#junojournal

Edge 26: 5:58-6:03

I put the Oragel on my clit at 5:51. I know I was supposed to do it for my mid-afternoon edge, but this time counts, right? I only just got home. Family is coming to dinner at 6:30. Don’t have a lot of time...

I gave myself a (cold) rinse before I started, and then I put a tiny glob of Oragel on my finger, less than half a pea’s worth, and rubbed it around my clit, but then I felt like it wasn’t quite enough. So I added just a tiny bit more right directly on it. The icy sensation lasted about 5 minutes before it faded away, which let me know that it had worked. I knew I was going to be completely numb, but that wasn’t going to stop me.

I was so horny as I sat there with my legs spread wide and I couldn’t stand waiting the whole five minutes once the cold had faded. So I started my edge at 5:58. I was feeling needy, and I knew if I wasn’t careful, I’d have another episode like yesterday where I just wouldn’t be able to stop.

So I imagined someone standing there and watching, telling me that I could have five minutes and watching his watch. So I rubbed fast and hard and rocked against my fingers with my hips, my legs spread nice and wide. And there was nothing. No sensation, except for the feeling against my fingers and my head screaming at me to edge and the sound of squishing.

And then I watched the clock turn to 6:03 and I imagined my watcher commanding me to stop. I forced my hand away, feeling my neediness only get worse. I gave myself another cold rinse, because I thought it would help (and I’d left a mess), but I think it just made me want more. Now only my pussy is cold and it wants more stimulation. And my numb little clit can’t do anything to fix it.

started: 12:29

I started by following the instructions on the first Juno post. Rubbing my clit and saying out loud that I am a denial slut and I won’t cum. Already I’m so wet and horny. I’m lying on my bed with my legs spread, my t-shirt rolled all the way up past my tits and my hand in my panties, rubbing furiously at my clit. I keep closing my eyes due to the immense pleasure along with my legs shaking. I know I’m already close to the edge but not there yet. I can go further. I’m a good denial slut. I’m rubbing faster on my clit, squirming around in my bed and trying to not make too much sound as I’m not home alone. I’m rubbing faster now, just needing to get to the edge.

I managed to get to the edge, panting heavily and pulling my fingers away from my now sensitive clit at once. My legs are still shaking from how hard I went. Fuck, it felt good.

Edge 42: 4:13-4:47

I put the sucker on my clit again. I put lube around the rim again and that really helped the suction. I picked a random number 1-30 from random.org and got 18, so the clit sucker will stay on for 18 minutes and we’ll see how wet and sensitive it is then. Im already very wet, so I can’t wait to see just what this does for me...

Lightly tugging or twisting or flicking the sucker is really sexy and makes my clit throb and ache.

It fell of at about 5 minutes left and I put it back on- it was SO SENSITIVE that putting it back on felt so good. It hurt a little but it felt good. I’m so wet doing this.

I realized after I’d done this that it wasn’t in quite the right spot and so my clit didn’t get the brunt of the swelling, so I used a mirror to see so that I could reposition the sucker, and then I decided to set a timer for 10 minutes so that just my clit would be all nice and swollen instead of the tops of my pussy lips. Now we’ll see how nice and swollen my clit gets.

It hurts a little, but the repositioning also feels really good, I can feel my clit being sucked into the suckers, and that’s actually an amazing feeling...

I repositioned again and hit a VERY sensitive spot with about a minute and a half left, and I sat there squirming because it hurt but it also felt good. And when I took it off, my actual clit was very swollen. I rubbed with my fingers and it was so sensitive that I started rubbing quickly and I think I may have ruined a little bit.

I can’t even tell if it was a ruin or not, or just the closest edge I’ve ever felt. My pussy clenched a few times, but if it was a ruin, it was the tiniest little ruin I’ve ever felt, did absolutely nothing for my arousal level, so I think maybe it was just a 9.9 on the edge scale... either way, it was really close and I hope I didn’t accidentally ruin, but I don’t think I did. Or maybe I did. My pussy doesn’t really clench during edges...

Edge 24: 6:38-6:47AM:

I had horny dreams throughout the night. And I woke up this morning soaked. I guess I live in a perpetual state of soaked now.

I gingerly slipped out of my panties and ran the wetness over my clit before starting to rub around it to wake it up today. My clit usually needs a little attention in the mornings to get me ready for the day, but it didn’t take long.

When it started to wake and feel good, I moved my hand down and just started rubbing up and down my slit. Not going in, not rubbing where I needed it, just rubbing my slit gently for another few minutes.

I started to feel like I was just barely approaching the edge, and I took my hand away and put it up by my head. My body actually clenched in frustration, my hips humping the air a moment for more.

Edge 49: 12:37-12:40

So apparently it’s been suggested that I increase my daily edges to 5 and treat myself for all my hard work with three extra edges today...

So I guess I’ll be doing 7 edges today... that’s so many! I’m setting a rule for myself that they each have to be at least 30 minutes apart, because if I do an hour, I fear I’ll be edging all night and never stop.

This one was pretty quick, I didn’t let myself hold the edge or bounce there several times like I wanted to, and that left me all frustrated and wanting.

For the next edge, edge 50 (wow!), I’ll make sure it’s a nice, long session. Maybe I’ll use the suckers and my brush... it seems fitting that edge 50 would be such a soft edge that it would leave me even more frustrated than all the others.

Edge 38: 4:21-4:43:

I’m so wet and drippy, I’ve been squirmy since my last “edge” and haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Distractions have helped. Going out to eat, busying myself with a project, or a game... but somewhere, my clit has stayed on my mind, lingering in the back of it, always there.

So it was no surprise to me when I started touching that I was needy and desperate and wet. It took me no time to get to the edge, and maintaining it wasn’t a difficult task. My clit wanted to go over so bad, but I think maybe I’m getting used to it a bit, always needing it. Needing to cum and wanting it so bad.

It’s still hard to say no, to tell myself that I’m being a good girl and good girls don’t cum. But maybe if I keep saying no to myself, I’ll stop needing it quite so bad.

Or maybe that need is just something I’ll have to deal with from now on. An ever-present reminder of what a good girl I’m trying to be.

Plug Time: 9:32-12:45

I wore my plug out today, wearing tight jeans and my panties. I went to the grocery and then to the hardware store to buy some rope... I couldn’t find any by the foot rope that wasn’t too big, so I bought a little pack of nylon rope that’s about 50 feet long. It’s a lot, but I figure I can use it for other things too...

I stopped by the bathroom there and had to hold my plug in with my fingers because it wanted to slip out. And when I got home, it was really starting to hurt. I think I needed to refresh the lube on it, but I wore it a nice long time and asked the task-giver if I could take it out and he said I could. I followed the task and was good! I can’t wait for my next (soft) edge.

-

So, for this next edge, I was tasked with putting Oragel, a numbing agent, on my clit (thanks @indydom for the suggestion!) I put the gel on at 3:27, and there was a bit of a cool sensation at first. Not bad, it didn’t hurt, or even feel good, it was just chilled for a second, like having someone blow on it. After just about two minutes, the cool sensation just faded away, but I decided to give myself ten minutes anyway for it to sink in before I went for my next edge.

Edge 22: 3:37-4:23: Oh my god. Oragel was such a bad idea...

I started rubbing softly and there was just nothing from my clit. Nothing at all. I rubbed and rubbed and rubbed but it didn’t respond at all.

I started rubbing as fast and hard as I could, raised my legs in the air, moved in ways that always make me get to the edge quickly and just... nothing.

My brain kept telling me that I should be at the very edge by now, but I was nowhere close. All the things that usually work didn’t do a thing. It was such a mindfuck.

I rubbed myself that hard and fast for 20 minutes straight. Legs up, rubbing as fast as I could, my hips humping my fingers trying to get myself to get to an edge. I even tried for a hard edge, I really did. But nothing.

Tired and sweaty, I decided to stop rubbing myself raw and I got a bit of lube on my finger, and ran it up and down my slit and just rubbed softly. Not edging. Just soft rubbing and feeling all the wetness, while I browsed tumblr.

And then for the last ten minutes or so, I couldn’t take it and I started to rub as quickly and as hard as I possibly could, hoping for just some bit of release.

I think towards the end, the gel started to wear off a little, and my speed and roughness pushed me right to the edge. I yanked my hand away before I could do any real damage and jump into a ruin, but I got to have that very delicious hard edge which I’d been craving all day long... it was an accident. I didn’t even think it was possible, but I got there... and then I got greedy and kept going, rubbing right up to that hard edge and holding there. I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t think straight, I wasn’t even thinking, I was just rubbing and rubbing and rubbing...

Does that mean I’ve failed my task today? Do I have to do a punishment?

I’m definitely not in my right mind to be thinking straight or making decisions, so I thought it would be hot to leave it up to you... so please vote below (it’s anonymous): I’ll check it after dinner tonight and see what it says. If I have to punish, maybe I’ll ask for suggestions or a punishment (or “fun”ishment) task, I don’t know.

(Long post, be forewarned. Also: not hot.)

Edge 55: 10:02-10:08PM

So, my journey has been an interesting one, but it hasn’t exactly been an honest one the last few days. I’ve been enthusiastic about my trek into the world of denial, but I’m afraid the last few days haven’t been very much fun for me. It stopped being nearly as fun after about the first week.

Since about midway through my period, I started to feel like I didn’t want to do this anymore. I pushed the feeling off and continued and kept writing up my experiences because I was sure it was my hormones talking. As the days passed I wanted more and more to cum, and it was frustrating, yes, but I mostly just felt tired of the feeling of being frustrated, of constantly having it on my mind, and of not being able to focus on things that I really needed to be able to focus on. I mentioned my concerns to some other girls who are doing this, and each one told me it was my clit talking, that I didn’t actually want to cum. I believed it and moved on.

Well, the last few days, it’s steadily been getting worse. I don’t even want to edge anymore. My desire to edge is mostly gone. I talk it up and everything on the blog, and whenever I do sit down to edge, I’m not usually very wet. It takes time to get there and my body wants to cum, but my brain is somewhere else entirely.

For the last while, I’ve been actually putting off the times when I have to do edges. Day 14 was such a relief because I didn’t have to worry about it all day, and I was actually disappointed about day 15 onwards because I didn’t want to have to edge anymore. Seven edges seems so unbearable right now. I’ve kept writing up the things that people want to hear and I’ve tried to be interested but I’m just not anymore.

I think it’s been actually pushing me towards a depressive state because I’ve been feeling so sad and unenergetic lately, despite my attempts to eat right, go to the gym and do things. I think the frustration is no longer good for me and is having a negative impact on my mental state.

All of the creepy men sending creepy messages and pictures that I have to block and all the tasks and everything else has me overwhelmed. Perhaps jumping headfirst into this for 10x the amount of denial as my previous record was too ambitious, though it has taught me a lot about my ability to persevere.

I don’t like the way this has been making me feel. I’m frustrated, sad, and can’t focus on the things I need to. Denial has started to have a negative impact on my life and I no longer want to continue this session.

So I’ve decided to end it. Yes, I had permission and it was suggested that I end it now. It was not a solo decision.

I came today at 10:06PM, and then again at 10:08PM. Yeah, the orgasms felt good, but it wasn’t the mind-shattering experience that everybody always talks about. I guess my head just wasn’t in it.

Well, 16 days isn’t too bad for someone who previously went only 3 days of denial, so, that’s good, I suppose. More than anything, I’m very relieved it’s over.