Send ✝ to find my muse sitting alone in an empty church
Send ✝ to find my muse sitting alone in an empty church. @juiceof
gemma gave up on religion decades ago. when she found herself believing that no god could be cruel enough to subject anyone to the wrath of rose madock. she’d run away on the 10 o'clock bus and left all those ideals back home with her parents. there was no god which shone brightly enough for her to continue. ad all it did was remind her of her mother’s cruel punishments and her father’s continued absence from the dinner table. ever song surrounded suspiciously like nathaniel’s procession , and ever prayer was a vain plea to the clouds , to an imaginary bearded man.
but then again , when life got too hard , when every turn was left instead of right , she found those bone-deep morals creeping up her spine , clambering for attention. she found herself in the small make-shift prayer room at st. thomas with nearly every visit. she wouldn’t consider herself to be ’ lost in prayer ’. rather , questioning something that everyone else seemed to believe in. certainly there must be something real to such a widespread belief. perhaps that figure could save her from the darkness descending upon her life , closing in from every side , fogging any idea of true north.
when the door opens , she’s sitting in the second pew , hunched forward slightly , hands between her knees. she shifts to look over her shoulder , and upon recognizing the new entry , she offers a soft smile. there’s no need to conjure an excuse for what she’s doing. it’s no secret that she would do anything to ensure the survival and safety of her newborn grandson. ❛ come sit. ❜ she offers , words clouded in the heavy air , quiet , almost unsure. she pulls her purse into her lap , making room upon the bench beside her. ❛ ain’t no use pesterin’ doctors with questions. they’ll tell us when they know. ❜ she’d played this game before. she’d waited for that heart problem to come for multiple members of her family , put her trust in the doctor’s hands. doctors who never seemed capable of holding it.