. He made me happy. Its just that I hate how we ended. Hehe.

He's happy with his family now. The next I'll see him and his fam, I hope no more bitterness and hurt will be left in me so that i can genuinely, a 100%, wish them to be happy.