#kaosei

"Stay with me forever?"

I did it. I rewatched Your Lie in April and planned it accordingly just so I could finish today, March 19th, which marks the 2 year anniversary of the day the final episode was aired. I’m in tears; actually, I’ve been in tears through the entirety of rewatching this and this anime is even more beautiful the second time around because I feel and see so much more. Knowing the ending and still being able to enjoy and feel all these emotions is what makes Your Lie in April such a masterpiece. As a musician, this anime speaks to me on such a deep level. Some might say that the anime exaggerates, but in all honesty, being able to play like that, being able to feel what they feel, is what I strive to be. Watching the characters grow in just a span of 22 episodes is such an amazing feat. All the characters are loveable, relatable, and unique in their own way! Except Tsubaki because I just can’t bring myself to like her  I can most definitely say that nothing can touch my heart like Your Lie in April can. 

Kaori is so beautiful, and so strong and I can’t help but love her so much. Her outlook on life is amazing, and she smiles even at death’s door. She’s everything that I aspire to be. When I was following the anime as a new episode came out every week two years ago, I desperately hoped that she wouldn’t die. This innocent, beautiful angel couldn’t just die like that. Alas, the ending that we all wanted never came to be. The anime remained faithful to the manga to the very end, and our amazing heroine had to leave us behind. The letter that she left behind was so beautiful and heartwrenching and was the main source of my tears. She didn’t have any regrets. In essence, her dream came true. She built Kousei back up when he was down in the dumps and made him into a better man. After her death, I was sure Kousei would relapse and quit music for sure, but he didn’t. Kaori’s influence was able to help him move on and mature so much than when we first saw him. And that shattered my heart even more. They’re perfect together. They were soulmates and anyone could see that they were the perfect match. How cruel is it of fate to take her away from him? They are aware of each other’s flaws, but they see it as beauty. They think each other’s imperfections are perfect. They were meant to be. And his last song; their last performance together in spirit— goodness gracious that tugged on my heartstrings. He overcame his fear to play despite knowing he would lose everything again and played for her. He played for her to say goodbye. Excuse me while I go cry my eyes out in a corner again :’)

I have so much more to say about this, but right now I’m a jumbled up mess and this anime just pulls out emotions from me that I didn’t even know I had and throws them right back at me without remorse. Watching this is like going on an emotional rollercoaster and not knowing where you’ll end up. But the messages and the symbolism that this anime conveys is like no other. It’s something that I can never forget and something that I would willingly throw myself into again even though I know it will cause me emotional pain.

But you know what? Being able to feel all this, just watching something that can evoke so much emotion and make you reflect upon your own life like that: that’s what makes me love Your Lie in April so much. Say what you will, but I think Your Lie in April is beautiful.

P/S: I was also so inspired that I wrote a poem in response to Kaori’s letter from Kousei’s point of view— http://uzumakipride.tumblr.com/post/158423889980/kouseis-response-to-kaoris-letter