#kanter

Kanter never thought he would have kids. He never imagined he would be a good father, or role model to anyone. Kotep had been the first to challenge that idea, when they had been sent away on their own. He was the only provider for her, and so – while he didn’t feel qualified in the slightest – he had tried his best. But that was his sister, those where very specific conditions, he had made an exception because it was for Ko.

Then he had married Kayla – something he never thought would happen either – and for a few moments he realized he would have to face the reality that he could be a father. Until the news that it would be impossible for them to have kids. And that was the moment when Kanter had realized – despite his hesitation and his doubt in his abilities – he almost liked the idea of having kids. Something that wouldn’t happen…or so he had thought.

Some may have called it fate, or the Force, but Kanter thought it was luck that day Jalen and Rura had snuck onto his ship. But it was the best kind of luck. No, it hadn’t been easy at first, especially with Jalen, who didn’t want to be with them, who had only stayed for his sister. It had broken Kanter’s heart when he tried so hard and only got a cold shoulder in response. There were days when he thought Jalen would never care. And some days he fully blamed himself. After all, what did he know about being a dad? Then he had gone on that mission, and when he came back – hurt and tired and relieved to be home – Jalen had surprised him. He had hugged him, had called him dad. Kanter thought nothing could ever compare to that moment, and in a way nothing ever would. But as he held his daughter – his daughter who everyone said was impossible, was a miracle – his heart filled with more love than he could put into words.

Every part of her was perfect, her tiny hands, her messy hair, even her nose that had a slight resemblance to his. He couldn’t look away. She was the life he never thought of having, the dream he had pushed aside because it could never happen to him. And yet it had, and he would do everything he could to keep her safe and make her life the best life ever.

Insert a big time skip here

“If she doesn’t get medical help…she’ll die.”

The words repeated again and again in Kanter’s mind.

“Kanter, I’m sorry, I am trying as hard as I can, but I can only do so much.”

It couldn’t be true…it just couldn’t. But then he looked at her, lying on the mat – so still, so quiet, and he knew it was true. Kanter took a step forward, his whole body felt weak as he took another, and another. Then he collapsed next to Nasya, his daughter. His daughter who deserved to live a long and happy life, who he promised to do everything in his power to save, and yet here he was, powerless to save her.

“Nasya-” his voice broke and his body collapsed on itself as he realized the truth again. His daughter was dying, and he couldn’t save her. He didn’t have a working ship, working comms, or any medical help. The despair radiated throughout his entire body, tears had been building up for minutes but then finally fell and when they did, a sob escaped his mouth, though to someone’s ears it might have sounded more like a broken scream.

“D-dad?”

Kanter’s eyes snapped open and he quickly shuffled closer to Nasya. “I’m here sweetheart, I’m here,” he said, brushing aside a strand of her messy hair – hair she had inherited from him.

“Wh-why, are you-c-crying?” Nasya’s voice was so quiet, so weak, so tired, so unlike her usual upbeat voice.

Opening his mouth, Kanter tried to speak, tried to say some words of comfort, but his voice failed him.

“I-I’m so-sorry da-dad. I should’ve be-ben more care-careful.”

“No, no,” Kanter said, his voice coming back at her words. She was blaming herself, she should never blame herself. “It’s okay Nasya, it’s not your fault. It’s okay. You just…you’re too much like me.” A small laugh escaped Kanter’s mouth, even as tears formed in his eyes again. “You did nothing wrong Nasya. Just…just save your strength…I…I’ll figure something out, I…I promise.”

A faint smile grew on Nasya’s mouth before her eyes closed and she spoke once again in a quiet voice. “I-it’s not you-r fault e-either…”

Her words weighed down on Kanter. His mind said she was right. There was nothing he could’ve done differently, but his heart screamed at him. That he could’ve done more, that he should’ve been more careful, that he should’ve found her earlier, something, anything to help her now, to save her.