#katebeckettxreader

kate beckett x fem!reader angst to fluff?

lmk if u want me to be more specific <33

- ❤️‍🩹anon

⚠️Trigger Warning⚠️ This one-shot includes the topic of torture, blood, physical violence, cutting & stabbing. The plots are presented. If this triggers you too easily or you just can´t handle the subject, I urge you NOT to read this work. I am NOT embellishing this topic under any circumstance. Read at your own risk.

Summary: When the young NYPD detective is captured along with her partner, the culprit takes a liking on you. The aftermath of this mission had certainly been the worst she had ever experienced with you, but she had to admit that there was also a good side to it.

A/N: TRIGGER WARNING! MENTIONS OF MISCARRIAGE - READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

---

After Kate found you passed out on the floor, she laid you flat on it and put her ear to your lips; they were already blue just like your ice-cold skin and she couldn't feel breathing. "I found her, passed out and hypothermic. I am starting first aid, call a damn ambulance right now!"

After the words left her mouth screaming, she pressed her hands together in the center of your chest and kept repeating this over and over. She just had to keep going until the rescue workers were there or you returned to her.

By now everyone had gathered around the two of you as they feared for your well-being and watched their colleague desperately make you breathe again. Some began to try to collect traces, Ryan and the captain waited outside for the ambulance while Esposito took turns with Kate when she ran out of strength.

It wasn't long after you started spitting the water out of your lungs and coughed. While Esposito gently laid you on your side to ease your fight, Kate sat on her lower legs and took a few deep breaths of relief - tears of joy streaming down her cheeks.

But when she looked down at you more closely and had to admit to herself that your chest was moving up and down again, her gaze moved to your stomach. The ball you had been dragging around for a few months now was no longer round. It looked more like a transversed egg.

Your deformed belly swelled up and Kate knew something was wrong with your baby. She could feel it with a growing lump in her throat. "Y/n, does anything hurt you?" she asked curious and your gaze turned tiredly to her. In the meantime you were lying on your back again and could look into her shocked face.

Tears ran from your eyes in rivers and she tried to hold you up and pull herself together for you, even if she feared the worst. Javier stepped aside a few feet and let Kate crawl up against your torso. She gently took your hands in hers. "Kate, the baby." you whispered but no response came. Instead, you watched her expressions become sad and worried and you saw that she fought back tears.

"Everything will be fine, I promise." she breathed and looked down again as a hand broke away from yours and sat on your stomach. But despite the little smile she tried to give you, you knew that something was wrong. "I promise but stay still, please."

You nodded weakly and lowered your head back to the concrete. The coldness of the floor on which you lay crept up inside you. You tensed up and you knew the pain was coming and you knew it was going to be unbearable. Your body was trembling with exhaustion and coldness.

---

Once at the hospital, according to the doctors, there was no more time to lose. The baby's heart rate changed dramatically and it was clear there was great urgency to get you to the operating room - your uterus had ruptured and your baby was losing oxygen by the minute.

Despite the tiredness and the pain, you remembered to stay focused in case you had to make any decision. You had to be present for the human in your belly - she needed you.

As if in slow motion, you tried to take everything in around you. Conversations between the staff, the bright lights above your head that shone in your face and blinded you, the monitors that were beeping around you, saying goodbye to Kate, even if she didn't wanted to let you go. "As soon as you wake up I will be her. Understood?"

You just nodded and heard only one more 'I love you' before the doors closed behind you and you could only hear the squeak of the rubber shoes of the doctors below you.

When you arrived in the room, you were asked to get up and slowly but surely lied down on the operating table with the help of some nurses and for the first time, you looked at your stomach and watched it changing shape, thinking the worst every minute that passed. Your arms were fixed at the sides and everyone was running back and forth like crazy while someone was messing around with machines behind you.

It all scared you and you closed your eyes. At that moment you only wished that Kate could hold your hand. You heard her voice in your head with uplifting words before the anesthetist counted you down and then there was pitch darkness.

If only she hadn't made this promise.

---

You felt a tingling of cool air being pumped into your nose as your eyes began to adjust to the light.

Your gaze lingered at the bottom of your bed, two woman in overalls standing there, looking at some sheet papers before their heads lifted and they looked into your dull and lackluster eyes. "Mrs. Y/L/N, it's so nice to see you awake." one of them stated - both with a deeply sad expression. "Do you know where you are?"

At that point, you knew immediately that your baby hadn't made it and was gone, but you really didn't wanted to hear it - tears slowly gathered in your eyes.

"Mrs. Y/L/N, your uterus ruptured and you were operated on. You gave birth to a little girl via emergency C-section. Your friend, Detective Beckett, said you liked the name Mary." and as the words fell out of her mouth, you knew it was the sad reality instead of just a mind-boggling ghost wandering through your head. "Mrs. Y/L/N, I am so sorry but Mary didn't make it."

"Mary-Kate." you whispered before you just wept and nodded.

You never felt this kind of feeling that you've had now. It was never possible for you to be speechless but this time, for the first time, you were. Completely and utterly speechless. Just hours before, you were almost at the end of your spiritual and beautiful pregnancy, touching her little head with your hand above your belly.

And now you were told that your baby had died.

"Would you like to see her?" the second nurse asked and you managed to squeak out a simple yes.

The two nodded and disappeared, leaving you alone for a moment before there was a knock on your room door. Delayed, the handle moved down and it opened a crack before it was pushed open easily, revealing no other than Kate, wheeling a gray crib into your room.

Her eyes were so dull and empty, the marks the tears left in her face clearly visible.

Before you looked at your little daughter, you hugged your best friend tight, telling her how sorry you were.

So, so sorry.

All 6lbs of her were just perfect and you couldn't believe that your big and strong girl was dead. You were holding her, trying to catch your breath as you let your thoughts wander; if you could take back every breath you have ever drawn and give it to her, you would.

You held Mary-Kate all day and night, you held her so tight while not a second passed in which Kate was not with you, watching you, holding the little child too and giving you the support you needed now, even if you were still too shocked and didn't understood what had happened; not yet adapting your emotions to the situation.

With your consent, Kate Face-timed some of your closest friends; Espo, Ryan and Lanie. So they could see her.

You wanted them to have more than just a picture as a memory.

You gently lifted her eyelids so you could see her eyes as you took every single detail to savor it. Holding your child and knowing you will have to leave her behind in a few days was so wrong. You never wanted to say goodbye.

You sang to her and held on so tight. The nurse helped you bath her and you tried to help her feel at least some of your warmth.

There were times when she was in the cold cot beside you that you could have sworn that you saw her little chest rise or could hear her make a little grunt, but it was all just your mind playing tricks on you.

On the final day, you could feel the last pulses of energy leaving her little body and decided it was time to go home. Those last hours, knowing you were going to leave her behind were unimaginable.

In the end, you had three beautiful days with her.

You remembered Kate telling you earlier the day that you seemed as if you were on autopilot and things would likely to get worse. But nothing, absolutely nothing could be worse than walking out of that hospital and taking one last look at your girl.

You didn't know grief like this could be possible or even existed.

Kate had never felt so helpless in her life as she did now, not even at the point in her age when her mother was brutally murdered and left to die in an rotten alley. She was a detective and yet she had no plan where her partner and best friend was, not to mention her unborn baby, although that is exactly what she should know as a good partner.

You'd been gone for more than 24 hours now, there was not a single reference to your stay and she didn't know where, who or what had taken you but she knew exactly that you wouldn't have left voluntarily. That's what the medium-sized blood stain in your living room told her when she had a queasy feeling and drove to your apartment that night and found it.

You had given her the key as soon as you found out about your pregnancy so that she could come over whenever she had an uncomfortable feeling in her stomach, she needed distance from Castle or she had to know that you were okay if you missed her calls for a few hours.

She was protective of you like a lioness. Anyone who got in your way had to get past her first. But this time she came too late and wasn't there when you really needed her.

And for that she hated herself.

"Beckett," she startled and casted her angry and at the same time sad and thoughtful look at Esposito while she was still thinking about you and the unborn baby. "We have a lead, hurry up!"

Immediately she realized the said words and her mind began to process things too quickly, already circling around the thought of holding you in her arms. With a speed, she let the chair she was sitting in, flying against the wall behind her. The brunette clutched her jacket, weapon and badge and disappeared to the elevator.

She couldn't drive her company car; Esposito had taken the key from her. She was too shaky and upset to drive herself. Instead, he got behind the wheel, also hoping the nightmare was soon over for both you and his best friend.

He was afraid of what she would do if she got her hands on the guy who had done whatever to you, but he was prepared, Espo knew how the woman next to him was when something was taken or hurt from her.

Kate got out of the half-moving car and ran around it to immediately grab a vest and put it on herself. She tied her hair in a ponytail and wanted to walk in, but was stopped by Ryan by a firm grip on her arm. "Wait for us, you don't know what or how many people you will find!"

Angry and nervous, she bit her lip and took a few steps back to the car where she stood with both feet firmly in the ground, as a sign to Kevin that he could let go of her and that she waited and wouldn't go in there alone. She knew the rules by heart, but this was different. Not only was her mind screaming at her to go in there immediately and not waste one more second, but also her body. As if her legs would want to step through that door on their own; she had to control herself.

Her entire body shuddered of fear of what was going on behind the closed metal doors of the large hangar. She had already gone through every single possibility in her head, but she was still afraid that the worst scenarios were more realistic than finding you. Whether you were in there at all or it was a clue into the void yet again.

In the meantime the whole cavalry had arrived with an ambulance and gathered around the three detectives and Castle, the captain was also there and directed the whole thing, Beckett couldn't. The brunette didn't even listen to the instructions. She just wanted in - in and find you.

Snipers had already moved on the roofs and looked through the window ceiling of the hangar, there was no one to be seen yet. And that had given Kate a punch in the stomach.

Fully armored men divided themselves to the three different entrances and waited for the starting shot to enter the building while the three detectives stood at the front door and waited for the captain's confirmation. Kate looked at her intently and she nodded. Two armed men opened the thin yet heavy doors and they moved in like a swarm of bees. Kate was the first of the group to enter, gun drawn.

There was dead silence.

The hangar hadn't been used for a long time, nobody had taken care of the things; boxes were everywhere and blocked the view, making it harder for them to see any attackers before the exchange of fire.

Full of adrenaline, she held her flashlight with a firm grip under her gun and kept walking forward. She broke up with some of her members and tried to find a way through that maze to get to the end. She had to watch out for you every inch of this building.

"Captain, in the back there is something elongated, seems to be some kind of tub." said one of the roof gunners and Kate's heart began to beat faster. "I think I see feet, but I am not sure."

It was the channel on which everyone had to switch on, Beckett had heard everything and she was the only one that was near it, she already saw it from afar.

Her light permeated over the entire floor and her gaze was fixed on something glittering on the floor. Kate looked around once more and ran in the direction of the shiny object. In front of it, she knelt down and took it in her hand while squeezing it hard. The shock ran through her entire body.

It was your necklace that you got shortly before your mother passed. Kate clearly remembered the story you told her about this jewelry; it went on for several generations and you wanted to give it to your baby girl when she turned 18, just like you got it.

"Y/N!" she screamed desperately as she turned around in hope you'd answer. Her eyes made themselves independent and encompassed the lifeless body. She caught her breath in her lungs as she drew in a sharp breath. "NO!"