#katuski

katsuki is a child with chubby cheeks and stubby legs. he remembers the sun that day, beaming down in its last triumph before red and orange leaves would sweep the pavement, a new season coming to claim the place of summer. 

he remembered his mother’s hand dragging him along and the smell of barbecue haunting the air. 

the new house looked old to him now, but he would never forget the feeling of not belonging. not belonging, so new and fresh to the point where he could trick everyone into thinking he belonged all along. 

and, as he came to know as he grew, it wasn’t that hard to fit in when someone else stuck out like a sore thumb. 

because just across the street was another kid, roughly his age, if not the exact same age as him. and they were staring. with chubby cheeks and pouty lips. 

he remembered his mother dragging him along, and for once, he followed along, his steps sloppy up the new steps. 

but before he knew it, there they were. on his driveway, admiring his dad’s truck. 

he tugged his hand out of his mother’s. “get your hands off my daddy’s truck.” 

the child recoiled from the bright blue paint. 

“who are you?” katsuki demanded. 

his mother turned. “katsuki, must you be so rude? that’s no way to treat our neighbors.” 

the child simply smiled and shook their head. the action irritated him, but katsuki stayed silent. 

“my name is y/n. i live across the street with my mom and dad. we’re your neighbors.” your voice was chipper. light and fluffy. it reminded katsuki of clouds. it still did, how airy and delicate and careless you seemed about everything. he never knew how deeply you cared. how you brushed everything off but kept everything close. “what’s your name?” 

his mother reached a friendly hand over his shoulder. “we’re the bakugous. you may call me mitsuki. this is my son, katsuki. excuse his behaviour.” 

you shrugged. “that’s okay. it’s nice to meet you, katsuki. my parents told me to invite you guys for dinner if you’d like that.” you rocked back and forth on your heels expectantly. 

katsuki remembered huffing, cheeks puffing out as he crossed his arms and turned, repulsed. “in your dreams, you sucker.” 

“KATSUKI!” mitsuki swiped at her son, snatching his arm and pushing him towards you. “apologize.” she demanded. “now.” 

his lips stayed shut, his eyes on the concrete he stood on. 

again, you shrugged. so nonchalant. so uncaring. “that’s okay, mrs. bakugou. i understand. he can talk to me when he’s ready.” 

katsuki only scoffed in response before spinning on a heel and tugging his mother’s skirt. “let’s go, mama.” 

mitsuki looked between you and her son. “y/n, tell your parents that we appreciate the offer, but not today. perhaps another time? we’re just settling in today. we’ve got much unpacking to do, you see.” 

“i understand! maybe on the weekend?” 

“how about never?” katsuki snorted. 

“that’s enough now, katsuki. hush.” mitsuki turned back to you. “it was quite nice meeting you, y/n. tell your family we also say hello. i’m sure we’ll see you again soon.” 

chipper, you nodded. “i’ll see you soon, katsuki!” 

- - - 

soon came sooner than expected. because there he was. a blonde, grouchy boy with rosy cheeks on pale skin. he’d come here around six in the evening on a sunny wednesday and was now sitting across from you at your dining table on the evening of the following saturday. 

and he was beautiful. 

you giggled, a childish, sweet sound emerging from you as you toyed with the potatoes on your plate. 

“don’t play with your food, y/n,” your mother whispered, nudging your elbow. 

“i’m not, mama.” 

your mother only raised her eyebrows in question. you smiled innocently and stabbed through the softened skin of your potatoes, stuffing two in your mouth, cheeks full. 

katsuki only continued to stare at you with distaste, sticking his tongue out. 

“that isn’t nice,” you said, mouth full. 

“y/n, talking with your mouth full isn’t nice.” your older brother, eijirou, stuck his tongue back out at you. 

he sat beside katsuki, just as much a bother to him as were you. however, a part of katsuki seemed to tolerate eiji more. 

“you’re not nice,” you retorted. 

eiji was only a year older than you and was just a few months younger than katsuki. 

he tossed a tomato your way. it splattered before you, a mushy pile of red on your plate. 

“hey!” you shot up from your seat. katsuki chuckled to himself, looking approvingly at eiji. 

“eijirou!” your mother scowled. she turned to mitsuki. “i apologize for his outburst. for both of their behaviors. they’re better behaved than this. i know they are.” 

mitsuki only smiled in return. “trust me, my little one is a bit of a nightmare himself.” 

katsuki’s smile faded. “mama!?” 

“if you don’t want me to say anything,” mitsuki bit out at her son, “then don’t act like that.” 

katsuki grit his teeth, seething as his eyes bore down on you. that glare was something you would grow used to in time. the sourness in that gaze was something you would soon grow fond of. while you’d be used to it in no time, while you would soon learn to reply with a scoff or some smart comment, his gaze on you will always leave butterflies in your stomach. 

“sorry, mama,” you shrugged. 

“just be better next time, okay sweetpea? and you too, eiji.” 

you grinned, nodding. your brother did the same, his mouth half-full with rice. 

that was a nice night. 

- - - 

two years later, when you were eight and katsuki was nine, you tried proposing to him during recess on the playground. kids screamed around and pretended katsuki had cooties from you for the rest of the year. 

what hurt your little heart the most, though, was that katsuki had kicked gravel into your face and rejected you. 

- - - 

ten years later, at the sad age of eighteen, when everything seemed to be falling apart. when your teen world seemed to be crumbling at every little mistake you made, all your hope was pinned on one boy. 

the same boy who moved here on that sunny wednesday. 

“will you go to prom with me?” 

katsuki looked at you. at your sad figure in the dark, standing at his door with flowers in your hands. 

“you got me...flowers?” 

“yes.” you shifted the pretty pink florals in your hands, offering the bouquet to him. “i thought you might...like them.” 

“i’ve never been a liar.” he snatched them from your hands. “they’re pretty.” 

“you look very...pretty today katsuki.” he did indeed. the boy was dressed in a suit and tie. the tie was red, complimenting the crimson of his eyes. he was just on the tip of turning nineteen. 

he switched his gaze to you. you, who had dressed your best for this moment. this moment that was perhaps more thrilling than the idea of prom itself. you were already late, missing out on the loud music and your even louder friends. and eiji, who was there with his own date. eiji, who you wanted to watch be a stuttering idiot around the girl he loved. 

you were missing so much already. but it was all worth it. it was all worth it because katsuki was going to say yes. he was finally going to say yes, because you knew exactly what to say. 

you had pried every little bit of information out of your brother in hopes that some little piece of katsuki would finally be known to you. that somehow, through some of that knowledge, katsuki would realize how much you cared, how much you wanted. he’d discover that you guys liked the same music, the same books, the same subjects and had the same dreams. 

“shut up, dumbass,” he snorted, turning. your heart sunk into your stomach, but some poor, stupid part of you was still hanging on to a little bit of hope. and that hope was answered as katsuki paused, his hand on the doorknob. 

he stared at the flowers, a mix of pink and orange. 

you bit your lip, staring intensely at him, at his eyes trained on the flowers. 

perhaps he’d reconsider. you’ve put in all this effort after all these years. he had to at least give you a shot, right? 

“thanks for these, y/n, but―” he looked at you before tossing the bouqet back into your hands, “―i have nowhere to keep these.” 

you caught them, your arms clumsy. some of the brittle petals fluttered to the pavement. “o-oh. i’ll take these back home then...but would you consider? i mean, consider going to the—”

“y/n, no. i’ve had enough. i don’t like you back. i know you’ve been pining over this imaginary friendship, this fake relationship, since we met. but i don’t like you back.” 

- - -

when you were eleven and katsuki was twelve, there was a junior production everyone in grades five to seven was required to audition for. 

surprisingly, katsuki got the role of the prince. you, however, had gotten the role of a servant who worked for the prince. 

eiji had gotten the role of the knight. the prince’s best friend. together they worked to save the princess in every scene and you...you were in five total scenes, only one of which you shared with katsuki. 

you handed him a piece of fake bread in that scene. perhaps it was the only vital role you’d played. 

to give things to him. 

to give things to a person who would never reciprocate. 

but that wasn’t the point. 

you just liked to give. 

- - - 

and up until this point, this point where he said no, this point where he gave everything back, you had no idea that it was possible for him to say no. 

he would call you stupid, call you dumb and boring but he would take whatever it was you gave to him. whether it was a story you wanted to tell him, whether you wanted to share your food, he would just listen and take it. 

but for the first time in your life, he said no. 

“oh, i understand.” 

you paced away, swiping fat tears from your cheeks as you retreated to your car, driving off to your shared school. 

there, the gym was already stuffed with sweaty bodies and loud teenagers. 

a horrible combination, especially for your mood. 

across the gym, you spotted your friends jumping up and down in perfect timing with the beat. 

you weren’t sure why you had come. you could have been back at home. 

but you would have been back at home doing nothing. sobbing, mostly. but nothing at all. you would be dwelling on something in silence.

at least here, maybe your thoughts could wander a little bit. 

you carried yourself to the hallway. there, you stayed. there, you wondered. 

while you knew, all those years when you would jokingly propose to him, when you would take out a ringpop and get down on one knee...while you knew it was all fake, a part of you would hope that one day, it wouldn’t be, and he would say it. 

perhaps there was no difference between love and obsession, but whatever he made you feel, it made you feel happy inside. 

the hall was dimly lit by pink, flashing lights from the gym. students you knew from classes passed by, paying no heed to your figure slumped against the wall. as if you had had too much to drink, or danced so hard your feet were aching more than your heart. 

you didn’t expect anyone to stop by. you preferred it that way. 

but someone did. 

“y/n? i’ve been looking for you.” 

- - - 

katsuki bakugou had never been fond of drinking. he thought it was stupid. thought drugs and alcohol and all the things people did to forget was stupid and that all the people who did that shit were idiots with no future. 

those kinds of people were made of excuses. 

he thought that way, at least, up until now. 

up until now, where he was in a suit, at a table. his plate was shiny and clean, untouched by the sweet wedding cake across the room. 

lights danced across the ceiling, loud music blasting in time with the flashes. 

this time, it was just like prom, but people were fancier. people were more expensive, but just as irresponsible. 

and there was eijirou, in a suit dancing with the same girl―now woman―he had taken to prom that night. except this time, forever for them wasn’t a joke. 

forever for them was truly forever. 

or what it was meant to be, anyways. 

his bride was beautiful. kind, dark brown eyes that complimented her dark skin just fine. 

she was gorgeous. but not the most beautiful in the room. 

but tonight, that’s what everyone would tell her. 

it was a good thing she knew katsuki would never say that. but she assumed it was just because he was an introverted, grouchy twenty-something man invited to his best friend’s wedding. 

the more katsuki thought about the past, the more he began to see how fucked up his thought process was. and how bad it felt to want something you knew you wouldn’t ever be able to have. 

he stared, not that the girl in white, not at her husband who was grinning as she turned around. 

but at you. at all the people lined up behind her. everyone, regardless of gender, wanted to know something. they wanted to know something bad. 

eijirou’s bride smiled wide before shutting her eyes tight and tossing that gorgeous bouquet of orange and pink flowers into the air behind her. 

the crowd of people swarmed, men in suits and women in fancy dresses of every color but white. 

but he ignored their laughter, all their faces. ignored everything because all he saw was you and the bouquet that fell into your hands. like, after all these years, it was your turn. your time. your time to be happy. 

and katsuki was happy for you. happy for you, but angry because you were smiling. smiling at turning towards someone else. 

someone beautiful, someone kind, someone who had chased you before you ever thought of them. 

he had never earned your love. 

yet years ago, you’d given him every last bit of it. 

so here he sat like a fool, wishing that he had cherished those small moments of your love, wishing he’d taken the opportunities to start forever with you. 

but for the first time in katsuki’s life, he felt like he was losing.