#kadwrites

CW : Fem!reader. Mention of guns. Canon typical violence. Takes place between S4 and S5. Arranged marriage. Some canon divergence. Smut. MDNI. Fem!Reader.

Author's note : Hi everyone! Lol. I'm sorry for the long hiatus:) long story short, life came at me hard. But I'm back, hopefully with better material and definitely better grammer. Let me know what you think, it's my first time writing smut.

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The bullet dove into the pavement of the street. The man is nowhere to be seen.

Your ears were ringing so loud, you swore you were going deaf. Your heart was beating out of your chest painfully and your vision was spotting.

Your hand unclenched the gun , as if just realizing what it was holding and what you had done. Your eyes darting around.

Oliver ran after you, calling your name in panic.

"What were you thinking? Have you gone completely mad?" He yelled but he grabbed your shoulder to look you over. He whipped his head to look around for any trace of the man she almost shot , finding none.

He repeated your name over and over again but to no avail. Your panicked face was giving away no response other than utter fear. You lift a shaky hand, holding onto his shirt

"Ollie, I'm scared." You whisper, so sincerely. Your eyes are wide and full of tears as you look up.

Oliver's breath catches in his throat when he stares back at his sister , he can only see the same expression she'd have when she was too scared to sleep. Like a monster was out to get her, but this time he could not comfort her and tell her than there's nothing to fear because he knew it to not be true.

"I know." He responded, swallowing. He hugged you close as you two stood in the middle of the street. He cupped the back of you head , feeling ashamed that this is the only protection he could offer you.

You were brought inside, how or for how long, you did not know.

You were in the bath, your hair damp and your knees folded as Celeste poured water carefully to wash you. Her hand gently scrubbing your hair.

You clutched your hand tightly under the cloudy water. Your fingers digging into your palm in an attempt to erase the feel of the gun in them. Your eyes were stuck in that panicked gaze, your brain refusing to let go of that memory.

Your head snaps towards the door when you hear a shuffle, then a loud noise and the sound of someone walking up the creaky stairs. Celeste stands up when the door was pushed open revealing a mildly frantic Tommy. Celeste tries pushing him out and he walks past her completely

"Tommy stop!"

He paid no mind, stopping before the tub.

"What did you do?"

It's as if you're in a trance, you can see him and hear him but your tongue feels too heavy to lift. Your eyes dart all over his face.

"What did you do?" He repeats insistently, his hands cupping your face fervently "Tell me."

"I did not kill him" You whispered, your voice soft and hesitant. Your chest is heaving under the bath water.

"Who was he?" He asks, his breaths are shallow and his eyes are on you. As if he sees nothing else

"What?" You blink , confusion filling your features. Your brows furrow. "What do you mean 'who was he'?"

Tommy exhales through his nose

"The man you shot. Did you see his face?" He asks, his hands holding your face tightly and his thumbs rubbing over your skin non stop.

"He's the man you hired to watch me."

"How long has he been watching you?"

You could feel your heart physically fall into the deepest pit of your stomach. Your features fall with it. You turn to look at Celeste who's frozen in her place.

"Answer me" He's kneeling by the tub, the expensive fabric of his trousers dowsed in bath water.

"I don't-.. I don't know. A while. Since the engagement." You stammer, sitting up in the tub. The fact that you're naked in his presence doesn't even phase you out of your fear "I thought he was one of your men. Isn't he?"

He didn't speak, just staring into you almost breathlessly. He pulls you closer, hugging you tight. The water seeps into clothes and you stay frozen. Celeste stares at the scene speechlessly.

He pulls back, pressing his forehead to yours, his nose against yours and you could feel his breath washing over your lips.

Celeste closes the door, some commotion sounds but the moment remained stubbornly uninterrupted.

"Tommy..." You whisper. You were terrified, there was no denying that. Scared of the whole ordeal and now of what his words meant. You called out to him in fear, almost seeking forgiveness and comfort. "Isn't he?"

He swallowed, closing his eyes tightly. He leaned closer again and pressed his mouth against yours. His lips moved desperately with a flood of repressed emotions behind every twitch and move. His tongue and teeth clashed with yours, his fingers moving to tangle in your hair. He leaned back only to bury his face in your damp neck, beads of water slide off your strands and drop over his.

Your hand hesitantly moved to rest over his back, before clutching the fabric.

Silence dominated the rest of that night. Your family deciding to not dig a deeper hole and to stay away. Tommy’s demeanor was enough to deter them from any possible confrontation.

He sat in that chair in the corner of your room. Your hair now slightly damp, you were sitting on your bed.

It all felt so bizarre, truly. It feels as if you're staring at yourself and he from a different plane of existence. Your cotton nightgown was the victim of your constant fidgeting, the fabric wrinkly and fraying.

"Who was he?" You lick your lips for what felt like the hundredth time.

"I don't know." He answers. A cigarette was dangling from between his fingers, his jacket was discarded and tie was undone. He was in his vest.

Tommy's eyes found yours when you looked for them across the room. He could practically see every bristling hair on your body.

"I thought he was one of yours." You whisper, repeating yourself and he nods

"I know."

You look at him for a long moment

"How did you….?" You finally attempt to ask, because your mind has finally worked through the trance. If he didn't hire that man, then who else was watching her?.

"Your mother called." He answered and he could see your chest release an exhale

"Because of the gun?"

He nods once more.

Thomas's mind was running wild, it was a miracle he wasn't vibrating with every passing, haunting thought. Whoever hired that man was good, meticulous. He avoided Tommy completely and left no strings.

Tommy shifted on the chair at the realization of how absolutely fucking moronic it was to not have her house completely guarded the moment the engagement was announced. His eyes move back to yours again.

He puts out the cigarette and stands from the chair to head towards you. He stands right in front of you, cupping your face again. You try to turn your face away but he would not allow it, gently turning it back.

It all felt too suffocating. How infuriatingly attracted you are to him, how much your body responded to the mere sight of him and just how much your brain feared the thought of him. It's as if the supposed blood on his hands smeared on your skin. You looked up at him, because where else would you look? his presence seemed to consume your every sense. All you can smell is him, all you can feel is his looming figure, all you can see is his face.

His thumb rubs over your dried lips, and it took everything in you to not let out a sound at his touch. He gently pushed you back on the bed and leaned down, his mouth slotting over yours again and you surrender instantly , shamefully without a trace of resistance. He lays you back and you obey, he hovers over you. A hand cupping your face, the other drifting over your side and gently grabbing at your thigh. His tongue pushes in between your lips, licking but not as fervently as before. The room is warm , quiet and his weight brings a ridiculous amount of comfort to your fidgeting body.

He leans back on his haunches and the bed creaks under him, unbuttoning his vest as you stare up at him from the pillow, your pupils dilated and your pulse violently loud.

No words were spoken, it's almost like he could read your mind.

This wasn't how you thought it would go, but no complaints were falling out of you.

He sheds the vest and his shirt follows suit. Your fingers drift over his arm reverently , almost, with a featherlight touch before a hand gently rests over his chest.

He leans down again, licking and nipping at your neck. You drop your head back against the pillow and bite down on your lips. Your fingers inch to thread through his hair as his slides under your cotton nightgown.

He starts rutting against you slowly , he leans in and kisses you once more, this time more passionately. You can feel something hard pressing against your cunt. He pulls the nightgown up and over your head, you pull back to take it off , feeling all too smothering by each piece of clothing you had donned.

"Tommy, everyone’s here." You remind him , though with no sign of wanting him to stop. Not even the muffled sounds of your family was deterring you at the moment.

"Then we'll have to be quiet, hm?" He murmurs, his voice so raspy and deep, it made you breathe a little heavier. You nod and pull him back closer, his hand moves over the expanse of your legs before moving to give a fond squeeze over your ass. His mouth slides down your neck to your collarbones and chest, licking and kissing every inch he could, his hand coming up to squeeze a tit while his mouth busied itself with the other. His tongue wrapped around your nipple and sucking, it felt like the air was knocked out of you, you let out a small moan. Arching your back and pressing your tits right into him.

He kept his eyes on you in a manner that was too similar to a predator's. So sharp and so blue, they were almost startling. His mouth wrapped around the tit as he licked and sucked , he lets go to give the other nipple the same treatment, with his fingers toying and plucking at your slick nipple.

You let out a shaky moan. You're unable to take your eyes off of him, stuck on his every move. He lets go of your beasts and starts kissing a strip down your stomach to your knickers. His fingers ghost over the middle, now a darkened spot, he looks up with a faint smirk. His finger slides between your folds in a deliberate pace that has your lips parting

"Tommy..." You plead with a reluctant whine

"I know." He placates , licking his lips as he keeps the motion going.

He leans forward and presses a kiss against the damp spot and you all but collapse back at the pillow. That brief contact had you on the verge of cumming already. You could feel his smirk against the fabric. He has his tongue completely flat against spot now, licking a strip to your clothed clit. Your hand moved to clutch the sheet.

He blisses you with a modicum of mercy and slides your knickers down. They're thrown somewhere on the floor. His hands at your thighs push your legs open and he groans lowly at the sight.

You're completely soaked. You would be embarrassed if you could feel anything other than this burning need that haze you utterly focused on him. Is it because you hadn't been properly fucked in ages ? Or is this because it's the only thing that had you forgetting every fear that had you crippled?.

You felt your body light up in fire when you felt the hot slide of his tongue over your slit. You damn near jumped off the bed, your fingers disappeared into his hair and you tugged. A shaky moan escapes your mouth when he continues the torturous pace of his tongue, licking the slick fold. His mouth graces your swollen clit with a suck. Not as hard as you wished , but just enough to have you tugging on his hair again.

His nose was digging and rubbing as his drive increased, sucking and licking. His hand massaging your spread thighs. Moans and whimpers fall from your lips despite your best efforts. You look down and he's already looking at you, he leans back only slightly and parts your pussy lips apart. His lips and chin shiny with slick, he licks them clean. He sucks his finger briefly before slipping one in and you let out a loud moan in response.

"Fuck.." Your voice is desperate and whiny in an effort to keep it down.

He leans down and sucks at your clit again as his finger slide in and out, another one joins. The sounds are utterly obscene. Squelching and sucking sounds combined with your restrained breathless moans paint a totally wanton scene.

You can already feel the lava like heat collecting in your belly, your breaths grow more and more breathless and your body tense.

"Tommy... Please" You beg for that release. "Please please" Your voice is a weak whimper

He is too immersed too answer, to preoccupied with licking every drop , with sucking your clit until he can feel it throbbing and having his fingers hit that specific spongy soot that has your thighs now squeezing his face.

"Fuck! Shit" You squeal, unable to let out the scream you oh so wish to let out. Your fingers tug cruelly at his hair. Your body feels like a band pulled too tight, nearly folding in half.

His fingers move quicker and quicker with more and more precision. The slick dripping down his fingers while he sucks and licks.

And when you came , it was euphoric. Your vision almost went white as your body coiled tightly. Your covered your mouth as you let out a relieved sob. He continued his effort of licking the gushing slick , not stopping until he felt you go limp.

You tried to catch your breath, your whole body covered in a light sheen of sweat. He spreads your legs as he slots himself between them. Looking down at you.

You try to claw out of the haze of your orgasm. Your hand tugging on his belt, he smirks in response

"Are you sure you're up for it?" He murmurs in a raspy voice. His chin still shiny with your slick

You nod eagerly as you undo his belt, he watches in amusement but allows you to do it.

He unbuttons his pants and pulls them down along with his underpants. Your eyes are immediately drawn to his cock. Swollen and the tip is an angry red. God, the mere sight of it had you salivating. It was long with a decent thickness , it curved slightly to the side. You leaned up to kiss him again, your hand reaching to wrap around his length. He groans into your mouth and the sound made you feel another spark deep inside you. You squeeze and stroke carefully. His hand pushed yours gently back as he spits down on his own cock, stroking it before rubbing it against your slit in agonizingly slow.

His other hand cupped your face, making sure your eyes are on his as he slowly slides in.

"Fuck" He murmurs under his breath.

Your mouth falls open with a silent moan, your brows furrowing. He keeps his eyes intensely stuck on your every expression,

drinking it in.

He grunts softly under his breath, having to remind himself that he was in your family's home. He lifts your leg up and the angle change had you tossing your head back once more. The bed starts creaking as he begins his rhythm, the wooden headboard kissing the wall behind you with every thrust.

His lips were a hairbreadth away from yours, each soft groan of his was brushing over your lips. You tried to keep your voice down, you really did. But it all felt too much. He was filling you so perfectly , you could feel every inch, every vain, and every brush of his tip against that pesky spot. Desperate moans started escaping from you

"Shh..." He tried to remind you, albeit halfheartedly. The noises you made only fueled his pace. Slap after slap as his hips met yours in a passionate speed.

It was blissful. And you realize this is actually how you'd wanted it to be. Passionate, intimate. It felt like you were melting into him and him into you. His nose brushing against yours and his forehead pressed to yours. Your breaths mixing together. A hand slipped up, interlacing with yours against the sheets.

His pace started to become faster and faster, the bed frame all bed slamming into the wall. Your breaths and whimper becoming increasingly more desperate

"Yes yes yes!" You utter breathlessly , feverishly. "Oh god! Yess" You almost sob and clutch his hand tightly.

He's breathless too, pressing open mouth kisses against your lips. The groan that came out of him when you squeezed around him as you fell apart was too loud for his liking so he buried his face in your neck as he continued his mission.

Your moans become more and more akin to a whimper as his you fell his cock slamming repeatedly into you as you quake and shake around him. A few more squelchy thrusts and he pulls out just in time to spill all over your clenched stomach. You swallow and close your eyes. You were spent. The past few days were blurry and tiring, today was daunting and now this had your brain scrambled.

He tried to regain his breath, grabbing a towel you used to dry off to clean you up before lying next to you. You closed your eyes, trying to regain your bearings.

Fucking Thomas Shelby right now was not the brightest idea you’ve ever had. It seemed like everything that you thought was complicated is now completely confusing. All those odd and pesky feelings merging together into a potent mix of unnerving sensations. Fear, thrill, attraction, dread , anticipation— you couldn’t tell which was which. You rub your face and let out an exhale.

You can see him in your peripheral reaching for his cigarette case to light one up. He offers you one , with that same calm and collected expression. You shake your head no.

He was sat with his back against the bed frame. His eyes drifted back to you, finding you staring once again at that portrait with an absent look.

"Whose gun was it?"

His voice has you blinking a few times. You don't take your eyes off the painting

"My Da's." You mutter quietly. "He's had it hidden in a box."

His fingers twirl a strand of your hair absentmindedly

"Hm." Was his response.

"What now?" You ask the dreaded question.

"Now we wait." He says simply.

You close your eyes. It is all too tiring and you’re done fighting it. It feels like he's speaking in riddles , it somewhat irks you. You pull the covers over you and turn on your side.

He smokes for a while, and he watches you as you slowly surrender to sleep. He puts out the cigarette, turns off the light. He watched you for sometime until he himself started dozing off, on his back.

Breakfast was awkward. You were certain your family heard you yesterday, and by the look on your brother's face, you know it to be true.

When Tommy came down the stairs, you felt your body tense , anxious and embarrassed. He stands by the breakfast table.

"I decided on the wedding date." He says, looking at you across the table "Monday."

"The coming Monday?" Your mother's brow furrow "But that's three days from now"

"Monday." He confirms.

"Have I no say in this?" You honestly did not realize you were speaking out loud. Everyone moved their gazes to you

"Not this time" Tommy says before nodding towards the table and heading out.

You stand up too, running after him.

"Tommy!" You call out and he stops after a second and turns "What kind of plan is this?"

"I can't have you away from me anymore." The words should be intimate but his voice betrays no such emotion. "Three days. And then you'll be in Arrow house."

"That's absurd. No one can plan a wedding in three days." You laugh incredulously

"I don't care." He days simply, almost uninterested "I don't give a fuck if no one attends. We could do it in the cellar for all I care. The wedding will happen. In three days."

"But…” You try to speak but his blue eyes are so cold , they had you gulping back your words. You felt small and you detested it.

"You will not leave your house without me. You will not open any doors. You will not trust anyone except your family and me." He walked closer, his voice low and sharp "Do you understand?"

"Yes." You whisper, your eyes stuck on his.

"Good."

He says simply, turning back around and walking to his car.

You turned around and went back inside, your whole body still on edge.

You found Celeste looking at your with concern.

"You'll go through with it?" She asks nervously

"You heard him , I haven't any other choice." You say. Running your fingers through your hair. It truly felt that way, you were powerless. There was no other option, no way to turn or run. There was no escaping it and that thought had you shuddering with what felt like a million different feelings, the most dominant one being dread.

Tommy was also plagued, though he showed no obvious signs of it to you. His hand was tight on the steering wheel as he drove home. When he finally arrived , he pushed the doors open.

1. a man with a reputation

; you cannot talk your way out of this, for the first time of your life , you're given no choice

2. an introduction

; you meet your husband to be for the first time

3. office scandal

; polly takes you with her to run an errand

4. the color green

; you've met tommy's secretary, who has a thing for him.

5. the shelby charm

; tommy demonstrates his charm on an unsuspecting girl.

6. entanglement

; your fate is now sealed

7. a perfect fit

; you and your family plan for the engagement party

8. desperate measures

;you finally take on the role of the tomm's bride-to-be.

9. different yet the same

;nothing stays the same, but how can you explain that to the people you love?

10. future mrs shelby

;the dreaded day arrives

11. my mother's daughter

; you and your mother get into a heated argument

12. surprise visit

; someone pays you a surprise visit

13. young love

;a person from your past makes an appearance.

14. something old, something new

;how long can you keep that secret?

15. unspoken

; some confrontations cannot be avoided.

16. romeo

;tommy shelby is an unpredictable man.

17. deja vu

;how well do we really know the people we love?

18. wolves at the door

"no!" your eyes are wide , glassy with anger filled tears "i will not be treated like some piece of land."

"would you listen? your father and i are thinking of your future." you mother is looking at you with a stern face, sitting beside your father as you stand in front of them

"what future do you think i'll 'ave with thomas fucking shelby?" you raise your voice

"do not speak to me like that , i am your mother."

"we're old, i'm sick with god knows how many illnesses." your father speaks, his cane in his hand as he leans against it, still on the sofa

"don't start with that talk" you shake your head with a chuckle, you sniffle and turn your head away

"i don't know if i'll live another day , i am too sick to work, too sick to care for the farm, there is nothing left for me to give you" he speaks slowly with a serious voice, and it makes your heart sink "this isn't a joke or some game, i've survived the war and lived long enough to see all of you grow , but i know that my time is near, i cannot risk dying and leaving you with nothing"

your father never spoke to you like that, he was always jovial , happy.

it seems like it hits you for the first time, how much your parents have aged, how much the illness took from your father, how his sicknesses have changed him.

"celest got to marry who she chose and so did oliver and so did abraham, but i don't get to do that? i dont get to choose my own husband?" your tears start falling, your voice cracks

"i need to know you'll be taken care of , that you'll be in good hands when im dead and gone."

"and you think his hands are the good hands you speak of?" you cant help the humorless smile that graces your face, hot tears stain your cheek "you can't be serious"

"he is the most feared man in birmingham," your mother chimes in

"you are willing to sell your daughter! to some gangster!" you raise your voice again

your mother stands and faces you

"i am not selling you off, i am securing you a future, with a wealthy man, who can give you everything you can possibly want. you'll live like royalty" her words come through gritted teeth "i am not giving you away to some old pig, you're marrying a respectable man, a man with a reputation."

"a reputation? don't you know what 'appened to his first wife ? you are securing me a grave" you come nose to nose with your mother, both of you almost vibrating in anger "you are killing me is what you're doing, you're selling me off to the highest bidder"

the next thing you hear is the sound of your mother's palm against your cheek, the sound of the slap echos throughout the empty house, your head is turned, your cheek stings

your parents never laid a hand on you, even as a rebellious teenager when they caught you sneaking out the window or smoking on the roof.

your head turns slowly, eyes wide as you look at your mother, she looks mortified at her own actions,

you turn and run off and up the stairs to your room, hearing your father yell at your mother for what shes done.

at some point during the night, you had fallen asleep, but not for long. you were awake when the sun rose, your back pressed against your bed frame, looking ahead at the painting on the wall, it was a family portrait, and you were sitting on your father's lap.

you knew your sister was here when you heard the sounds of her five children, running around the house.

she knocks softly but doesn't bother to wait for an answer when she opens the door after a few seconds, she walks slowly, and sees you on the bed.

your eyes stuck on the portrait , your face almost emotionless, your tears have dried and stained your cheeks, she wonders for how long you cried, your back against the wood of the bed frame, no pillow thrown in her direction for waking you up, no annoyed words saying "you couldn't fucking come in the afternoon?" . the curtains are parted, letting the light in, which is very unusual for you.

you hear the bed creek under her weight when she gets on it, laying next to you

"i heard about yesterday" she says softly, her head turned to look at you

you only glance at her , but your head doesn't turn, then you look back at the portrait

"they're doing this for you, they want whats best for you." she's not sure if it is you she's trying to reassure you or herself , this wasn't ever supposed to happen.

her little sister was supposed to marry a man she wanted, a simple man, a man capable of love

you hum, or you make a sound at least , acknowledging her.

"he isn't all that bad, you know."

a weak chuckle escapes you at her words "in what world is thomas shelby not a bad person?" your voice is hoarse , from screaming and crying all night long no doubt.

"he can give you a good life."

"ya 'ave a good life don't you? with the man you chose, the man you love." your gaze doesn't move, still staring at the painting "its not fair, you lot got to be happy, and i don't."

"ya don't know that." her voice is full of sympathy or maybe pity, you didn't want to know.

you finally turn to your sister, "do you honestly think that i can be happy with 'im ?"

your sister hesitates , she licks her lips "he's a powerful man."

you chuckle at that too "that tends to 'appen when you're a gangster."

"i tried with them, i really did." her voice is weak too, it cracks.

your eyes well with tears again, you didn't know you could even cry anymore "i know..." your voice is a whisper

you knew she'd be against it, she wouldn't agree, maybe oliver would tell you to consider it, abraham would too, just to please your father.

but celest wouldn't

"what are ya goin' to do?" she whispers back, her tears start rolling too

"what can i do?" you ask "i dont 'ave any other choice"

she looks at you as if she didn't expect that. you were always stubborn, always talking your way out of anything you didn't want, you always got your way with your parents, thats what she taught you.

but this time, you don't want to fight back.

"you're goin' through with it?"

"i cant live knowing i disobeyed my father's dying wish."

your father was sick, and getting worse everyday. you were a stubborn woman, but the little girl inside of you couldn't bear to disobey her father.

celest wraps an arm around your shoulder, holding you to her chest, her hands runs up and down your arm , like she did when abraham would bother you to tears, or when oliver wouldn't let you play with him.

"at least he's easy on the eyes, eh?" she tries desperately to lighten the mood, her lips pressed to your forehead

" hes old." you say with a weak laugh

"she what?" madeline asks with a gasp , her jaw is dropped.fiona froze mid-sip with her eyes wide open

"i know!" you nod , leaning in closer with your arms resting on the dining table. your eyes are wide, and you're laughing, still in disbelief of what happened.

it was around 8 in the morning, madeline and fiona dropped by early, they were too curious and excited to wait any longer.

celest is pacing around the table, with her 1 year old daughter rose , in her arms as she bounces her, shaking her head as if she can't believe it happened. you already told her the whole story, but she's still somehow taken aback

your parents are still asleep, the house is lit by the warm morning sunlight,  the scent of tea and toasted bread wafts around the house.

"she said ya cornered 'er? really?" madeline repeats what you said

"what else did she say to 'im?" fiona asks with a raised brow, she leans in closer as well

"i don't know , he didn't tell me anything besides that" you mutter, taking a bite of your slightly burned toast

"and he drove ya home?" fiona wiggles her brows at you 

"aye , he did. because that aunt of his left me stranded in that fucking office."

"she probably did that on purpose." celest adds with a laugh

"of course she fucking did" you say with a sigh

"he insisted on driving ya home aye?" celest teases , she sits on the table with you, bouncing rose on her lap.

"what kind of man would let a defenseless woman walk alone in the dark streets of birmingham" you resent that it made you feel giddy, you really did. it was just a polite gesture, you tell yourself.

"and what did he say to 'er afterwards?" fiona looks at you intently, too invested in the story to tease you.

"so that woman walks in yeah, and she walks straight to 'im. at that point she hadn't even said a word to me. and asks 'im to sign a fucking paper or something" you tuck a strand behind your ear and bringing your chair closer to the table. "and he says oh so y've met my fiancee ?"

at your words, everyone squeals  and giggles 

"would you shut up? it wasn't like that." you say with a whine, covering your face slightly 

"why else would he say that then?"

"to make 'er jealous? i dont know" you furrow your brows, taking another bite of toast 

"he did it to let 'er know what 'er place is" celest nods as she speaks, her daughter watches all of you , babbling as if adding to the conversation.

"anyways" you wave a dismissive hand "she said that she did and then he tells 'er that i'll be visiting the office often and he'd like 'er make me feel welcomed when hes not around"  you hold back a small smile that threatened to escape you.

it's childish, really. you didn't know the man, hell only a week ago, you hated the sound of his name.

all of them giggle and squeal, again. as if they were school girls

"i bet she cried 'erself to sleep that night" fiona snorts a laugh, sipping her tea 

"did you ask 'im if he's sleeping with 'er?" madeline chimes in

"i did, and he said he wasn't" you shrugged, leaning back on the chair

"and do ya believe 'im?" celest asks, not in a mocking or sarcastic way. she's genuinely curious 

"i think i do?" you sigh, then lick your lips "he seemed honest enough i guess? he hardly seems like the kind of man that would give two fucks if he hurt my feelings so i doubt he'd lie about it for my sake"

"but isn't he a bit of a whore?" fiona's draw together as she looks at celest then back at you 

"he is but what im saying is i don't think there's any reason for 'im to lie, its not like we're in love or anything" you rest your chin on you hand, 

"ask polly" celest is still holding her daughter, feeding her small pieces of bread "that woman knows everything" she mutters 

"and say what? hello mrs gray, would ya please tell me if your nephew is fucking his secretary?"

before any one else could talk , a knock on the door makes all of you go quiet , you looked at celest and clicked your tongue "ya just had to say 'er name didn't ya?"

alas , when you opened the door it wasn't polly gray's smirk that greeted you , but the icy blue eyes of her nephew.

"thomas" you're almost dumbfounded, your mouth slightly opened, you blink a couple of times. 

"y/n."

his voice was slightly deeper than you remember, or maybe it was the trance that made it seem that way.

"what are you doing here?" you tilt your head.

behind you, fiona and madeline are trying to snag a peek, you can hear their muttering but you hope he doesn't 

"i would like ya to come by the office today,"

"why?" you stare at him, he's standing on your doorstep, in his suit, coat, and infamous hat.

"there are some things we need to go over."

you then realize that he's been standing on your doorstep, you step back, opening the door "im sorry, come in."

you hear the footsteps of madeline and fiona they scurry up the stairs, celest hides in the kitchen

you walk him back to the living room, and he sits down on the sofa "ya had company over?"

you look back at the dining table, then at him

"sort of."

"who?"

"some friends"

he humms and nods, still looking at you, but that tension is broken when you hear the sound of rose babbling, you look down and shes crawling on the floor.

she probably escaped while celest was too busy eavesdropping 

he looks at her as well , "who's baby is this?"

you bend down to pick her up, and she giggles "she's rose, my sisters daughter."

you just smile at her, as she stares back at tommy then back at you, as if asking you who that man is

he stands up, his finger grazes her cheek "she looks a lot like you."

you humm, looking at her "because i look like celest"

"may i?" he asks you as he looks at her

you hesitate, rose is a fussy baby. "she's really fussy."

"i'll give 'er back if she cries."

you let him pick her up, and he just stares back at her for a while before you see his dimples peek through. "i think shes too shocked to even cry" he mumbles 

you watch, you're both amused and mesmerized "me and 'er both."

he looks at you "what? i thought ya knew that i 'ave a son."

"i did, but i didn't know you were the baby carrying kind of dad."

"i carry 'im whenever i can."

whenever i can , you forgot how much his work probably takes away. from him and his son.

he's so gentle with her though, as she looks at him inquisitively, curiously grabbing onto his coat. he takes off the hat and drops it on the sofa, so she wouldn't cut herself.

"can you hold 'er while i go change?"

"i think i can manage, just don't be too long" 

you hurry and go up the stairs, so she wouldn't notice your absence and cry. and at the top of the stairs, you're greeted with the faces of fiona and madeline as they try to hold back their squeals 

"shhhh!!" you put a finger against your lips and push them into your room 

they start silently squealing, if there is such a thing "he is such a dish."

"oh my god, oh my god"

"did ya see 'im holding rose? that was such a domestic moment between you two, i bet youre already falling for 'im aye?" fiona is almost vibrating with excitement 

"shut up." you mutter as you change your clothes "im tired of this family's surprise visits." you turn to the vanity, fixing your hair, putting on some makeup.

"look at 'er, rushing to look good for 'er fiance" fiona teases 

"or maybe it's for that pesky secretary? to show 'er that he's 'yours' ?" madeline wiggles her brows

"when i said that the novel you two read was ruining you, this is what i meant" you mumble as you put your lipstick down, and grabbing a pair of pearl earrings, they'll probably do.

you grab a coat from the closet and walk out ,ignoring the teasing noises of your friends. you hear rose's laugh and you just smile instinctively as you make your way down. when you reach the doorway, you see him throwing her in the air, not too high though just enough to get her to laugh.

"ah i see y've won 'er over." you walk closer, standing before him "so this is the shelby charm , then?"

a soft smile takes over his lips "she's easily impressed."

you reach for her, and he gives her back to you. 

"ya can go to the car now, i'll just go put 'er in the crib."

he nods , taking his hat and putting it back on as he walks out of the house.

"you can come out now!" you call for celest and she rushes out of the kitchen and grabs her daughter 

"what's with the smile?" she asks you with a knowing look 

"what ? can't i smile without you lot thinking im in love with 'im now?" you turn around and walk to the door, putting your shoes on. you didn't even know you were still smiling.

celest just lets out a laugh, as she bounces rose

"say what ya want, i know ya better than ya think i do."

you glare at her before leaving the house and walking to the car, you see him leaning against it before walking and opening the passenger door for you.

you get in the car, and a moment later he does too, and you pray to whoever is looking over you that this car ride won't be awkward.

-

you tilted your head and frowned , you're both standing at the garrison.

"tommy..." you mumbled in protest

"i know" he nodded "it'll be very short."

you clicked your tongue and then huffed "if you take longer than ..... 30 minutes i'm leaving."

"ya won't."

"get out of my sight." you muttered , taking a sip of your drink.

you sighed, looking over at the place. it was fairly busy, but not stuffy. sounds of chatter and men laughing echoing around, the lighting is dim. you made your way to the booth you were in, sitting down , eyeing your drink.

"when i heard tommy was marrying again, i would've never thought it's celest's little sister that he's trapped."

you recognized the voice before even processing the words, you look up, your brows raised and smiling in disbelief "lizzie?"

she's standing there, looking over at you. her blue eyes studying every inch of your face, a face she hadn't seen in a long time. and you hadn't expected to see her here , of all places.

"what are ya doing?" she speaks softly. you know the tone, you get the meaning; what are you doing with someone like him ?

you stand up, your gaze never leaves her , still smiling. "lizzie... i've not seen ya in so long..."

since she got involved with tommy , that is. lizzie and celest knew each-other , went to school together. lizzie would sometimes stay over , whenever your mother felt she wouldn't be safe otherwise. until the war.

she chuckles, "ya 'ave your mother to thank for that."

you chuckled too, still looking at her. "how did ya know about it?"

she gives you a look, her dark brow raised "everyone knows. i just didn't know it would be someone like *you*"

you lick your lips, "lizzie i know ya two share.... a history"

she scoffs , a bitter smile on her lips "i don't resent ya for this, i wouldn't." she shakes her head "i 'ave given up on 'im... a long time ago." her eyes look away for a moment before landing on you "whatever ya think of 'im, whatever ya believe he is , he's not." she speaks with conviction.

you don't reply to that, you're just trying to know what she means by it.

"thomas shelby doesn't know love like we do, what he knows is ownership." she chuckles bitterly, "learned what that meant the hard way. but ya shouldn't go through what i did." she shakes her head softly

"i don't understand...."

she stays silent for a moment "consider this a warning from a friend, this man , *will ruin you* , and when that 'appens ya will not recognize who you've become but he.... he will remain the same, unchanged not matter how hard ya try. he will always be what he always was, no love in the world can heal whatever is broken in 'im."

"ya don't understand, lizzie." you speak finally, "this isn't simple, for either of us. i can't leave"

"ya can't or ya won't?"

"i..." you pause for a moment, letting out a chuckle "i can't."

she studies your face , nodding "what does celest think? what does oliver think?"

"they're not thrilled."

"i know 'im more than most." she adds "and if i

knew what i do now when i first met 'im....." she looks away "i came here because i knew you'd be here and to tell ya that ya can come to me... if ya ever need help."

she places a hand on your arm, looking at you one more time before turning and making her way out of the garrison.

"she was always a nice girl" your mother sighed, taking a bite of her food

you and celest look at eachother before looking back at her,

celest knew why lizzie talked to you , and so did the rest of your family

"where's abraham?" you nod towards anna

she shrugged , "he had to do something before coming here"

"ya knew who i dreamt of?" your father pointed his fork at you "that teller boy, jeremy was it?. it was the strangest thing , i tell ya"

all the women at the table tried to stay neutral, keep their reactions to a minimum, you try to hide your uncomfortable reaction behind your glass of water "it is strange"

the whole table looks towards the front door, the sound of the door slamming open and not slamming back closed, and the heavy rushed footsteps

"i need to talk to ya," he appears in the living room doorway. he puts his hands on his hips, breathing heavily as if he ran to the house. he's disheveled, he pushed his glasses back on his nose with a shaky hand

"jeremy teller is dead." he speaks in a hushed voice, looking around to check that no one is listening, both of you standing in your parents bedroom. he didn't want anyone to hear , especially not renee or she might just give birth on the spot.

"what? no he's not." you laugh, looking at him. waiting for him to finish his joke

he looks at you, wiping a hand over his face. he looks at you "he's fucking dead."

your laugh falters slowly as you look at him, your face twitching with different emotions "how ? when? how do you know about it?"

"i heard. they found 'im murdered," he tries to not speaks too loudly "his throat was slit"

you can feel your blood go cold "do they know who killed 'im?"

he tilts his head, his hands still shaking as they rest on his hips. "ya know who killed 'im."

"no....no." you shake your head, laughing again in disbelief "no no no, no" you look away and step back, putting a hand over your forehead "that's impossible."

"listen to me" he grabs your shoulders, turning you to look at him "he did it, all of small heath knows he did and ya do too."

"no , he wouldn't." you shake your head again, your heart beating so fast you can hear it. "why would he do that? he wouldn't ."

he moves you gently, sitting you down on the chair in your parents room. he kneels , his hands move to your face "what do ya wanna do now ?"

the room feels so stuffy, you can hardly breath.

"i don't know." your chest feels like it might collapse. you try to stand up, but you can barely feel your legs, you try to blink away the darkness that takes over your vision.

but you knew it was coming, the darkness does take over.

here you are again, staring at that portrait that hangs opposite of your bed. you're filled with dread , fear and even anger , your eyes trace the portrait that you've already memorized.

your head on the pillow, your sister sniffling is another reminder, like a deja vu of that cursed night.

but you can see someone else in your peripheral vision sitting in the chair , those cold blue eyes cannot be missed. its as if his presence filled the room with a cold sort of air.

you try to get up,

"lay down"

"i don't want to." you mumble, letting out a breath as you lean your back against your bed frame. your eyes still on the painting, you don't even glance his way.

"feeling better?" his voice sounds colder than you ever remember it being. the smell of the cigarette smoke making you close your eyes shut, making your head spin. you reach for the glass of water on your bedside table, your hands quiver as you bring it to your lips

"yes" you put the glass back down

"ya look pale"

"hmm"

you can't shake that feeling, you're scared of looking at him and seeing the same view you did that day, the blood on his hands.

"ya killed 'im." you're almost muttering to yourself,

he doesn't answer you, and you don't ask again. you finally peel your eyes off of the old painting, glancing at him. the look on his face gave you the answer that you already knew.

he looks so calm , so collected , almost wicked. "are ya scared now?"

and it was your turn to not answer his question, but your eyes never leave his.

"did ya do it yourself?"

"yes" he looks right back at you "you're already aware of what i can do"

you just shut your eyes, your hands shake as they grip into the covers

"forgetting it is your fault, not mine." his voice sounds again

you don't even remember the rest of that day, his words were replying in your head.

you snap out of that trance a day later, you're in the living room on the chair by the window. you look straight at the window as your mind tries to make sense of everything, and then a figure down the street catches your eyes and you feel a switch go off in your head.

i have eyes around here.

and you realize , probably ears too.

your clothes swish as you run out of the living room towards your parents' room, your mother running behind you. the old wooden floor cried under your rushed footsteps

"what happened?"

you don't even hear her, you don't process what she's saying. you pull out the box from under their bed, you rummage through it , pulling out your dad's revolver.

the cold metal of the gun feels like it's burning through your flesh

"what the fuck are ya doing? where did ya get that?" oliver yells , his eyes opened wide as tries to run after you too.

the whole house freezes, all of them just still as if the slightest movement would set that gun off

you push that door open , it slams against the wall beside it. your feel take you towards the man standing in the street , a figure you've seen lurking around too many times to chalk it up to coincidences

you cock back the hammer, your hands are steady for the first time since yesterday.

"ya tell tommy fucking shelby that if he doesn't get ya fuckers away from me , i'll start shooting."

you move the revolver and point it to the pavement , missing his foot by a hair.

-

"ya should've stabbed 'im when ya had the chance to." madeline mumbles, putting rose in the crib that was dragged next to the dining table

"what the hell has gotten into 'im?...." fiona looks at celest and celest shrugs , looking back at you

"god i feel like i'm going to explode" you take a gulp of the wine in your glass "i can't lie to tommy"

"then don't, just tell him" celest swirls the wine in her glass

"i 'ave a feeling tommy might just.." fiona runs her thumb across her neck, clicking her tongue

"i mean he's not that violent," you add , your finger moving across the rim of the glass "he's sweet...sometimes.... i think"

"is she ... drunk?" madeline grabs the wine bottle, pouring some in the glass in her hand

"i'm sure he doesn't just go around killing people" you look at the three women around you, "what do ya think jeremy wants to do?"

"i mean he said he wants ya back , didn't he?" celest sips her wine

"i mean yeah , technically i guess..."

"not technically" madeline is points at you "he said he wouldn't let ya marry tommy"

"it's just so odd" your hand rubs at the back of your neck "this is so out of the blue, we ended years ago. it's not like we were in contact too or anything"

"ya attract crazy men" fiona says with a raised brow

"i don't need this." you cover your face with your hand, before taking another gulp from your glass

"come on," celest gets up, taking the wine glass out of your hand "ya need sleep."

you have your arms raised on each side. , wearing a thin white robe. standing with your back straight and head held high, the seamstress starts measuring from the tip of your fingers to your shoulders.

"how is he treating ya?"

"hm?" you snap out of whatever trance you were in, eyes glancing in her direction

"thomas shelby, how is he treating ya?"

"yes , yes he is." you speak almost too quickly "why wouldn't he?" you try to not move,

she looks at you through her spectacles, raising a brow

you raise a brow too "i thought ya knew his family very well?"

"i do, that's why i'm asking" she says with a sigh , moving to the other side to get the measurements and your eyes follow her

the room is spacious, with every kind of fabric and thread you could possibly think of. it's quiet, the light shining in through the windows. the fabric and the design of your wedding dress on a paper on the table. a sketch of it, and it looked perfect.

"he's treating me well" you repeat

"do ya know about grace?"

your eyes drift away, you lick your lips nervously. you never had this conversation with anyone, it was a topic everyone tiptoed away from. except for her, apparently

"i know of 'er, yes."

"he loved that girl, he did." she nodded, rolling the measuring tape, getting your bust measurements.

"yeah, i've heard." you cleared your throat

"ya should've seen how he looked at 'er" she chuckled, "but , the way he looks at you ..." she looks at you again, before moving to make another measurement.

your head snaps this time, looking at her before she reprimands you to stay still "me?"

"mhm."

"i don't think so" you murmur then chuckle

"i wouldn't be so sure" she said with a knowing look , she rolls the measuring tape around your waist "i've known 'im since he was a boy."

"i mean, i'm sure ya do." you smile at her politely "but i do doubt that."

"ya can doubt it all ya like, it won't make it less true" she mumbles ,

a soft knock at the door catches your attention. she frowns, pulling her spectacles down and walking to the door, she opens it slightly

"morning mrs baker."

tommy's voice makes your eyes widen slightly, and your heart flutter.

"tommy." she says with a laugh "ya 'ave no business here, boy."

"my bride is here" he nods at you "so , i do actually 'ave business here"

she opens the door, letting him in. the smile and look on her face is stern, but maternal.

"the girl tells you're treating her well" she mumbles, going back to standing at your side

"she did?" he asks with a small smile before standing against a wall, his back pressed against it with his hands in his pockets, his gaze stuck on you.

she nods, putting her spectacles back on as she writes down the measurements on a piece of paper

"ya were trying to turn 'er on me, sylvia?" he speaks again

she shoots him a glare before looking back at you "ya see what you're marrying?"

you chuckle, tying the robe tighter around you. "yeah, i see it."

sylvia walks out of the room, to the front of the store for a customer that came in, leaving you and tommy in the back.

"why didn't ya bring your mother with ya?" he asks you, getting off the wall but not taking one step further.

"she can be...... overly enthusiastic at times. so i didn't tell 'er i was coming here" you say with a chuckle, turning to look at him

"that's smart" he hums , looking you over.

"she will lose 'er mind but i think it'll be worth it , i think."

he hums again, this time walking to stand in front of you.

"didn't ya 'ave a meeting today? i'm surprised ya even had the time to come here" you tilt your head as you speak

"want to get rid of me, do ya?"

"of course i don't."

"so ya want me around?" he leans closer, and you feel your breath stop. his voice is soft and low, his eyes glance at your lips before going back to your eyes

"i...." you stutter , your eyes scan his face "i do" you speak softly

"i do too."

"yeah?" you whisper back.

the air is so heavy, you feel his breath fan over your lips. your noses brush against each other.

"are ya scared of me?"

"no" you shake your head softly

he leans in closer and his lips press against yours, your eyes flutter shut and you feel as if time stopped moving, the floor under you disappeared.

after a few moments, he pulls back but not far back , his nose brushes against your cheek and his lips press against your ear

"what are ya hiding from me?"

-

you hadn't left your room for the past three days. celest would be there , feeding you, holding you as you cried.

tonight though, you couldn't sleep because the sounds of your siblings yelling is keeping you away from the slumber you very much needed.

"you did what?"

oliver's brows furrow, his very pregnant wife , renee , sits beside him, her eyes open wide and a hand on her belly.

his mother tries to act like she didn't feel the guilt clawing at her heart , she sips her tea, "it's about time she got a husband."

"mum , what were you thinking? what has gotten into you?" his voice isn't loud, it isn't his usual roar, which is what concerned his wife. she puts a hand on his shoulder "you're forcing 'er to marry thomas shelby? are you fucking insane? have you lost your bloody mind?"

"im not forcing her to do anything, she agreed."

"after ya slapped 'er."

celest lets out a chocked sob at the mention of that

his mother's eyes are stern when they look up at him, resenting the fact that he brought it up

"she's a wild girl, she raised her voice at me"

"what did you expect 'er to do?" he got up, and his wife desperately tries to calm him down "lay on 'er back and open 'er legs?"

"to obey her mother."

"the mother that treated 'er own daughter like a piece of meat?" his jaw clenched, his hands shake "how could you do that? you didn't even tell us anything."

abraham is pacing around. his girlfriend ,anna stands in the doorway, watching this unfold. what else was she supposed to do?, its not like she can do anything. celest is sitting on a chair, her face buried in her hands as she cries. their father wasn't at home, he was out visiting his brother.

he's been avoiding this very incident like the plaque.

"when did this even 'appen?" abraham walks and stands next to oliver, both of them staring at their mother, his voice trembles as he tries to hold back whatever he had to say.

"why does it matter?" their mother slams the teacup on the table "it's already happened. what good is it going to do if we keep talking about it?"

"how long 'ave you been plottin' at this?" oliver's voice gets louder, his wife tries to get up but cant, abraham grabs his shoulder instead. "are you that desperate for money?"

"i did it-"

"for 'er ? securing 'er a future, yeah? is that what you tell yourself?" celest finally speaks, her face glistening with tears as she stands up

celest was always her mother's daughter. being the eldest, she always aimed to please her but when this happened, she couldn't even stand to look at her mother. she knew their mother was looking for a suitor ,she tried to reason with her, telling her how her younger sister would never agree, that she'll just yell and maybe even try to run away. celest never knew that the suitor her mother had in mind was thomas shelby, she never knew that he'd already agreed to all of this.

their mother's eyes move to celest, renee and anna share a look , and anna stands with her mouth covered. "this is not going to end well." ,they both think.

"what?"

"i said is that what you think you're doing? that you're doing whats best for 'er?" celest repeats "when you and i and everyone in this room knows who thomas shelby is, we know what he does, we know how he lives"

"he will take care of her." she raises her voice as well

"mother...." abraham warns, with his eyes closed. he knows the words she will say next would just anger everyone further

"i dont want her to end up like you! with a man that has you living in a piss poor excuse of a house, running after his spawn." her mother spits those words out like venom.

"i love 'im, i chose 'im, and i never ever regretted that decision, i never once complained,i never doubted his love or loyalty" celest walks closer "i will live a good life with a man who is good to me, an honest man. would she say the same about the husband you chose for 'er?"

"she will love him! she will grow to love him" she yells those words, as if she desperately wants them to be true.

celest lets out a chuckle , looking at her mother as if she was insane "do you not hear yourself? do you not hear how you sound?" then she moves even closer,"you're ruining 'er life!" celest cried, her screams sound through the whole house, abraham is now holding her back, as she squirms and thrashes "is this what you fucking want ? for your own child to live a miserable life?"

oliver left the living room at some point and he was inside your room now, somehow.

he crouched at the side of the bed, where you're laying on your stomach, cheek against the pillow and covers tucked up to your neck.

"i..." he tries to speak, he lets out a breath "i didn't know" he felt guilty for some reason, as if he could've stopped this.

"i know"

"you don't 'ave to say yes" he puts a hand on your head smoothing down your hair. oliver was never the one for affection, always awkward with it. "you don't. you can say no"

"i cant" you whisper back to him, your eyes look at him and they are once again filled with tears, your lips quiver

"yes you can"

"no i can't" you let out a sob "and you know that."

he just looks back at you, keeps on smoothing down your hair

"its not your responsibility to save them."

"it is now"

and he knew he couldn't change your mind, "she says he's comin' by tomorrow ,to see you."

silence ensues. you two just stare at each-other not knowing what to say

for the first time in his life, oliver the man with the biggest mouth, the loudest voice, the one who always fought you over that one spot on the table, doesn't know what to say. he has nothing to say.

he slowly gets up, and leaves the room, closing the door behind him gently.

and when that dreaded morning comes, you find yourself on your vanity chair, looking at your reflection in the mirror, your face still almost emotionless

celest stands behind you, brushing your hair,she's crying silently, and you just stare at the mirror

you knew that those steps belonged to your mother, you'd memorized how they sounded when you were a child , when you pretended to be asleep so she wouldn't know you'd stayed awake past your bedtime. she walks and stands next to celest, you don't look at her, you just stare at yourself.

celest puts the brush on the table and she walks away, she walks to the window, trying to calm down. your mother picks up the brush.

"i know you think im cruel, and that i'm selfish. but i did it for your sake." she speaks

this is the first time you'd even seen her since it all happened

your eyes dart up to her, she doesn't look at you, she just looks down at your hair as she brushes it.

"when your father got sick, i never thought we'd lose the farm too, we lost the very thing that gave us most of our money." she pauses for a second "i know this isnt how you wanted to get married, it was not an easy decision for me either"

"i don't love 'im" your voice is soft, its not angry

"love isn't everything, you don't need it to be content" she continues "i didn't love your father when i married him , but love follows"

"he is nothing like my dad"

your mother stops again "he's a hardworking man, he was in the war , wasn't he? just like yer father."

"my father was a farmer," she muttered "that's what you loved about 'im, what you've come to love. that he is a good man but the man you're marrying me off to isn't"

you sound like celest.

your words cut deeper than you thought they would, your mothers eyes close, she sighs "you're my youngest child and i want you to live a good life when me and your father are no longer here .a safe life. i dont want you to need a roof over your head or worry about money or food"

you don't want to argue , so you don't. you just let her brush your hair and neatly style it. she brings a box and opens it, inside it a golden necklace with a ruby as a pendant, she puts it on you, she smiles at your reflection

"i wore it when i married your father", maybe it will bless your marriage too, your mother thinks to herself.

you don't say anything, you just do what you're told. you were too tired to fight this anyways. you just wanted this day to pass

and then you hear it, your brother's voice as he greets him, despite his anger your oliver sounds polite. their voices are muffled but you hear them.

you mother walks you down the stairs and when you descend you see him, on the green sofa , talking to your father and your brothers and as if he could sense your presence his eyes dart up the stairs and he sees you.

you feel as if the whole house ran out of air, and as if your lung collapsed. you look back at him nonetheless as you walk down the stairs.

it feels as if their voices are distant as your family greets him, very welcoming and warm they sound but you can't process a word. you just look at him. you think you mumbled a greeting too, you're not sure.

he got up when you entered the living room, he looks you up and down but only for an instant and then his eyes go back to yours. you cannot see any emotion on his face.

you sister stands at your side, renee on the other, they sit with you between them on the couch facing him, the rest of your family scattered around the room but you didn't look at them, too busy looking at the man you'll marry. it's almost as if you can visibly see the blood on his hands.

but when he speaks , you snap back into reality out of your trance

"its a pleasure to finally meet you."

his voice is deep, calm and collected. for some reason it sends a chill down your spine

"the pleasure is mine" you say back, as politely as you could.

slowly, person by person, your family leaves the room

you glance at the window, your brothers and father are outside smoking, pretending to not watch. celest, renee and anna are under the foyer.

your mother and mrs gray are in the kitchen, having tea, when did she come in here?, you didn't even notice her.

you lean back against the sofa, you stare at him just like he stares at you

"mind if i smoke?" he already has his cigarette between his lips , he pulls out his lighter

"no" you say curtly , you sit on the sofa in the most expensive dress you own, your newest heels,

he offers you a cigarette, you eye it. you hadn't smoked since your parents caught you smoking on the roof but they've disappointed you, so what if you disappoint them one more time

you pull a cigarette out, he passes you the light and you light it, then putting it out

he leans back as well, crossing his legs

"are you good with children? can you care for them?"

you nod, your cigarette hangs between your fingers"i 'ave one nephew and 4 nieces, one on the way too"

"i 'ave a boy"

his eyes give nothing away no matter how long you stared at him , looking for a crack in the mask

"what's his name?" you ask softly

"charles"

"how old is he?"

"four, he's turning five soon"

"is that why you're looking for a wife? to look after your son?"

"thats a part of it, yes" he exhales the smoke, he throws an arm around the back of the sofa

"what's the other part?"

"i need a wife and i want someone i can trust around my boy when im not around"

you nod , your eyes look away for the first time.

"do you feel like you can do that?"

you turn back to look at him

"i believe so , yes"

he nods, "are you being forced into this?" he's blunt. it doesn't take a genius to know that you're not happy, that you're reluctant.

"no, i'm not"

"i don't want to marry you if you're unwilling"

"i said i'm not ,didn't i?" you tried to hold back your tongue, but you couldn't

his brow raises at this ,"you don't exactly look like you're content with your decision"

"is this an interrogation?" you ask, stubbing the cigarette on the ashtray that sits on the table. partly because the taste of it made you nauseous, having not had one in years. the other part annoyed and defensive

"i believe its called an introduction" a his face is still stoic, but his voice is betraying him, it's sounds as though he's amused.

you look up, you hate to admit it but you can't deny it. he looks handsome, in his expensive suit, his glasses, his cheek bones. celest was right, at least he is easy on the eyes

"an introduction, aye?"

"hmm"

you just look at eachother, you blink a couple of times, then lean back again.

"its my decision, mr shelby." you try to compose yourself, "it wasn't forced on me,"

he nods again,

"do you 'ave any conditions?"

"i do..." you lick your lips nervously "my father, he's sick"

"i will take care of his medical expenses" he nods before you could finish that sentence

"it would be nice if i could finish my own fucking sentences"

he lets out a dry chuckle, and you take it as a sign to continue

"he's never been properly checked , we don't know what exactly is wrong with 'im" you sigh "my only condition is that 'im and my mother would be looked after, financially and medically."

"they will be"

"i want it in writing" you hesitate but then say it anyways , you don't know if you can trust him, you don't care if you offend him.

he looks at you, his eye travel between yours "alright"

you let out a breath you didn't know you've been holding

-

your nostrils flared as you stride through the venue's corridors to the room your family had booked to get ready in.

madeline and fiona walk behind you, too nervous to say anything. tommy stayed behind, too many important people were there , he couldn't just disappear yet.

you open the door and there she is, celest and her daughters around her, you lift your dress and crouch

"what did she do?" you drop the dress and hold her face in your hands , looking at her. her eyes red and her lips quivering

"it's okay..."

"no it's fucking not."

"why are you here? you should be with the guests!"

your face twitches and your sister grips your hands whispering "no no no."

your nieces hold their breath as they stare at eachother. the room is tense , the air feels scarce

you turn around, your chest is heaving with angry, shallow breaths "what the fuck is wrong with ya mum?"

she closes the door behind her, fearing someone will hear. someone was hearing all of this, madeline and fiona were behind the door.

"what are you on about , young lady?" she speaks sternly

"and ya 'ave the fucking nerve to act angry?" you walk closer, moments from the day she told you about the marriage flashing in your head "look at what ya did to 'er!"

"she wanted to wear my necklace!" she raised her voice

"who cares? it's just a necklace!" you raise your voice too

"i do! it was meant for you, not her" she points at your sister "she got her own engagement party and her own wedding when she married that twat."

"i don't fucking want it mum, i don't want the fucking necklace." your teeth grind against eachother "i don't want anything from ya."

"how dare you...." she points her finger at you now

"no mum, no ya don't get to play this fucking card anymore" your voice cracks "why couldn't ya just let us be fucking happy for once mum? why did ya 'ave to do this?" your eyes fill with tears "right when i started being happy again? when i accepted everything? you do this"

"you're acting like i ruined your party!"

"ya made my sister cry!" you point at celest "she's been the one that's comforting me, taking care of me when ya were too busy playing the role of the self righteous mother." you take a step back , pointing at celest "she will wear whatever the fuck she wants,"

your mother puts a hand on her chest "how could you speak to me like that?"

"how could ya be so selfish mum?"

"selfish?" she chuckles bitterly "you wouldn't be here without me..." she points at the door behind her "this place? you wouldn't have even dreamt of seeing without me, that dress? you wouldn't have even touched without me, nothing here would be even a reality with me."

your jaw clenches and you just stare at her, in disbelief.

you just walk out, your feet leading you to god knows where,

your mother glares at celest before turning but stopping in her tracks, seeing tommy at the door.

"girls, would ya please take your mother out? maybe take 'er to the ladies room yeah? let 'er wash 'er face." he stares at your mother while he speaks, and your nieces scurry out with their own mother

"excuse me." your mother tries to leave but he blocks her way again

"get back in here."

she turns, staring back at him

"ya will listen to me , and ya will listen carefully." he speaks in a monotone voice "ya will go to your daughter, and ya will apologize and ya will fucking behave for the rest of the night."

"what?" her brows are furrowed, she's offended

"and if ya even think of pulling a stunt like that on our wedding day, i will drag ya out of it kicking and screaming if i 'ave to." he doesn't falter or even respond to what she said

"this is a family matter, it doesn't concern you."

"she is my family," he gets closer to her "ya do not want to test me , elizabeth. ya know what im capable of."

"what are you going to do thomas? kill me?" she asks with a bitter hiss

"ya arranged this whole thing so i can protect your daughter did ya not? , that's what im fucking doing" he doesn't even dignify her protests "ya will act like a happy mother, ya will not embarrass me or my fiancée , ya will not cause a fucking scene in my engagement, do ya hear?"

she doesn't speak, just looking at him

"i said do ya fucking hear me, elizabeth?"

"yes."

"good."

you somehow found your way outside, to the garden, you sat on the marble steps. wiping off your tears as they continued to flow.

you see someone sit beside you in your peripheral vision, and you both don't talk for a minute.

"ya shouldn't cry tonight , it might bring bad luck, might curse your marriage." the person next to you spoke and you turn to see her

you recognize the features , you recognize the attitude.

"yeah well, it might as well be cursed." you look back at the beautiful rose garden, thinking maybe the sight of something beautiful will soothe the pain

"what's making ya cry then?" ada lights a cigarette, offering you one. you wave your hand, not wanting one.

"my mother" you say with a sigh, tears blurring the sight before you

"what 'appened ?"

"we had a fight about a stupid necklace" you look down, you see your tears landing on floor "i love 'er , but it's so hard for me to like 'er. it's so hard to just be around 'er"

"does she do this often ? making ya cry?"

"i guess the same way all mothers do" you speak softly, as you look at her

"why are ya letting 'er do that to ya?" she says with a raised brow "tommy says ya got fire in ya"

"well it's 'er fire that lit mine" you chuckle "it feels like i'm so much like 'er and yet we are nothing alike"

"ya 'ave two choices" she exhales the cloud of smoke as she motions with her cigarette "ya either let 'er win, let 'er make ya cry one more time or ya go and enjoy your fucking engagement party that ya spent days planning"

before you get to answer you hear a set of footsteps that are heading towards you, and when you look over your shoulder it's none other than your husband-to-be , standing there , his eyes drifting between you and his sister

you stand, looking at him, and you can't help the tear that runs down your face again

ada looks at the both of you, almost amused at how soft her brother seems, and he looks at her "would ya fucking mind?"

she puts her hands up, surrendering before walking off , still smiling in amusement

"ya can't cry today"

"bad luck aye?"

"that" he nods "and ya'll ruin your fucking makeup."

you chuckle, wiping off your tears "i'm sorry...".

he's never seen you like this, and nothing could've prepared him for how tight his chest would feel when he looked at you and saw those eyes of yours red and wet, your cheeks almost stained with tears and your voice filled with misery

"for what?" he asks softly , his body moves on its own, his thumb wipes away the tears

"for leaving alone with the guests" you sniffle a little bit, "for crying too"

"nothing for ya to apologize for."

you take a deep breath and fix any stray hairs, you smooth down your dress "we should go back"


"look at me." he puts his hands on your shoulders and speaks with a small smile "say 'i will not let my mummy make me cry tonight' "

you raise a brow "no"

"say it now come on"

"i will not let my mummy make me cry tonight" you give him a tight lipped smile "happy?"

"very." he let's you loop your arms with his as you go back to the party.

the rest of the evening went smoothly , the guests were happy, and you were too. tommy kept your mother away from you. and you didn't even notice. celest laughed and drank with you and your friends, your dad and your brothers were having the time of their lives.

"i want to propose a toast, to the two lovely groom and bride to be. i wish you all the happiness" a guest, you recognized as a business partner of tommy's

you smiled and your champagne flute went up, and so did tommy's. and then your mother got up, holding her own flute , and your smile faltered.

tommy grasped your hand under the table , and you just glanced at him before looking back at your mother

"i want to propose a toast as well," your mother smiled, looking at you. "to my lovely daughter and tommy, i wish you both a happy long life and a bright future, cheers!"

you smiled and sipped your drink, and tommy never took his eyes off your mother

"i think i might just lose my mind and go fight 'er again." you whisper into tommy's ear, your hand on his shoulder, the other hand in his, he holds your waist as you two dance "or stab 'er with a spoon... i don't know."

he chuckled and you glared at him again "i'm glad ya find my misery amusing."

"it's less your misery and more your angry face" he murmured

you scoff and you look away, trying very hard to not smile

"ya look beautiful" his voice wasn't playful, and his eyes were soft on you.

suddenly you were hyperaware of his touch on your waist, his hand gripping yours.

you look at him again,"thank you" your smile gives you away "ya look good too, ya always do"

"i do?" he raised a brow and an amused smirk replaced his smile

"ya don't 'ave a mirror in your mansion?"

-