#juno_bts

AUTHOR’S NOTE.

This is a work of fiction created purely for storytelling purposes.

I wrote this piece as a way to process and express my emotions following the announcement of Mark Lee’s departure from NCT. It felt important to create something meaningful for him—even if only through fiction—because his presence, artistry, and growth have meant so much to me.

While this story explores themes of change, uncertainty, and choosing one’s own path, it ultimately comes from a place of appreciation and care. I sincerely wish Mark nothing but happiness, peace, and fulfillment in whatever direction he chooses next. I hope he is well—wholly, fully, and gently—wherever he is right now.

ORIGIN.

I think one of my favorite things about writing Homesick was that the story technically existed in my head long before I actually sat down and wrote it and I'm happy to say that homesick was intended for Mark Lee himself still.

Originally, Homesick was never supposed to end with Mark leaving NCT. That was not the plan at all. The very first version of this story was actually much softer in terms of career direction. It was supposed to be about exhaustion. Burnout. A person who had spent almost his entire life moving so fast that he forgot what standing still even felt like anymore. The original concept was simply: Mark goes on break, disappears for a little while, accidentally falls in love, and then returns to his idol life changed by it (Nothing out of the ordinary tbh😅).

That was it. He was always supposed to go back and I think that’s why the meet-cute airport scene existed in my head long before anything else did, the awkwardness of it all. The passport scene. The “you can stay for five days if I keep your documents” joke [DON'T BE TRYIN THIS IN RL THOUGH❌].

The quietness of two strangers who were never supposed to matter this much to each other. Those scenes existed way before the actual plot did.

The reason the story was always written for Mark specifically is honestly because Homesick by Mico felt so painfully him to me and every time the song played on my spotify all I thought of was how perfect it is for Mark Lee as a fanfiction and I know this sounds crazy but what were the odds that Mico is also Canadian (coincidence!! I THINK NOT!!) and the song is just so wholesome, hopeful, and heartfelt 😭 but there’s something about that song that feels incredibly lonely in a very specific way. Not dramatic loneliness. Not even cinematic sadness. Just the exhaustion of constantly moving. Constantly performing. Constantly being needed by people. That song to me at least feels like someone sitting in an airport at 2 a.m. realizing they don’t know where home is anymore and to me, Mark has always carried that feeling, especially every time he talks about not being able to be at home with his family all the time.

He just always carried that and not in a tragic way but in the way people who grow up too fast often do. Especially someone like him who has spent almost half his life under cameras, schedules, airports, comeback preparations, tours, expectations, responsibilities, languages, countries, and endless movement.

So when I first imagined Homesick, it was never about “idol Mark.” It was about person Mark. Like who are idols as people? You know? (I’m always generally very curious about this fr fr🤔)

The version of him who is tired, who overthinks quietly, who wants ordinary things so badly it scares him. That’s why the story focuses so much on domesticity. Cooking, laundry, messy kitchens, warm sweaters and fuzzy blankets, falling asleep together, inside jokes and quiet anchors because for someone whose life has always been so public and scheduled, I think love would feel most meaningful in the smallest possible moments for idols.

I also think that’s why the pacing of the story became so slow. I wanted readers to sit inside the emotions instead of rushing through them. I wanted it to feel like time was stretching. Like Mark was finally breathing for the first time in years.

I really just like kdrama level detail and maybe even a little bit more obsessively. I always try to maximize on having as many emotions as possible when writing anything really because even though I love fanfiction and SMUT. I love the details the fanfiction world introduced itself with back in 2019/2020. I like to have a well thought out plot for MY stories🤌🏾

TIMELINE.

Homesick technically takes place months after the rollout of his first solo album, The Firstfruit.

In the fictional timeline of the story, he has already reached a point in his career where success no longer feels like enough to sustain him emotionally. He’s proud of what he built, proud of NCT, proud of the life he’s lived, but he’s also exhausted in a way he doesn’t fully know how to explain.

That’s why the story begins during a break period around late November into December, right before the group begins preparing for the next major cycle (the Beat it up EP) and tour announcements.

So by the time the story starts — the comeback preparations, the interviews, the photoshoots, the rehearsals — Mark has already internally started questioning whether he can continue living the same way forever.

The important thing, though, is that Homesick was never written as a “he hates being an idol” story because I don't think he does and I really wanted to be careful about that.

I know he loves music and making it, he loves performing, I know he loves the members dearly and I know he loves the years he spent building this life but I couldn't help wonder if idols question their career path as often as regular human beings do and if what could scare them would be losing themselves inside it to the point where they become so unrecognisable even to themselves.

That’s why in this fiction the relationship becomes so important, not because love “saves” him but because love gives him space to hear himself think again and honestly…the decision to make him leave NCT in the fiction was accidental coincidence that just happened to be the final missing puzzle piece that made me finally ready to write it wholly. I think that’s when Homesick really became what it is now.

Somewhere along the way, the story stopped feeling like temporary rest and started feeling like transformation. The emotional trajectory changed on its own. Especially while writing the Korean scenes.

The Taeyong conversation, the airport arrival, the numbness during promotions, the way he kept reaching for softness even while standing in celebrity spaces again.

Homesick became a story about someone realizing home is not necessarily a place. Sometimes it’s a person, sometimes it’s peace, sometimes it’s the first version of yourself you haven't met in years and that’s also why the story ends before he publicly posts the letter about leaving NCT because Homesick is not about the public announcement.

It’s about the private decision. The trembling before the leap, the fear before certainty, the quiet moments before the world finds out. That’s the actual heart of the story to me. Not the headlines, not the reveal, not even the celebrity aspect.

Just two people learning how to hold each other gently while one of them is standing at the edge of an entirely different life and I think that’s why I’ll always love this story so much because underneath everything — the media speculation, the long distance, the fame, the interviews, the hidden identities — it’s really just about yearning for something new and out of your box of normalcy. About wanting softness, wanting rest, wanting to be known completely and still loved anyway.

That’s what Homesick became in the end.

And honestly?

I don’t think it could’ve belonged to anyone except Mark.

MISCONCEPTIONS.

One thing I really want to clarify about Homesick because I’ve seen a few people interpret it this way already 😭 is that Angel was never meant to be the reason Mark leaves NCT.

Not even close.

And I think that distinction is very important to me because I never wanted the story to feel like:

“girl changes idol’s life and makes him quit career for love.”

That was never the point.

If anything, the story is actually about someone who had already been quietly unraveling for a very long time finally meeting a person who made him realize he was allowed to stop pretending he was okay. That’s different. Very different and also — realistically speaking — decisions like that do not happen overnight. Especially not for someone like Mark, not after more than a decade of perfecting the idol life routine.

That’s why in the story, even though we only see the final stages of his decision during the timeline of Homesick, the implication is that he had been thinking about leaving for a very, very long time already.

Long before Angel, long before Toronto, long before the airport, long before the break.

The exhaustion was already there, the uncertainty was already there, the questioning was already there and honestly, I think that’s part of why the story ended up feeling so emotionally heavy while I was writing it because I kept thinking about how terrifying it must be to normalize a lifestyle that intense from such a young age.

The schedules, constant visibility, pressure to be the best of the best,the airports, performances, cameras. The expectation to always be “on.” The expectation to always keep moving. At some point, your body probably stops recognizing rest naturally and I think fictional Mark in Homesick had reached that point already before the story even began.

Which is why the silence between him and Angel matters so much. Not because she’s magically healing him. Not because she’s “saving” him but because she becomes the first place where silence doesn’t feel uncomfortable anymore.

That’s the actual shift.

I think people underestimate how lonely constant stimulation can become and as someone that just graduated from medical school, I absolutely relate in some ways because as of right now. I am currently lost in my real life, more lost than fictional Mark😭😭

When your entire life has been noise and schedules and movement and people needing things from you, calmness can almost feel unfamiliar. Even suspicious and Angel’s world is the opposite of that. Her world is warm kitchens, late mornings, quiet conversations, cooking together, petting a very dramatic cat, music playing softly in another room and sitting in silence without needing to perform through it.

There’s a softness to her world that Mark slowly realizes he has been craving for years without knowing how to name it. Not because he wants to abandon music. Not because he suddenly hates being an idol but because somewhere along the way, he forgot he was allowed to be a person too. That’s why I really wanted the story to emphasize that his decision wasn’t spontaneous. AT ALL!

In my head, Mark had probably been considering leaving for months. Maybe even years and realistically, there is no way a decision that massive would happen without conversations first. He probably had known before he even let the idea settle in his head. His managers would’ve known before his members. The members would’ve known before the letter was officially released. There would’ve been meetings, long discussions, second-guessing, fear, guilt, grief, even because leaving something you built your entire identity around for over ten years is not just a “career change.”

It’s mourning a version of yourself and I think that’s what Homesick really became underneath everything else.

A story about someone standing at the edge of a life that no longer fully fits him anymore and being terrified to admit it out loud. Which is also why Taeyong’s role became so important while I was writing because I needed someone who understood the industry deeply enough to recognize what Mark was really saying without Mark having to say it directly.

I don’t think fictional Taeyong was shocked. I think he already knew and most probably who he voiced it to first (Taeyong, a friend or even family- someone he trusted fully probably already speculated because there's no way Mark could keep it hidden for long, he seems like the type to visibly expose himself when bothered- the man has no poker face😂)

Maybe not the exact decision yet, but I think he understood that Mark was tired in a way rest alone couldn’t fix anymore and I think when the members found out, they probably understood pieces of it too. Not fully but enough to empathise with him because people who love you can usually tell when your smile starts costing too much energy.

Angel simply became the final emotional confirmation that another kind of life was possible. That softness was possible, calmness was possible, that love could exist quietly and that home could feel gentle instead of demanding. She didn’t put the idea into his head.

The idea was already there. She just became the first person who made him feel like he didn’t have to be afraid of what came after it and honestly, I think that’s why the Toronto scenes feel so different from the Korean scenes emotionally. I truly hope he got all the support he needed when making the decision.

Toronto feels warm. Breathable.

Still. Korea feels loved too — because he still loves the members, the music, the career — but there’s always movement under it. Pressure under it. Noise under it. That contrast mattered a lot to me while writing.

Not dramatic sadness, breakdowns every second. Just quiet disorientation. Feeling untethered, tired and feeling like you’ve spent so much of your life moving that you don’t know where to rest anymore. That’s the version of homesickness I wanted this story to explore. Not homesickness for a place necessarily but homesickness for yourself.

STRUCTURE.

Opening Anchor (Present — Toronto)

Early morning, quiet in his family home. Mark lost in thought, phone ringing endlessly. The doorbell rings: you are there

Emotional hook: relief, tension, hidden longing.

Then flashback transition to days leading up to leaving unannounced.

Arrival & Awkward Beginnings (Week 1)

1. Meet cute at airport!! (??)

2. Mark arrives at your house (how?? Don't know yet!!) awkwardness, first impressions

3. POV of your colorful, mature, lived-in vlogger space he is seriously LOST

3. Discovery of family photos → reflection for both (learning/ seeing? about your world)

4. First comical bonding: burnt eggs morning (from Mark's very many failed attempts😅😂)

5. Redemption dinner → laughter, gentle teasing, (getting close at least?)

6. Conflict about leaving, accidentally tears up the passport leaving Mark no choice but to stay (forced proximity to grow closer?)

Bonding & Discovery (Week 2)

7. Workday together; videographer (BESTIE!?!) shows up → discovers Mark

8. Your reaction: surprise, humor, curiosity

9. Mark does something thoughtful to earn trust (helping, plating, etc.)

10. Subtle intimacy: side-of-head kiss/ hand-holding/ slow mo falling like in Kdramas??

11. Humor & gentle teasing with videographer

12. Internal tension: Mark noticing feelings, avoiding revealing too much

Emotional Closeness (Week 3)

13. Avoidance & second conflict

14. Honest conversation → sitting on bed → first slow, deliberate kiss (?????)

15. Rooftop scene → emotional, reflective

16. Guitar scene → emotional & intimate

17. Rainy night scene → warmth, closeness, tenderness

18. Humor & small joys interspersed

Angst & Decisions (Week 4)

19. Reality intrusion: missed calls, career pressure

20. Small conflict → big emotional explosion

21. Frustration at time ending → Mark admits fear of leaving

22. Emotional collapse → crying, reassurance, no breakup

23. Morning calm, soft conversations

Goodbye & Transition back to Present

24. Transition back to Mark’s world (life feels hollow without you)

25. Gradual realization: he feels homesick (pun intended 🤭)

26. Back to present and Marks decision about leaving NCT as a whole

27. Ending: hand in hand → "everything will be okay"

COPYRIGHT.

This story is an original work of fiction written by the author.

The use of Mark Lee as a character is purely for creative and fictional purposes. His name, likeness, and public persona are used only as a face claim and do not represent or reflect his real-life personality, actions, or experiences. All characters, events, and narrative elements within this story are fictional and are not intended to depict real-life situations.