#justiney

Had a hard time sleeping last night. Somewhat felt from exhaustion, but I'm really not that tired.

Really im mentally exhausted I guess. It takes a lot of effort and energy to make me get up and do something. I don't feel lazy, just strung out.

I told one of my dearest friends about my night out the other day. Not just about my ghostly encounter, but of that night in general. I was never expecting to feel what I did that night. I haven't felt that way in years. And it was with my dear friend that I felt like that. So in a way, I felt like I cheated an emotion. She disagreed. She's a little hurt, but very happy that I can achieve those feelings again. And with someone else. Really not something I easily allow myself to feel. What am I supposed to think of it now? Was it a fluke? Should I bank on it? Certain feelings I've had this past month have been very overwhelming. There's a change inside of me that I feel won't shake off. Obviously I will, but holy shit is it rising up my throat and ready to explode out of my mouth.

How do I interpret all of this in control? It would fascinating if it played out slowly enough for me to realize what I'm doing, and I don't have to be idiot leo and blurt out every forethought. Hah, that would be embarrassing. I should be better than that.