#juadelyn

I am currently somewhere in the North, deployed as QA support. I’ve been here for 3 months, I gotta say it was what I wanted. I mean, ever since the lockdown, all I ever wanted was to go out and explore more about work. This is good. Finally, I am away - from the chaos of my family, from the stress, the trauma, the toxicity of it all.

For once, I felt free. I explored new things and I’ve done things I never could imagine. It was exciting and scary at the same time because I felt like I was walking blind. I was trying new things and slowly getting out of my shell. All too new. It kinda creeps me out like, “Is this really me?” Also, there is this feeling of “what’s next” and “Is this what I will be doing for the rest of my work?”

How I wish I have a picture to make this post more appealing to the eyes and would attract attention. Anyway, 2016 has been a year of ups and downs for me. It was running smooth at start and got worse somewhere in the middle ended with my hopes up. 

So this year, I am setting my mind to look on to the brighter side of everything. Yes, I’ve been a pessimist ever since and built a wall, a barrier between the light and the dark side. In every situation, though, I convince myself that everything will be alright. However, the bad thoughts are so powerful that they overcome me. It made me cry, depressed and anxious. I’ve had breakdowns and often cried myself to sleep. There’s too much emotion that I distance myself to others because I don’t want them to see how worse I am when mad and sad.

In order for me to accomplish this ‘mission’, I have to distract myself and summon all good energy. This can be done by thinking of positive things or the things you want to happen and the universe will help you. I hope this trick helps and of course, praying. He has always been so good to me. He never fails me.

There are things I’ve done to start off the year right; Bullet Journal, watch Korean dramas and learn a little of their language, organize things and list things to do so that I won’t forget them. And oh, not to forget, studying. i have to study.