A Little Stubburn and a Big Push
I know i havent written in forever! Ive been sitting ponder how to word everything thats come along. I left you with letting Southern Man go, i had peace but knew it wasnt going to be that easy. Just before everything had gone array with Southern Man, another young man had started going to our church. Yes i know what your thinking, because i thought the same thing just hear me out as i know you have all along. I noticed this man but with everything swirling around, me being so stubburn to the furture i saw fit, i turned away from him, i wanted nothing to do with him. I had said slight hellos to be polite but nothing further. Than in the fall Sweetie Sassy was talking with him at a special service we were having out at a camp ground, i walked up and she gasped. She immeditally turned to me and whispered "Hes the one!" I looked at her like she was nuts, as im guessing your face was the same as mine. I rejected her statement. I turned to him to be polite i offered that he sit next to us and when back at our seats i made sure he was as far as possible. Im going to admit thats when everything started. I shoved everything away though, i refused to acknowledge any thing of what she suggested. I had already began to struggle with the thought of Southern Man not being ready to proclaim God as His King and to be honest i was so stubborn i was determined to win a fight that wasnt mine. The days before that sunday i had, with tears streaming my cheeks, begged God to make things right, that if He did and Southern Man was to fade from my life id never date another unsaved man again. And i meant it. This statement wasnt new for me, but this time, it hit deep, through and through. I had made up my mind and the peace that flowed told me it was real. It wasnt like the past where i said it but deep down i knew another would come along and i would compromise, no this time, it was a done deal. Because in the center of my being i had finally come to the conclusion...when dating unequally yoked...the believer will most times out of any equivalent, compromise. I was finally no longer willing to do that. It just wasnt worth it. Days after that sunday things went down hill with Southern Man, the drama was all i could think of. Im going to call this other man, Kind Gentleman. He was just a after thought, but he somehow kept showing up. At a church dinner, at a small group where i ended up sitting by him when i tried directly not too and he even started sitting by me and my friends at church on sundays. I found myself speaking to him during these times, nothing more than friendly conversations, when leaving though i always found myself wanting more, id push the feeling away and set myself in my own little world with my own destination. One sunday we ended up talking and Kind Gentleman asked for my number, i was reluctant to give it over, but out of my heart peace had set. Up til this moment i had no reason not to give a small amount of friendship a chance, up til this moment he hadnt put forth any amount of flirting or advances. So i gave my number over. We started texting often, just regular words and conversations, nothing more. We started to get closer and i started to worry, not again right! Not again would i tumble for two guys i wasnt having it but i didnt have to make even a small move to recoil from it, everything fell into place. The door to Southern Man had closed, without me having to tip the scale. I knew it was over. I ended it on the way to a conference and after the conference when our car pools drove off and our vehicles being the only two in the parking lot windsheilds complelty frosted over, i sat with him and spilled my guts. He was kind and asked to see me again, we got together for a milk shake the next day and he let me ramble my heart hearing my testimony, i thought he'd leave, thought he'd walk away, i had finally adjusted to the fact i liked him around. Ill repeat no advances had been made beyond asking me to get a shake at a local restaurant. We sat and i expressed my shame in my past and the feelings i was having about Southern Man, and i remember turning my face from him ashamed, than him taking my hands and telling me with the kindest eyes, that was my past and the future is ahead, that God has a plan for me. Looking into his eyes with my hands in his safe grasp i saw Jesus peering out. Thats the moment i knew something was different with this guy.
