#jusky

Wow, that's a great question.

Whenever there's a question with a superlative in it, like "What's your (most) favorite song?" I think, "How can I pick, there are so many?" And, that was my first reaction to this, too. I've had a life, like anyone's life, that has had its share of great moments of sadness. Do I have to make a comprehensive list and rank them?

That thought lasted for a  bout three seconds, at which point my lizard brain responded with, "Hey, remember the time that…?"

I was crying, sobbing, keening, wailing. I was praying for the end of the world. When people say they wish the ground would just open up and swallow them? Well, it wasn't *that* specific thought, but I get it now. I understand what they mean.

See, I had had a crush on this girl in high school, but we ended up becoming friends.  Though we went to college in states on different sides of the country we stayed in touch. Even though email was becoming a common thing at the time, we still sent physical letters to each other. It was nice.

And then she did a year abroad in graduate school, and we lost touch. Years passed. I moved back to Arizona. And one day I decided to try to track her down. I forget exactly what made me think that she might be living in Phoenix again, but I picked up a Phoenix phonebook, and found her (uncommon) last name and first initial. Called. Got a generic answering machine message, but left my name and number and an explanation in case it wasn't her. But it was! And she called back!

So we made plans, and I drove the 100 miles to Phoenix to see her. And there was vibe there, you know? And I saw her a few more weekends, making that drive. It's not a bad drive, you know, when it feels like you're in fairy tale high-school-crush-reunited possible romance.

Until then one day it wasn't that. And she didn't feel that way. And it hurt like a motherfucker.

It wasn't until after I was married, and the marriage fell apart, that I saw. The problem in my marriage… well, there were lots of problems. I made a list a couple of years afterward. It felt complete when I got up to about 30. But the root problem, really, was that I fell in love with who I thought my wife was, instead of who she really was. I let that image, that fantasy, blind me to reality.

I’m laughing really hard at this ask. I didn’t realize I was getting graded, but I’m glad I did well ;)Honestly, you can’t do much better than Aquemini as far as a favorite rap album is concerned. My younger brother and I used to listen to it on repeat. We’d ride around in his incredibly shitty car that had windows so darkly tinted he got pulled over almost every time he went out. He’d also decided to buy a bass booster with the money he got from his first cooking job, so when we’d put on Rosa Parks, the whole car would shake (a little bit like there were two midgets in the backseat wrasslin’ but that’s a whole different album).

Anyways, we were two shitty teenagers who absolutely hated each other’s guts. Like can’t stand the sight of each other, bicker over everything, knock-down-drag-out screaming match hate each other. But every now and then we’d both simultaneously have a really horrible or extremely excellent day and we’d decide to go on a drive. We lived in a pretty nice area surrounded by farmlands and old backroads and we’d go around in the middle of the night playing Outkast far too loud. Spottieottiedopalicious was our favorite because, well, we were teens and it’s a funny, funky, poetic song that’s mischievous in the exact way you described.

We get along really well now (not to be like “Outkast saved my relationship with my brother” or anything, we get along now because we decided it probably isn’t healthy to hate the shit out of each other when we’re both pretty cool people). But yeah, Spottieottie has a pretty special place in my heart. Slump is excellent, too. I can see why it’d get the coveted A+. May you also thrive in said universe of funk and love.