#justtalkingtomyself

It gets so lonely and cold when I sit back and think of everything we spoke about. We had plans, we had dreams and adventures. We connected on a level I have never connected with anyone. My life was plain and boring and u came around and lit it up. I often lay in bed and read over all our texts reliving the moments. You made me feel special and worthy. The last few days I've been walking around aimlessly wondering what could have been . I'm hurt to my deepest core and every thought about u pains. I wait for hours for my phone to beep. It beeps, but for everything but the one reason I want it to. I am not much myself but the love I have for u is the kind that can last over life times and never fade. I wonder what I did wrong. It's like overnight your feelings for me has disappeared. You tell me it hasn't but babe, come on. U were the one person I could turn to for everything. Even when I just needed someone to ask me how my day was that was you. That one person who gave me peace within my chaos. It makes u feel pretty worthless when u realize it's gone. Was it ever really real? The words you told me….did you mean that or say it in the spur of the moment?

You once told me I'm the best opportunity u were ever offered…. Now u don’t even want to take the opportunity presented to you. I gave it my all and I still am. The unknown kills me. Its overwhelming. you made me feel special and right about now I can think of a thousand ways I feel and special is not one of them. Like glass everything shatters when I realize we will never get it back. It will never be like it used to be…..I ask myself how can the one person that makes me the happiest in the world hurt me more than anyone else. Did I say something or do something to cause this? Or was I just not good enough. And yes I might be overthinking, I might be over analyzing. But that’s what I do, its who I am and there was a time when you actually loved me for who I was. There was a reason u liked me and for whatever reason that was is it truly too much to ask of you to remember that one thing that intrigued you to me? Is it truly that wrong of me to ask u to treat me the way you used to. For if that was truly so real it wouldn't be such a hard thing to do. Life has ups and downs, but most mistake it for being the thing that breaks us down and makes us sad. In all reality that’s not true the real thing that truly makes us sad is the things that once made us happy, for there is no such hurt and pain than when u lose the exact things that made u happy. U live in the memories of those moments and missing them wondering about them that’s what kills us. I will be okay though. One day I will be okay. One day I will have the courage to let go and move on. I will never forget you and I will never stop loving you but I do realize that its time for me to get out of this hole im in. I need to stop living on memories that will never happen again. Im forgetting who I am at the sake of what I was with you.