there is nothing more isolating than studying i think. even if you have friends to help you understand concepts and share notes with you will still feel lonely and inadequate because you might think you are falling behind. studying alone or studying in groups are the same thing to me. i will always compare myself to how others have done or how others have not done something. studying is not fun and it never was fun for me. i studied because i have to and i studied because i needed to pass the exam well and go onto the next best thing. the only moment when i enjoyed studying was when i studied languages because i was so interested and it was very new to me. i might pick up french again just to enjoy studying. otherwise, studying was a chore but i didn’t find it difficult. i didn’t think about how i disliked studying or staying up or feeling exhausted. i just did but that was more than four years ago and now i am a graduate and studying is much more difficult for me as i simultaneously navigate adult life and emotions. my duties and obligations have been given a new weight that was never there when i was 18.