#jwes210

Which Naruto character did you resonate with most?

I’m really interested in hearing these thoughts. I’m at the beginning of Luciferian journey and have been resonating a lot with how you understand your connection and depiction of Satan.

I’m happy to talk about them lol, even though it’s mostly UPG. Nothing I’m talking about here is from any sort of canon, and I can’t back it up with anything more than personal experience. (I also think I should just make it clear that while I worship satan, the satan I refer to is not Lucifer. Idk if that changes anything but I just wanted to throw it out there as a disclaimer of sorts)

I think the association between satan and fire is kind of obvious, but I also feel that extends to the sun, and to most sources of heat and light. Whenever we communicate, his presence feels warm and tingly, like sitting in a patch of direct sunshine. When I’ve been troubled and needed him, I usually try to go near a window, or more often outside, and oddly enough the clouds seem to part in response. I know, obviously, the wind is doing it, but whether he causes it or not, it’s comforting all the same. I feel we can communicate best in sunlight, preferably strong sunlight, and when Im in the sun I feel more protected. Because of all that, he’s influenced my energy work- I tend to visualize energy with color, and for me golden yellow has sort of become invincible. I use it to cleanse and ward places, and to shield myself, because I feel his power is behind it.

On top of using the sunlight to communicate in a positive way, he’s also used it more...harshly? That’s not quite the right word. Occasionally his presence isn’t just warm, but he’ll actually burn me. There’s no physical damage, but I can feel intense burning. Usually he does it if I’m in danger and he needs me to move out of the way quickly. It’s not out of malice. One time my ass wouldn’t get off a swing set, no matter how intensely he burned me, and the chain of the swing broke. I got pretty scratched up in the landing. Lets just say Im better at heeding his warnings now.

@celestial--gold I want you to see this. Your community tag inspired me this morning

I aspire to Madara’s power and ability, but philosophically I’d say Pain resonated deepest. Also, when I’m confronted with a huge challenge, my resilience reminds me of Orochimaru’s smirk and unpredictability. Neji was my favorite until they killed him off ����

when i thought neji was really dead in the sasuke retrieval arc i sobbed like a BABY. they did him so dirty

I wanna go back and rewatch the Akatsuki forming, that clan spoke a lot to me; and I’m thinking of getting the red cloud tattooed

@jwes210

The way you talk about Satan and how your relationship has developed with him reminds me a lot of who I thought God was. I remember breaking up with God years ago and how the sky never looked the same at me again. But the voice that’s been here just as long, the voice that’s been guiding and leading me resonates with what you said about Satan; it was an Oracle deck that introduced me to Satanism. Your reflections touch a part in my heart about all of this.

Falling in love with someone is reaching the light, finding a halo, becoming one with warmth.

Falling in love with someone one who will never notice you is fumbling for the keys at your doorstep past midnight is distant ambulance sirens that can’t find you is the breeze your candlelit heart gave itself to

wanting more than hands that aren’t cold but aren’t fucking warm or smiles that you can’t unsee the distance from yourself in or the friendship that now limps trying to recover from unwanted honesty and overbooked reservations.

I catch you smiling at me sometimes and I think of summer; red miata drop-top wind through your hair flying too fast down a highway near venice beach, feel sunshine tucked into the dimples of those lips

cant stop thinking about those lips.

I masturbate to you in a daydream, not knowing how to feel after I’ve spilled so much of myself out to you, wondering if even in my imagination there is a space where your hands aren’t already poised to reach toward me

or away from me, in my dreams we looking at each other

past each other

trying to see where we are. And I know we’re just another pair of cars on the highway for a long haul heading in the same direction for the last several hours, and I’m in the backseat thinking this means you’re here and that we have this special bond sharing the emptied parts of IH10 or 1604 both headed somewhere the other isn’t going

I try to remind myself I am my own ecosystem but I look into your backseat window and see my own reflection hoping through tinted windows my child-hearted smile can be seen; i don’t know to tell the difference between indifference and absense of interest but we coast at speeds just asymmetrical enough to fly and falter past one another.

I place my hand out, always, wandering if you deciding not to hold it means something this time, or if I’m thinking too much, or if you can feel the inside of my head; when we touch, something is almost there

it is so close I get upset like a small child finally old enough to light his own firework and feel theBANG in his chest when it doesn’t happen in front of him. You are ecstasy I dont want, eat you out to pass the time, hold your presence like the controller when I watch Netflix on my xbox;

we are aromantic partners feeling the absence that this space expects to present, and sometimes I’m not alright with that, sometimes I want moments with you, sometimes I want to indulge in you

pretend for an evening feeling that we’re alone and away and in love, allow myself to obsess over our memories but never actually text you because life revolves the first person camera angle, allowing us to pick up wherever the fuck we want or left off or to turn the page to a different short story.

Sometimes I want to feel so much closer to you than I already do, press our bodies together without me ever actually having to fuck you, feel just your lips and your presence and this tension I’m sure only exists in the thoughts I try to keep arms length away

I long for the parts of you that I don’t have, not desiring all

When I am calling her name into the darkness and ecstasy, will you feel void or notice that there isn't one, will you hurt over a lover lost, or will you know when a lover is no longer? She has more of my missed calls than you do and I don't know how to tell you that.

When I go, I hope you do not say things like, "if you leave me, you never loved me," please do not say, "you never meant anything to me," do not whisper your anger into cosmos; a heart hemorrhaged is a fist full of bullets and blood.

But my love, do not curse me nor the heavens, it is painful to hear that I loved you once and now no longer, it is aching to even say. The truth is a knife in your chest, but a cliche and soft word is a blade in your back. I am sorry that I might hurt you, but on thing I cannot do is lie.  When you reach south to pull my name from your moans, please hold me on your tongue, pray saying, "I loved you once and loved you true, but no longer is there an I and you." If you shatter, lament for a day, if you cry, a week. But know that what is here today is the only thing that exists, and that though I may be gone, my love can last forever.

What I am trying to say is that: