Itâs your bff Jyll!! Jylliana is an Aasimar Tempest Cleric from my friendsâ Spelljammer actual play podcast JemJammer! Sheâs very cool and Iâm really happy with how this turned out.
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It's called Jem Jammer and it's an Actual Play D&D game, specifically the Spelljammer variant which is space and nonsense.
You can find relevant links to listen at https://crookedrussiancam.tumblr.com/
It's about a group of adventurers finding a wrecked spaceship, the Kestrel, and then shenanigans happen. They're looking for information on something called a World Eater which sounds pleasant. They're also looking to romance hot monster people, including this one time where one of them kissed a tree festooned in bloated corpses don't worry about it.
The heroes are:
Jylliana, the aasimar tempest cleric:
She's devoted her life to the very very obscure goddess called Ethla and will get very mad if you disrespect her very very obscure goddess. She is very tired and will disintegrate her enemies with magical lightning. Cute monster boys frighten and intrigue her.
She would tell her friends to maybe not touch the obviously cursed object.
Aelfgifu, the human ranger:
She's a mysterious orphan who was raised in the forest by her recently deceased adopted dad. Because of this she is far more comfortable with animals than people. After spending a good amount of time with people she is... still much more comfortable with animals. She is very good at the art of murder and has complicated feelings about sentient plants.
She would listen to Jylliana explain why she shouldn't touch the obviously cursed object, but then try to touch it anyway.
Cacophony, the eladrin glamor bard:
She is gay and is going to cause problems on purpose. Prone to flouncing around in her many many outfits and getting into trouble while also flirting with reptilian ladies. She also can play music that can burn people to death or make them her groupies, whichever seems more impressive at the time.
She is pretending to listen to Jylliana while waiting for the most dramatic/comedic time to touch the obviously cursed object.
Arturos, the triton fighter
He is a former (???) pirate who was pawned off to the Kestrel after his old boss got tired of him. He is very strong and hates that everyone is taller than him. Sometimes turns his arm into a massive canon. Doesn't read.
Already put the obviously cursed object in his pocket while Jylliana was talking because it was shiny. Might have tried to eat it.
Beneath the cut is a spoiler character
Xilwyn, Cacophony's secret identity
Formed the Cacophony persona initially to scam royals, but then found it too fun to give up. Has a large collection of university sweaters.
Has no interest in the obviously cursed object but might knock it off the shelf while maintaining eye contact.
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So a while back, the Jem Jammer rpg podcast ended up doing a long adventure in a spooky Halloween Castle full of puzzles, traps, and monsters that they were supposed to fight but instead tried to befriend/date like this was Undertale.
They were also magically put into Party City costumes except for Arturos who just ended up mostly naked.
Tragically HeroForge does not have the variety of outfits necessary to properly capture Arturos's slutty outfit.
HeroForge also TRAGICALLY doesn't have Hippo people so I can't make Mr. Hurst in his scary ghost costume which only covered his head.
I tried to make as a many of the castle residents as I could, alas I could not make Kronos, lord of the castle, or the romantic deadly Corpse Flower that Aelfgifu fell in love with battled.
But I was able to recreate the cursed card dealing ghost, Grail.
The medusa taking a "Me Day", Mathelda. Please pretend the braids are snakes. :(
The litterally smoldering Forge Master
The master of the arena where you go to fight to the death, the Blood Countess and her champion The Gargoyle.
Beneath the cut is some spoilery stuff.
So Jylliana had previously learned that she had Super Powers that let her grow wings and fly around doing Super Spells. She used this power against Dracula Captain Count Kronos.
UNBENOWNST TO JYLLIANA one of the cursed cards she took from Grail resulted in her turning into random animals upon injury. Thus resulting in her turning into a Sexy Sparkle Wolf and then a frog.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Lachlan felt like such an idiot, his head in his hands as he sat in the helm chair. Another eight hours of being stuck in the god damn Phlogiston, meaning eight hours for the man to think about how stupid and useless he was. He growled and fisted his hands into his hair, ready to pull it out in his frustration.
 He could never win with Jyll. No matter how many times he tried talking to her, he became an awkward pile of green goo as soon as she looked at him, trying his best to just talk like a functioning adult. Why was it easy to talk to her about things going on around the ship, but when it came to trying to get to know her a little better, he came undone?
 Letting out his frustration in the form of a long sigh, Lachlan leaned back, letting his head rest against the top of the chair, eyes closed as he tried to focus on flying the ship. Except when they were flying through the Phlogiston, it took little to no effort to keep the Kestrel on track. So it was just him and his thoughts. Thoughts of Jyll and Jyll alone.
 As if thinking her name summoned her to the very front of his mind, his connection with the entire ship brought him to her. The Cleric was seated in the Wardroom by herself, curled up in the cozy arm chair with a book in her hands. He knew that book by sight alone, mostly because Xilwin loved to chase him around with it and ask him way too personal questions.
 He could feel the blush making its way onto his cheeks as he watched Jyll, knowing it was wrong to watch her while he was at the helm, but completely unable to stop himself. She seemed so content, her own cheeks dusted with a flush as she read that Orc romance novel, one he knew she had ready before. She gently turned the pages, her fingers absentmindedly stroking the edges of the book as her eyes slowly scanned the words on the pages.
 Something in the book brought a small smile to her face, so soft and pure since she thought herself alone, and Lachlanâs heart clenched in his chest. He pulled away from her, though it didnât help get her off his mind.
 âIf only I could be half as suave as the Orc in that book,â he said, voice dripping with melancholy, âThen maybe Iâd be able to tell her how I felt. Or even be bold enough to tell her how badly I want to kiss her. To touch her skinâŚâ
 His imagination brought him back to the Wardroom, though in a full blown day dream. Jyll was still there, sitting and reading, but Lachlan was there too. When she noticed him standing in front of her, she placed her book to the side, looking up at him with her eyes full of such raw emotion, even his dream self gulped.
 âDid you need something?â
 âCome here Jyll,â he said with more authority in his voice than heâd ever had. She gave him a curious glance, but didnât hesitate or decline his order. She walked up to him and stood closer to him than was strictly necessary, looking up at him through her thick eyelashes.
 âYes Lachlan?â she breathed, and the man could hear her heart beating rapidly inside her chest.
 He didnât respond to her question. Or, at least not with words. Instead, he moved one of his hands to cup the back of her head, fingers weaving through her metallic colored hair as his thumb gently caressed her scarred cheek. Jyllâs breath hitched and she suddenly stood very still, but didnât step away from him.
 For a minute, he continued to take her in, smell her scent mixed with his own as they stood so close to one another. Then he leaned down and pressed his lips against her own, being gentle as to not hurt her with his tusks. As soon as their skin made contact, a small sound left Jyllâs throat, quiet but pleasured, and Lachlan matched her moan with one of his own.
 A suddenly tight grip around Lachlanâs cock pulled him from his thoughts with a startled huff, bringing him back into the tower where he sat, alone, with his pants undone and his extremely hard member wrapped in his own shaking hand. Gods, he had been daydreaming so deeply heâd forgotten where he was. An embarrassed blush took his entire face, and he went to let go of himself when his attention was thrust back towards Jyll, the real one, as she stood up from the arm chair, stretching her arms to work up her blood flow, showing off her muscles and pushing out her chest.
 And there he was, back in his daydream, kissing a very willing Jyll, who was no longer in her armor, but a simple blue nightdress, with the thin straps slowly starting to fall off her shoulders. The hand that wasnât in her hair moved down her arm, stroking softly, and continued to do so down her body until he reached her hip. He pulled her closer to his body, letting her feel the hardness of him through his pants, causing her to gasp. Enjoying the feeling, Jyll moved her arms to wrap around his neck, bringing them closer together. Lachlan moaned and opened his mouth enough to allow his tongue to enter Jyllâs welcoming mouth, allowing him to drown in her sweet taste.
 Lachlanâs hips bucked up into his hand, which started to pump at his cock, pulling a small groan from the man. Gods, this felt so good but this was so wrong. He couldnât just do this, not when he was so conflicted about the woman, not when he was supposed to be flying the ship.
 But the Kestrel was pretty much on auto-pilot in this territory, with a spellcaster in the helm to only really keep the thing floating. His attention didnât have to be here. It could be back in that daydream.
 Jyll sucked his tongue farther into her mouth, eliciting a groan from Lachlan, and a deeper on as she pressed against him, her hips flush to his own now, allowing her to feel the full length of him. As she continued to kill him, her hand snuck between them to free him from his pants. She used their bodies to create friction between them, moving her body around to stroke him without her hands. Lachlan growled and pulled away from the kiss, watching her as she continued to move. Her eyes locked onto his, and the look begged him for more.
 His hands went to the hem of her dress, pulling the thin fabric up to her hips, baring her to him and he found that she wasnât wearing any underwear. Her face flushed, causing her to look away, but he gently grabbed her chin to make her look back at him.
 âYouâre so beautiful Jyll.â
 âLachlan-â
 No, no, no, this was wrong! Lachlan bit at his bottom lip, holding in his sounds as his hand continued to stroke his dick. He couldnât be doing this. This was wrong. He shouldnât be jerking off to his crush, no matter how hot she made him, or how much being around her drove him crazy. He shouldnât do this. He shouldnât be doing this.
 He pulled one of her legs up to rest against his hip, the tip of his shaft moving back and forth against the slit of her pussy. Jyll let out a small squeak, both her hands going to grab at his forearms as she looked down to watch him moving back and forth. It was hard to keep himself at a slow pace, and harder still to keep himself from pushing inside of her, but just watching the way this teased her and made her breathing faster made up for it.
 âJyll, do you want me?â
 âLachlan, Iâve wanted you since the first time I laid eyes on you,â her eyes turned tender and she brought her face closer to his, lips moving against his own as she said, âI love you Lachlan.â
 The Half-Orc growled and started to stroke at himself faster, hips shaking as he stopped himself from thrusting into his own hand. He was too far gone, he couldnât stop himself. With sweat starting to form on his brow, Lachlan went back into his fantasy.
 Lachlan pushed Jyll against the closest wall, loving the way Jyll gasped at his roughness, and pressed himself against her center to pin her there. His other hand went to move her other leg, hoisting her up so that both of her legs were wrapped around him, his hands on her ass to hold her up. Her mouth made an âoâ shape as he did so, eye wide and innocent, never having been in this position before.
 At the same time Lachlan leaned in to give the woman a deep kiss, he also sheathed himself inside of her, making her cry into his mouth, a sound he greedily swallowed. He allowed her time to adjust to him and the new position, then started to rock her back and forth slowly, letting his arms do all the work.
 âLachlan,â Jyll whimpered, voice quiet and her shallow breaths growing louder every time he pressed back into her.
 âItâs okay, you can let go Jyll. Iâve got you.â
 Trusting him, Jyllâs nails dug into his back as his pace picked up, the clapping of skin growing louder and faster. He continued to hit the end of her, and as he rubbed against the sweet spot inside of her, Jyll threw her head back, letting out a loud moan that ripped through his core.
 Lachlan groaned and tightened his grip around his cock, his stroked rougher as he began to pull the beginnings of an orgasm out of himself. He knew his eyes would be almost pure black, with his pupils so dilated that there wouldnât be much iris to see. As beads of sweat continued to roll down his temple, a small whine left him, and his other hand went to fondle his balls.
 Lachlanâs hips snapped in a quick rhythm, the sound of her thick thighs slapping against him a continuous sound as the Half-Orc continued to fuck the quaking woman in his arms. Jyllâs head kept thrashing back and forth and she mumbled things under her breath, curses and prayers to her Goddess mixed in with the pleading sound of his name.
 He moved her arms to wrap around his neck again, making sure that she was held there secure before he tilted her down, holding her in a position as if she was lying on a bed. Jyllâs wide eyes went to him, a question in them.
 âAll you have to do it hold on and feel me, okay?â
 He didnât give her time to respond before he started to hammer into her, moving so fast it was hard to pinpoint his movements. Jyllâs mouth was stuck open in a silent moan, her eyes almost rolling into the back of her head, her arms locked tight around Lachlanâs neck. His breathing was getting ragged, and he knew he wasnât going to last long, but he needed to get Jyll there first.
 He started to hit harder and deeper, and when Jyll started to scream, he knew he wasnât going to last long. Growls and grunts left him, growing more and more animalistic as Jyll said his name like a prayer over and over. Her whole entire body was shaking with tremors, her back arching as her hips met him thrust for thrust.
 Lachlan leaned closer and started to bite and suck at Jyllâs neck and jaw, where he then whispered to her, âLet go.â
 Let go she did. She let out one more scream before she clenched around him, pulling herself up to cling to Lachlan as she rode out her orgasm. She bounced up and down, sobbing as the waves hit her hard, and hearing her primal noises, Lachlan couldnât help but roar as he came inside her, his pumps falling out of rhythm as he emptied himself inside her.
 Lachlan had to cover his mouth with a hand as he came, his orgasm hitting him so hard he was almost paralyzed in the chair as his cum covered his still pumping hand and pants. He continued to twitch as small aftershocks rocked him, ripping small whimpers out of him as well as the soft chant of Jyllâs name.
 When he was finally himself again, Lachlan looked down at himself as he panted, groaning at the mess he had made all over himself. Embarrassment quickly filled him, though he was relieved no one had come in while heâd been deep in his own mind.
 Fuck, fuck, fuck. He was such a horny, love sick idiot.