#katrinapavela

The Episode Overall:

I’m too emotionally invested to say I loved the episode, but it did have some powerful moments. I have to pay respect to Scandal’s production team (including the actors), who can evoke such emotions in me. It’s an episode that pivots the characters toward their next challenges. However, I do have two related bones of contention with the writing and editing of the episode: the timeline between Rasputin (508) and within Baby, It’s Cold Outside (509), and lack of evidence transitioning us to Olivia and Fitz’s apparent dysfunction inside the White House. Usually, I like the way this show complicates things, but in this instance the absence of information leaves something lacking. I hope some of the 22 minutes that were cut out of the episode make it into a flashback or two in the back end of the season.

There was a Christmas tree present in the Oval in 508. 509 takes place right before Christmas. The maximum amount of elapsed time would have to be 2-3 weeks. Yet Olivia’s time in the White House (judging from those magazine covers) and the level of breakdown between Olivia and Fitz does not seem to comply with the timeline of Rowan’s captivity. Huck could not have been holding Rowan for weeks from the looks of it. I find it hard to swallow that Olivia and Fitz’s “trying” amounted to a few days. The two storylines are related in the narrative, but their timelines are completely mismatched. Also, if Mellie filibustered until midnight, Olivia’s abortion took place later than that. The argument and Olivia’s subsequent moving out still later. Who the hell orders a couch, let alone can have it delivered in the wee hours of the morning on Christmas? I mean… Olivia Pope [TM] can pull tricks out of a hat and all, but come on! I hope those delivery guys were generously tipped.

That’s That Sh*t I Don’t Like:

I’d like to take a moment to talk about a number of things in the episode that agitate my politics and/or my pettiness. Here goes…

The daddy issues are starting to get on my nerves. Work it the fuck out this time because this poor girl, Olivia, is literally stuck until she does. Things started off well for her this season. She worked through some hard things between episodes 501-505. She was finding a way through. But the moment Rowan re-entered her life via a phone call (506) was the minute this girl started lying and reverting back to programmed patterns that keep her from moving forward. She started looking for exits and stopped communicating. And don’t think I didn’t notice the extreme projection of her daddy issues all over that final argument, something I bring up at several points in this piece.

Connected to the daddy issues is the insinuation that Olivia ending up with Fitz is a parental and pseudo family fail, and that it is the job of various men to show her the right way. Sigh, all of these men were trained under Rowan (Huck, Russell and Jake). I realize that when Huck taunted Rowan, he was trying to get under his skin. He echoed inappropriate comments about Olivia’s sexuality in a way that reminded me of Fitz’s mocking of Rowan in 310, vis-à-vis sex with Olivia. But Huck is still making an argument that Olivia is unhappy with Fitz when he knows nothing of her relationship, except to infer from the media shaming she has been through and the sour face she sometimes wears. Moreover, he accuses Rowan of failing his child (who is a fully grown adult) because she’s with Fitz.   Fellow ‘sons’ and ex B6-13 prostitutes Jake and Russell have an argument about failure to protect their ‘sister’ (who they’ve both slept with. Gross.) from falling into the arms of Fitzgerald. 

Clearly when I think of the sources of sadistic protection, it’s easy to see the various patriarchal forces of control Olivia has to contend with. I get it. And I know this is a journey where she has taken two steps forward and four steps back. Life is like that, sometimes. I just want Olivia to finally be able to get to a place where she can feel comfortable making decisions for herself based on what she wants, not what she fears. In fact, it’s season 5, I’d really love to hear from her mouth, or see through her actions what it is that she wants. I would even be satisfied if she could admit that she doesn’t know because that would at least be real. But since Olivia told us in 312 that she has goals and dreams that aren’t connected to Fitz, I sure would like to know what those are. It’s infuriating at this point.

The metaphor of the White House as a cage for the First Lady role has become increasingly problematic and lacks both the tension and complicated nuance often brought to many other dilemmas. I accept many of the sinister plots, and the darkness, that often pervades this show about the American Political system. And to be honest, much of the time when Mellie speaks about her plight inside the White House, most of what I hear is: wahn, wahn, Lean In feminism, wahn, wahn, Fitz you ruined my life, wahn, wahn, I’m so ungrateful to be in this place I’ve dreamed of being in since the age of 10 that I would rather spend my time complaining than carving out a space for myself that I can live with. I mean, I’m paraphrasing. The point is, it is too simplistic to cast that FL position as some rigid mould where you [insert woman here]. I know that somewhere in this portrayal lies criticism of the American public who reinforce narrow parameters for the FLOTUS position (Hillary and Michelle have both been heavily criticized for not meeting various expectations). But Scandal doesn’t seem to be pushing that angle too much. Instead they are giving me a reductive argument about domesticity as a stifling wasteland for educated, bold and powerful women who are the WAGs of powerful men. I don’t accept that argument because plenty of women have to contend with both. Mellie escaped having to figure out that balance between being a Senator, First Lady, wife and mother because Fitz divorced her. But plenty of women negotiate their marriages, careers and the domestic space.

Girls-rule-boys-drool feminism is another pet peeve. I appreciated the way both Olivia and Mellie worked together to accomplish something for themselves by doing something on behalf of other women. What I am not here for, however, is a Mellivia friendship as a stand-in for how women are better off on their own. Clearly that Wendy Davis-inspired filibuster about Planned Parenthood is the jumping off point to launch Mellie’s presidential bid. I’m not super stoked about Olivia’s potential involvement in that. I’d rather it was Susan Ross that Olivia supports in 2016 because, with the exception of her opinions on rape victims (421) and newfound interest in reproductive rights (509), I’m not fond of Mellie’s politics.

 How, Sway?

Kerry Washington and Tony Goldwyn  make me love Olivia and Fitz’s fights. As gutting as those are, the tension always feels organic and real. I wanted to grab both characters by their collars and call a time out and start playing couples therapist. Let me tell you right now that I am very critical of these two people in this argument, particularly Olivia. As always I’m bringing evidence to this criticism, not just my princess hopes and fairytale dreams. The problems in this relationship started three whole episodes before this one. She made a unilateral decision behind Fitz’s back (releasing Rowan) and, upon finding out, Fitz countered with his own unilateral chess move (moving Olivia in), thereby compounding the resentment and communication problems that led to critical failure. Though lack of concrete evidence of the pregnancy before the clinic scene is not one of my problems with the episode, the impact of Olivia’s secret pregnancy and abortion loom much larger in retrospect than it did upon my first viewing. It sounds simple, but there are so many other pieces to the puzzle that have been planted since the beginning of the season, and even seasons prior. Let’s get into the scene.

 Fitz: “You want to tell me what's going on? Where were you tonight? Olivia... What the hell are you...”

Fitz is seated waiting for Olivia, waiting for an explanation of her absence at the Cabinet dinner. He looks as if he’s been doing breathing exercises to stay calm, to not seem as fed up as he is.  Why wouldn’t he be? Remember that earlier that day Olivia (uncharacteristically) reminds Fitz that she knows the day’s schedule and has a brain? That was my first eye roll moment with her because since when does an innocent reminder about the Social Secretary (Mitchell) warrant such snark? Olivia has well-documented evidence of just how glorious Fitz thinks her brain is, seeing that he trusts her advise above all others.

That first eye roll was quickly followed up by another when Olivia mumbled underneath her breath that Fitz’s spending bill is a “crappy” one. That was our first indication that something tremendous had shifted between this couple. Since when does Olivia Pope shy away from telling Fitz what she thinks of his policies, or wielding her influence to make them better? We have a wealth of examples that start with their very first meeting, wherein Olivia tells Fitz the honest truth that everyone else on his campaign was too afraid to say: dude, your marriage is bringing down your campaign (106). They have combined copulation with political dexterity (208, 211, 505). Even after Olivia threw Douxbébé in Fitz’s face out of an attempt to sever their emotional connection (413), she was still able to give it to him straight (415), albeit hypocritically so (“You made a mockery of democracy”. *snort*, Little Ms. Defiance). Lest you think that’s old shit, here’s a remarkably recent example of their long-standing political partnership:

Olivia: “You wanna know what I would do?”

Fitz: “Yes, of course.”—Even The Devil Deserves A Second Chance (507)

How is it that Olivia’s advice suddenly seems unwelcomed? What is this? Frankly, the brain comment and Olivia’s attitude early in the episode reminded me of one Melody Grant:

“The upsetting thing about being as educated as I am and as intelligent as I am is that being First Lady is profoundly boring. What did you call me? Ornamental? Not functional? I am a rose dying on the vine here. Give me a war to run or the C.I.A. or something, but... I use the copious amounts of free time I have to think.”—It’s Handled (301)

This view of the First Lady position was mostly something I thought fit with the character of Mellie Grant: privileged and ungrateful; valuing ‘true’ power only in masculinist terms, while using stereotypical female subterfuge and victimization for short-term gain. It was my view that Mellie could have been something and had something through that role, but spent her time vying for something more valuable in her eyes (though she supposedly wanted to be First Lady since she was 10). But, whatever. Now it appears that this is the writers’ view of the First Lady mantle, regardless of who holds the title (not that Olivia does, or even wants it). This can’t be all there is because it’s a view I find reductive to the role of domesticity, and incomplete and weak in comparison to most gender politics portrayed on this show. Not only that, we have zero evidence of the sequence of decisions that led to Olivia’s apparently narrowing role inside the White House.

My question early in the episode was who is this woman? She looks a lot like the Olivia Pope I know, but she isn’t speaking or acting like her. Has the spirit of Mellie Grant inhabited Olivia Pope? Or was that earlier snark the mark of a stressed and hormonal woman withholding a secret (unplanned) pregnancy? A woman who is both resentful of the man she thinks put her in that predicament, and ashamed to look at him knowing what she is about to do?

We don’t know exactly how far along Olivia was, but we have a rough idea. Based on the tools used, the type of procedure Olivia had puts her at between 6-16 weeks of pregnant. My wife was previously married and was in denial about her first son until approaching her 5th month of pregnancy when her belly finally ‘popped’. My wife is not a stupid woman, but denial is amazingly effective. For a while.  We don’t know if Olivia was in denial, or just indecisive about what to do.

 Olivia: “Yes! Oh, thank you.”

Olivia finds temporary solace in Mellie’s parting gift: her father’s hooch. How ironic since the secret decision that led to Olivia imbibing that hooch is, partly, influenced by what her own father has instilled in her: family is a pressure point that serves as inevitable destruction to the self. On her back with her body stilled in stirrups, her father’s distorted reality plays over the scene in which a burgeoning sense of ‘family’ is extracted from her body.  Her face moves from conflicted anxiety to temporary relief.

However, Olivia is far from unburdened when she bursts into the bedroom like a whirlwind; a torrent of emotion swirling inside her and desperately in need of resolution. Notice that Olivia spends the entire episode declining Fitz eye contact. In fact, she does not look at his face even once. Here again she is avoiding him.  I understand because I (and the rest of the audience) know where she was, what she was doing, what she may be feeling. Fitz is clueless.  Anger, guilt, shame, anxiety are overwhelming emotions that affect the body. They are also some of the most common emotional side effects women experience after an abortion, and can lead to relationship issues if unresolved. These things vary from woman to woman, but suffice it to say, based on Olivia’s behavior, she was feeling at least some of those emotions. We cannot underestimate the sense of chaos her mind is experiencing, and the fact that she is trying to keep contained the one thing she actually needs to say, but thinks she cannot. Instead, she trudges up every other issue she has buried--real and imagined—and aims them expertly at Fitzgerald.

At first I thought Olivia made a desperate dash for Mellie’s parting gift because, as Mellie said, “…Living here inside this prison is what makes you feel numb. This [hooch] is what makes you feel alive” (503). But that’s not it. Olivia felt too alive. Felt too much, and she wanted to feel less. Whenever she drinks something stronger than red wine, it is usually because she needs help coping with something that feels too overwhelming. Alcohol is, after all, a depressant. There is a connection that tethers both Mellie and Olivia to that hooch: motherhood and loss. Mellie used it to deal with the loss of Jerry (318) and finally hid it after his funeral (503). Ending her pregnancy is both a relief and a loss for Olivia.

 Fitz: “You can't be serious. Olivia, I am trying to talk to you!”

From Fitz’s perspective Olivia is being mad rude. She storms in, granting no recognition to his presence or his words, even after he repeatedly calls her name and asks her what is going on. And, of course, he must duly be taken aback by Olivia’s embrace of Mellie’s hooch as if it is her hallelujah heroine in that moment. He probably thought he saw the last of that stuff when Mellie left. Perhaps, too, symbolically Olivia brought Mellie with her into their argument via the hooch, which serves as her coping mechanism.

After grabbing the hooch, Olivia still fails to acknowledge that Fitz is trying to talk to her. She’s seeking  comfort that won’t judge her. The last thing she wants is confrontation, or to be in the presence of the man whose DNA she had secretly expunged from her body. Being around him at this point brings on guilt and shame, so she tries to leave. Until she can’t ignore him anymore. Her behavior, while understandable to me, is undeniably unfair and curious, to say the least, from Fitz’s point of view. We have to remember who these characters are, how they behave in confrontations with each other, their demons and their knowns and unknowns.

  Olivia:  “I tried tonight to make it to your dinner. I thought I'd get back in time. I really... Tried, but...”

This is the first time Olivia even looks in Fitz’s direction all episode. What comes out of her mouth is patently dishonest, though. She did not try to make it to that dinner. Working with Mitchell, she made sure everything was perfectly in order for the evening to go smoothly and look beautiful. But. She had no intention of going, despite assuring Fitz earlier that she knew the day’s schedule of events. Notably, she stopped short of telling him she would be there, just that she knew it was happening. Knowing that Fitz would be busy entertaining members of his Cabinet (and their wives) until late, she likely used that as her opportunity to schedule her abortion. It was done outside of normal hours, ensuring complete privacy and no other patients. 

Olivia rejected Mellie’s offer to watch her countdown to victory in the Senate. She replied that she had “someplace to be”. Mellie thought she meant the Cabinet dinner, but it was very clear from Olivia’s face that wasn’t the ‘place’ she had in mind.  We know that it was after midnight when the doctor was finally ready to perform the procedure. Olivia didn’t find out about her pregnancy that day, and I doubt she made a spur of the moment decision to show up at a random clinic. On the cover of several magazines after moving into the White House, and constantly in the news for months prior to that (due to her scandalous romance with the President), Olivia is now very visible. She would have had to prepare for this visit, and request the late hour for the procedure. Her attire—donning that white maternity looking blouse and pants (a decided change from the dresses that became her staple attire in the WH) was also an indication of her intent to fix the situation.

We can infer that much of her sour mood likely had to do with the stress of this decision pressing on her mind all day. The pertinent questions here are when did Olivia know, and how soon after knowing did she decide to end her pregnancy? Was there one thing in particular, or many from the stress of moving into the White House? Based on possible bread crumbs from 508, Olivia may have suspected a pregnancy before moving into the White House. Take a look at the drink levels in this picture:

 Compare the level of Olivia’s glass of wine (which she never sips from) with everyone else’s. Note, too, that later she and Abby are holding huge glasses of red wine. Olivia never imbibes, and actually places her drink down, despite discussing a very stressful matter: lying to Fitz. We see Abby deliberately take a sip of her drink. Olivia never does. At this point, she was fearful of Fitz being done with her and she didn’t want to be done. Perhaps, that also weighed on her mind along with the other lie while they were in bed that night, when Fitz asked permission to know what was on her mind.

So, what was the deciding factor in ending the pregnancy since her fear of being ‘over’ didn’t materialize?

 Fitz: “But what? Where were you, Olivia?”

Olivia:  “Something came up...”

Fitz: “Do not lie to me!”

Yikes! Fitz has a lot of bass in his voice, but I can’t blame him. His frustration is at its hilt. Blowing off a dinner she knew was important—one she acted like she would attend. Then she swarms in angry and ignores his pleads to talk to him, while clutching to his ex-wife’s drank? And she hasn’t looked at him once all day? I’d be mad, too.

What Fitz says also reveals that he no longer trusts Olivia and, perhaps, has been covering up his anger. She lied to him about releasing her father (508)—a man Fitz hasn’t liked (and who can’t stand Fitz) since the day he shot down a commercial airliner at Rowan’s command (307). Once again, Fitz finds out the truth, not from her but, from someone else. Clearly there is the devastation from the fact that the man who killed his son (318) continues to elude punishment. It opens up a wound he’s been trying to close for two years. The woman he loves more than being President is the daughter of that man. The tension! Summoning the courage to forgive--when opting for anger, retribution and shunning would have been so much easier--is commendable. He’s already shunned Olivia once before for lying and making a mockery of democracy (213). Olivia felt abandoned by Fitz, telling him “You left me all alone” (219). It’s the only time she’s seriously told him she hated him, though long ago she said “I could never hate you” (417) when Fitz gave her Douxbébé.  Her abandonment issues are deep, and date back to the age of 12, and I have written about the connection before. Fitz did not want a repeat of the post-Defiance era for them, not when they have obliterated so many of the obstacles they faced back then. This time he chose to embrace Olivia instead. But he clearly did not resolve his other emotions by talking to her about it. Instead he made it water under a bridge. Burying is not dealing. Olivia knows this all too well.

 Olivia: “I don't know what you want me to...”

Fitz: “You were running. That's what I want you to say. That's what I want you to admit. It doesn't really matter where you were tonight. You just weren't here. You didn't make it to that dinner tonight because...”

Dude, Fitz, if only you knew how much it mattered where she was tonight. It matters. But Fitz is not wrong that Olivia was running. Running from a future I believe she wants, but at which she is ultimately afraid she will fail because she is unprepared to give what she doesn’t have for herself. She only has enough for her pseudo children—the Gladiators. Olivia Pope doesn’t like failure or lies. Yet, in her personal life, she lies. And she fails at things like fixing people on the inside (501); a balanced diet (every episode ever), indifference toward Fitzgerald Grant (505); and forming attachments with people (306)—the romantic kind. If she never follows through, she can’t fail. This is why she is always looking for an exit. Nothing walls off your exits more than a child. Having that child would have definitely meant marriage. We see the lengths she went to avoid that.

 Olivia: “Because I didn't want to go. Why would I, Fitz? So I could sit in the corner with the other housewives and force myself to watch you run with the big dogs across the room? Guess what... I am a big dog, so I didn't want to go.”

Yeah, you didn’t want to go. But it was so you could schedule your abortion to occur at the same time. If this were actually just about sitting with housewives at the dinner, you could have talked to Fitz about that beforehand. Not showing up just seems rude, Big Dog.

Also,

who are you talking to, girl? The man who babysat your Prada bag on his couch while you stood on the Presidential Seal in the Oval, dictating to him how he should lead (507)? That man?

I think he knows. Just one episode ago (mere weeks in the Scandalverse), big dog Olivia was seated next to Fitz, as his equal, while they wined and dined the Bandari prime minister and his Cabinet (508):

Fitz saw that Olivia had her own prior professional relationship with the Minister of Energy and his Family. She oversaw the preparation of the meal to the extent that she knew the pastry chef came from the same province as the Minister. She combined the domestic and the professional flawlessly. She worked in her capacity as Olivia Pope[TM] along with Fitz toward the same goal: a peace treaty 2 years, 8 months and 17 days in the making. With Olivia’s level of security clearance, and history as DC’s premiere crisis manager, every Cabinet member at that table would know what an institution she is.

How am I supposed to believe that in a matter of weeks Olivia has been diminished to feeling like ‘nothing more’ than a hostess. That, in and of itself, is problematic. The question is, why does Olivia feel so small within the space of a couple of weeks, and how did she seemingly get relegated to the traditional feminine realm? There is insufficient evidence for me to come to a conclusion as to whether she was asked, demanded, manipulated or fell into it by guilt or expectation.  What compelled her to recoil from the Big Dog Pope she knows herself to be?

Yet, this isn’t really about Olivia feeling like a Chihuahua when she knows she’s got bark and bite (420). No one doubts that, least of all Fitz. So I’m not going to believe he cut off her access without any real evidence.

Listen, if  the Snicker Doodle wifey (509) is anything to go by, I can understand Olivia was missing some excitement—the thrill and suspense she confronted on a daily basis with OPA. But we don’t even know when she’d last been at OPA, or what the status was while she was living full time at the White House. That’s what I need know. Had it not been for Rowan, Olivia and Fitz were actually making a good go of things. Olivia was in and out of the White House, running her business and in a relationship with Fitz for three full episodes (506-508).  I’m tired of feminist narratives doing this work-or-love dichotomy for powerful women. It’s so trite and uncomplicated . I don’t want it to be that predictable. I truly believe that Shonda can get Olivia to a place where she can embrace many parts of herself, with Fitzgerald being but one of those parts.

[catch the ‘ornamental’ shade in the photo]

Who’s idea was the charm offensive? It feels like something PR expert Olivia Pope would come up with, or, at least encourage so as to not undermine Abby again. Abby’s already confessed to using Olivia’s playbook (503, 504), so even if the charm offensive was her idea, it would have been Olivia-approved.

Fitz admitted knowing that Olivia hates “this stuff”.  So, clearly, she’s told him at some point, or conveyed it with her actions. I’m not dismissing her irritation with FL duties, but what Olivia is really doing is erecting walls of defense to cover up the one thing she can’t talk to Fitz about.

 Fitz: “I knew this was gonna happen. I knew when I moved you in here and tried to give us a real shot at making this work...”

Olivia: “You mean when you moved me in here and treated me like I was some kind of hostage?”

Boy, was I excited when they got to this part,

because many of us have been debating since 508 whether Fitz’s actions were a desperate attempt to draw closer to Olivia, or sadistic retaliation for Olivia’s lies. I’m on record that I never believed it was the latter. I know Fitzgerald Grant pretty darn well, and it is not in his pattern to use closeness as a form of punishment. For that, he shuns and casts away. Just think of what he did after Defiance (213); his immediate reaction when Olivia told him she absconded to an island with Jake (404); discovering Mellie’s involvement with the murdered jurors (422); and Cyrus’ working with Rowan and landing Olivia in jail (422). Secondly, there is Olivia’s protection, which was mentioned as justification for moving her into the White House (508). Having experienced how dangerous Rowan is, the minute he discovered Olivia’s connection with him, her safety was his top priority (307). Let’s also recall that Thomas had Jake assign guards outside Olivia’s apartment building (416) after she returned from actually being held hostage. Learning that people had bloodlust for Rowan means Olivia was a prime target. If there is one thing Fitz takes seriously, it is Olivia’s safety. He has a well-documented pattern since season 1(and someday I will finish my essay on how this connects to the strong black woman trope).

However, there is a darker side to this safety coin: suspicion. Having lied to him again on a matter of national security (hello, Rowan is ex-Command!), Fitz had to have distrusted Olivia. “Dabbling” in national security issues has seen Fitz assign surveillance to her as well (104, 203, 214, 307).

Moving Olivia into the White House was Fitz’s attempt at taking control of the situation, not control of Olivia. Unfortunately Fitz has, in the past, acted to mitigate threats to his relationship, for which Olivia experiences more of the negative consequences and scrutiny:

*leaking her name to protect her from being used as a weapon by Mellie, and to bring their relationship into the light (301)

*making a spectacle of claiming her as his love by taking the full motorcade to pick her up for date night (504)

Sometimes, no matter the purity of the intention, the effect of one’s actions can cause pain.

From Olivia’s POV, Fitz made a decision about her without her input or permission. He responded to her unilateral decision made behind his back (releasing Rowan) with his own unilateral decision (moving her in). That’s undeniable. This made perennial exit-seeker Olivia feel enclosed and trapped. Though she spent nearly every night with Fitz in the Residence, she maintained a separate domain for herself and tried to avoid moving into the White House. Look at the lengths to which she went to avoid marriage—actions that ironically landed her where she did not want to be. Fitz becomes the target of her resentment. But Olivia was never a hostage in this situation, void of options she could exercise. Unlike with Rowan (301, 407) and Jake (316, 507), Olivia has never shown me she is physically afraid of Fitz. There was nothing stopping Olivia from telling Fitz off for what he did, or moving out. No one stopping her except her own demons.

 Fitz: “Is that honestly what you think?”

Olivia: “That all this is some kind of sick, twisted punishment? Yes, I do.”

Fitz: "’Punishment’? What are you...”

Olivia: “For my father.”

 Now we are starting to get to the meat of Olivia’s projection, and the un-confronted ghosts that compel her to falter every time she takes a step forward. Fitz is, of course, shocked that she would think he was trying to punish her. But why would Olivia think that? Two reasons: her father and the residual effects of PTSD from her kidnapping.

For nearly 25 years, Rowan punished Maya for her betrayal, as well as for playing him. He literally caged her, and for a time, even placed her in a hole. But he kept her close by visiting her every day like she was his pet (409). Doing so is a sadistic form of control that reminds the victim that they do not belong to themselves, but to their captor. Olivia was taunted and threatened with violence during her own kidnapping (410-413). The effect of that was Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) that Olivia, stubbornly, has never productively dealt with. She used work, sex and alcohol to push the trauma away, but she never really dealt with it. Recently we saw Olivia’s PTSD threaten her emotional well-being when a photographer was shooting pictures of her through her window, and when she spoke to Fitz about online threats of rape against her (504).

Compounding Olivia’s perception of punishment is the fact that Rowan has kept Olivia in a metaphorical cage of fear for most of her adult life. Olivia was raised to perform to Eli’s expectations of Black excellence with white entitlement (504). When she used her power against him, there were consequences.

 Fitz: “This has nothing to do with...”

Olivia: “It has everything to do with him. I get my father released, I try to help you, I try to save you...”

Olivia is absolutely right about one thing: this has everything to do with her father. Not from Fitz’s end, but from hers. She couldn’t face asking Fitz to release Rowan as a way of avoiding jail, impeachment and marriage because she feared what he would think of her. But she knew going behind his back would make it even worse when he found out. The scars of Olivia’s upbringing are all over this argument and she can’t see it yet. Olivia ‘saves’. If she isn’t saving, this woman literally doesn’t know who she is, and I suspect some of that is the cause of why she feels diminished at being moved into the White House. Recall that when she fled with Jake to an island, she had to take on a whole other persona: Julia Baker. Olivia Pope is synonymous with saving. No saving, then…who is Olivia Pope exactly? Over and over again she has used saving Fitz’s presidency and handling him as manifestations of her love for him. The dirty things she does for him, he should be grateful, instead of punishing her, or needing an apology (313). Having given up the ruse that she can wear the white hat, Olivia wants to be able to act in any way she deems necessary to fix a situation, but without suffering any consequences. Rowan uses the ruse of protective intervention in her life as his way of loving her. Olivia and her father are two sides of the same coin. Both her mother and her father, within the same episode, tell her as much (409):

Maya: “All you two do is talk about each other. You’re just like [your father]. He ruined you. ”

Rowan: “It is your life that is sad. It is you who cannot be normal. It is you who have no comprehension of love. So, what? Your stomach turns every time you look at me? Well, let me be the one to break it to you, Olivia... you are simply looking in the mirror.”

I recognize Olivia’s personal issues with her father have been unresolved since 409 because the kidnapping interrupted that process. even after killing his Command persona (Rowan) in 422. Rowan had to ‘die’, so that Olivia can live, which is what happened after she ‘killed’ Command in 422. But Eli, her father, still proves to be a problem. While he was quarantined in jail, Olivia was confronting the emotional hurdles in her life (501-505). Just as Command is Huck’s trigger, Eli is Olivia’s trigger. He raised her like a B6-13 agent (“You don’t have a father. You have Command”). And I get that’s why Shonda has written the story such that Olivia would be put to this test. I believe that’s what’s next for her. 

 Fitz: “Oh, let's not pretend you did that for me, Olivia. That was for you. You did that so you wouldn't have to marry me.”

Fitz isn’t wrong, but he’s not completely right. I certainly don’t think they should have married. They deserve to have some actual time to themselves instead of a shotgun wedding. Having this baby would have meant the same thing. It wasn’t the right time. As I said before, nothing about Fitz’s life was going to change if they got married, but Olivia’s life would have. Lynn Paolo and the beauty team achieved the symbolism of that with a complete change to Olivia’s look in 506.

As someone who understands how even fucked -up family members, that you sometimes hate, can manipulate you into feeling sorry for them and therefore into extending a hand, I believe Olivia was dismayed that her father’s life was under threat.  At the same time, Rowan manipulated Olivia into coming to his bedside. As really the only source of family that she has, Rowan wants to keep Olivia dependent on him. It’s his primary motivation for coming between her and Fitz. And here he’s done it again with the imperial couple. Rowan is Rasputin. Or, rather, since Olivia made the decision that allowed Rowan to come between them, Olivia is Rasputin.  

Is it mere coincidence that Rowan expresses to Olivia that he takes “tremendous pride” in who she’s become after she releases him from prison behind her lover’s back (508)? The lover whose son he murdered. When I think about Rowan shaking his head in prison over the media coverage of Olivia’s relationship with Fitz, and the fact that he called Olivia arrogant (504) before she helped him out, it’s not an accident. I could be naive and think his expression of pride is simply because he believed he was going to die, but that doesn’t erase the years has spent tormenting her for not emulating him in every way. 

It’s not Fitz’s love for Olivia that threatens Rowan, the threat is Olivia’s love for Fitz. Because it means she won’t need him anymore, and he therefore loses primacy and control in her life. Without his status as shadow lord of the Republic; without his paleontology job at the Smithsonian, who is he? Olivia’s dad. The only way he’s known how to be her dad in her adult life is by intervening to ‘right’ her life and rescue her when she gets into a pickle. So, much like Olivia doesn’t know herself without her protector identity, neither does Eli. The rest of the season should be very interesting.

Olivia: [laughs mirthlessly] “What was worse for you, Fitz? When I let my father go, or when I asked you not to kill him? Do I owe you now, Fitz? Do I get to show how worthy I am of your sacrifices now, Fitz? Do I get to talk to wives at cocktail parties for you? Trade recipes for you? Plan dinners for you? Live in this cage for you, and not breathe for you?! Tell me, what must I do to prove I am forever indebted to you for saving my father's life?!”

 Yo, Olivia is projecting like shit right now, and there’s also a lot of guilt in her statement. It’s significant that she doesn’t address what Fitz said because she knows it’s mostly true. It reminds me of what Edison said to her after he accused her of being the President’s mistress and she read him for filth (211). He told Olivia that the anger in her response means she’s hiding something.  She was then, and she is now. Olivia knew how terrible Fitz would feel knowing what she did. After all, this is the woman who decided to flee Washington all together when she thought her mother had killed Fitz’s son (318). How would he be able to look in her face and not see the daughter of his son’s killer? That is the question that led her to give up on that relationship, and see herself as ‘bad’ for Fitz. That was her punishment to herself. Shunning her is a punishment (219), but it’s one she thought inevitable with this latest lie:

“Once I tell him, that's it. He will not forgive this. When I tell him... it's over. It's done. We're done. I'm not ready to be done”—Rasputin (508)

When instead Fitz forgave and drew closer (that’s what he does when he’s fearful), she took that, too, to be a punishment. She’s assigned her father’s quid-pro-quo way of extracting payment for favours done. This way of thinking does not come from Fitz, it is learned behavior that comes from Olivia. Their lack of communication allows this dysfunctional way of thinking to foster resentment. In her eyes, the favour Fitz did for her was forgiving her for letting her father go, and agreeing not to have him killed for his crimes. The payment, then, must be to live up to expectations of being in the White House. That must mean she should become Mellie and abandon herself, which is exactly who she seems like for most of this episode.

Let me turn to my hatred for the “cage” as a metaphor to describe living in the White House. It’s such an entitled view whose basis only belongs in a privileged reality. When Fitz calls it the “Crown Jewel of the American prison system” (202), the irony and the privilege are all over that statement. I expect “cage” from a woman like Mellie Grant, who has all that good white privilege and DAR background, but is perennially lacking in self-awareness. She wanted the political partnership with Fitz that he actually has with Olivia. When she didn’t get that, all she did was complain about what she couldn’t do, instead of building a platform around what she could.  The cage metaphor is complete bullshit coming out of the mouth of a woman who has been twice thrown in prison (422, 508); kidnapped, abused, tortured and actually caged (410-413); and continues to live in a mental prison of her father’s making, and her own refusal to change that.

The moment Olivia says “live in this cage for you…” the camera has panned out from a close shot of her face, and shows a wide angle of Olivia standing in that massive room. I take it as a great juxtaposition to show the contrast between Olivia’s mental state and perception with the reality.  The reason she couldn’t breathe is because she was being strangled by all of her fears, the culmination of which was represented by that baby. Exiting when you have a child is much more complicated.

 Fitz: “Olivia...”

Olivia: “Be your housewife? Your girlfriend? Your property?!”

Olivia says she feels like she’s just supposed to be Fitz’s housewife, his girlfriend. As I said before, we don’t have any real evidence (just speculation) from the episode that this about turn in their relationship comes by decree of Fitz. Why are we missing the negotiation that should have happened after Olivia started living in the WH full time?

The charm offensive strategy hasn’t been assigned an author, and the magazine covers it manifests do not define Olivia as Fitz’s…anything. Olivia is referred to her in her own right. They headlines are about her--what she thinks, believes, feels. She’s strategically defining her position at the White House to the public in a non-threatening and domestic way. Clearly the reason she’s gracing magazine covers relates back to Fitz’s administration. Doing things for Fitz’s administration has literally been a part of Olivia’s life since we met her in Sweet Baby (101). It’s just that she prefers her work to be behind the scenes and in a way that is personally valuable to her. It doesn’t appear that she, as an ambitiously powerful woman values the domestic space. Yet, she has fantasized of running off to it (212), dreamed of it (410), and recently told Huck she’d be running bake sales in Ohio if she knew how to fix herself on the inside (501).

 “Your property?!”

In 501, just as she’s preparing to storm out of the Oval, all strong and wrong, Olivia tells Fitz:

“The good thing is I don’t work for you.”

Now that she is living at the White House and is First Girlfriend, does she feel like she works for him now, not with him? Or is this ‘property’ comment about the fact that he moved her in without consulting her, reminiscent of “I am not yours! I don’t show up places because you want me!” (203)? Either way, the use of ‘property’ is intentionally spiteful. It reminds me of Happy Birthday, Mr. President (208):

Fitz: “We are together. (Whispers) That's all that matters.”

Olivia: “Really? Because I'm feeling a little, I don't know, Sally Hemings-Thomas Jefferson about all this.” Olivia sometimes says (or does) the most gutting things to hurt Fitz on purpose. It’s usually because of the confusion she’s feeling, or to make herself hate him so she can justify leaving him-- especially after trauma. Fitz, too, has done this (“I may not be able to control my erections around you but it does not mean I want you.” (214)). In 208, Olivia felt embarrassed and ashamed that as she was preparing for a romantic evening with her married lover, his wife shows up with him (without warning from him!) at her cabin door. This lack of control led to her defining herself as property (slave), and here she is doing it again for the same reason: loss of control.

Another noteworthy parallel between this epic argument and the one in the Rose Garden (208) is Olivia feeling that she was unable to breathe. Back then the cause was waiting for Fitz (“I can’t breathe because I’m waiting for you”). Now that she is firmly ensconced in a living arrangement with a legally and psychologically available Fitz, she’s still can’t breathe?

The problem is the same. Back then Olivia hated that she felt so arrested by Fitz, that she had given over mental space an access in an unprecedented way. She didn’t recognize herself and that was extremely scary to her. The issue is the same now.  Again, we cannot underestimate how much her secret pregnancy is making her feel claustrophobic because she is unprepared for the commitment to both a future child and to Fitz. The guilt of ending the pregnancy without telling him, leaves Olivia unable to even look at Fitz (unless she’s angry), let alone continuing in union with him as if it hasn’t happened. Both then and now, Olivia takes back control by ending the relationship. This time she leads Fitz to argumentation cul-de-sac so that he can come to the same conclusion.  They’re not in this together. At least not now.

  Olivia: “You stand there, and you think about what I have been doing... and about everything I have ever told you... and you tell me who wouldn't run.”

This is a stonking pile of nothingness. The mother-load of all cop-outs. What’s worse is she says it, as if it explains everything and then turns to leave so Fitz can do the work of figuring out this Olivia puzzle. Girl, get the fuck.  Does “everything I have every told you” include telling him “I want you. I want us.” (501)? The fact that you agreed his bachelorhood was something to celebrate (507)? If it does, the conclusion Fitz would reach is the opposite of the reason for her running. Does “what I have been doing” include releasing her father behind Fitz’s back (506)? Working with Fitz inside and outside the Oval (503, 507-508)? Going on national television and confessing to being his mistress (502)? Proclaiming on TV that she is unable to stop loving Fitzgerald Grant and has no intention of stopping (505)? Which of these things, Olivia?! Or does “what I have been doing” only refer telling Mitchell to decorate with spruce and lilies (a lovely combo, might I add)? So, again, Olivia…da fuq you mean, girl?!

Even if it is the latter, again, we have no indication that somehow you have been forced into this role in the WH to the absolute detriment of everything else. Fit is rash, and sometimes bone-headed, but it’s hard for me to believe that he expected Olivia to give up OPA and completely left that out of his move-in thought process. Did these two people just not talk about this move at all, after it occurred? They have the worst damn communication ever.

 Fitz: “Try to understand what I am telling you. Moving you in here, asking you to go all-in on us...”

Olivia: “Oh, who is really lying to who here, Fitz? You asked me? When did you ask me?”

Fitz: “When I tried to propose. When we were out on the Truman, when you flat-out refused...”

Olivia: “That wasn't a proposal. That was manipulation.”

 Uh, Olivia your lies still stand, even as Fitz isn’t absolved. Fitz, bruh, I can’t ever sanction you moving Olivia in there without talking to her, even as I know she wasn’t being held hostage and could (and has) refused to oblige you before. But, I do understand Fitz’s thought process behind doing so. Did he really not talk to Olivia about this beyond the day he told her:

“This will be your home. You and I will be together now, and you will be safe... And protected.” (508)? Like, that was supposed to explain everything? Not sufficient, dude. 

Secondly, my mop top Bae, don’t try me. Olivia isn’t wrong, that wasn’t a proposal. That was a Hail Mary. Not two episodes ago you said “that wasn’t the wedding we wanted” (507).  For Fitz, having Olivia in his life is the thing that matters most to him.  As well as ensuring Olivia’s protection from perjury, a wedding would have made Fitz feel even more secure about a woman with a penchant for cold feet. But for Olivia, it was a rush and she felt inconsequential as a person in the whole thing. She felt handled. It doesn’t feel good, does it, Olivia? Mmmhmm.

There’s something else that I recently considered, after watching Mellie accuse Fitz of leaking those photos of Olivia in the White House (502):

“You placed Olivia in a dangerous position. You outed her. You thought by throwing me out of the White House and moving her in, you'd be making this grand gesture. Finally, she wouldn't be just a mistress anymore. But the minute she stepped through these doors, the minute she moved in here, she became what we all become when we live here, and what is that? Yes. A statue, inhuman, viewed from every angle, discussed, exposed. She's not just a mistress now. She's America's mistress. History will preserve her as such.” Of course, Olivia wasn’t living there and Mellie just wants to be bitter. But it’s the last line that struck me, one that corroborates with Fitz’s wish to put the relationship “into the light” (501). We know how much he hates Olivia being called a mistress (so much so he used it to hurt her (213)). After years of an ‘illegitimate’ relationship with Olivia, he’s been moving at lightning pace to do right by her.

The grand gesture of taking the entire Presidential motorcade to her apartment to take her on a date (504). More date nights (505).  Eagerly agreeing to Cyrus’ suggestion of marriage (506). Moving her in (508). He was trying his best to legitimize her place in his life. He wanted Olivia and the world to know how precious she is to him, not that she is his property. Perhaps his pace was partly a manifestation of his own guilt for having had this relationship in the shadows for so long. While all of that warms my little Thomas-loving engine, I understand that Olivia has to be ready for those things. Otherwise, it’s all for naught.

 Fitz: “You want to talk about manipulation? You think I don't know what you've been doing this entire time?”

Olivia: “What are you talking about?”

Fitz: “I'm talking about you... Strutting around here, wielding your undue influence in your power capes like you run the damn place.”

Ahahahahahahah power capes! I live!

On the one hand, I love that Fitz lets her know that the power she wields in that Oval office is not by bloodless coup, but because he allows it. We are very well acquainted with Fitz lashing out at Mellie and telling her that her brain is not for use in the Oval office because no one elected her; that her job is to be ornamental and not functional (201). Long use to Olivia as his most trusted advisor, since their relationship has been a go, Fitz has sceded more and more to her direction (507),

While also working in tandem with her in their separate roles as President and Fixer (508).

But, come on, Fitz—‘manipulation’? How can it be manipulation when he’s aware and allows what is taking place? Wasn’t it you, oh curly-headed One, who spoke of working as a team with Olivia (219)? Was that not your fondest political fantasy, Sir? As for ‘undue influence’, that’s a legal term that means one party taking advantage of a position of power over another party. The only thing that I can recall in this regard is when Jake accused Olivia of using executive privilege to summon him to the Oval so she could talk about Rowan behind Fitz’s back (508). My question is, has Olivia donned a power cape to wield her influence in the White House since she moved in? If so, why? She had no problems doing it before, so what changed?

 Olivia: “So you're bitter. Is that it? After realizing how ineffectual you actually are...”

Olivia basically said I’m

The problem is not that this is untrue, because Fitz is well aware of and has actively sought out her brilliance for years. The problem is she’s the bitter one. She’s drinking Mellie’s hooch, replaced old girl’s clothes with her own, doing her old job, so she moves on to using Mellie (and Big Jerry!) type insults at Fitz. In the past Olivia has always offered constructive criticism to Fitz about his failings as President. Even in the only other scene that has eviscerated me nearly as much as this one, Olivia managed to be critical of Fitz’s presidential decisions in a less gutting way (413):

“Everything I've sacrificed to get you here, to keep you here, so you could be the best, so you could make history, so you could be the president you were meant to be. And you were. You were the president you were meant to be. And then, when the true test came along, when I was taken because of you, you go to war? You sent thousands of innocent soldiers into harm's way, some of them to their deaths, for one person.” This is after Olivia has just suffered her first post-kidnapping PTSD episode. But these two people know how to aim their daggers at one another very precisely. Speaking of which…

 Fitz: “You know, you're worse than her. You're worse than Mellie. At least with Mellie, I knew what she was the entire time. Unlike you. I mean, I knew where you came from, but...”

Olivia: “Where I came from? We both know who your father is. I came from a palace compared to the man that raised you. At least my father loved me.”

Fitz,

Olivia,

Jesus, that got ugly really quickly. Fitz committed a cardinal sin and this isn’t the first time. He just did it in 508 when he was sure Olivia wouldn’t do something that reeked of Mellie’s brand of deviousness. Don’t ever compare your current lover with a past one. Damn, especially not Melody. I bet this anger is something he swallowed down with brown liquor the morning after Olivia’s reveal. Instead of expressing his disappointment directly to Olivia, it festers beneath a layer of forgiveness and grew to become this nasty, hierarchical comparison.

Both Mellie and Olivia have done things behind his back to save his presidency. Whereas Mellie has always benefited by her ‘sacrifices’ for Fitz, this is the first time Olivia has acted in a way that also makes her a primary beneficiary. There is no clean (313), and Fitz likes what he can do as President, despite saying that he would give it up.

Fitz is about to say that he knows the dysfunction she comes from (he’s not wrong), when Olivia interrupts. I both laughed and stared in disbelief. Yes, Fitz’s father is a fuck boy rapist (307) who emotionally abused his only child well into adulthood (211), and repeatedly reminded Fitz that he wasn’t living up to the greatness the Grant name bestowed upon him (211, 307). Geez, with the exception of being a rapist, Big Jerry sure sounds a lot like Rowan.  Then again, your father has committed a form of sexual abuse against you by training men he sees as ‘sons’ in the art of seducing his own daughter. So, from where I’m sitting neither of you much room to talk, unless it’s a contest of whose dad is shittier, not better. But, yeah, your father “loved” you, Olivia. Notice the past tense. Must be those old records. That’s why she holds onto them. Did the love stop for Olivia after Maya ‘died’? At least we know she’s aware that Rowan’s shenanigans in her adult life are nowhere near love:

“The only life you have is the sad, twisted one you built here. The one where you lurk in the shadows, pull puppet strings, and pretend the world couldn't exist without your protection. You can't disappear, become a normal person, because, dad, you are not normal. You're a sick, lonely man who only knows how to lie and call it love.”— Where The Sun Don’t Shine (409)

Sigh. If Olivia isn’t careful, that is the future she is headed for. She’s on the brink.

 Fitz: “You want to know who wouldn't run? Someone capable of being in a relationship. Someone capable of being normal.”

Olivia: “If you were someone capable of being alone, someone capable of not suffocating me...”

Lawd! Here we go. Now we’re getting to the meat. They are calling each other out on their shit. I love that Fitz doesn’t take the dad bait, but instead takes the argument back to a productive place. This is the retort to Olivia’s insistence that he do the mental gymnastics to figure out why she’s running. Again. What’s interesting is that Fitz has challenged her on the issue of commitment at other points this season (503, 506). But now he goes further by calling out her behavior as abnormal.

In 101, Olivia tells Stephen that she doesn’t date because she’s “not normal”. Later, she rejects Edison’s proposal because she doesn’t “want normal and simple and easy,” proffering “painful... Difficult, devastating, life-changing, extraordinary love” (213). She’s finally reached a point with Fitz where their love isn’t the painful, difficult, devastating thing it used to be. But does that mean she finds it now less life-changing, less extraordinary because she has all access to him? She no longer has to lie awake in bed every night wondering how their story ends (316). She doesn’t have to dream on a cold cell floor of a future in Vermont where she makes jam and they are married (but childless!) (410). She could have the rest of her life with him, but she’s invested so long in the pain and devastation of it all, she doesn’t know how to be a version of ‘normal’ that works for who she is, who they are as a couple. And when the ‘normal’ did come, it was too much, too soon.

But I understand that for Olivia all of this with Fitz has moved along much faster than she wanted it to. I have almost no doubt that an unplanned (secret) pregnancy ratcheted up the feeling that life was happening to her. Olivia does not do well when she does not feel in control.

As for Olivia’s accusations against Fitz, she brings up a good point. I’ve already mentioned that she interpreted the move as a punishment that sought to control her, thus the “suffocation”. Moreover, Fitz has not been without a woman by his side for about 25 years, or more. Whenever he and Olivia were on the outs, Mellie was always there, willing to step in and take her husband back (107, 213, 222, 318, S4). Regardless of their lack of intimacy, Mellie was still there. I wonder how much he takes this fact for granted. Who is Fitz by himself? I’d be interested to see if he learns anything about himself now that he’s been stripped of his children, ended his marriage, and is now broken up with his girlfriend.

 Fitz: “I wasn't suffocating! I was trying to show you...”

Olivia: “You were trying to save me!”

Fitz: “I was trying to save us!”

 I like that “try” keeps coming up. Olivia “tried” to make it to dinner. Fitz was “trying” to show her they could work as a couple. Olivia “tried” to save Fitz. And now she accuses him of “trying” to save her. You see, she’s the only one allowed to do the saving. Trying to save her is offensive to her sensibilities. Oh, wait, unless she’s kidnapped and hoping Fitz has secretly installed a tracking device on her body so she can be found, or boasting that the President is looking for her everywhere and won’t stop until her finds her (410). Or, it’s totes cool if her father saves/protects her because that’s who installed this run-save dichotomy she’s been living with since adolescence.  

Olivia and her father are two sides of the same coin. Rowan defines himself as the Protector of the Republic. Before Olivia even knew Eli had this Rowan identity, 20 year old Olivia defined herself as The Protector [TM] (308) of people. She has used that Protector M.O. as an excuse to back out of her relationship with Fitz, if it threatened his presidency (413). After all, if he gave it up, then she would be failing at her job, which is to help people realize their true potential (308, newspaper clipping). The foundation of such an identity requires others in order to sustain itself. Maya once said something about Olivia that I agree with:

“You're so vain. It's always about you, isn't it? The problems you create so that you can solve them. The power you have to wield so that you can feel important.”—You Can’t Take Command (422)

It sounds a lot like what Olivia accused her father of in 409. She told him the only life he has is the one where he pretends that the world couldn’t exist without him pulling strings in the shadows.

With the reluctant move into the White House, and Olivia interpreting it as a punishment with expectations of ‘proper behavior’, did that compel her to feel that the Protector identity no longer applied? Why was she no longer helping Fitz with crises, since she clearly got her life from doing so? I can’t tell because I haven’t been given any evidence.

 Olivia: “There is no us! There is no this! There is no Vermont! There is no jam! There is no future! [Crying] Not anymore.”

What Olivia says here has very little to do with the move into the White House. It has everything to do with the emotional and psychological effects of the secret abortion she just had. Seeing that pregnancy to term would have resulted in a baby, obviously. A swirl baby (“two babies, in fact” (318)) is symbolic of the Olitz future. Olivia just ended that future because it came well before she was prepared for it. The jam and Vermont are part of that future. If the future doesn’t exist, then why bother with this present that is us. This is a negation of what Olivia said on the balcony in 501 about wanting him, wanting them. The suffocation she felt likely concerns her unwanted pregnancy feeling like it was choking her, cutting off her future possibilities.

In this moment, Olivia thinks she’s just obliterated the existence of their future, and without Fitz’s knowledge. Obviously, it’s her body and she can make whatever decision she wants, but it’s not only her DNA and she’s still in a committed relationship with Fitz. Not telling him is weighing on her. Heavy is the head…  

  Fitz: “You just needed time... to get used to the way things work around here, the way things work with us in here, to be here. You needed time.”

Olivia: “We didn't get any time. I told you, if it got out, if they knew... We needed time before. We never had a chance. I told you.”

You know how I know Olivia isn’t being completely truthful? She’s not looking at Fitz as she says this. And it’s not completely true that the untimely outing of their relationship led to this break up. Absolutely, the outing in 501 set off a chain of events and decisions that led to 508. However, even if Olivia and Fitz had not been outed, they would still have been in a relationship, just in secret. So, either way, Olivia could have gotten pregnant. No birth control is 100% effective. I highly doubt that she would have made a different decision. I think the way she made the decision would have been different. Were they still living in the shadows as they waited for Fitz’s presidency to end, Olivia wouldn’t have had that baby. However, she would have had justification--outside of her own fears and dysfunctions--for ending the pregnancy, because it would have been a threat to Fitz’s presidency. Now, her only excuse is that she does not want to be married because she feels incapable of it. She can’t explain that to Fitz because she refuses to confront that fact, let alone work to change it. Otherwise, if this pregnancy didn’t exist, what was to stop Olivia from feeling like she was beholden to Fitz to stay at the White House? She’s not a woman who lets Fitz get away with things she doesn’t sanction.

I knew timing was going to be an important theme this season after Heavy Is The Head (501). The Queen of Caledonia asked President Grant for time—to make her decision about her military bases. Olivia told Fitz he should heed the Queen’s request. Two days later, she tells him the two of them also need more time. And the timing of her pregnancy was also wrong. The Queen also had the Princess murdered so she wouldn’t have a bastard child.

 Fitz: “Before.”

Olivia:  “If we're already broken going in, then...”

Fitz: “I was unavailable before. You liked me unavailable.”

 Finally! Something real. I am so glad Fitz came to this realization with her. In my analysis of the 501 balcony scene, I pinpointed that Olivia was planning to keep this relationship a secret for as long as possible, and that this was the reason Fitz’s divorce announcement frightened her. She would have been denied one of her primary excuses, one she used as a cock-block plenty of times (“you’re unavailable!”). But now we can finally confirm that she found safety in his lack of availability. She didn’t have to “try”. She didn’t have to reveal all of her ugly. She could have the rapture of loving him, but she didn’t have to put in the work a committed relationship requires. The kind she could safely fantasize about (410) having without facing the reality of the sometimes ugly, banal and inconvenient parts of living a real life with someone.  I do not think Olivia has been stringing this man along, nor do I doubt that she believes she loves him. I do understand that she does not know how to love him without the drama.

 Olivia: [Sighs] “I don't know you available. She got this side of you. She did this part. I didn't have to. I didn't have to be everything.”

There’s a lot of truth there, and a few things that don’t ring true. I recall Fitz telling Olivia that she is everything to his nothing (219), and that was well before they were living together. Olivia’s very being-ness is everything to Fitz, not what she does for him. It is her being-ness for which he went to war at a time when they were not together (411).

Olivia lived with Edison at one point, and she didn’t leave him for that, so living with her lover is not what causes her to feel like she has to be “everything”. Olivia has known Fitz as “available” for months now! When Olivia says that Mellie “did this part”, what she’s referring to is the business of living intimately with him and being fully invested in that relationship, while also being in the pressure cooker environment of the White House. It was different when she was technically a sleep over guest most nights. There were no duties and expectations she had to fulfill (507). When you live with someone you love, you have to discover a whole new level of patience. You discover all their annoying habits, and shit you downright hate. Yet, still this is not something to break up over, especially if you’ve never raised the issue.

For me, there’s something left out of Olivia’s statement: “and I’m scared of having to be everything to anyone”. That includes the being that was growing inside her.  

 Fitz: “You could've had something... Been something. Mellie... that's what she said. Ugh. I hate that you're always right.”

Olivia: “Me too.”

Fitz, stop bringing up Mellie. This is the issue with him going directly from one long-term relationship straight into another. His only other point of reference is Mellie. Bringing her up constantly will wear on any woman’s nerves, and make her feel like slotting into her place rather than having her own unique relationship with that woman’s former man. Obviously Fitz’s is attracted to powerful and unapologetic women. I really wonder if by living in the White House, Mellie also became Olivia’s only other point of reference for how to live life there. But, secondly, I don’t like the insinuation that being with Fitz while he is President necessarily holds Olivia back. We’ve seen evidence of how that doesn’t have to be the case (507, 508).  

(Side note: I love that Fitz rejects Mellie’s hooch in the same way that Olivia rejected Jake’s Beer, and Jake rejects Olivia’s wine. I’m already rolling my eyes at ‘Mellivia’ which is signified by Olivia’s embrace of Mellie’s drink—one that is connected to another father figure. Groan. #DeathToMelliviaUnlessItsGoingToBenefitPeopleOtherThanJustMellie).

Also, Olivia not always right. In fact, she was very wrong to want Fitz to accuse the Prince of Caledonia of murdering his wife (501), yet had all the self-righteousness in the world. She was wrong that Frank Holland deserved the Presidential Medal of Freedom for his feminist work (507). And I don’t think she’s completely right here either, especially since there’s a massive secret between the two them.

My problem with Olivia is that being proven right seems more important than the possibility that she might surprise herself. The expectation of being right holds no surprises. On that Truman Balcony in 501, Olivia was expecting the relationship to fail, in many ways, as a consequence of going public. It was not the stretching and the scrubbing of the public that broke them. They made it through the tumult of all of that scrutiny (502-505). And we’ve been given little to no indication that it was the public scrutiny from being the live-in First Girlfriend that drove Olivia over the edge. It’s not that they were broken going it. She is broken, so she can’t go all in.  

 Fitz: “We tried.”

Olivia: “We did.”

Pardon me, but fuck you both so hard. You didn’t try hard enough because you don’t seem to talk to each other about all the worries and the fears. This “we tried” feels a tinny and hollow as Olivia’s “I tried to make it tonight” argument. How interesting that Olivia’s first line in this argument is “I tried”, and Fitz’s last line is “we tried.” I don’t believe either one of them, certainly not with regard to their time in the White House. I do believe Fitz has reached a point where he is tired. Fitz has actually tried to give Olivia what she wants, but if she can’t tell him what that is

what’s the point in trying? 

Ain't no way for me to love you If you won't let me Ain't no way for me to give you all you need If you won't let me give all of me --”Ain’t No Way”, Aretha Franklin

I hope Fitz is able to move on in a meaningful way that lets him learn something new about himself, without Olivia. I’m looking forward to seeing what he’s like when he doesn’t have to contend with a broken marriage or a love endeavour. 

Their communication seems to have completely broken down the very day Fitz decided to move Olivia in. We are left to wonder how, in a matter of a few weeks, they devolved into two people who cannot even look at each other as they are breaking up. How can they when there is still a massive secret between them. A secret that explains so much of Olivia’s behavior in this moment, and throughout the episode.

Having a secret abortion builds on the past trauma Olivia has failed to productively work through. While abortion is not a millstone that women wear around their neck, it’s not uncommon for many women to think about what could have been. When Fitz mentioned two babies and Vermont (318), she smiled. It’s a future that sounded good to her, even if she has great anxiety about it. There’s no indication that she doesn’t want children, so deciding to end the pregnancy because of timing likely made her feel conflicted.  In fact, Olivia looked unsettled to me as she said in the waiting room of the clinic, trying to muster some enthusiasm for Mellie’s accomplishment, which is also a win for her.

The most disturbing thing about the actual abortion procedure scene was not “Silent Night”. I’m not offended by that choice, and I get it. Rowan’s monologue is the creep factor:

“Family is a burden. A pressure point, soft tissue, an illness, an antidote to greatness. You think you're better off with people who rely on you, depend on you, but you're wrong, because you will inevitably end up needing them, which makes you weak, pliable. Family doesn't complete you. It destroys you.” Family destroyed Olivia and Fitz. He doesn’t know it yet, but Olivia knows that’s the reason. I blame Rowan and his fucked up child-rearing. This is, after all, the man who took Huck’s family away from him. The man who required that there be no family connections for soldiers in his agency. If Olivia grew up with a father that emphasized there was only one path to greatness, and that that path was to be alone, that’s disturbing. If the cost of greatness was solitude, human civilization would have withered and died a long time ago. Metaphorically-speaking, that is where Olivia is headed if she does not confront these harmful patterns instilled in her.

Women who have had past trauma, or were in great conflict about ending a pregnancy tend to experience some of the emotional side effects: guilt, regret, anger, relationship issues, shame, and depression. The latter is something that can develop if a woman isolates herself and doesn’t exercise an outlet to talk about her abortion. What worries me is that Olivia immediately sought isolation, even before the argument. She barged into the room looking for the hooch and proceeded to walk out to find a space to be alone. She could not live with what she did, keep it a secret and stay in the relationship. So she led Fitz toward a mutual end. The small smile we see on her face at the end is one of relief that quickly fades as reality starts to settle in. Olivia has no more excuses left. She can say that she and Fitz just didn’t work during his presidency, but that would be a lie because they were working, and she didn’t have to stay at the White House

Olivia’s only excuse is herself. I wonder if Shonda will now allow her to seek therapy, though it’s hard to imagine. Huck managed to confront his greatest trigger: Rowan. He tested himself and he prevailed. Before that, however, he spent time working on himself after looking to others to fix him proved fruitless (501, 502). Olivia has the same trigger, and I want her to prevail.  Season 5 is the season of Olivia Pope putting love on top, and that includes love of herself. I still believe she’ll put in that work, even though she’s hit a hurdle. We’re only nine episodes in, so there’s plenty of time for the confrontational work she needs to do.  If Olivia does not deal with the spectre of her dysfunction, which is the legacy of her father, she will forever remain stuck in gear. Whoever she is with, she will always be there.  She cannot be happy alone, or with anyone else until she confronts herself.