[Magi reread] Night 75: Cassim
Me, tears in my eyes: HOE DON'T DO IT
Idk what to say, man, I'm just sad. This is so unfair.
Also, UGH, my heart. The fact that Cassim wants to reassure Alibaba in that moment, but also he doesn't choose the right words for it - the right words would've been a lie. And I just wonder, is he saying it because he can't say anything else to reassure him, or does he assume it's what's Alibaba worrying about right now? Tbh, I'm kinda leaning towards the former.
And Alibaba's reaction. Like, first of all, he immediately recognizes what Cassim is saying. Just, right away. That Cassim doesn't include himself in the survivor group. And, like, I've seen it several times the "Character A says 'you' instead of 'we', and Character B realizes that once it's too late", and i'm glad that's not the case here. I think it would've been needledly depressing. Like, it's still sad as shit, but at least there's that sense of catharsis with their last conversation.
Anyway, I went on a tangent. The fact that the Djinn is breaking, and Alibaba goes ?? but I'm here to save YOU.
Just, in this moment they prioritize each other over themselves, and, anyway, I'm SAD.
Me: Man, I took a bit of a break, I'm worried I might kinda lose the feeling bc of that & just not be as emotional as usual. A bit of a shame.
Me: -literal tears in my eyes-
GOD. I'm not even joking. Fucking hell, Cassim breaks my heart every single time. No matter how many times I read this arc, these chapter, I still end up fucking crying for him. Like, he was so awful for most of the arc, but by the end you just cry for him, bc it's so incredibly unfair, and also just overall sad.
Like. Look at him. He's smiling. Tear-streaked. Just because Alibaba came all the way here to save him. Even if he can't. Alibaba loves him.
God, seeing him so awkward is just. Ugh.
You know what's the worst? That it's true. Had they communicated better, all of this could've been avoided. But it wasn't, and now they're here.
A bit of a sidenote, bc people often claim that Alibaba had no character development (which is bullshit), the problem Alibaba'd had here was that he hesitated too long to take action. It was shown to us from the very beginning. And while it kinda worked out earlier, like with that little girl he'd saved (tho he needed Aladdin to save him later), this time he wasn't so lucky. Him hesitating too much led to this - at least that's how he's gonna see it. Frankly, it wasn't simply Alibaba's fault - Cassim was there, too, after all. And you can make the case that Cassim has trauma, but here's the thing - so does Alibaba. So they both fucked up. But anyway, Alibaba definitely blames himself, and the point I'm trying to make is that as a result he goes to the other extreme - he rushes into things. Hesitating got Cassim killed, so he can't just... not do anything. They just needed to talk it out, right? Hakuryuu will definitely come around if they're just gonna be honest with each other, right?
Though I also feel like mentioning, that it's not a linear thing. Alibaba still hesitates to share his suspicions, that's kind of what happens with Hakuryuu before the Madaura fiasco. He suspects something is up with him, but doesn't follow that train of thought, and Hakuryuu leaving gives him pretty prominent Cassim flashbacks for a reason. From Alibaba's perspective, he's making the same mistake. So the moment he hears Hakuryuu's pulled something big (y'know, like starting a civil war), he rushes there, instead of spending half a year around him hoping for... who knows what.
Anyway. Listen, I throw in there all I think about at the time, so tangents happen, as you've noticed.
All I can think of is, god, this is fucked up. The good things in his life, Alibaba (always so far away), Mariam (she was crying), Hassan and Zainab... All these things he had no power over, his father beating him up (the same blood flows in his veins), Anise bowing after he tried to steal from somebody (he was the one to do it, and yet, she's the one suffering the consequences), Alibaba leaving (but he told him to do this, right? he told him he didn't belong there, it's his fault).
His fault, his fault, it's all his fault. Everything bad in his life is his fault, and all the good things disappear as he stays behind, watching helplessly.
Another break from the heartbreak (lol), but I've kinda realized that Alibaba... he gets what makes people fall. Becaues of Cassim, he gets what makes people fall. He'd expreienced all of Cassim feelings, the feelings that led him to curse his destiny. It's like, I sort of knew, but it never hit me until this moment that Alibaba quite literally had, like, a second-hand falling experience. He fell without falling.
Ok, I let myself be excited for too long, back to being sad.
It kinda fucks me up, how big Cassim's father looks here VS how little Cassim himself is. Jesus.
Sidenote: in the anime what drives Cassim to kill him is his father talking about essentially forcing Mariam to become a prositute, so he can get money for alcohol, while in the manga the reason is unknown.
Cassim looks so... dead. God.
But I'm actually putting it here for the Al-Thamen. Markko, I think? Unimportant. The thing is, this is how Al-Thamen operates - by exploiting people who had reached the bottom, at their darkest, weakest points. People who have nothing and nobody else to turn to.
They offer them a way to escape.
And, honestly, no wonder they take it. Nobody else had ever offered them help. And it's not like Al-Thamen is doing all that much, right? - it just gives them the means, it doesn't fix their problems. It leaves them with the illusion of being in control.
For all the hatred and envy he felt, he also loved Alibaba just as much. His best, brightest memories all surround Alibaba.
Like. GOD. Imagine you just fucking killed your father whose parting words were "you're a scum just like me", only to return home and have somebody say "Welcome back~" to you. Have somebody be so happy to see you they greet you even before you get inside. You feel like you're nothing, completely worthless person whose blood had been tainted since before they was born.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Sorry I'm not saying anything I'm busy CRYING
Like, fuck. Aladdin with tears in his eyes greeting Alibaba back, Alibaba thinking about Cassim's smile as he cradles his dead, withered body.
Like, bro, I'm sitting here fucking crying.
Oh, right, they're here, too.
Anyway, I'm sad. I don't have anything else to say. I'm sad.