Did you mean it in a friend way?
When you said you loved me, did you mean it in a friend way, or..?
Because I'd like to know. Because when I got really flustered, I hoped you didn't. When I mumbled an I love you back, I know I didn't. I most definitely did not. I could not. Let me be very clear on this. It was not in a friend way. I must say this with as much certainty and clarity as humanly possible. I did not, I could not, feel or say it in a friend way. It was most certainly, most definitely, with utmost surety, not in a friend way.
When you asked me to travel half a European country's distance and move in with you, did you mean it in a friend way? In that same breath, you did insinuate that we were friends. I don't want to assume. Because no number of European countries is big enough for me to not want to travel that distance. But not in a friend way. I don't want to travel and move in in a friend way. I want to live with you in not a friend way. I mean, you are my friend, yes. Of course you are my friend. But when I want to live with you, when I want to talk with you, when I want to cook for you, and when I want to massage your hands after your long day at work, I do not want to do that in a friend way. I don't want to do any of that in a friend way.
When we hugged goodbye, and it was clear that neither of us is comfortable in broad view of the public, but we still lingered, and went in for a second hug, and stayed there for a bit, did you mean it in a friend way? Did you hug me in a friend way? I really hope you didn't. I know I didn't. Because I did everything I could to stop myself from asking you to stay just a day longer. I so wished we could spend just one whole day together. I so wished we could just fall asleep, wake up, then hug each other again. For real this time. I so wished I could hold your hand one last time before you left. I reached out, I promise. I tried. I honestly tried. But you'd moved away. And I was a bit of a coward. But I don't want to be a coward anymore. You are my friend, but I did not mean it in a friend way. I meant none of it in a friend way. Not a single thing.












