#kate lyons

"I mean." Oliver swung the toes of his heavy boots off the edge of the doctor's exam bed innocently. "I wouldn't say I'm good. But I've always been better at putting things back together than taking them apart, you know?"

Kate smiled at her hands as she worked, demonstrating a field stitch that was simple, quick, and effective in a pinch - or under fire. "I do."

"Ennie has been working with me on using my biotics and my senses." Oliver wrapped his arms around himself before he shrugged. He watched an empty wall. "It's not a miracle. It's just a muscle. I remember the nights Ennie was on assignment or in the labs or under the knife or goddess knows what - at the whim of those monsters - and I was alone. I'd lay there in our bed but I could hear... everything."

His green eyes snapped into focus, finding the doctor's soft own. A small, easy smile fit his pretty face. "The sounds of my brothers breathing ten rooms away. The sounds of them having sex."

An eyebrow arched as he remembered with perfect clarity. "Laughing. Crying. Night time was the only time we had to ourselves. I spent every bit of it with Enzo but we all had our coping mechanisms. I hated being able to hear them. To smell them. To feel the tingle of their tickle every time one of them got a little too worked up. Those were the nights that I wanted, more than anything, to just close my eyes and wake up on a beach. Like all of it had been a terrible dream."

Oliver huffed a little chuckle and ran a self-conscious hand through his hair. "I didn't want to live like that. I couldn't tell them what I was nor could I explain why I knew the things that I knew."

He shrugged, eyes far away again as he remembered. "There's a pack of coyotes that nest a klick out but have scoped out your chicken coop for the last three nights. I expect they'll take their meal soon."

He blinked back to reality and offered a sheepish smile, taking the outstretched needle from the doctor to quickly mimick the demonstrated field stitch as she moved on to explaining the contents of the supply kit she was furnishing.

"I was lucky." He decided to offer by way of explanation, hopefully tossing details of his life into the air between them. "The village I ended up at. The people there. They knew that I was different but they weren't afraid of me. And they helped me learn to be more. More human."

from x, before x and x (what are timelines)

Isaac hesitated outside the semi-private hallway just before the wide entrance to the Berlin's CIC. He told himself it had nothing to do with the woman who also waited, intentionally absorbing what little bit of peace and quiet was left as the ever-present chatter from a fully staffed crew had already started to set in.

The quiet thunder of life was only just beginning to rumble in the Berlin’s bones once again. He knew it wasn’t appropriate to stand so close to her but he told himself it didn’t count as long as they weren’t touching.

“Are you ready?” Eva wore all black with the exception of the signature N7 stripe. She smiled over her shoulder at Isaac as she reached up to tie her blonde hair out her face.

“No,” he responded honestly, heart breaking for each the inches between them. Her face fell and he backpedaled.

“Eva,” he breathed her name, not just unwilling to keep it off his lips but, arguably unable. “I-“ He sighed and cast a glance at his favorite eyes. What he saw there broke him.

For days he’d been back and forth, both terrified and hopeful that beyond all of their friendly conversations she might also be crazy enough to want more.

One moment he was certain. As certain as he’d ever been about anything at all. Her slim fingers wrapped around his solid wrist as she led him to slide his fingertip across her skin, sharing parts of herself too intimate to name. If she had held onto him just a moment longer, he would have kissed her then.

Other moments, with wild hair and tired eyes, half hard at the sight of her and wearing his thin grey shorts, she’d look anywhere but at him. But, still, he slept with her Balrog drawing taped to the wall next to his bunk.

“When I was a kid, I used to dream about moments like this,” he blurted suddenly, poking at the stiff collar of his dress blues. “Ten year old me would be very pleased.” He gestured to his uniform, the shining bars on his shoulders, the vague electronic glow of the CIC ahead.

He tilted his head to watch her watch him, blue eyes blazing with questions. “It’s weird to be standing in front of everything you’ve ever wanted only to realize that there’s actually something you want even more.”

He watched her process, golden brows knitting as she chewed on his words.

In what was probably the must irresponsible, impulsive thing he’d collectively ever done, he closed the space between their bodies to rest a hand on the wall next to her head. He had to stare at the wall because the look in her eyes threatened to pull him under. But, this close, he didn’t have to wonder how mutual it was anymore.

If he didn’t do it now, he wasn’t sure he’d ever have the chance again. If he didn’t do it now, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be okay again. But if he did, it might ruin everything.

“Okay,” was all he said.

Her lips were even softer than he’d imagined and he had spent a lot of time imagining. She tasted like cocoa peanut butter protein powder and smelled like flowers and the way her body opened to him made his rigid. He broke away while he still could.

“I need to know you.” His eyes held hers, hesitating for a heartbeat, “As intimately, as you want me to.” He knew she knew that he didn’t mean just physically. He hoped she knew he’d never wanted anything as much as he wanted to hear her sigh his name.

Ensign Davis cleared her throat behind them. “We’re uh. Almost assembled, sir.”

-

He shifted on his feet behind the largest terminal in the CIC, suddenly aware of the familiar burden of duty that had somehow all but escaped him as he had foolishly indulged in infatuation with a subordinate (he could hear his mentor's voice in his head) over the scattered past few days.

But he couldn't find any regrets.

He quit fidgeting with the cuff of his jacket to still with his hands folded in front of him, a practiced perception of calm. He squared his shoulders at the sound of boots approaching.

The wonder and pride in the XO’s wide eyes almost made the reality check worth it. She was a warm leader and Isaac watched her whisper, mumble, and even giggle greetings to the scattered staff who congratulated her and introduced themselves as she made her way past.

Isaac cracked a smile at the way Eva quirked an eyebrow when Marie stopped to look around the illuminated CIC. It wasn’t unlike the expression he imagined on a child finding everything they wanted waiting for them under a Christmas tree.

He tried not to study the figures crowded around the Commander. Just when he wondered if Hunstman set the standard, he met the little one with no shoes and disturbingly perceptive eyes, and then the hulking cretins after that had broken any sort of Phoenix mold he might have formed in his mind.

Isaac waited for Marie to soak in her moment, only gesturing lightly to the empty spot at his side when she finally caught his eyes.

-

“First, I want to say welcome.” He paused to take in the eyes that looked his way and all the ones that didn’t. He wasn’t technically in command of anyone that wasn’t wearing an Alliance uniform but the speech was another task on his checklist, so he droned on.

“The brass has decided that the SSV Berlin is to be our home for a little while and I hope you’ll take that responsibility seriously, with respect to both to her crew and her spaces. Like it or not, we are stuck together for the foreseeable future. Let’s do what we can to make it easy.” He paused for a breath, eyes crinkling at the corners when he scanned over the jittery curly-haired kid.

“Rules and regs are pretty standard but I hope you’ll bear with me for a few exceptions.” He sounded like he was reading a script, present but completely disinterested. He spewed off a list of important things to know about the ship’s structure, performance, logistics and its chain of command - ending with the very important fact that XO Miller, as official Alliance Liaison, would be the only go-to for Phoenix related questions, concerns, or issues of any kind with no exceptions.

He wasn’t allowed to say how much he hoped they’d defer to her for most things but, he hoped that part came through.

“This time tomorrow, we’ll be in the Ismar Frontier, Attican Traverse, on the edge of Outer Council Space for a test run. The Berlin took some damage at Terra Nova a few months ago and we’re not clear for free range until everything checks out. After baseline drills, all boots in, a small team will be selected to run intel recon at a Cerberus lab on a local cluster moon with the XO. That’s as far as our orders go, so far, but I promise to keep you apprised as information becomes available.”

It was possible he’d said all that in one breath.

“Just make sure you let the Ensign know when you’ve settled on a bunk assignment and if you find your assigned station ill-equipped or, lacking in any way," he threw a heavy, pointed look at the new doctor with her gleaming metal arm, "see Requisitions Officer Marazano.”

Isaac was tired but pleasant and a part of him wondered about all the adventures to come. “Marines, your shift schedules and rotations should already be in your extranet mailboxes. Chow’s on in an hour and we can all take the night to settle in.”

It’s quiet in the cockpit where she finds him. Right where he always is, nestled deep into his seat as the stars shift slowly past on an endless tide outside. His expression is taunt, brows furrowed with concentration as he scans the multitude of holos that glow orange and blue that surround him. Lean, beautiful fingers dance swiftly over the controls as though he’s playing a melody only he can hear.

Kate slows her approach, savoring the fine lines of his profile, the shadow of his beard and the flop of his hair pushed back from his face as he works. He hasn’t noticed her yet, engrossed as he is in his task but its only moment later that he senses her and looks up.

And smiles.

That smile always had the ability to leave her a little breathless.

“Hey,” he says, his tone instantly warm and blue eyes soft in a way he reserves only for her and one other. She adores the way his eyes crinkle at the corners. She adores everything about him. “What are you doing up?”

“Thought you could use this.” She holds up a mug filled with steaming hot coffee. “I know it’s a long night ahead of you.”

He accepts the coffee with thanks and tucks it into the portion of his dash that keeps it secure. Then he reaches for her hand, running a thumb over the sensitized metal of her prosthetic and tugging just gently enough that she knows his intentions.

“Come here,” he says quietly and she sinks into his arms, and settles herself across his thighs, snug in the plush pilot’s chair. He tilts his face up to steal a kiss and a small smile forms on her lips.

“What’s the captain going to say if he sees us?”

Ryan chuckles and nuzzles his face into the side of her neck. His arms are strong about her, warm and encompassing. It’s one of the things she likes best. She loops her arms around his neck and snuggles in, glancing up at the stars outside through the viewports as one of his hands rubs a gentle circle on her thigh.

“Captain has his hands full with his own delights,” he tells her. “He’s not going to say a word. And if he does… Well, we go back far enough I can tell him to get lost. Nothing is going to stop me from stealing a kiss or two from my girl.”

“Or three, or four, or-“ she laughs softly. His beard tickles her skin as he drags a little trail of kisses along her jaw. She squirms slightly and he draws back with a grin then he takes her hand and presses it to his crotch. There’s no mistaking the hardness under her palm.

“What have you been thinking about up here?” she raises an eyebrow, fighting the twitch of her lips. “Not asari porn again, I hope?”

He lets out a little laugh at that and the sound floods her with warmth even as she indulges herself with a little rub of her hand against the swell of his cock under his uniform. The sound of his laugh is close to being one of her most favorite sounds in the galaxy. That, and the sound Thurman makes when he slides inside one of them.

“Why that, when I have this?” His hand wanders inside her shirt and cups her breast. He kisses her again, tongue gently probing in the dreamy way he knows she likes. It makes heat pool and her head spin, and for a heartbeat, she almost forgets they’re in the cockpit of their ship where any member of the crew could see them.

Still, she doesn’t want to let go.

“I don’t want to go,” she sighs when an automated alert chimes. It’s not urgent, it will keep for a few more minutes but not long enough to say or do all the things she wants to.

He groans in disappointment and presses his forehead to hers when she pulls her hand away. “I wish I didn’t take this shift…”

“Liar,” she pecks him on the lips affectionately. “You love it up here.”

He quirks a grin at that. “Guilty. But do me a favour… go find our boy. He’ll be free soon, and the two of you can keep the bed warm for me. Can you do that?”

She shivers as his hot breath skitters over her neck, memories of their morning together skittering freely though her mind. Thurman had taken great pleasure in working his mouth over her as Ryan watched and issued filthy instruction after filthy instruction. She had every intention of seeking him out next. “I can do that.”

“Good girl,” he murmurs on the tail end of a kiss that she chases. The endearment sends a quiver of excitement down her spine. He only called her that when he had… plans. “But don’t have too much fun without me. Or do, and… record it. Then do it again when I find you both.”

She laughs softly against his mouth at that. “Yes, sir.”

“One day I’m going to make you say that with-“

“Don’t say it,” she buries her face against his chest, visions of red knots against her pale skin swimming behind her eyes. She still wasn’t sure, but he had been so earnest and sweet when he had broached it and she wants nothing more than to please him. To please both of them. 

Ryan hums, but doesn’t push so she raises her head after a moment and kisses him again, this time as long and as lingering as she dares for the cockpit of an Alliance freighter hovering in the outer reaches of the traverse.

---

Eva jerked awake with a gasp and it took half a second to realize the pain she felt in the dream had followed her into reality. She sat up and slowly opened her hands, and quickly closed them before the blood seeped onto the sheets.

“What’s wrong?” Isaac rubbed at his eyes before peering at the dark outline of her form.

“Nothing. Go back to sleep.” She whispered, keeping her voice even. She cursed herself for not thinking fast enough in her sleep-induced haze to hide it and she cursed him for being a light sleeper as she slipped out of bed, padding in her bare feet to the bathroom. 

“Eva.” 

“It’s nothing.” She held her hands under the water of the sink and they both watched the blood race to the drain. “Do you have any medi-gel in here?” 

“No. Come on I’m taking you to med bay, those are too deep.” 

“I’ll go myself.” 

“I’m not going to let-.” 

“Isaac.” He stopped to look at her with a sigh, knowing it before she said the words. “How is it going to look if the Captain of the ship is taking me to the med bay in the middle of the night?” 

She pleaded with the stubborn look in his eyes. “I promise I’m fine.” 

------ 

“Do you want to tell me how this happened?” Kate looked at Eva under her lashes as she inspected and applied medi-gel to the cuts on both hands. “Doctor patient confidentiality Eva. What you say is safe with me, if you want it to be.” Eva watched the wounds close. She appreciated the way the woman asked that didn’t feel prying. She really wanted to wash the blood out from under her nails. 

“My nightmares are…very real and very extreme sometimes.” Eva shrugged from where she sat on the examination table, legs curled under her. 

“Nightmares.” Kate released Eva’s hand and sat down in her chair, blowing out a breath. “Patient doctor confidentially this time? I get them too.” 

“From...” Eva motioned to Kate’s arm. She knew plenty of soldiers with PTSD and took a guess. 

“Yea.” Kate smiled softly and Eva immediately felt at ease with the shared secret. “I trust you’ve had it checked out?” 

“Downside of having a human brain with non-human processes.” 

“That’s a yes, if you know that much.” Kate chuckled in an effort to lighten the mood. “Pronounced Parasomnia, I have heard of humans with extremely high biotic output having extremely bad nightmares in the brains attempt to normalize in REM. Asari don’t have to worry about that, of course. Have you tried medication?” 

“Everyone of them that I know of. The only one that worked made me not be able to function the next day.” She cleared her throat, rubbing a thumb over the smooth skin where the cuts were and slid off the table. “Listen, I’m sorry I had to bother you so late. I usually keep gel around but I hadn’t had a bad one in so long…they happen less when I’m not stressed. And when I regularly get the energy out of my system.” 

Kate waved a hand with a smile. “I was up. But even if I hadn’t been, that’s what I’m here for. Never hesitate to call me.”

 ---

She stood just outside his quarters, debating which direction she should go. In the end she knew he would be worried, and that alone made her open the door instead of going back to her quarters. She wasn’t surprised to see him still up when the door slid open.   

He turned to her and she gave him a smile he didn’t return. “See? All better.” 

He watched her walk to his bed and flop onto her side before he followed, lying down gently, facing her. “That was a bad one.”

"Yeah." Her palm found his cheek as he silently searched her face. She smiled again and kissed him before whispering against his lips. “I’m fine.” He inhaled a slow, deep breath at that, the strain leaving his shoulders but not his eyes. “I’m sorry you’re not going to get hardly any sleep now.” 

“Who needs sleep when you have an Eva?” 

“Starship captains with a whole lot of lives in their hands, that’s who.” 

He grimaced, his hand resting on her hip after pulling her closer. “You should be the Captain. You’re the more responsible one in this relationship.” 

She was glad his eyes had drifted shut a few moments earlier, so he couldn’t see her grinning like an idiot, eyes shining at his last word. *relationship*

“Isaac.” She continued when she had recovered, sobering. “The Commander said today that you’ve been too tired for too long for her liking. If she says something to me about it, it must be bad.”

He opened his eyes to look at her, brows furrowed with something she couldn’t place. “What exactly did she say?” 

“I don’t remember the exact words but I do remember feeling an implication that ever since we’ve been together you’ve been noticeably fatigued. She didn’t say it meanly, it was just something she was noticing. It just hit me wrong because this is one of the things I was afraid of. I don’t ever want to inhibit you from doing your job. I don’t want to stay as many nights if it’s making you too tired. I really don’t mind.” 

“Eva, I’m going to say this only once. If there is anything that is ever inhibiting me from doing my job properly, you’ll know about it.” 

Eva’s blue eyes dimmed as they fell. “Okay.” 

“I’m not mad at you.” He kissed her forehead before lifting her chin with a finger until she looked at him. “I just don’t want you to feel like you’re hurting me in any way. You make me better.” 

Kate Lyons and Liam Mower in The Car Man, Matthew Bourne / New Adventures, July 2015. © Foteini Christofilopoulou.

Prehistoric Homo Sapiens, Neanderthals Seem to Have Caused Extinction of Large Mammals, Study Finds

A life-sized display of Archie, a Columbian mammoth, is on display at the University of Nebraska State Museum in Morrill Hall. A new study suggests that massive mammals were much more likely than their smaller counterparts to go extinct in regions occupied by ancient humans. Photo: Troy Fedderson, University of Nebraska-Lincoln

The extinction of large mammals such as wooly mammoths, giant sloths,…

(lol technically XD)

x

“Another night, Captain?” Kate’s voice was soft and warm behind him as she rose from the rolling chair at her desk terminal.

Isaac’s eyes left the datapad in his hands to trace Eva’s sleeping face as she curled into herself on the bed in front of him. “I apologize if I’m disturbing you, Doctor.”

“You’re not a disturbance, Sir. I just wondered if maybe there were more comfortable places you might like to sleep.” She gestured to his tiny metal chair. “Can I at least have Thurman set up a cot?”

“You’re a kind person. And a good doctor. And we’re lucky to have you,” Isaac stated, stiffening as he spoke on behalf of the crew. He deflated with a little sigh and set the datapad at the edge of Eva’s bed before he turned to face her. “I don’t believe I’ve ever said that. And for that, I apologize too.”

He ducked his head, a silent show of respect. “I just want you to know that you’re appreciated. I know we haven’t been out here long, but your work has already been invaluable. What you did for them.” He gestured to Eva and her medbay companion, both unconscious and hooked to beeping monitors on side-by-side beds. They had both broken, but they were both healing. “I promise to be real loud about that with the brass when we’re done.”

“That would be nice.” Kate’s smile rang in her voice before her brow furrowed. “Are you alright?”

He looked over his shoulder to the sleeping fury again. “If I can be honest? I’ll be a lot better when she wakes up.”

“I understand that.” The Doctor clicked off a lamp on her desk before she crossed to the door. “She’ll come back to you just as soon as she can. Of that, I have no doubt. Make yourself at home, Captain. You won’t be disturbed until morning.”

Isaac looked back to Eva, memorizing the way the shadows fell across her delicate features in the dim light. “Thank you for your kindness, Kate. Give your boys my regards.”

“Of course, I will.”

-

Eva’s hand shot out into the air between them as she gasped for her best friend. Isaac held her hand in his, just grateful to see it moving. “He’s fine, baby. Luca is fine.” He pushed a sweaty lock of blonde hair off her forehead and kissed her temple. “Luca is okay. Everything is okay. We’re on the ship.” His nose lingered on the scent of her until she relaxed along all of the places where he’d curled around her.

“How long?” Eva’s voice croaked in her dry throat. She coughed and then winced as Kate knowingly offered small sips of water from a tiny metal cup.

“Four days,” the Doctor said pleasantly.

Isaac’s features twisted into a pained expression as his favorite blue eyes leveled a heavy gaze at him from the medical bed. He knew what was coming.

“Tell me you have not been here for four days. Isaac. That’s-”

“I’m right where I need to be.” He puffed up as he cut her off with his Commander voice. He deflated a little when it softened, but he squared his jaw firm. “I wasn’t gonna let you wake up alone.”

Eva let herself fall back against the soft bed with a sigh. Her eyes drifted shut and Isaac wanted to know all of the ways that she hurt.

Kate tenses, wondering if there’s enough time to make it to the door before these two men rip each other apart but Mason makes a visible effort to breathe through his nose and swallow down the fury that she knows burns so close to the surface.

She tries to catch his eye and says loudly, “I think we’re done here, Mason.”

Maddox looks disappointed. He slides a glare at Mason before lounging against the other medbed as Mason gets up. “You’re not going to answer my question, Huntsman?”

Mason grits his teeth as he walks away. “I don’t even know what you’re talking about, Ajax. As per fucking usual.”

--

Kate tracks him down later in the cycle, after a long few hours trying to work with the most belligerent patient she ever had the misfortune to come across. Maddox made her teeth ache, and fought her on every test, every protocol she tried. He was just a fighter, she knew that. From the bits and pieces she had been able to put together, she understood this was how he survived as long as he did.

She finds Mason in his quarters, shirtless and hunched over a datapad. He’s surprised to see her.

“Everything alright, doc?”

“Yes,” she rushes to reassure him, knowing that his mind has gone straight to his phoenix brothers and the fact she’s standing in his doorway late into a cycle when everyone should be asleep. “Everything is fine.”

He raises an eyebrow expectantly as she mulls over her words. “I want to know more. About project phoenix.”

“Pretty sure Ethan gave you all he had on us,” he says and she doesn’t miss the way his voices gets hard on the mention of Sabre’s name. “What more do you need?”

“Not the stats and the baselines,” she shakes her head. “The… the personal aspects. Friendships, or lack of them.”

Mason deflates slightly and flicks the datapad he had been holding towards the bed. The sheets are still pulled taut, a clear indication he had yet to sleep. She makes a mental note of that somewhere, reminding herself to check his biorhythms later.

He leans against the wall but gestures for her to take a seat and make herself comfortable but heat curls uncomfortably under her skin. Like all of the phoenix, he was beautiful, a lovely flower that could snap shut and devour her if she let herself fall into his nectar.

She shakes off the thought and chooses to remain standing.

“You don’t have to worry about us,” he starts to say. “Ajax and I… it’s been like this for years. I promised Marie I wouldn’t destroy her ship anyway.”

Kate’s smile is tight but she can appreciate his attempt at humour. As usual, he’s cut straight to the heart of her concerns.

“I’m trying to fix him,” she reminds him dryly. “We need him for the war. Don’t go picking any fights.”

Mason chuckles. He reaches for a black t-shirt draped over the back of a chair and shrugs it on. Kate is almost disappointed to see the expanse of hard flesh disappear from sight. “It wouldn’t be a fair fight anyway.”

Kate senses her opening. “Sometimes it seems like you’re looking for one though.”

Mason turns and regards her with a quiet stillness. It almost feels, dangerous, the way he stares at her. Is he cataloguing her weaknesses? Wondering how quickly he could wrap a hand around her throat and choke the air from her lungs? She had read the files, long before the 37’s were boots on the ground, they were assassins too, silent and deadly, trained to stand out and blend in all at once.

“Aren’t we all?” he says mildly.

“Maddox wasn’t wrong, Mason. There is… there’s something different. Since you’ve come on board, there’s been something bothering you.”

He doesn’t answer, green eyes glinting with something that tells her she’s skirting close to a boundary he may not let her cross. But this was her job. She was here to make sure these men, these dogs of war, these assets, as the brass called them, operated to their highest potential. And there was something hanging over Huntsman that had the potential to cause problems if it leaked into a battle.

“Why don’t you tell me the real reason Sabre elected to stay behind. And why the two of you are suddenly so… hostile.”

Green eyes glint again and his tone turns to ice. “That’s not open for discussion, Kate.”

“I think it should be,” she says, taking her cue from his use of her name rather than her title. He hasn’t shut her out completely yet, so she forges ahead. “From what I understand, the two of you have been a team since the start. You were separated during your escape from Cerberus, but then you reconnected and you have been together since. Until now.”

The shutter falls over his eyes, as she had expected. “Sabre feels he would be better utilised in the lab.”

“Bullshit,” she says softly. “He’s a powerful biotic capable of wrecking a swath of destruction as much as you or Hurricane or Zeus and with an entire information network that could prove to be incredibly invaluable at the touch of his fingertips… The rest of the phoenix are here. He should be here too.”

Mason doesn’t hide the twist to his features. This hurts him, she realises, and her deeply held suspicions are confirmed.

“There’s more to it, isn’t there? To your relationship?”

For a moment, Kate wonders if he’s going to shut her out but there’s a slight drop of his shoulders, a slight lowering of his guard as though he’s tired of carrying the weight around.

“Sabre and I go back a long way,” Mason says with a loose shrug. “Since I woke up on that table with a new amp and a body I didn’t recognize with a pile of broken memories and no idea of who I really was. He was there, waiting for me. He was always there, every time I turned around, he was there. He had my back, in every fight, every battle, every time. But things got messy because we didn’t keep it professional.”

“You mean you fell in love with him.”

Mason glances at her sharply and for a moment he looks as though he wants to argue. “There were feelings,” he says slowly, as though only just coming to terms with the concept himself. “Yes.”

Kate recalls the daggers stared into the back of her neck whenever Sabre had been in the lab, whenever she got too close or bent her head towards Mason. She frowns. Something wasn’t adding up. “He didn’t return them?”

“No,” Mason laughs dryly, a bitter edge on his terms. “At least not like that. But we never made any promises either to each other. He never made any promises. I… I got attached but that’s on me.”

“It’s not a bad thing to fall in love, Mason.”

“It is when the person you fall for makes it clear, repeatedly, mind you, that there’s no future or commitment or happily ever after. Sabre isn’t built that way, and I’ve known that from the start. It was… fine. I was okay with that. It was enough to-“

Mason cuts himself off, rubs his jaw and glances away. She can see the instant regret in his eyes, that he’s said too much and she almost feels guilty for pushing. Almost, but not quite.

“So what happened?” Kate asks gently, sensing he’s on the cusp of something. “Why is he there and you here?”

Mason drops his hand, eyes flashing now. “He broke it off, alright. Is that what you wanted to hear, Doc? You want me to cry on your shoulder about my broken heart? Don’t worry, it won’t affect my performance in the field.”

“Mason…”

“Shit, I’m sorry. I… I don’t know why you want to know about this. Yeah, so I’m working through some shit right now, but show me someone on this damn boat who isn’t.”

He has a point, she concedes, although she doesn’t say it out loud. “Sabre was your second,” she says softly, all the pieces suddenly starting to click into place. “His job was to protect you.”

Mason’s eyes drift shut, and he shakes his head silently. She wonders if he’s reached the same conclusion she has as she continues. “Even from yourself.”

She sees it in the fall of his shoulders he’s arrived at the same end. A long moment of silence rolls between them. She can hear the gears turning loudly inside his head. The crash of defences too tightly held. 

He sags, just slightly. Just enough to know he’s given in a little bit to the storm that’s churning inside for him. Kate wonders somewhere if this is what it’s like to watch a phoenix break.

“I love him, you know? Not just as a brother in arms, not just as a… as a mate… I love him.” Mason’s laugh is suddenly shaky and harsh and bitter as he scrubs a hand through his dark hair. “Sonofabitch, I’ve never admitted that out loud before, not even…”

“He must care about you too.” 

“I know he does,” Mason says it sharply, all rough, sparking edges and shattered with the longing for something he can’t have. “Not the same way, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care. I would have been happy to just…. I would have been happy just to share his bed. I never asked him for anything more.”

“You’re angry with him.”

“Yes, goddamnit. Why did he have… fuck, why did he have to notice it?” Mason paces in the small space of his quarters like a jaguar pacing in it’s cage. “I keep going over it in my head, over and over. What gave it away? What pushed him too far? I don’t know, all I know is that he wanted to end it because he couldn’t give me what he thinks I needed from him. Still fucking trying to protect me. It’s bullshit.”

”That was his job, his purpose. Maybe if you-”

“It doesn’t fucking matter anyway!” Mason cuts her off with a thunder but she’s not frightened because she knows it’s not directed at her. This is a war Mason is fighting with himself, she’s merely an observer. “We can’t go back to pretending he’s not ripping out my fucking heart every time he kisses me. So, fine. Whatever, it is what it is. He’s there, I’m here but we still have a job to do, there’s still a war.”

Mason cranes his neck and rolls his shoulders, a flicker of blue lights his eyes and skitters over his skin before dissipating.