#kaderant

BUT I LOVE JOHNDAVE IN GODTIER SPECIFICALLY. WE CANT GO OUT IN GODTIER COSPLAY THOUGH 😭😭

self insert dirkjake of me and @yo-hamm

shower consistently

not eat at all due to being busy

sleep from friday (??) night to sunday night

TW: self harm, gore, suicide, just death in general

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so, for the longest time i’ve had night terrors/nightmares whatever you wanna call them. i might be bipolar but i don’t wanna self diagnose because i feel like im faking it (???)

anyway, this one specific night terror that i had last night 6/4/24 at 5:00 AM (which would technically count as today 6/5/24 but whatever) it was terrible. unlike any other night terror i’ve had before. i don’t know what it was or why it happened but im about to explain what was in it.

: this is where the tw comes in, please be aware that im gonna be describing this head on.

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it started off first with a dark room, once i had turned on the light to said dark room i was greeted by multiple dismembered bodies of this same girl named Lacey, i don’t know anybody named Lacey in real life and i’ve never interact with anything that involved a girl named Lacey. there were multiple bodies scattered around the room and all of them were her, there was one of them hanging from the ceiling and it just kept sliding side to side like a brutal curtain. the grinding and screeching it would make every time she moved is still engraved in my mind. there were bodies without heads, bodies with large and extremely deep looking cuts on their arms. some of them had private parts cut off, others were just plain torn apart. and the worst part is that there’s a calendar in my hand, it reads “6/22” that’s my birthday.

i know this couldnt actually happen, but the thought of it scares me. i just can’t get the imagery out of my head. the looks in their eyes and the sounds of crying and screaming followed by wretched screeching from above.

i can’t sleep.

might come back and redraw this digitally but arggggwyeah