#journallings

Yall. Is there a word for being both excited and nervous for something? If there is, that is what I am. I think I’m mostly excited, but a little anxious. Change always makes me feel this way.

The change I’m speaking of is that of friendship dynamics. The relationships in my life are taking a turn, and at this point it looks like it’s for the better! As you may or may not know, I currently live in Colorado but I grew up with all my family in Georgia (some family in Florida). I’ve been out here on my own (in a sense) for almost 3 years. Since I’m currently in the broke-post-grad stage of life, I’m lucky to be able to go home once a year, so I always choose Christmas. I couldn’t imagine spending Christmas without seeing my family, though I realize one day I’ll have to, and that day will be sad and weird. So, for all the other holidays, I usually spend them with random friends, with whoever also doesn’t have a family to spend it with. Last year for Thanksgiving, though, my wonderful fam was able to fly out to ME! It was amazing and such a fantastic week.

However, this next fall holiday season, I’ll have not one, but TWO families within driving distance to spend the holiday with! My cousin and his family live 3 hours north in Wyoming, as well as one of my uncles and his wife are going to be living about an hour north of me! I am so excited for this new change. My aunt and uncle on my dad’s side of the fam, and it’s the closest that anyone from his side has lived to me in all my life, even back in Georgia! Another fun fact, my uncle is also my dad’s identical twin, and you can bet your mother’s butt I’ve already made the If-I-Miss-My-Dad-I’m-Coming-To-Visit-You joke. This fall for Thanksgiving is going to be awesome, but also interesting since I’ve never had to juggle seeing family on holidays, as my parents always made those decisions. Yay, adulting!

Another change is going to be…hmm how do I put this discretely? As I’m not posting this on facebook, or anywhere that people actually know me or my friend groups, so I’ll just spit it out. There’s a guy that I was kinda interested in back in July/August last year. I was just getting to know him as a friend, and mostly because both of our friend groups were combining into one. Well, he’s in the Army, so in July/August, he went on tour overseas for one year. Since then, I’ve become pretty good friends with his, and we have a bi-weekly game night at my house. It’s actually awesome, and I’ve loved getting to know these new friends as well as growing closer to mine! So the change, the only change that actually makes me nervous, is this guy coming back. Because he’s really good friends with one guy who comes to the game night regularly, I know he’s going to come too. Here’s the thing about these game nights: because I’ve gotten comfortable with everyone who comes, and it being in my own house, I’m way less shy than I am anywhere else, and I act most like myself. Out of all the interactions with this guy I’m interested in, I’ve only felt like I was being myself once. Every other time, I’ve been extremely shy and just…awkward. I don’t know how else to describe it. But I know, I know, when he comes to these game nights, I’ll be more of myself, and I just don’t know how that will affect things. The reason I’m so nervous is because these was a whiff of him possibly being interested in me at one point, and then he left before I knew anything else. So, I’m excited for another friend to come back into the group, and for the new dynamic, and I actually really like change sometimes. But what makes me nervous, is the fact that this guy will probably be one of my good friends, because he’ll be around a lot, and he makes me incredibly nervous. Like, more nervous than any guy has ever made me in my life. It’s so annoying. Also, what if he likes me? What if he wants to date me?? What am I supposed to do with that??? Haha, I just don’t know what is going to happen, and that’s what makes me the most nervous, the unknown. He could just want to be friends, and I think I’d be okay with that, seeing as I don’t know him really at all. Just a little bit and bits & pieces I’ve heard from all his/my friends here. I guess I just have to wait and see how all this plays out.

I’m also excited for this summer because a couple of other people are coming back for the summer from school, and I can’t wait to see them! They’re both super fun, and they’re dating, and they’re adorable. I went camping with one of them last year, and got to know her a good bit! She’s hilarious and just so fun. Her boyfriend is fun too, especially at game nights, and the most ridiculous at playing any game where you have to lie (like Mafia, One Night  Werewolf, or Resistance). He’s a scary good liar, but that’s what makes him so fun to play with.

Lastly, my best friend from high school is MOVING TO COLORADO! And she’s moving into my house! Currently, I have 2 other roommates and one empty room (4 bedroom house). We’ve been okay on our own, but we aren’t sure how a fourth person will change things. I think it’ll probably be good, but we are having her move in for a month, then if it works out she can sign the lease with us when we renew it in July! I’m SO OVERLY EXCITED for her to be here! Probably too much, tbh. Haha, but it’s going to be an adventure for sure. I really hope she stays with us in our house! She comes in June, but could probably stay, which will be another addition to my friend group dynamic. I just KNOW she will be an excellent addition!

This new season is exciting and has a lot of moving parts to it! I’m excited and nervous to see what’s going to happen, how things play out, or how they don’t. 2017, you’re looking pretty good for me, socially.