#justnothing

At night, when I am alone again, wondering, for the nth time, what it would be like to be in your arms and have some ownership over you- just a piece of you exclusively for me and no one else.

I lay awake in bed, willing sleep to come, but also letting my thoughts race a mile a minute. 

In this sweet repose, when will I ever go to sleep to smiling at the text message you sent me saying ‘good night and sweet dreams, baby’? When will the time come when I will fall asleep to the sound of your voice, lulling me, soothing my nerves, washing away the crap the day has unloaded on my shoulders?

But I know, in my soul of souls, that it will never happen, is not meant to be. 

Just minutes ago when I almost found myself dozing into my night reverie, I just knew I had to write this one not on turning a point into somebody or an individual human being that pissed me off and crossed the line. I quickly regained my sitting position, despite the need to lay back down and close my eyes. The blood on my veins surges, as it flows uncontrollably making my whole body alive again and made a way of hoisting upwards ‘cause believe me, it did made me fume.

I can’t contemplate the theory of yours, or the opinionated belief of yours, if that was exactly the way of proclaiming yourself as “successful” as a child, or growing up mature without mentioning or adhering any flaws written on your skin, well I must say, that’s the way of saying you are perfect and no one can’t step right when you say it. I feel bad, kind of real bad. I don’t want to overthink and express the negativity but darling, you are a conceited human being.

Okay, this is where I must be not so sure about the “generalization” part, but here’s the catch of what I observed. I have the need to exclaim my side, my own appearance as a writer. I am a WRITER, but I write to INSPIRE, not to IMPRESS. I don’t get why some people are mad towards us expressing the thought of using such powerful and imaginative words and think of them as self-proclaiming or another pseudonym you want to call us but we really find it disturbing in a low-cost at its finest when you think of that. Ergo, I could care less bitch, this is my life and I could hear and say the same to you, but what if the words written beneath your script is something that might point a gun to another person? Vice versa? Nah, I am pretty sure your “maturity” could no longer handle it.

You are not natural-born perfect/flawless/impeccable sure, give yourself a credit for considering yourself one just to lighten up the drama but this, won’t give you assurance. AT ALL. Have you had any degree? As for me? Not yet, of course I am still working on how I meloriate my capabilities as a college student but taking the stairs to the fortune I haven’t commit? Complete stupidity, complete shame.