#kellsreplies

Hi! Thank you so much, I'm so glad you're enjoying it! I will absolutely be continuing it! Life really hasn't been kind to me recently. I've actually been in and out of hospitals, and not quite bedridden, but too weak to do much, so I'm in bed quite often. But regarding the fic, I've actually been working on it the past few days since I got my recent work submitted to my publisher and wanted a break from professional writing. In fact, I wanted to finish the chapter I've been working on before I post the next chapter so that I still have some cushioning between them, but I can probably get that up by this weekend. I'll definitely try!

Thank you so much for reading and asking about it!

Peaces!

Hi there!

Thank you for trusting me with your question. I know how confusing and overwhelming it can be as you first start to explore gender identities.

Here are a few sites that might be helpful:

Genderqueerid - The aim of Genderqueer and Non-Binary Identities is to provide awareness, information, and resources for genderqueer, non-binary, questioning, and gender non-conforming people and their allies.

Genderspectrum - Gender Spectrum works to create gender sensitive and inclusive environments for all children and teens

Everyday Feminism - Everyday Feminism is an educational platform for personal and social liberation. Our mission is to help people dismantle everyday violence, discrimination, and marginalization through applied intersectional feminism and to create a world where self-determination and loving communities are social norms through compassionate activism

Genderbread - A teaching tool for breaking the big concept of gender down into bite-sized, digestible pieces.

Twenty10 -  Works with people across Sydney and New South Wales who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and gender diverse, non-binary, intersex, questioning, queer, asexual and more (LGBTIQA+) people and others of diverse genders and sexualities, their families, and communities. A Sydney based service working across New South Wales, providing a broad range of specialized services for young people 12-25 including housing, mental health, counseling, and social support. For adults, we provide social support and for people of all ages, we offer telephone support and webchat as the NSW provider for the national QLife project. We also offer inclusivity training and consulting for organizations and service providers across most sectors.

The Gender Book - A fun, colorful, community-based resource, which illustrates the beautiful diversity of gender - a gender 101 for anyone and everyone.

PFLAG - PFLAG is committed to creating a world where diversity is celebrated and all people are respected, valued, and affirmed.

Books that might be helpful:

Transgender Reading List for Young Adults

Transgender Reading List for Adults

Hot/HelpLines:

US Based

International

I hope this is helpful in getting you started in a very deep ocean of information! Please remember that no two journeys are ever the same and your identity is for you and you alone to define. No matter what happens, there are people out there who will love and support you (one of them is right here!) My inbox is always open if you ever need to chat!

Uh, Kat, whoever you are and if you're out there, this person says hello and that you're still a bitch from what they've seen.

Leverage

Rating: M Warnings: N/A Length: 7.1k words Chapters 1/1 complete

Summary: They kept their relationship a secret for a reason. They thought they'd been doing a good job. They were wrong.

Sample: The tapping grabs Bucky’s attention. The noise makes him lift his head out of his hands but he cannot recall when he sat down on the bench and got in the position. On the other side of the glass is the same woman as earlier. Immaculately dressed. Posture regal and proper. Dark brown hair pinned up and back with a streak of purple through it. At the moment, she’s wearing sunglasses. Indoors.

When Bucky doesn’t respond beyond lifting his head, she taps again on the glass. Even after all those years in cryo, Bucky’s never felt more like a fucking goldfish.

“Can you hear me, darling?” she asks. “Am I getting through to you?” Bucky folds his arms over his chest and that must be enough confirmation for her. “Ah. Good.”

She removes her glasses and assesses him with a pair of dark brown eyes. Precise. Calculating. There’s much more to her than meets the eye. Bucky wouldn’t be surprised if she’s the one who orchestrated the entire trap that got him here in the first place. Sending him that video of kidnapped children. Demanding he come alone if they were to be saved. Exploiting his desire to make up for the horrible things Hydra made him do and be an actual hero. To find his balance as he stumbles through this new version of life.

“Can I get you anything? Food? Water? A blanket, maybe?”

All of those things are very tempting. Bucky can’t remember when he last ate and the air is too dry in here and, yes, he is very cold. It takes a lot not to shiver. But he’s not going to give her the satisfaction of letting her know any of that so he just deepens the glare.

“Straight to business, then? Very well.” She laces her fingers and rests her hands in front of her. “I suppose you’re wondering why we’ve brought you here.”

“No.” Bucky shakes his head. “Not really. I’m used to people trying to use me.”

“Oh, I’m sure you are. You know, I must say, when I…” She chuckles softly to herself. “When I saw you in Madripoor with Baron Zemo and Mr. Wilson, I--”

“That’s Captain Wilson, to you.”

Bucky’s assertion gives her pause. His jaw tightens. It isn’t smart to say anything, he knows this, but he won’t let this woman--he won’t let anyone--disrespect Sam. Not in front of him.

Unfortunately, Bucky’s desire to defend Sam also makes her smirk. Hidden in the corners of her mouth are vulgar interests.

“I stand corrected.” She concedes with a slight nod of her head. “When I saw you with the Baron and Captain Wilson, I thought I really hit the jackpot. Which.” She pauses for another chuckle. “If you’re someone like me who has no need for a jackpot is really saying something. You’re quite the hot commodity, Mr. Barnes. Do you have any idea how much the Winter Soldier would go for on the black market?”

No, not really, but Bucky isn’t surprised that there are people out there who would pay for such a thing. At least he knows he’s an expensive son of a bitch. Bucky gives her saucy grin.

“What can I say?” He shrugs a shoulder. “I’m honored.”

As if completely disinterested in his sarcasm, she flicks her eyebrows and licks her teeth before getting on with it.

“Since I can buy, well, pretty much anything I want, I’d been hoping to purchase you and put you to…good use. Oh, don’t worry, dear.” She waves her hand as if Bucky shouldn’t be concerned about any of this. “We’ll figure out a way to do that eventually. After all, why settle for one supersoldier when you can have two, am I right?”

Two supersoldiers?

“I knew normal persuasion wouldn’t work on you so I found a new way to use you. For now.”

Bucky doesn’t have time to worry about who the other supersoldier is. Right now, he needs to be more concerned with how she intends to, as she’s put it, use him.

Which starts with her taking her phone from her back pocket and holding it out like she means to take a picture of him. Bucky scoffs.

“You want me to do a song and dance for ya, too?”

“No, no, dear,” she says. “This will work just fine. You look fab.”

“I’m so happy to oblige.”

He briefly wonders what she might do with the pictures she’s taking. Maybe upload them to the internet for some reason.

This right here has totally made my week infinitely better. Thank you, anon! Things are okay (better than it's been in a while, actually, now that I'm out of the toxic environment) just very hectic, and trying to write lately is a lot like this:

It means so much to me that you'd think of me to write this and have the confidence that I'd do it well. And I'd love to write this, too! I've had a number of ideas for this type of fic.

I did just start posting a new stucky au so maybe when I finish with that I'll give this a shot!

@ohhcalamities said: that's terrible, you have all the right to be upset about potentially seeing him. I hope you don't, and if he's there try not to let him ruin your day. You can always avoid him and pretend he doesn't exist. Hope it all goes well! 💖

@milarca said: oh jeez that sounds awful I'm so sorry 😰😰😰

@brendaonao3 said: It's not stupid at all - your trauma is your trauma, and this is dredging up some very deep-seated feelings <3 but just remember to take a deep breath and remind yourself where you are in life now, and all the beautiful things you have and how you *survived* and *thrived* in spite of him, and hopefully the will ease the knot (love you!!!)

@froidefille said: I don't think it's stupid, I think it's just how trauma works. Your feelings are valid, 100%! Im sorry you feel bad :( but you are awesome and you can do this. Try to have fun just to spite the douche :P Remember even some random person online thinks you're awesome not to mention you'll have your family there to support you💕 I hope you'll feel better and have fun at the wedding XOXO

First of all, you folks are 100% awesome. I actually hopped on right now to update what happened this weekend and found all these kind words. Thank you so much for all your support and encouragement! It's so greatly appreciated.

I made the post the night before we were leaving to head back home for the wedding so ya'll know how nervous I already was. Lemme tell you, yesterday afternoon before I even started getting ready I was feeling awful. At first, I thought it was normal me-not-feeling-well nonsense since I typically get that way before any sort of social event. Then I remembered again why i was so nervous and it made even more sense that I was actually trembling most of the day.

But!

I did what I could to calm myself down. Y'know, breathing exercises and taking a warm shower and drinking lots of water. Stuff like that. Then started to get ready, and when I was through I was positively thrilled with how I looked.

My dress fit and flattered my body perfectly. My sister outdid herself with my make-up and I couldn't believe how great it looked. My hair was fine even without getting it done for the day.

When we got there, we (me, my husband, and makeup-sister) were standing in the lobby talking for a bit and at some point, I happened to glance around and my heart/stomach fell to the floor. Sure enough, he was there. I s2g my blood ran cold and I panicked. On the inside, at least.

According to both my husband and sister, the only reason they knew that something happened was because of how well they know me. Which, I guess means, no one else could've been able to tell, including him. I did everything I could to keep my cool while he stared at me...so effing awkwardly.

It was painfully obvious that he felt uncomfortable. And I wasn't even the one to point that out. I was thinking it but wondered if it was hopeful thinking and then both my sisters said it. He was also there without anyone and when he went up to dance (horribly) he mostly danced...with his beer. At one point, my parents came back to the table and were like "Look at this, you're sitting here having fun with your husband and sisters, and he's up there...dancing by himself. I think you win."

While I was acutely aware of him the entire time and there were horrible knots in my stomach, it was like he didn't even exist to me. I cannot tell you how many times I walked by him on my way to the bar or something and went by like he was any other guest there that I didn't know. Make-up-sister said that he looked at me every time I was near him and every time he passed our table.