[ relax ] sender rests their head on receiver's shoulder while they talk // jun x hizhi
the atmosphere had clearly shifted. this one was almost palpable, if jun had the energy to put his palm up and try to reach for it he was almost sure he could feel something brushing against his skin. the air was dense and it wasn't just because they were in flying in a plane. they might have been a thousand feet up in the air, but to jun it was like they just been sent into space. all the air on his lunges got sucked out and he was floating in extraterrestrial territory, unknown land, he might be in serious danger if he even chose to move or dare to say anything. but he would never, he would take this to his grave as he took so many moments like this before, too close to his heart.
he had to work so hard to keep saying what he was saying, to not lose track of his words and demonstrate any change of his demeanor. because if he did so he would give away all his excitement which could lead to such thing never happening again for quite some time. he hoped his shoulder was a comfortable pillow, the best pillow actually, if it could be used as such more often. he could be turn into stone right now and he would be okay with it, as long as his stoned version was still useful to hizhi like he was now. "not everything have to be the way he thinks it should be. he is just used to because we trust him and we trust him for a reason..." he can't even remember why he was rambling about hyunki anymore, the guys were barely listening anyway, mad or even distracted in their own way. "that's just what i think, i don't know." and that's the way he ended most of his sentences when it required some sort of opinion, he didn't wanna put his hand of fire for being honest about something he indeed had no way of knowing. regardless, he was also too out of his mind now too to care anymore.
his body settled, comfortable, and pilkyu was saying something, billie was trying to reason with him, but none of it matter because hizhi chose him. actually, hizhi chose his shoulder to lay on, but it was still his, not any one of the guys here. he felt the way his body vibrated on his shoulder when he laughed about the way hyunki came back from the bathroom to the cabine of their first class plane, they all teased him for something, and jun laughed, sincerely because it was moments like this that he felt like they were the family they always had been. eventually, the teasing faded, everyone settling back into themselves, and hizhi relaxed further against him.
they had unspoken rules that always worked in their favor. one of them was this: jun took the window seat, hizhi the aisle. it had started on their very first flight together. jun couldn’t remember the destination, only that hizhi had been quiet that day, tense, nervous even from the van ride. jun hadn’t asked why. he’d simply said he preferred the window seat, and hizhi had switched with him without hesitation. and that was that.
later, hizhi once mentioned in an interview that jun loved window seats, he had bitten back the urge to correct him. he didn’t love them. he chose them, for him. they could sit with other members. sometimes they even did. but it was never quite like this. besides, they always ended up annoying everyone else anyway — talking across rows, leaning forward or back — until someone inevitably gave up and swapped seats. it was silly. jun knew that. but it was their way of being.
his thoughts drifted to all the other ways he’d go out of his way to make hizhi comfortable, far beyond just offering his shoulder. he would give everything. not just his body, but his whole soul.
he cares. he loves. he cares. he loves.
jun closed his eyes and let himself relax. he had been chosen today. somehow, he would be tomorrow too. and without ever saying it out loud, he would always choose him back the same way.
