#kauker

“CANNONBALL!” Jason screamed as he performed a perfect dive into the water. “That wasn’t even a cannonball, dummy,” Alana muttered as she rushed past the pool to put on her swimsuit. “Man, you kids are getting so aggy the older you get,” Jason said once he emerged from the water.

The family gathered for Harmony’s birthday, and it was already a blast. Some cousins took a dip in the pool while the majority showed off their Smustlin’ skills. Sedona Heights was one of the more remote neighborhoods in the city, so it always felt like a treat to head out that way. And Harmony was ecstatic to be growing up into a teenager.

After a fun-filled day in the sun, it was finally time for Harmony to grow up. Everyone got out of the pool to gather around her and her birthday cake, cheering and blowing party favors like no tomorrow.

“Make it a good one!” Kauker called from behind. Harmony tapped her chin, thinking before settling on the best birthday wish ever. She smiled and blew her candles out, garnering more cheers from her family.

With that, Harmony spun around and grew up into an absolutely beautiful teenage girl in a very bizarre and seasonally inappropriate bubble coat. “Well, this is weird,” she said, looking at her hands, which suddenly had gloves on them. “But cool!”

After changing into something not totally stupid, Harmony gathered around her other teen cousins in the backyard. “I’m telling you guys, Academie de Tour is where it’s at,” Taylor said with a shrug. “They have the best education program and our family has an extremely long history of attendance.”

“Boring!” Jason exclaimed. “La Fiesta Tech throws the best parties!” “And Sim State is way easier,” said Sadé. “Who’s out here going to college for the education? I just want to meet as many fine men as I can.”

“This is serious business,” Shea said, looking around. Kauker laughed and shrugged at his cousin. “What can I say, I’m a business, man,” he said. Shea rolled her eyes and took a seat. They were seated in Kauker’s studio for his new podcast.

“You ready?” Kauker said, putting his headphones on. “Game on,” Shea said with a smile. He queued up his equipment and began speaking into the microphone. “What’s up, it’s your boy Kauker here with another great episode of Simphony, Sim City’s number 1 music podcast!” he began. “Today I’ve got an incredible guest for you, and I’m not just saying that because of nepotism...ok, maybe a little bit. She was the star of one of the greatest movie franchises ever, The Secret Princess, as well as the hit action romance Stranded, my favorite cousin Shea Corsillo-Vasquez!” 

“Favorite cousin, huh?” Shea asked with a chuckle. “Don’t let any of our other family members hear you say that.” “They don’t listen to my podcast anyway, they’ll never hear it,” said Kauker. “Weird self-own, but ok,” Shea said.

“Alright, alright, enough dilly dallying,” Kauker said with a laugh. “I really am glad you joined me, because a little birdy told me you’ve got a lot of exciting things ahead of you.” “Who was the little birdy?” “Your wife.” “Figures.”

“I’m pleased to say I do have a lot of cool stuff on the horizon,” said Shea. “I spent my teen and young adult years acting, and it was always so amazing. I feel so honored to have been able to bring so many different stories to the screen, and I had a lot of fun doing it. But as I’m getting older, and especially now that I’m a parent, I’ve decided to take a step back and into the director’s chair for a bit.”

“That sounds amazing!” Kauker exclaimed. “Any projects you can talk about?” “Everything’s still being worked out, I just wanna get my feet in the water first,” said Shea. “But I’ve been in talks with a production studio about potential directing a short film that I’m really excited about.” “You’ll have to come on the pod once you get the clearance to tell us what the hell it is,” Kauker laughed.

“Definitely!” said Shea. “And I could certainly use some help from my virtuoso cousin on the score for the film.” “A family affair, as they say,” Kauker said. “I feel like people must be so sick of the Zarro family taking over every industry,” Shea said with a laugh. “They’re used to it,” Kauker said, shrugging. “We’ll be right back after this ad break.”

Kauker stood up and walked over to Shea to dap her up. “How’d that feel?” he asked. “Pretty good, honestly,” Shea said. “I was a little nervous, but getting into it wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be.” “See, I’m not so scary after all,” Kauker laughed.

“Yeah, just annoying,” Shea said with a smile. Kauker held out his hand to help her up, only to snatch it back as soon as she did. Shea rolled her eyes and gave his shoulder a small push. “Jerk.” “You love me anyways,” he said with a smile. 

“This apartment is wayyyyyy nicer than the one you had with David, Zuri,” Ollie said, grabbing a beer from the counter. “Yeah, Ben is really stylish,” said Jordyn. “I’m loving the monochromatic decor.” “It looks like a schmuck lives here, “said Noah. “Shouldn’t you be home with your kids?” Coriana called from the dining room. “Ah, but that’s the benefit of two baby mamas,” said Noah, tapping his temple. “Double the babysitters.

“You’re such a jerk,” Jordyn said. “Say that to my face,” Noah said, walking up to her. “Fight, fight, fight!” Kauker called from the couch. “World Star!” said Miles Jr., hiccupping from all the beer. “Now, now, let’s not start a fight in my new apartment,” said Zuri. “How about we do a dance off instead?” The cousins all cheered as Jordyn and Noah started dancing off against each other.

“Tag me in!” Rumi said, swapping places with Jordyn.  “No fair, we didn’t say anything about substitutes!” Noah cried. "Calm down,” Zuri said with a laugh. More and more cousins joined the dance floor, sloppily dancing all over under the influence of greasy takeout and beer.

“That’ll teach ya,” Rumi said, burping in Noah’s face. He didn’t even flinch. “If you think a burp will deter me from my rightful place as dance-off king, you don’t know me at all,” said Noah. “I’ve known you since the womb, twin,” said Rumi. “I know all your tells.” Ben leaned into Zuri, seated on the couch. “Are your cousins always like this?” he asked. “Unfortunately,” Coriana said, butting in. “You get used to it,” Kauker said with a reassuring smile.

The dance-off fizzled out with no clear winner, but everyone was back on their feet and grooving to the music in no time. The vibes were immaculate and the kickback was so fun that no one wanted to leave.

“Ok, I’m giving a thumbs up to this Ben guy,” Jordyn said. “He seems dope.” “I’ve never met a man with an apartment this clean,” said Rumi. “So he’s good in my book.” “Not all men,” Ollie piped up. He giggled and shook his head. “I’m kidding, I couldn’t even get through it with a straight face.” “You guys are so weird,” Noah said.

“Alright, we’ve still got a few boxes of takeout and bottles left,” Zuri said as the party began winding down. “Take what you can, the rest is gonna be tossed.” “Don’t mind if I do,” Ollie said, downing another beer. “How are you getting home?” Zuri asked. “I’ll take him,” said Miles Jr. “Midtown is on the way home.”

“Thanks, Junior,” Zuri said, patting her cousin on the shoulder. “I was worried he’d have to sleep here and I’d rather not have drool all over my couch.” “I gotcha,” Miles Jr. said with a smile. “Awesome party, thanks for the invite. And we all agree, Ben is pretty great.” The rest of the party cleared out, all saying their thanks and taking leftovers as they exited.

“Ok, what’s on for family movie night?” Kauker said as he turned on the tv. “Something scary!” Harmony said, snuggling up to her mother. “Scary?” Debbie repeated. “Have you been watching scary movies with your cousins?” “No!” Harmony said. “Well, maybe one or two.”

“Harmony, what did we say about scary movies?” Kauker asked.  “You know those give you nightmares, sweetie,” said Debbie. “Ok, ok,” Harmony muttered. “I guess we can watch something normal.” Debbie nodded, snuggling into her daughter.

Before Kauker could play the latest Magic Princess movie, Debbie hopped up on her feet and squealed! Harmony followed suit. “Mom!” Harmony shouted. “What’s wrong!?” “The baby!” Debbie gasped. Kauker grabbed Harmony and held her close to calm her as Debbie went through labor.

After a few minutes, Debbie was holding a teeny tiny baby boy. She panted, still in a bit of pain. But she couldn’t help but smile down at the adorable new addition to the family. “Alright!” Kauker shouted. “Our new mini-me!” “Good job, mommy!” Harmony said.

Debbie spun around to hold the baby out to the family. “Meet your new baby brother, Hendrix,” said Debbie. Harmony scrunched up her nose. “Brother?” she repeated. “I thought I was getting a sister!”

“When’s my little sister getting here?” Harmony asked the next day at breakfast. “Harmony,” Kauker said with a laugh. “Quite inquisitive, aren’t we?” “What’s ‘inquisitive’ mean?” she asked.

“It means you ask a lot of questions,” Debbie said as she ate her breakfast. “Oh,” said Harmony. “I don’t ask that many questions, do I?” “That would be another question,” Debbie laughed. “But no, you don’t.” “Questions are good,” said Kauker with a smile. “And your new sister--or brother-- will be here before you know it.”

After breakfast, the family took to the music room where they rocked out together. Kauker was on the drums as usual, with Debbie on bass and Harmony putting together some synth tones.

“You’re really good at that, baby!” Debbie called over the music. “I learned from the best!” Harmony shouted.

Harmony loved playing music with her parents, but she wasn’t as into it as they were. Her true passion was sports, and she was over the moon when her grandma got her a soccer net for her birthday. “B42! Hut!” Kauker called out as he guarded the net. “That’s the wrong kind of football, dad!” Harmony giggled.

Harmony took a deep breath then ran at the ball, kicking it clear into the goal. Kauker tried his hardest to defend the net, but Harmony was too fast and the soccer ball sailed into the net with ease.

In honor of graduation, Shea, Jordyn, and Luna were throwing a huge rager on the rooftop of Shea’s building. Music had been blasting all night and high school and college kids alike were passing through, coming for the music and booze. Even though it was a happy occassion, Shea felt a little upset. Her girlfriend Asia had decided not to come after they’d gotten into a big fight, which meant she was the only one there without  a partner.

Shea rolled her eyes as she watched Jordyn dance with her boyfriend Johnny and Luna make out with her boyfriend James. It just felt so unfair! They were all having this party together, at her house, and she was the third wheel.

“Let’s hear it for the graduates!” Kauker exclaimed from the DJ booth. “We want the people all the way in Strangetown to hear us!!!” Everyone on the rooftop whooped and cheered as loud as they could.

“This party is sick,” James said as he danced with Luna. “I know, right?” she said with a smile. “We only through the coolest parties, obviously. It’s gonna be even better when we get to college!”

“Dude, I thought the Zarro family practically invented the Smustle!” Johnny said, laughing a little at Jordyn’s stiff dance moves. “Hey, it’s not my fault I was born with two left feet,” she said. “Just pretend I’m really good and hot.” “No need to pretend there, babe,” Johnny said with a smile.

As the night went on, more and more people began to show up at the party, including Zaire Vasquez. Shea had had a crush on Zaire all year, but had never acted on it since she was dating Asia. But, she was tipsy and feeling sad about the fight she’d had with her girlfriend, and figured it’d be harmless to make a move.

“I’m a movie star, you know,” Shea said, touching Zaire’s shoulder. “I know,” Zaire said. “That’s the only reason I’m here.” “Ouch,” Shea said with a laugh. “You know, if you’re nice to me, I could talk to my director and put you in my next movie.” “Does that line ever work?” Zaire asked. “I guess we’re about to find out,” said Shea.

Shea stepped forward and grabbed Zaire, pulling her into a sloppy kiss. Zaire kissed back, and soon the two were full on making out in the middle of the dance floor.

“Sorry I’m late, I had to--” Asia stopped in the middle of her sentence when she saw Shea making out with Zaire. Johnny furtively tapped Shea on the shoulder to alert her to the incoming drama, and Shea untangled herself from Zaire.

“You have GOT to be kidding me!” Asia shouted, nearly louder than the music. “We get into one fight and you’re off kissing the first girl you see!?” “C’mon Asia, it’s not like that,” Shea said, still tipsy.  “Oh really?” Asia asked. “What’s it like, then? Tell me.” Shea thought for a second, trying to string a coherent sentence together, but her words were failing her.

“I’m sorry,” Shea said, her shoulders sagging. “Things have been so weird between us and I was mad about the fight.” “So you wanted to hurt me back,” Asia said with a sigh. “No, no,” Shea said. “I would never want to hurt you.” “Well, it’s too late,” said Asia, tears in her eyes. “You did. And we’re through!” She turned on her heel and stormed out.

“Yikes,” Zaire said after Asia left. “Movie stars are so much more drama than they’re worth.” “Way to rub it in, man,” Shea muttered.

“Hey kid,” said Shea’s older cousin Rumi. “That looked absolutely dreadful and I’m so sorry about it all, buy my boyfriend just called, so I’m gonna dip.” “You watch me get dumped and then tell me about your booty call?” Shea summarized. Rumi shrugged and left. After a while, most of the older cousins had gone as well.

Soon it was back to being just the high school graduates, and the youngest of generation 7. James and Luna chatted about college, Jordyn and Johnny made out some more, and Shea squirted juice directly into her mouth in an attempt to drown out everything that happened tonight.

“Hhmph! Didn’t know they just let anyone move into this neighborhood,” said Park Sang-Woo, Sedona Heights’s most prim and proper resident.  “Dude, what?” asked Kauker. “Why would you come to my house and say that to me.” “We’re part of the welcome wagon, I didn’t have a choice,” Park said. “I’m an international music producer, for your information,” said Kauker. “And you’re not invited to my party!”

“Don’t worry about him, dude,” said Trevor West. “Sedona Heights people really act like they’re the cream of the crop.” “Hey, thanks man,” said Kauker. “At least there are some nice people here. You’re definitely invited to my party!”

Trevor and his wife Sarah headed to the new backyard where Kauker was already jamming out at his DJ booth and Debbie was dancing up a storm. “Oh, this is how you guys get down in West Valley, huh?” Sarah asked nervously. “Duh!” Debbie exclaimed. “Let’s get crunk!”

The dance party started off pretty mild, but soon Kauker and Debbie’s guests began really getting into it! Even Park came back to join in the dance competition.

Kauker was literally glowing as he pumped jams from his brand new synthesizer. This may be different than what Sedona Heights was used to, but Kauker wanted to usher in new culture and music into his new neighborhood, and this seemed like the perfect way to do it.

“And the winner is...Debbie!” Kauker shouted into the microphone. “Yessssss!” Debbie exclaimed, cannonballing into the pool. “Man, this is rigged!” Sarah said. “Yeah, of course it is,” Kauker laughed. “She’s my wife, you think I was gonna give it to one of you guys? I don’t even know you.”

Kauker kept the music pumping while their new neighbors hung around the pool, dancing and chatting. The new neighborhood was much different than what they were used to, but at least they knew a few friendly faces now.

Kauker and Debbie stood in front of their extremely large Spanish villa in the up and coming neighborhood Sedona Heights. “I can’t believe we have to move to this stuffy old town,” Kauker muttered. “Baby, it was literally your idea to move,” Debbie said as he handed Kauker their tiny daughter, Harmony. “I know, I know,” he said. “The schools here are the best, we’re getting more bang for our buck, and this house is sick as hell. But I miss the ferris wheel, babe.” “We can buy another one,” Debbie said with a smile. 

“I’m doing this all for you, you know,” Kauker said to Harmony as he set her down for a nap. “Apparently as a parent you have to make sacrifices or whatever. Pretty lame. But I love you lots and lots, so it’s all good.”

Kauker’s favorite spot in the new house was, of course, his studio. He could fit all of his favorite instruments in there and felt the music pulsing through his veins when he recorded. The vaulted ceilings and stone floor made for a really cool and subtle effect on the audio as well.

“CANNONBALLLLLLL!!” Kauker said as he jumped into the pool. Debbie cheered him on as he did so, then swam to the pool’s edge to check the baby monitor. “I can’t believe we’re real, actual parents,” Debbie said, taking a deep breath. “To the best kid ever!” said Kauker. “You think she’ll be a musician too?” “I’m sure she will,” said Debbie. “She’ll probably be even better than us!” “I hope so,” Kauker said.