The memories rushed in as if he were reliving it all over again.  That's how it worked for him, even before the curse.  He'd feel everything all over again, the hope, the shame, the rage, the embarassment.  Remembering never came without the strongest and the worst of feelings, which is why he always allowed himself to just forget.  But he needed to remember, any detail, anything might spark something that would let him find her again.         "The spell you're looking for, the magic you want- it must have a steep price."  Karogen could remember the conversation clearly, but not her face, not the sound of her voice.  Maybe a flash of auburn hair?  The sorceress he had hired to bring this fate upon him... she had seemed amused, but he couldn't recall the look on her face as she sat at the table across from him.         "What's the price?  Look, I don't have much, but I'm willing to do what it takes."           "Lives.  Several of them, countless.  Someone must be cursed to die, at least once for the moon's cycle."         Karogen sighed.  This was exactly what he had been trying to prevent.  He could... agree to this, trade in lives upon lives for the safety of his sister.  He could just never tell her.  After being turned, the taking of human lives is exactly what she could not tolerate, what was slowly driving her to madness.  This would simply change whose fault it was people were dying- it would shift the blame from her, to him.           "So, I'd be... what, taking their life force?  How's that any different than the fucking vamps?"  It didn't sit right.  There had to be another way- his sister would lose all respect for him if she ever found out.

       There was a chuckle from the sorceress.  He remembered that.  God, why couldn't he remember her now, why couldn't a name or face come to mind?  Had she done something to rob his memories after the fact? It made sense.  After the spell he had her had cast, she probably didn't want to be found again.        "Nothing so dramatic," she replied.  "It's merely the cost of such a spell.  You want immortality, but you do not want to become undead.  The cost of this life you wish to lead, is death."

       How the hell is that not dramatic??  "How would it work?  Do I have to kill them myself, or..."

       "The spell does the work for you, my dear.  You can guide its target if you wish, but fate will find a way to ensure death."

       Karogen hesitated.  This wasn't at all what he had hoped for.  He needed to give his sister someone to feed from, someone who wouldn't die, because she couldn't bear the idea of people dying just so he could live.  "There's no other way?"

       He remembered the snort of indignation.  "You're a coward, Adam Karogen.  You always have been."  The use of his full name threw him back- he'd only ever introduced himself as his last name, as usual.  "I see your mind, I see your dreams.  You grew up fantasizing of being a war hero, yet you hid when the recruiter visited your high school.  Your dreams shifted to being a firefighter, then a journalist who exposes corruption... in one way or another, you've always yearned to be the hero, and you've always failed to have the conviction to do so.  Even now, you're failing to save your sister from starving herself to madness.  You're wasting my time.  Leave."        Karogen's lips parted.  A coward? No, he just... he realized the world wasn't as simple as just fighting like that! He wasn't, couldn't be a coward.  But the words wrung true.  He lacked conviction.  He had used excuses all along- he dropped out of school years ago to help raise his sister, but really?  He was afraid of what happened if he had applied himself and still failed.  Hell, she was the excuse he gave himself for giving up on half the things he was afraid of seeing through.        "Stop standing there with your mouth hanging open.  Get out, or I'll force you out.  I'd much rather you just leave, teleporting you over an active volcano would be tiring."        "Wait!  Any death will do?  Any at all? And I can guide it?"         "Yes.  At a minimum of once a month."         "Me.  Can it be me?"         There was a tense pause- then she burst out laughing, a cruel, mocking howl of amusement. In the memory of that laugh, in the feeling of the shame and embarassment he felt at that moment, he could see her face in his mind- he had it!  But the moment that part of the memory passed, so did his recollection of who she was.  He thought she had been laughing at the ridiculousness of what he asked, but he was wrong.        "Adam Karogen- you will be cursed to die a thousand deaths and be forced to meet life again head on every time.  No matter what happens- your entire body could be reduced to ash, and you'll be back with the memories and trauma of that pain.  Your life will be an endless cycle of misery.  Do you truly think you can commit to that?"        Fear filled his heart as he heard those words.  He took a step back, ready to turn and leave, hanging his head in shame, but he stopped.  A coward, no conviction.  Always using his sister as an excuse.  No, fuck that.

       "Do it."        "Fine," she said.  Even now, he could still feel she seemed... too satisfied with this outcome.  Thinking about it now, he began to realize: did the sorceress have it out for him? Was she someone he knew?  It started to make sense, why she'd actually erase his memories of her, and it made even more sense once the terms of the spell were laid out.        "A phylactery is the way to do this.  Your soul will be placed into an item of my choosing," she said.  "Normally, this would make you a lich, but being bound to your constant cycle of death will prevent you from becoming the undead.  This item can only be harmed intentionally, and only by someone who understands exactly what it is.  This will prevent any accidents from ending you.  Oh... and I'll ensure it cannot be destroyed by you," she said.        "Is... that part of the spell?"        "That part? No. That's me, making sure you can't back out of this like you do everything else.  What is part of the spell, though, is that anyone who holds your phylactery will hold complete control of you, mind, body, and soul.  They could command you to do anything, to want anything, to love or to hate, and you'll be bound to it.  So, it would benfit you to keep it safe and hidden."

       Fear was starting to overwhelm him.  Fight or flight was kicking in, and flight was definitely winning.  "Do it before I change my mind."        "So impatient," she said.  "Normally, a phylactery is chosen carefully, but since you're in such a rush we'll just have to use whatever we have on hand, won't we?"        The memory stopped there- Karogen pushed to recall.  Something told him he shouldn't- something told him to just stop, but he needed to find that sorceress again.  This didn't feel like magic robbing him of the memory at this point- it was something terrible his own brain had blocked.  He had to remember, as much as something in him didn't want to.  There had to be something to trigger the rest of the memory- the smell of fruit in the room she had him in, maybe?  Smell was supposed to be a strong trigger for memories, right?  No, it wasn't working.  The feeling of the air, the sounds of the room, her voice.        Her voice.  For the first time, he actually heard her voice, as clear as day as he remembered her final words to him: "And now, for my personal price," she said, taking a knife towards the very item she had stashed his soul in.