#jumran

30. “I never knew you were a romantic at heart”

Both Saeran and Jumin were rather poor in handling their emotions. Considering how they had both grown up, the fact that their relationship was going as well as it was was a wonder to the both of them.

Saeran had returned home, having closed up at the store he and Saeyoung had started together. (Jumin didn’t understand their business sense. A combo toy store/flower shop didn’t make sense, but it was striving somehow.)

To his surprise, he walked in to the smell of cooking food. Ever since Saeran had moved in, he’d taken over cooking the meals. It made him happy to be able to cook for Jumin, especially since the man couldn’t cook for himself. 

He walked into the small dining room Jumin had, to find the table set up with a tablecloth set up with candles and everything. The only thing missing was the food, and Jumin himself.

Saeran walked into the kitchen, finding Jumin stirring something over the stove.

“Jumin?” Saeran called out to him, and he jumped. Jumin turned back to him, surprise flashing across his face for a second.

“I didn’t think you’d be home yet.” Jumin said, clearly caught off guard. Saeran looked over him, smirking slightly and walked over to him, tugging lightly on the string of the apron Jumin had on.

“Cute.” Saeran said softly, looking up at Jumin. 

“I wanted to surprise you.” Jumin mumbled.

“I never knew you were a romantic at heart” Saeran teased him.

“I want to try.” Jumin said, pressing a kiss to Saeran’s forehead. “For you.”

Saeran laughed, pulling Jumin down to kiss him softly. 

Jumin Han's sleep schedule was horrendous. There was always work to do and no matter how much he had given to Jaehee, he had the same amount. With the inclusion of Saeran in his life, things had gotten better. On their own, neither would sleep, but together they kept the other in check.

So for the first time in a long time, Jumin woke up at 2am and alone. His reaction to that last part had gotten better. No need to overreact to Saeran's absence. Especially no reason to panic the way he had when he had woken up to find Saeran gone from the apartment as well.

While the comfort of his bed was definitely calling to him, Jumin got up anyway, shuffling out to the living room in search of his missing boyfriend.

And there he found him, curled up next to the bay window of the penthouse, loosely holding a carton of ice cream in his hand, watching the cityscape. Jumin found Saeran's silhouette against the city at night beautiful, even with the apparent spoon sticking out of his mouth.

"Couldn't sleep?" Saeran startled at Jumin's voice, head quickly turning his direction, but relaxed as he saw who it was.

Pulling the spoon out of his mouth, he replied. "Yeah... nightmares and all that. So I decided to treat myself." Saeran replied, gesturing towards the carton with the spoon. "I didn't mean to wake you up."

Jumin shrugged, making his way over to the window and plopping down behind Saeran. As he pulled Saeran into his arms, he realized that Saeran wasn't wearing a shirt, something that almost never happened. Without much thought, Jumin began tracing the tattoo on Saeran's shoulder with his fingers.

Saeran immediately tensed, but soon relaxed, leaning back into Jumin's chest as to continue looking out the window.

"Give me a bite." Jumin murmured as he placed his head over Saeran's shoulder.

"No. Get your own ice cream." Saeran said, before shoving the ice cream laden spoon back into his own mouth.

Jumin huffed, and then reached up to cup Saeran's head to situate it so that he could pull him into a kiss. Saeran's surprise was evident, but began to kiss him in return, only to have Jumin pull back. He watched as Jumin's nose scrunched up.

"I don't understand how you can eat that flavor" Saeran couldn't prevent his laugh as Jumin's head dropped back to sit on Saeran's shoulder.

There was no urgency to go back to their bed. They had what they needed at the window. Each other's company and acceptance.

Like one morning he wakes up and he hears Saeran muttering to himself. He doesn't catch most of it, but he does hear "What did he do?" repeated a couple times.

So he reaches over and is like "What did who do?" only to have Saeran flinch away with a sharp "Don't touch me"

Okaay, it's been awhile since this has happened, but Jumin backs off and gives him some space. But as he watches Saeran scrape at the black varnish covering his nails, he gets concerned. The nail polish was something that Saeran put effort into. It gave a small sense of control. So he tries again.

"Saeran. What's wrong?"

Saeran's head whips up and he stares at Jumin. "I'm not Saeran"

"What do you mean?"

Even before they’re officially together, Jumin falls in love with Saeran’s hair. He won’t admit it to himself, but when he unconsciously starts reaching for Saeran instead of Elizabeth, he knows something is up. It’s something that he apologizes for the first couple time it happens, but no matter how much he tries, he’s just drawn to the mop of white.

Saeran is initially weirded the fuck out. He had gained an aversion to touch when he was younger thanks to his mother’s excellent parenting skills, and in Mint Eye, everyone just let him be. The Savior would occasionally reach out to him, but those moments had been rare and, at the time, so precious to him. 

The first time it happens, Jumin apologizes. He hadn’t been expecting for Saeran to be there and when he saw the white in his periphery, he assumed it was Elizabeth, not actually expecting Saeran to be in the penthouse. Needless to say, Saeran left early that day. It happens again, with Jumin still reacting to the white in the corner of his eye. This time, Saeran doesn’t flinch, and before Jumin realizes what he’s doing, he’s gently running his fingers through Saeran’s hair. 

It’s over a combination of things. Jumin getting hyper-focused on work, Saeran refusing to go to his therapist, Jumin becoming tangled in his own thoughts and shutting down, Saeran disappearing for days without word. It all just bubbles over.

It erupts when Jumin finds out that Saeran hasn’t been taking his meds. Saeran gets mad, accusing Jumin of treating him like a child. “Well someone needs to take care of you apparently” 

“Oh yes, because you’re here so often. Thanks for taking such good care of me, babe.” Jumin tries to deflect the accusation and goes back to not taking care of himself. Saeran, pissed with Jumin’s tone and refusal to acknowledge his own fault, leaves. “Fine. Since I can’t take care of myself I’ll find someone who can.” His final words make it very clear that in the moment, Jumin is not that someone.

He goes back to Saeyoung’s bunker and while he doesn’t explain much, Saeyoung would never refuse his brother. It takes almost a week for Jaehee to show up at the bunker, asking that Saeran please come back or at least talk to Jumin because he’s being absolutely useless. Saeran wants to snark about ‘who’s the one who can’t take care of themselves now’ but then he sees how tired Jaehee looks and agrees to go.

When he gets into the penthouse he’s immediately pulled into Jumin’s arms. Jumin won’t stop apologizing, saying he’s sorry for speaking to him like that, sorry for leaving him alone, sorry for not believing in him. Saeran has to stop him. Refusing to let him continue. He won’t deny his own faults. He promises to do better, keep track of taking care of himself because Jumin wasn’t wrong. 

98.“Tell me what you want.”

“What are we?” Saeran’s question caught Jumin off guard. He glanced over to where Saeran was sitting on the counter in his kitchen. If it was anyone else it would bother him, but with Saeran, he found it okay.

“I’m not sure I understand what you’re asking.” Jumin said, walking over to stand between Saeran’s legs.

“I mean...” Saeran trailed off, frowning slightly. “There’s obviously something between us, but what exactly is it? What do you want from me?”

“At the moment, I don’t think I should answer that.” Jumin said frowning. He had been thinking about this exact thing recently, but his thought had led him somewhere that he quite frankly didn’t want to go.

This clearly wasn’t a good enough answer for Saeran.

“It’s not that hard!” Saeran spat out, but then continued quietly. “Just tell me what you want.”

“I want you. I want you so badly, i want to hide you away from the world so that only I can see your smiles, so that I’m the only one that gets to indulge in your laughs.” Jumin ducked his head, unable to look at Saeran. “But that isn’t fair for you. It’s not right.”

Jumin looked Saeran in the eye, and the intensity made him catch his breath.

“I love you too much to do that to you.”

“Is it bad that I’m not finding an issue with that?” Saeran asked shyly.

“Don’t tempt me like that.” Jumin groaned, causing Saeran to laugh.

“I want you too.” Saeran said softly, reaching up to cup Jumin’s face between his hands. “I know that your head gets fucked up sometimes, but so does mine. We can talk each other through it.”

“I was afraid I would scare you off.” Jumin said softy, leaning into Saeran’s palm. “You just received your freedom, and then here I am.”

“Whatever you could do to me would be nowhere near as bad as what she did.” Saeran said, tone becoming serious. He then smiled softly. “You and I? We’ll work things out. No matter what.”