If you stopped listening to the latest music tracks online and checked out the latest superhero news, you would know that billionaire sociopath Bruce Wayne officially hung up his cape and leather boots in favor of plowing his leather-clad boo while making Alfred watch. The world has been craving for a superhero to fill his shoes ever since. As it turns out, no one really needs caped vigilantes with badass gadgets and girl problems when you’ve got Kai, the Hatchet-Wielding Hitchhiker. Earlier this month, the Internet found a hero as a young hitchhiker smash smash suh-mashed the skull of a 300-pound Jesus Christ wannabe/pedobear/attempted murderer with a hatchet in order to save the lives of a few innocent civilians.

But it wasn’t just Kai’s mad hatchet skills that catapulted him to popularity, it was the awesomely candid interview he did in the aftermath of beating 50 shades of crap out of a deluded hick that caught everyone’s attention. While some people laughed at the “homeless” hitchiker’s lack of Harvard-level articulation, they failed to look past their contrived perceptions of “normal”.

Those who dug deep enough found out that this young and deceptively smart homefree hitchhiker was a beacon of positivity and a kindred spirit who embraced the vagabond ways willingly and values his inner child. Not only is he fluent in 3 languages and deeply spiritual, but he also happens to be a mean axe-wielder (noob dictionary defines axe-wielder as guitar-wielder) as evident in this splendid original upbeat track.

On a side note, Kai prefers to jack Walmart and Target occasionally just to give things away to random needy people unlike this greedy douchebag trying to score a fake lawsuit fortune.