#kcin15

I wish you could have met me on my first day of high school.  Sitting at 5 feet, 9 inches I was just about the shyest thing you had ever seen.  I lived everyday in the depths of my undiagnosed social and generalized anxiety disorders; these made it hard to raise my hand in class, to walk down the hallway, to speak out of turn....Quite frankly, when I was thirteen I was afraid to breathe, because someone could hear me.   

Now that was seven years ago, and if you’re at this years International Convention you didn’t have a chance to meet the thirteen year old I’m talking about. But that’s okay (I barely remember her) and you don’t need to have known her to hear exactly what I’m about to say.  

At this morning’s House of Delegates Amendment No. 1 was passed.  This amendment states that no two clubs of Key Club International shall be chartered in a single school. I am from San Diego, California and attended Rancho Bernardo High School.  A High School that has two chartered clubs of Key Club International: a club from the KIWIN’S District and a Club from the Cali-Nev-Ha District. 

In the first weeks of my high school career I attended a meeting of the Cali-Nev-Ha Club.  I wanted nothing more than to serve my community. I would never be a track star, or a cheerleader; my anxieties wouldn’t even allow me to think I would amount to much of anything...but I could do something for my community.  The Cali-Nev-Ha Club at my school reflected the impressive numbers of their district, it had close to 250 members and as I sat in that meeting I held my breath, lost, broken and too afraid to even sign up for a service event. This of course says nothing about the ability of the club to serve or it’s members, but everything about what thirteen year old me needed to develop valuable leadership skills. 

The next week I went to a KIWIN’S Meeting, and much like the overall district I was greeted by a smaller group of people.  Here, though I was still afraid to breathe or speak, it wasn’t suffocating for me.  Over the next year I attended Rally’s and District Convention, and slowly found a place that felt safe enough that I could move freely.  

Over the next three years I served as my club President, Division’s Lieutenant Governor and eventually KIWIN’S District Governor.  Those four years were full of growing pains, moments of doubt, and loads of anxiety.  But through it all there were 2,000 people who understood, deeply understood who I was because many of them were the same: shy, afraid––not ready to speak up in a room of 200 let alone 6,000 people.  

Now, I wish you could have seen me at my retirement during my final District Convention.  Even then, I barely remembered the way my hands would clam up in class when i had to talk, or the fear that I would never amount to anything...I had finally done something.  I had a family that all stood and told me they were proud of me that I had (despite my fears and anxiety, despite my trials and tribulations...despite everything done something that mattered).  If you have ever led in Key Club International, I know you know the feeling that I had in that moment.  That is a feeling that I never could have had if Cali-Nev-Ha had been the only option available to me, likely I would have never attended another meeting and continued to serve on my own.  (Again I want to stress that I love Cali-Nev-Ha and all that it does for the people it is the right fit for, but it is big, and this can be a difficult environment to grown in for many young people).

As I write this all I can think is how much I would have missed out on...how much Key Club International would have missed out on.  Now I know this is only my story, that not every member of KIWIN’S has overcome social anxiety...not everyone has been a Governor; but I do know that my story is not isolated. I know that most members of the two District Boards I served on could tell you a variation of this story.  I had the privilege of watching at least 30 members grow into incredible leaders who offered so much to Key Club International because of the opportunity they were given in the environment that is KIWIN’S.  As a past KIWIN’S member I value so greatly the relationships I had with my Cali-Nev-Ha District Counterparts, but I stand by the fact that KIWIN’S was the environment I needed to serve and grow in.  The environment that made me the (almost) fearless, outgoing young lady I am so happy I am today. 

The decision that was made this morning has disappointed me immensely.  Not only do I feel that my time and previous membership has been invalidated, but I also feel that it ignored the true issue at hand.  As a Key Club Alumni I stand by “Caring as my Way of Life”. In saying this I know that all that matters is serving, loving and acknowledging all people despite the structure or bureaucratic elements of doing it.  After all, Key Club was created in the light of service and leadership development.  KIWIN’S does that, in a unique way that is necessary in a geographic area with so many willing, capable and diverse servant leaders. 

No matter how you voted this morning, I hope that you can understand at least some of what I’m saying, and support KIWIN’S in whatever way you can. I know that my words, as an alumni, do not change anything, and I know I truly have no say in the matter.  But if KIWIN’S taught the shy teenage I was anything, it was that my voice matters, my story matters, and it’s important to speak when you care.  I care, about all of you, about the success of Key Club International and most importantly about the development of more servant leaders.  

In caring, loyalty and service, 

Kennedy Ann Roberts